It seemed that she had lost everyone in her life; her father, her mother and her brother – she had no idea what could’ve happened to them – her friends in Vertfay, and the only best friend she had ever had. Rhys might’ve had a warped sense of reality, but he was a friend none the less.
“I never did thank you for bringing Zeke back with you,” Phillip said suddenly. “We’ve been trying to get him back here for years. The stupid Othir didn’t want to let him go. Said he broke some law or something. Governments are so hard to deal with.”
Akia stared at him. “Wait, Zeke is on our side?”
“Yes. Why? Do you think otherwise?”
“Well,” Akia started. She knew that she had to choose her words wisely. If Phillip felt that Zeke was on their side, he’d be less inclined to listen to her complaints. She’d have to find a way to tell him what she thought without him thinking she just didn’t like Zeke.
“First off, I didn’t even know who he was. Long story short, I got arrested back in Agathi for tackling a Hund Warrior in the middle of the marketplace. They thought I was a seer. Crazy stuff. Zeke was on the bus that they used to transport us to the Othir building. Of course we never reached the Othir building as Sam came to save us. Zeke just decided to tag along once Sam and I left.
“I don’t know what it is, but something about him makes me feel… not right. He never listens to any of my direction and he just goes about doing his own thing. He’s super mysterious and we always get in arguments. I just don’t trust him.”
Phillip nodded. “Zeke can be a tough character. He started working for us a short while after you left to go to Agathi three years ago.”
“Convenient,” Akia mumbled.
“I assigned him to the research team,” Phillip continued, ignoring Akia’s comment. “He was supposed to help us come up with new spells and new ways to keep the worlds safe. We soon found out though, that he’s quite a practiced magician. Not sure who trained him, but they did their job. So we moved him to the search and rescue team.”
Akia looked at him, dumbfounded. “My team. You put him on my team? I don’t need anyone else on my team. Sam and I are just enough.”
“Calm down,” Phillip said, chuckling. “I knew that you two could handle it. So I sent Zeke out to spy on Rhys, much like you and George once did.”
She felt a pang in her chest. Her mind floated back to the memory she had just relived. The memories had to go. She wanted them as far away from her as possible. But there was no known spell that made someone forget without taking all of their memories.
“I still don’t trust him.”
“Well you’re gonna have to,” Phillip said definitely. “Just work with him, will you? Pretend you like him.”
She opened her mouth to say something else, but closed it quickly. All of the energy suddenly drained out of her. A second ago she was light hearted and feeling like she hadn’t in hours. It was instantaneous that every ounce of energy left her body.
Her chest was heavy as she took a breath and whispered, “What’s going to happen to me?”
Phillip lifted her chin so she was looking in his eyes. “You are going to get better and we’re going to stop Rhys.”
Akia shook her head. She tried to at least. Her head wouldn’t move.
“You don’t need me,” she choked out. “You have Falyn. That’s all that matters.”
“I don’t give a damn about Falyn.” Phillip snapped. Surprised, Akia raised her eyebrows. “Well – alright, I said that wrong. We need Falyn. But we need you even more. No one knows Rhys better than you. If you die, we only have our best guess. You’re the final piece.”
Akia knew that it was the truth, but she didn’t believe it. There was never a time before Falyn that Akia’s name was in the attack plan at all. Her job was to find Falyn and bring her back to Lightport. Falyn was always the center of attention. Always.
Sighing, Phillip patted her knee. “You get better, kid, alright? We’ll see you soon.”
He walked off without another word, leaving Akia alone. She didn’t want him to go. Now there was no one to spend her time with. She’d have to waste more time sleeping and trying to fight off the memories that threatened to take her over.
She took a deep breath and started coughing. Her chest convulsed as she hacked away, trying to catch her breath. Each time she tried to breathe in, it only got worse. She felt the oxygen forcing its way into her mouth, but it only burned as it made its way down to her lungs.
By the time the nurse realized what was going on, Akia’s chest was so tight that she wasn’t able to breathe in anything, just dispel awful coughs.
This was it, she was going to die. All the energy had built up and, as Phillip said, it was going to explode.
The nurse placed a hand on Akia’s forehead, but pulled it away quickly. Akia didn’t know what the nurse had planned on doing, but if she was trying a spell to heal her, it wasn’t going to work. She was long gone.
She tried in vain once more to suck in a breath. She could only keep coughing. There was no chance for her. She was gone.
They say that your life flashes before your eyes before you die. Maybe that’s what her memories were for: her brain torturing her with all of the mistakes that she had made.
Why couldn’t it have been good memories? Like the time when her and Sam became friends. Or when Phillip sent her to Agathi to keep watch over Falyn? Despite feeling like nothing more than a babysitter, she enjoyed the years there. Phillip was able to get her through the barrier with members of the Othir as a prisoner. Soon as she got to the Othir building however, they let her go. There were a few leaders in Agathi that were working with Phillip. He had people everywhere.
The room around her faded. The walls to her sides disappeared first, then the darkness got larger. Soon she was only able to see the door in front of her. Her gaze hung on it for a second before the room went completely dark.
She was sure she was dead. There was nothing in her lungs, her chest was tight, her vision was black. But she was still there. Why was she still there?
There was a sudden warm feeling that engulfed her, lifting whatever lock that was tight around her chest. Greedily, she opened her mouth and took in a long breath. Her chest swelled with oxygen that was well needed.
When she opened her eyes she wanted to close them again. She didn’t want to believe who was standing over her. She was having hallucinations. Yeah, that’s it. It must’ve been another side effect of the pellets.
Curious, she opened her eyes just a small bit to see if he was still there.
He was.
“You okay there?” The grin on his face was the same one he’d always give her when they were kids. It was unmistakable. He was really there.
“Aidan,” she breathed.
“Hey, Sis,” he said, that wide, stupid smile still plastered on his face. “You miss me?”
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Hello! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here...
) was amazing! I love that! That foreshadowing at the beginning of the chapter made that cliffhanger perfect! I am very happy with it! You need to have cliffhangers just like this. Don't have too many cliffhangers because then the audience may get bored of them but make the cliffhangers EPIC!
So wait. Akia thinks she has lost her whole family even though in a previous chapter, it said they were still alive. OH MY GOSH! That jerk by the name of Rhys! Gosh darn it! Why does Akia still think that Rhys is a friend? Wait waht? I'm really confused! One moment she hates him and then the next she thinks he's a friend? (Don't be afraid to answer my questions by replying. I am never offended by replies to my reviews unless it is Wolfare1).
One thing that is delaying some of my ships that I'm kind off want to ship is it is hard to find out the ages of the people. I am often very confused what age range everyone is because of the lack of imagery. If you had a little bit more imagery describing the age, then I would totally be shipping everyone. Like there was a slight urge in me to wonder if Phillip liked Akia somewhat but I don't know because their ages might be seriously different. The reason why I'm getting this conclusion is that Phillip is talking about how important Akia is and people only do that when they really care about each other so that really makes me wonder a bit.
Then again, I see that he called her kid so he may just be a fatherly character to Akia.
OH MY GOSH! That cliffhanger(the only way you seem to know how to end chapters
Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant
Hey, Noelle! Wolf here for a review.
Found out Zeke was a practiced magician huh? Didn't know who trained him huh? I SURE WONDER WHO THAT WAS. HUH? Sorry, I'm still sore about that chapter xD
The ending to this was fantastic. Cliff hanger galor, but amazing nonetheless. Being
the cheateramazing follower I am and having read ahead, I knew it was to come, but I do recall first reading the sentence then having to reread it because I was so shocked. Aiden came at the perfect time. Sure we knew that he was coming because of that one chapter in Rhys' perspective, but of all the times. You did a great job pulling us away from that thought and gripping us in the moment of Akia's death. And I wouldn't have been surprised if you let her die, you evil evil person.I don't have much else to say. I love looking at the relationship between Phillip and Akia. Sure they're co leaders (right?) but it seems like Phillip is a big brother figure to Akia, someone that she needs. It was sweet. The perfect scene to end Akia's life on.
Here, we also get to learn more about Zeke. Yes, how convenient that he shows up right as Akia is shipped away to look after Falyn. Not at all suspicious that he's also extremely stronge, Akia had a bad feeling about him, ... Oh and he was exposed as a traitor. Seems legit. Anywho, I'm super excited to find out more! Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare~
Timmy here
I think I will just stick with the normal format for this chapter. Will be easier to find something to talk about, I think. Always the most difficult thing about reviewing this book. Finding things to talk about that isn't merely fluff.
Something I am curious here. You are talking about Rhys when she says "lost the best friend", right? I am just making sure. It sounded like it, but wasn't completely sure. Also,
you silly girl, Akia. Rhys hasn't been anything but meaaan to you.I am being completely honest when I say you have done an absolutely amazing job with Zeke's character. He is like the guy with multiple personalities and focuses who only shows tidbits of each at certain times. One day he seems as though he is going to abandon them all and head off to who knows where. The next he is acting very dedicated to Falyn and acting surprisingly... romantic. xD I actually like that bit of him. Where he acts so strange and then goes and hugs Falyn. The one thing that always troubles me when he and Falyn are in an embrace is his expressions. That there aren't any to be mentioned, really. I wonder if that's just him, or if he is truly feeling nothing. Falyn has been hurt enough, though. It would be really sad if he turned out to be a bad apple.
I found it really strange that Akia just happened to "forget" that she was in no shape to be on a team at all. She is in bed, most likely going to die. No teams for her. Nope.
Comma after out, but leave the comma after "though".
I just met Phillip, so I may not be a good guesser of his character, but when I read through this, I got the feeling that he doesn't really care about her - just her abilities. She is the final piece. If she dies, they only have a guess. All these reasons he has for wanting her to stay alive has to do with her job - nothing to do with her person. Maybe you could switch a few of them around and play with it. I mean, if Phillip is a character like that, then by all means leave it. But when I read about him in this and the previous chapters, he seemed... well, more. Like a person who truly cares about those entrusted to his care, and not just what they can do.
This sentence sounded very disattached to the rest of the piece, like it was written by a different person (other than Akia - not you) and then merely inserted in there. What if you put something at the beginning, like: She'd heard that your life flashes before your eyes before you die. Or something like that. You know what I mean, I hope.
Her brother showed up! That's nice for Akia, since she is really going through a lot right now.
I really don't have much else to say. Your chapters are always so wonderful to begin with, and since I am stuck as the last reviewer until I finish catching up, mostly everything that's worth saying has been taken by the time I arrive. And so I can merely stutter out a few measly nitpicks, and then throw upon you all my praise. Because this story is amazing, Noelle. Really. Everything is building, continuously building, in this story to really create something wonderful. That's' yet another thing about your story that is just amazing. You never stop building the plot, or building the characters. Each chapter bears a new transformation for each of them. Thank you.
I will be at the next chapters soon!
~Darth Timmyjake
Hello Noelle!
For the life of me, I can't remember what Aidan was instructed to do... or wait, was it to keep Akia from getting in Rhy's way? That sounds right. I'm curious as to how he's going to keep Akia from stopping Rhy's... he wouldn't want to really hurt her, so he'd have to come up with something, but I have no clue as to what he'd do.
This isn't really much of a review 'cause I only have one thing that I'd like to point out! You did pretty good! The only thing is this:
To me this sentence is contradictory. She knew that it was the truth, but she didn't believe that it was the truth? I suppose she could be in denial. I think denial is different though, it's more when you're kind of in shock, and you don't want to what happened to be true... Yeah, it's not denial that Akia has... but I'm not sure that it's not believing, I know what you're trying to say...
It's possibly can be fixed if you just word it differently. Maybe something like: Akia knew she played an important role, but didn't think that she was more important than Falyn.
Maybe not, I'm not sure really.
Anyway, I'm heading over to the next chapter now!
Hi there Noelle!
Wow, what a cliffhanger! I am not too surprised with it coming from you, as well. I wonder how Akia is going to react to having her brother back there with her all of a sudden again, and if it's for the best with all these memories bobbing around as well. That coughing case you gave us there was also quite a scare; you had me believing Akia could've gone just then and no one was going to come in there to try and save her! As well as that, I would like to mention that I enjoyed the entire part to this chapter. I like this more vulnerable side of Akia that we have been able to see. It makes me feel like I can relate to her character all the more.
Here you continue by listing all the people and things Akia had lost in her life. I felt like the perfect way to make that paragraph sad and sweet would be to add something like 'and now she was losing herself,' I know, how cruel to the readers emotions! It may be cruelty but it's things like that which attract the reader most and keeps them reading
I think you mean any of her directions.
I was surprised Phillip didn't find that iffy or strange at all. I mean, listen to himself! Someone shows up out of nowhere and is seemingly very good at magic and whoever did train him did a good job. But no, let's put him on an important team and not question him about his past whatsoever. Yep. It sounded a little bit odd to have someone like Phillip who is supposed to be smart, breeze through that problem like nothing was wrong. I believed he would at least pick up on something. This could be an idea for when you're editing this chapter.
This was the second time you use 'just' in this chapter. The thing about the word 'just' is that it is an unnecessary word. It doesn't add or really take away anything from the readers perspective at all, which is why author;s try and keep it's worth to a bare minimum. Just try and cut down the amount of times you use it, so it doesn't become embarrassing or boring.
The 'that' in this sentence should be change to a 'when.'
All in all, this was a perfect chapter. As always, there really wasn't that much for me to say and I was really nitpicking to be able to find something wrong with it. Keep posting such brilliant pieces! I am going to have to go and catch up...
Deanie x
Hey Noelle! Just came across thos in the green room and thought I'd give it a try. I mist admit that I haven't read the chapters before and i pretty much have no idea about what's going on. But, I'll still try to do this chapter r of yours some justice. I'm not gonna give you a bunch of nitpicks. I don't think I even found nitpicks. Even for such a short chapter everything happened so smoothely. Guess I shouldn't be trying so hard cause I haven't read the previous chapters. I really don't know what else to say. The ending was such a cliffhanger though. Who knows, I may dwcude ti give your story a try just because of your cliffy!
With best regards. Confused.
This review is brought to you by Avada Kedavra.
Hey Noelle! Knight r4 here to administer a review for review day! I certainly hope that this helps you! I cannot wait to see what happens next! Well, I better get reviewing!
Erm, I don't believe I know where this is. I suppose you mentioned it toward the beginning of the book when I wans't following it?[qupte]He’s super mysterious and we always get in arguments.[/quote] This is just my opinion, but it seems you have done a very good job of making Zeke mysterious, yet the readers don't exactly know that you are trying to do that all the time!
[qupte]“Well you’re gonna have to,” Phillip said definitely.[/quote] I may be wrong about this since I don't know him well, but don't you think that Philip would use more... professional vocabulary, especially when they are planning?
I thinks this part needs a little revising. It seems as if you lapsed into a bit of telling. I would be careful of doing that when you have all of Thes memories.
Really?! Another cliff hanger... I will make you pay for all these cliff hangers! I mean for goodness sake! *sighs* It looks as if you have moved the story along. All I can say is, "out of the frying pan and into the fire"!
Overall, despite the cliff hanger, this was a good chapter! At least the plot engines are getting fired up again!
Her brother is back!! Maybe now the memories about him will come into play?? Please post more soon, or I'm gonna die of suspense! I still don't understand while Akia doesn't trust Zeke. I don't either, but there just doesn't seem to be a reason not to. It's just a feeling, I guess. Maybe it is with her, too:) You would know!
This is not a review, because again, it's too perfect to review! 