Falyn looked at Sam, wanting to see his reaction. He clenched his fists, but couldn’t stop them from shaking. She turned her attention back to Phillip. “What about the future?”
Phillip pursed his lips and turned away from her. “Let’s continue this conversation inside. I don’t want anyone overhearing.” He didn’t even wait for anyone to follow him. He simply turned and disappeared through the door.
Falyn watched the rest of them follow him into the room, the door slamming each time another of them disappeared. She watched until she was the only one left in the hallway. Even Mina walked into the room in front of her, which left Falyn a bit annoyed. What was with Mina lately? They were still friends, but weren’t they always closer than this? And the whole thing about them being sisters was something to think about too. Sisters were supposed to be close. So why did it feel like they were growing farther apart?
A hand softly landed on her arm, making her jump. She was sure that everyone had already left her. Looking back, her heart leapt when she met his eyes. Zeke always had a way of sneaking up on her. She expected him to say something, but he didn’t. Instead, he walked passed her and threw open the door. Before he disappeared behind it, he winked at her.
She didn’t want him to go in there. She wanted him to stay out in the hallway with her. They could sneak off for some time alone. None of them had had time to relax since they crossed over the river. All she wanted was to sit and think about something other than stopping Rhys.
This wasn’t exactly what she had signed up for. In fact, she hadn’t even signed up for anything. When Akia explained about the Hund Warrior who had attacked her, she was ready to do anything to get away from it all. And that’s what she thought Akia could help her do; not pull her back into the craziness that had ensued.
Taking a deep breath, she made her way into the battle room.
It was a lot different than she had expected. Instead of there being a large room filled with weapons, there was a small room with mirrors lining the far wall. There was a pile of odds and ends stuffed into the right corner, but nothing that looked like it would be do of a lot of help.
And there, sitting in the middle of the room, was a long, brown table. It took up nearly all of the room. She shuddered when she saw the setup. She had always been a tad claustrophobic.
Everyone was already sitting around the table, deep in conversation. What exactly they were talking about, she had no idea. She scanned the open seats, debating where to sit. She was tempted to choose the seat next to Zeke, but she knew that it would raise suspicions. If anyone were to find out about her and Zeke, it would never be let down. And she wasn’t ready for it.
“Falyn,” Phillip said, motioning to the chair next to her. “Please sit.”
She sighed inwardly with relief. Phillip had made the decision easier; he’d made a non decision. She’d be sitting on the other side of Phillip that Zeke was. There was nothing Zeke could do that would throw her off.
As she sat in the seat, she noticed Layna smiling at her. Maybe Falyn would come to like Layna better if she gave her a chance. But the second Layna mentioned anything about how the sun was smiling down at them, the chance was gone.
Mina sat at the other end of the table, a seat separating her and Layna. Falyn wondered who the seat was for. Maybe it was where George was supposed to sit. No, it was Akia’s seat. Of course it was. It was the one directly across from Phillip; prime real estate. Who else would he allow to sit across from him?
Where was Akia? She had been in the infirmary, true, but she had to be all better by then. Falyn had gone through the pellets too. Why would she recover faster than Akia? It seemed very unlikely.
It took Falyn a few moments to realize that Sam was sitting at the end of the table. He was the only one facing that way, staring ahead at the red wall while the rest of them were forced to stare at each other. He refused to look at them too. Occasionally he would glance at the empty chair across from Phillip. Akia must’ve been still fresh on his mind.
“Now that we’re all here,” Phillip started. “We can get down to business.” He turned to Zeke. “You know where Rhys’s fortress is?”
Zeke nodded. “I scoped it out a few months ago. It’s in the Ethir caves. Can’t tell you an exact location though, the caves change every night. One will never be in the same spot that it was the previous day.”
Mina scoffed. “Well that’s helpful. How are we supposed to get to him?”
“Landscape,” Zeke answered. “There’s a tree that’s collapsed on a rock that looks like a dead cow.” Everyone turned to look at him. He shrugged. “It looks like a dead cow.”
“Well at least we know something,” Mina mumbled. Falyn looked at her surprisingly. When had she become so invested in what was going on? Falyn must’ve missed something while she was knocked out. How long had she been out exactly?
“Something is better than nothing,” Phillip agreed. “We need a plan of attack, a way to combine our powers and what we know of the future and use it to our advantage.”
The future.
Falyn turned her chair so she was facing Phillip. The legs squeaked against the old wood, grasping everyone’s attention. “I want to know about my future. And I don’t want this conversation to go on until I get my answers.”
She hadn’t meant for it to have come out so demanding, but it ended up like that. But maybe it had been better that way. She wasn’t going to get Phillip’s attention by asking nicely. That’s not how things worked. Her purpose was clear with the harsh words.
The room was silent for much longer than Falyn was comfortable with. Her spirit fell, her frustration disappeared. Had she said something wrong? Was she not supposed to demand answers? She didn’t like the way everyone was looking down at the table, at their hands. They knew something that she didn’t.
Mina was the only one still looking at her. She had a wide smile plastered on her face. Just the look made Falyn feel better. Her best friends was on board then. It was nice to have someone on her side.
Finally, Phillip spoke. “There are just some things that we shouldn’t know.” That was not the answer she was looking for.
“Don’t give me any more of that crap. I’ve been in the dark for far too long. Sixteen years, to be exact. If I’m going to be here and help you stop Rhys, I need to know every detail. And that’s gonna start with what my future holds. If I don’t get these answers, I will march straight out of this room and go back to Agathi. I have a life waiting for me back there.”
She really had zero intentions of returning to Agathi or even leaving Lightport itself. All of her childhood she had dreamed and hoped of another place, another world where she belonged. Agathi never felt like home. She was able to trick herself into believing for years, but no longer. Lightport was where she belonged.
Phillip made no sound, but he leaned back in his chair. Still refusing to look at her, he crossed his arms. “Well, if we weren’t completely sure that she’s the moonstar before, we are now.” He turned his head slightly so he could just barely look at her. “You don’t know what you’re asking. The future is not something we like to meddle with.”
“George gets to parade around, announcing that he knows everything,” Falyn retorted. “And the seers see the future for goodness sakes. Why can’t I know what’s to come?”
“Because you’ll rightly – as you would say it – freak out,” Phillip responded calmly. “It’s not that I don’t trust you knowing what’s ahead, I just don’t trust your reaction.”
That surprised her. It wasn’t that Phillip didn’t want her knowing, he just didn’t want her to get upset about it. It gave her a whole different idea of what kind of man Phillip was. He had been nice enough when she’d met him in the apartment, but ever since he’d just ended up seeming like that crazed leader that was serious all the time and didn’t care what others thought, only that they got the job done. It made her want to trust him just that bit more.
“I can promise you that I won’t freak out,” she said. “Just tell me. I want to know.”
Phillip sighed. “Very well. As you know, seers can see the future. It’s not always clear though. Some events are fuzzy while others are clear as day. The clear ones are the only ones you can trust. Those are the events that will happen no matter how you try and change them. What George saw of you was one of those.”
A twinge of fear found its way through Falyn. Whatever Phillip was going to say, she wasn’t going to be able to change it. The future was set; well, most of it. But the part that was set, she couldn’t change. What if she didn’t like it? Could she live with that?
“What’d he see?” she asked, her voice quiet.
Phillip finally turned to look at her. “You at the base of some mountain, dressed in a black robe with a hood up, holding a torch. There are others behind you dressed similarly. He didn’t catch their faces though.”
“How many are with her?” Sam asked.
“Three. But we don’t know who they are.”
“So,” Falyn started, not exactly sure how she wanted to go about saying it. “That’s something that I’m supposed to be scared of?”
The look Phillip gave her chilled her to the bone. His gaze was full of warning and fear. Could this vision have really been that bad?
He looked her directly in the eyes as he said, “It’s the attack on Rhys and you’re leading the charge.”
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Hello, Noelle! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here...
I wish there was some more imagery with Falyn daydreaming about her going out with Zeke. Every single girl who ever had a crush is sure to daydream so much more than that. How you described her daydreaming was as if she only started to have that crush but that crush is pretty big right now. This is especially true since she has HELD HIS HAND! Like that is pretty major in the crush world! She should already be imagining marrying him. XD
“We can get down to business.” (TO DEFEAT THE HUNSSSSS)
I really like the imagery in this chapter. This is very well done. It think that it really helps me to imagine this story in my head. Like I'm really really(insert 100000 reallys here) impressed with this. I think that you have come a long way from your first chapter to your 25th. Of course, you could always create imagery like Wolfare1 but I think this is still very good imagery. This imagery beats all the imagery in all the rest of the chapters that I have read thus far.
That flashback is very sudden(and yet again, you end with something that is sudden or a cliffhanger). I think I'm so used to this sudden effect that I really don't feel like this is major even though it is pretty major. I feel like the thing with Zeke holding hands was much more major to me because it was a more rare occasion. You might need to fix that a little bit.
Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant
Hey Noelle! Knight r4 here for a review! I am really sorry about getting Behind! I hope to catch up today! Well, I guess I better get reviewing! My team needs me!
I don't know if I have said this before or not, but I really like the way you let the reader know what the characters are speaking without actually including any thoughts! It is pretty cool!I didn't really like this. It felt to stiff and choppy. I think it would flow better if you took away the period. It may sound a little nitpicky, but I think that it would help. Some readers will pick up on it while others won't. I also recommend that you change the "it" to "that".
I am confused. You just contradicted yourself. If you meant to say the same thing again that would make things seem a little too reptetive.
I like your description... err analogy... I don't know.
I hesitate to mention this because of the italics, but shouldn't it be were?
Oh come on! Enough with the cliffhangers!
Okay, so what I didn't exactly like about this chapter was that it was a little short and not a whole lot happened. I am kind of excited to get back to the action. There has been a lull in the story and I think that it is time to move on.
What I liked was that even though it was short, you still managed to have some good dialogue and draw the reader in, despite the fact that you need to just get on with it!
Hey, Noelle! Wolf here for a review.
Okay, okay. I object! So towards the beginning Falyn is thinking how her and Mina have started growing apart lately. Um, hello there was this whole grand reunion when Falyn came down to the intermarry literally 20 ish minutes ago. Just then she was talking and laughing with her and thinking about how close they were so they had to be sisters.
For some reason I just love the part about Falyn's seating predicament. It seems so simple really, but that's a real issues girls face (and I know from experience xD). Those subtle little details are always really cool because they give the story another touch of realism, allowing us the readers to delve in deeper. Of course Falyn's supposed to be a grand and special girl about to go save the worlds, but on the inside she's still just a regular teenage girl, with regular teenage girl problems
So the first time I read the ending, I so misinterpreted it. For some reason I was under the impression that it was the attack that Rhys planned on Lightport. The black hooded people were Hund Warriors and Falyn was leading them. I nearly flipped out. Falyn? Going evil? No way! But sadly you're not that dark. (Best plot twist ever, though I would cry for the third time today.)
Another thing that popped into my head is how do you know when a seer is having a vision? Of course there has to be something, but can't only they see it? How do we know that George isn't lying? And why is it such a bad thing that she's leading the attack. She should be proud! Excited even. Nervous sure, but if she's leading the charge then she's doing something right isn't she? I don't quite understand why they should hide it. (Obviously that's not what they were hiding.)
There is so much more I want to figure out. I'm curious what's up with George. Why did Aiden being Akia to him? What's Falyn going to do to prepare? You've really got me reeled in here, Noelle. Awesome job! Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~
Hello!
I think this is probably your point, but just thought I'd let you know what it made me think of.
Lovely chapter, Noelle. I like the ending a LOT. To me, though, with Falyn leading the attack, it makes it sounds like Akia won't be there.
This sounds off to me... it sounds like they're all slamming the door in each other's faces. Maybe you meant that they weren't all leaving the room at once, but there's no real indication of time passing. My advice would be to just say something like: the door slammed behind them all or something to like that.
This line confuses me, because at first it sounds like Falyn's saying if Layna does this but than it kind of sounds like she is saying that Layna did say that. I think it's only a slight tense mix up. I think this mostly has to do with the last bit: the chance was gone. If you changed the 'was' to a 'would be' I think it would make better sense.
Love it! ^_^
Zeke is by far my favourite character ( even though I'm pretty sure he's going to be a turncoat )!
Keep writing the awesomeness, Noelle!!!
-Socks
Timmy here
Okay, may the first thing I say be in complete disagreement with your other reviewers? Now that sounds kind of mean for me to say, I guess. But it's true. They're saying that it's ridiculous for Falyn to be leading the charge, that she's not ready, that there are so many others who are much more capable of doing it.... Well, I consider those the best reasons in the world for her to be the one leading the charge. She is seeing it before it happens, and quite possibly way before it happens. This is her seeing her future, and now giving herself the chance to become what she needs to be in order to lead the charge. Some little part of me thinks that she is going to go all out and train and work towards being as strong as she can be so that she can lead the charge... and if she hadn't heard of the vision from George, she may never do that. This is just me wondering about the upcoming moments of the story, but I think that is what's going to happen. It's a chance for Falyn to lead the others forward, to do what she is supposed to do. She is the Moonstar. They don't just hand out titles and abilities like plastic forks (for lack of better example. xD). She has a distinct purpose, and I think that her ability to do a time-stop is going to play an enormous part of that. Perhaps I am calling the shots too early, and completely off. But I thought I would just give you an opinion hand-out before I continued on.
technical: Comma after them
Either change "friends" to "friend" or change "was" to "were"
Why is he not addressing her here, and in the next sentence, he is? Makes no sense.
This may be the shortest review I have given you, because I have run out of things to say here. I mean, what can be said when looking at near perfection? I have already nitpicked what I think could be mended, and so there is nothing else to do but stutter out a few praises before heading out to your next chapter (only a few left! Makes me sad and happy at the same time). One thing I notice with all your chapters. Each isn't just a narrative of what happened. They all change the character in some small way (and sometimes big ways), and make us look forward to the next because you answer enough questions to satisfy our curiosity... and then ask a few more so we are curious again. How you do that, I have no idea. I see it right in front of me each time I read your story, but how you capture my attention and just keep me completely focused on your story.... It's just genius. That's what it is.
I don't think Falyn was being completely fair to Mina in the beginning towards middle of the chapter. I mean, it wasn't out of character for her or anything, since she is always going about, making assumptions of things before they happen or when they aren't happening at all. But I did think it wasn't too nice of her to think that Mina had abandoned her... and they'd just talked moments before. Just because she'd walked off with another girl for a while didn't mean their friendship had been broken. Silly girl. Just one more reason to love and chide her with, though.
I am going to go and check out the next chapters now! Someone has really got my curiosity piqued here. Let's see what happens.
~Darth Timmyjake
Hi Noelle!
Falyn finally gets her answers, and I loved how she switched the plates and demanded the answers herself. If I were her, I would be doing the same because I hate being kept in the dark when it seems like everyone else knows what is going on. I was also very happy to know George wasn't the one telling her because he would've been smug about it, but I am glad that Phillip was, and that we got to see some more of his character as well. He seems like a genuinely nice person.
Happy review day!
Okay, so this chapter wasn't one of your best, but it wasn't one of the worst either. It was well written and I have absolutely no nitpicks for you at all, which is always a good thing
I will admit this though, I was a bit disappointed with the cliffhanger that we saw the results of. I mean, seeing as she is the moonstar I already assumed she would be leading the attack on Rhys. I mean, she is the moonstar! Isn't that kind of her job? I thought the vision would be a whole lot darker, with her dying or someone she loved dying or... something else. So I thought that although you start and carry through your cliffhangers very well most times, this was one of those that sort of fell flat. I would've liked to have had a bit more there.
Does the door really have to slam after each and every one of them? Wouldn't they be leaving the door open if they are all walking through together, even if it is one by one? The only reason the door should be shutting after them is if it swings shut. In that case I would have the word swinging there instead of slamming. I know... I am getting so hyped up because of a door :p
Falyn is getting quite upset about Mina... but I don't really think Mina has done anything really wrong? Yes, she didn't hang around with Falyn, and maybe that's the only thing she should notice, but then again maybe she is just trying to blend it. And yes, she was talking to Layna, but I don't think talking to someone else makes her a bad sister. So I felt like Falyn was overreacting a bit on this note and Mina should be intentionally ignoring her or avoiding her (or maybe is doing something so it seems like that) in order for Falyn to feel a bit hurt. You did make it all up again in the end, which is nice, but I felt like nothing really bad had happened yet. :/
This sentence sounds better if you remove the word 'exactly' from it.
Um... I am a bit confused here. What did you mean? Is there something wrong with optimistic happy people? I was so confused...
I think you mean 'now' instead of the 'then.'
Why is Sam asking a question. From the way he acted before, and from the way everyone is acting right now it gave us the impression that everyone knew what happened in the future but she didn't. So Sam shouldn't really be asking the questions, but maybe Mina or Falyn should be. I say Mina because I get the impression she wasn't involved beforehand and didn't know the future either?
Anyway, there are a few things that can be tweaked here, but others were really good! We're getting some more information on secondary characters and I can see you are going into depth with their characters, which is also good. The pacing is good, as always and your style is perfect. I am going to go read the next chapter!
Deanie x
Wait, what? You mean, like actually leading it?? And they're gonna charge instead of using magic and schemes and stuff? But...but...But Falyn knows nothing!! I mean, she does, but she doesn't... OK, let me go back. I've only got a few technical problems in this chapter, so that's good!
“Falyn,” Phillip said, motioning to the chair next to her. “Please sit.”
Don't you mean him?? If you actually mean a her, you need to make the antecedent clear, because I have no clue who you're talking about.
"As she sat in the seat, she noticed Layna smiling at her. Maybe Falyn would come to like Layna better if she gave her a chance. But the second Layna mentioned anything about how the sun was smiling down at them, the chance was gone."
This part was kind of confusing in a couple ways... First, it seems VERY out of place. Maybe you'll do something with Layna later on, I don't know, but it just doesn't seem related right now... Next, did Layna actually say something about the sun? Or was Falyn just thinking that if she did, the chance of liking her would be done? We need a bit more explanation there.
"He looked her directly in the eyes as he said, “It’s the attack on Rhys and you’re leading the charge.”
There should be a comma after Rhys, shouldn't there? Because it's a compound sentence. Yup, comma.
Now, overall. Like I've said before, I love your writing, but you really seem to be dragging things out a little too much. Of course, I don't know how all those details will come into play later, or even if they will, but I still think you need to speed things up. I love where you're going, but you just need to get there faster. Also, I've usually really liked your adjectives and adverb choices, but this part seemed to be sadly lacking for an unknown reason... Other than that, it was great! Keep writing, I always look forward to the next chapter!