Across Worlds - Chapter 31 Part 3

Phillip cleared his throat. “Let’s move on. Zeke, you’ll train Falyn?”

“Yes, sir,” he responded. Akia debated sharing her concerns, but she decided against it. That would only cause more trouble.

“Perfect,” Phillip responded. “Braeden already agreed to teach her shape shifting so you just have to stick to the basics. Not that you’d be able to teach her shapeshifting anyway.” Zeke shrugged. He knew that he could only teach Falyn so much. He didn’t need Phillip telling him that. And based on the look on his face, he wasn’t too happy with sharing the duties. But Braeden was Falyn's father. He had the right to have a say in her training.

“Akia and Sam, I need you to leave as soon as possible," Phillip instructed. "Preferably now. Get to the barrier as fast as you can. Once you make it across into Vertfay you can transport. I still haven’t worked out how to transport across borders yet. It’s something I’m looking into.”

“What exactly do you want us to do?” Sam asked, gaining his voice once again.

“Find Seth,” Phillip responded as if it was obvious.

“But where is he?” Akia asked, looking pointedly at George. The boy only shrugged.

“How should I know? All I saw was a small boy standing with Rhys and another adult figure. There was some buildings around them, but not enough to give me a clear image."

Of course not. Akia though, crinkling her eyebrows. “So how are we going to transport to him?”

Phillip shook his head. “You have to figure that out. I just wanted to remind you that you can’t transport across barriers.”

Akia rolled her eyes. Phillip was always the one looking out for everyone. He knew that she knew about the barriers. Sometimes it seemed that he just liked to remind everyone that he was in charge by giving orders. Which was stupid, really, because everyone knew he was in charge. It was like he was still nervous that he would lose all of them if he didn’t remind them that he knew what he was doing.

He sighed and stood. “Everyone is dismissed. Sam, Akia, meet me in my quarters.” Without waiting for a response, he turned and left the room.

Zeke was the first one to leave. He mumbled a, “See ya,” before walking out the door. No doubt he was going to find Falyn to start their training. Akia would just have to learn how to trust him. As Phillip said, Falyn needed training. They didn’t have much time left before they’d have to take the fight to Rhys. They’d need Falyn for that especially.

George was still sitting at the table, staring down at his hands folded on the surface. To Akia’s surprise, he didn’t say anything. She figured that he’d take advantage of Phillips’s absence and restart his argument with Sam, but it didn’t happen. Instead, he looked rather glum. Layna’s threat must’ve hit harder than it seemed.

The door swung open again and Zeke stuck his head in. “George,” he said. “We have to talk.” George nodded and got up slowly from the table. Without making any eye contact, he headed for the door. Before he could even make it out, the door closed in front of him, forcing Zeke back into the hallway.

Akia stared at Layna. It was obvious that she was the one to have shut the door. Zeke sure hadn’t done it and no one else had that kind of power. It was amazing to see. Akia had never seen someone use their telek powers before. Not only was Layna able to shut the door, but she was able to force Zeke back with it. Akia really hoped the door had smacked him in the face.

George stared at the door for a moment before turning. “Layna, you really need to stop that trick.”

“It’s my best one,” Layna responded, arms crossed. “You’re not leaving until you apologize.”

“No.” George replied all too quickly.

“How’d you do it?” Akia asked. She was still in awe from the magic. It was always different being able to actually see someone use magic, especially one different than her own.

“Brain power,” Layna said quickly. “George, you’re not leaving until you apologize.”

“I refuse. Now let me leave.” He snapped.

“No. We can’t go on like this. You need to make nice with Sam so we can move along with this.”

“Layna, just leave me alone.” George turned back to the door and jiggled the doorknob. It was apparent that it was now locked, no doubt another trick of Layna’s. Sighing, he rested his forehead against the door. “If I apologize will you let me go? We don’t have time for games.”

“Yes. And I’m not playing any games, George. You know that.” Layna replied, arms still crossed. It was interesting to watch the scene in front of them. Akia had missed a lot in the years she was away in Agathi. One of those seemed to be George and Layna becoming closer friends.

Akia could still remember the day she had met both of them. They were in Lightport even before the magicians came. Layna was the first one to find Akia, hanging out with Sam of course, and explain what had been going on. George wasn’t too far behind her. The four of them became friends quickly, but only sporadic friends. They didn’t know much about each other, only that all four were determined to find a way to get their lives and worlds back.

Back then, Layna and George would only talk. There wasn’t anything that made Akia think that they were very close friends. But it seemed that their relationship had developed over the years. George was a rather stubborn person. If he would listen to Layna, then she had to be something special to him.

They all waited for George to turn around. It seemed like he wasn’t all too keen about it, which Akia could believe. However, she knew him well enough to know that he would do anything that would help himself. There was definitely some selfishness laced into his personality.

Finally, he turned to look at Sam. His eyes were empty as he said, “I’m sorry. I’ve been on edge for days. The pressure gets to you, ya know? Can you forgive me?”

Sam narrowed his eyes. It seemed like he wasn’t all too keen about apologizing either. But he quickly relaxed and smiled. “Yes. I’ve been at fault too. If I hadn’t had said anything earlier—"

“No,” George interrupted, shaking his head. “It’s all my fault. You had nothing to do with it. So just… leave me alone, okay? If we just stay away from each other we won’t have to have these kind of conversations anymore.” He turned to look expectedly at Layna. “Can I go now?”

Layna shook her head. “I’m not going to get anything else out of you am I?”

“Nope.”

“Fine. Go ahead.” Layna didn’t even move, but when the door clicked, Akia knew that she had done it. Telekinesis was always tricky magic to identify since it was all from the mind. That made it super helpful in combat. If only there were more teleks out there. They’d really come in handy when fighting Rhys.

Without another look back, George stalked out of the room. The second he was out of sight, Layna sunk into the nearest chair. She didn’t look as bubbly and upbeat as normal. Instead, her face was downcast and she twiddled her fingers.

Akia looked at Sam, communicating with him silently like they had mastered years ago. They did it so well that they had almost all of the looks memorized. This one said Do something or we won’t have our telek to fight with us.

“Layna,” Sam started cautiously, sitting next to her. “You don’t have to worry about George. He can take care of himself. I don’t mind having him as an enemy in all honesty."

“You don’t get it,” Layna snapped. “This isn’t about you or me or even Falyn. This is about creating a united front to go after Rhys. Our home worlds are gone, Sam, gone. I don’t know about you, but I’d really like things to go back to normal. And how do you think that’s going to happen when two people in our group are trying to kill each other?”

Sam gaped at her. “I don’t want to—"

“My point is, we have to work together and that won’t happen if we’re fighting. And if no one else will bring it up, I will.”

Akia had never seen her act like this before. Layna was always the positive one of the group. When everyone feared the worst, Layna would remind them of the best. Now she was the one who needed a positive outlook. Something about George really got her upset.

“We’ll get through this,” Akia said. “I know it.”

Layna nodded. “I sure hope so.”

--------------------------

For the LMS contest. Word count: 1,512 or something close to that

Comments & reviews · 5
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
AdmiralKat
Review

Hello, Noelle! I am here for my last review today! I hope all these notifications for reviews haven't been too hard on you! Now let us see what we have right here...

So before you have been writing in third person-limited in which you only limit the writings to one character's thoughts and actions. Now here, you either you are changing perspectives suddenly or you are changing your perspective all of a sudden to third person-omniscient(the thoughts and perspectives of many different characters). It is not widely accepted to change perspectives like that but I don't know a rule against that. Just something that I would like to point out to you.

Why does Akia trust George more than Zeke? I mean, George is a lot more suspious than all the rest of the characters. It is really hard to miss all the hints that George has dropped. Akia seems to be good at catching things that are hidden so why can't she figure this one out? This is really out of character for her!

One thing that would be cool for you to do is to have some other character's perspectives pn things so we can see what each character thinks of all of this. This could really be a great way to being Zeke back into the game. It is just a marvelous opportunity that you are missing.

Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant

User avatar
SpiritedWolfe
Review

Hey, Noelle! Your spam was interrupted right in the middle. Shall I continue? :3

I really don't think you could make it any more obvious what George is up to without blatantly telling Akia what's what. And, it was really cool the first, what?, three parts? But now it feels like too much. In a way, it's like you're making Akia look stupid herself. Maybe make it more subtle?

But, you've still been successful in raising the stakes, make it all seem that much more tense. And if I recall, Zeke is still a traitor. He may have disappeared from your radar a tiny bit by not being noticed at much, but it's still very clear what's going on with him.

This was overall a really solid chapter, finally bringing some closure to this meeting, reinstating what Akia and Sam are expected to do, but this also makes me wonder something. Doesn't Phillip see what's going on? Hasn't he been fighting Rhys as long as the rest if them to know what to expect from him? It just seems so odd that he'd instantly jump on board, without questioning George either...

I have two little nitpicks before I end off this review ~

He knew that he could only teach Falyn so much.


Tiny little mistake there, but this line here jumps out of third person limited for a second. Just the way it's phrased makes it look Akia is absolutely positive that he already knew. Well, maybe he didn't. Akia can't know. So the next option is you slipped a little on point of view :P

And I remember thinking at this part, who does Zeke think he is? He had to have known who Falyn's dad is, and I really don't think that he'd be that frustrates with background to share training duties with her dad. It's rather peculiar behavior and I wonder how Zeke will come back into action.

He knew that she knew about the barriers


Sound familiar? Well, this is sort of an indirect form of repetition. This one is easier to pass off, but it's just so soon and it makes me think, "Well, is Phillip really that kind of guy to say everything that everybody else knows?" I think even earlier on he said something about transporting and then says it again. Does he want to make sure that badly? Tiny things :P

Well, I shall continue onward! Keep up the great work :D Happy Review Day and Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~

User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review · Thu Feb 19, 2015 6:37 am

Hey Noelle!

I have definitely been lacking behind in this novel, and that's because you post pretty often (don't stop that, the LMS demands it ;) ) and I have been busy with school and all that. But in the next two days I am going to try and catch up with this novel as much as I possibly can! So be prepared for some reviews to trickle in, if everything goes according to plan.

One thing I have felt like needed in this story is to see more things from the secondary characters point of view. And that was definitely what you were able to carry through and do! It was great to see more of Layna, especially as so far I have felt like she was the character that was kind of thrown in there. You've disregarded that opinion from my mind. It was good to see her powers and to know that the situation had reached such a point that even those who are usually positive are having trouble remaining that way. I think the essence of teamwork is an important one and I am glad a character can see that. As well as that you continued on with Akia beginning to open her eyes and criticize Phillip a bit. Which had my complete approval! So many good factors to this chapter!

And based on the look on his face, he wasn’t too happy with sharing the duties.


Wait, wait, whose face are we talking about here? I thought Braeden wasn't in the room with them, but maybe he is? Just mention a name here instead of his.

I couldn't help but wonder why they couldn't transport between barriers. It is always said that they can't do it but I felt like it would be nice for the reader to have some understanding as to why not. And I felt like it was strange that they didn't simply take the time to sit down and figure out a way to transport? It would only be the logical thing to do. Sure, they could rush into the confrontation but then they wouldn't know what to do when they were there, and that could make things especially difficult for them. And there should always be a plan and a means of escape with the hostage. Not being able to transport would limit all of that, so it doesn't make sense for them to run headfirst into trouble. I think maybe it is for the sake of making "problems" in the future chapters, but it really doesn't make sense here. If you do want those future problems to happen, maybe you could make it so that in this chapter they do come up with an idea to transport but it isn't feasible and ends up not working. That way they are smart here and any future issues you want to occur still can.

I felt like it was a bit out of place for Akia to be asking Layna about how her powers work int he middle of the serious conversation she and George were having? Sure, she can marvel in her mind and maybe ask about it later, but she can see that there is an element of seriousness to the conversation. Does she really have to interrupt and distract with other things? She would be smarter than that, I think.

I don't really have much more to say about this chapter! It was all done very well and I am going to go on to the next!

Deanie x

User avatar
Holysocks
Review

Hi Noelle!!!

I mostly really just simply enjoyed this part. :-P There's only one small thing that I want to point out, and that's a very small thing... you can basically ignore it all together! Eh, but I'm still going to fangirl for a bit!

But he quickly relaxed and smiled. “Yes. I’ve been at fault too...


( The small nitpick first then: ) This kind of sounds like he smiled smiled... I picture Sam smiling rather toothily, and amusedly... ( amusedly is a word apparently, BONUS )? I mean to say that it feels like a situation where he'd have more of a sad smile, rather then one that was amusedly. :D ( If that even makes sense )

“This isn’t about you or me or even Falyn. This is about creating a united front to go after Rhys...


I. Just. Love. Layna. She's just so down to earth lately, and somehow comforting... it's like, you know, when there's people that are fighting, and you just want them to stop because they're friends, and then someone comes that just KNOWS HOW to make them stop and see why they should stop and that just makes you feel somehow secure ( yay for run-on sentences! )? That's how Layna makes me feel when she talks about them having to be united and really, whenever she talks lately. Also her powers are AWESOME.

...Oh, I'm sorry. There was actually two things I wanted to point out:

or something close to that


You can't just ESTIMATE!!!! ( just kidding )

-Socks

User avatar
TimmyJake
Review

Timmy heeere :3

You're writing this ahead of time. o.o That's actually a very good idea, because then you won't ever miss your due time. And you won't have to ping yourself for LMS. xD Okay, let's get moving here. The same chapter. The same character. The same scene. This should be easy to follow, especially since I just reviewed this three days ago. :3

Zeke shrugged. He knew that he could only teach Falyn so much. He didn’t need Phillip telling him that. And based on the look on his face, he wasn’t too happy with sharing the duties


Correct me if I am wrong here (pleaaase do so, because I correct this quite often with people. xD), but isn't third person limited where you only go through the POV's thoughts and, well, viewpoint? The first half of this seemed as though we were getting this straight from his perspective, and the second half seemed like it was Akia again - the "based on the look on his face" telling me it was an observation of hers rather than direct thought over. Perhaps that needs a bit of tweaking, if I am correct with this?

So one thing that, while being rather amazing, isn't making much sense. Layna's power. Okay, not her power. That is making perfect sense to me, because you explained it rather well in this part and I believe parts of the previous chapters. But Akia says she knows who did it straight away, because Layna could have been the only other person, and all that. But let me take you through a part which seems rather odd to me.

“How’d you do it?” Akia asked.


This seemed odd to me, because, well, Akia is supposed to know so much about magic and how it works. She's second in command there, and all that. o.o And she doesn't know how telekinesis works? That seemed strange, and another thing is that if she doesn't know how Layna could do it, how did she know she did it at all? Just because she knew telekinesis was her power? I always thought telekinesis was moving yourself from place to place. Perhaps just a bit more explanation there, because it seems to be a place where Akia shouldn't not understand - since she is supposed to be knowledgeable and all that.

“I’m not going to get anything else out of you am I?”


Comma after you

Telekinesis was always tricky magic to identify since it was all from the mind.


Akia asked in awe about how telekinesis worked a few paragraphs above, and she was in awe while she asked. And now she is giving us facts on it? Seems rather out of place, really. Since it seemed as though she knew almost nothing about that kind of magic. ^.^

She didn’t look as bubbly and upbeat as normal.


Heh, this just seemed rather out of place, and almost like just pointing out the obvious. This girl has been forcing them to apologize for a long time, forcing them to stop their arguing - and not with a smile. So it seemed too obvious for Akia to be making that observation, because it is a "No duh" kind of thing.

The part at the end with Layna seeming a bit out of character? PERFECT. I loved it. There are those parts in books where you see things a character does, and you're like: "They wouldn't do that! NO!" But then there are the parts where they do things out of character, and the seem like they fit. Everyone does things out of character from time, and it's your job to pinpoint the right times. And you did it just perfectly. It seems natural for her to be acting like this, even though it was odd for her - at the same time. And everything she said made so much sense, and she made it with such passion. She doesn't have a negative outlook on things as much as just a realistic one. xD Because everything she says is absolutely correct. One thing I have learned, among others, from your previous chapters. If they're not completely and entirely together, then they will fail. Almost certain. But when they're together, they are unstoppable.

The chapter is 1502 words, in my calculations. I counted them one by one. not.
~Darth Timmyjake

I always aim to post by Wednesday each week, but it never happens xD

You're totally right about third person limited. I was just trying to stay away from the whole "she knew that he knew" thing, which, is super hard to stay away from in third person limited. Obviously. I'll have to hash that out later.

Yeah, I have to work on the whole thing with Akia being in awe of Layna's powers. Akia really is in awe even though she knows all about the telek magic. She's just never seen it done before so it's amazing to her. I'll have to work on that.



all of my friends talk to me like a dog rooting through a trashcan
— winterwolf0100