They were heading toward the fortress at the top of a hill, a steep incline that she wasn’t looking forward to climbing. The rocks and boulders made for a natural path to the top, but it would require a majority of her energy. She wasn’t ready for it.
In the end, Akia decided to let the Warriors do most of the work. She closed her eyes and let her body fall limp. The Warrior to her right stumbled, but saved himself before they all fell. He smacked the back of her head and barked, “Walk.” She had no choice but to put her feet on the ground and stand. Her hands were forced behind her back and they held her tight.
There wasn’t much left of the hill to climb. She stumbled up the slope, slipping on the unstable rocks. Her escorts weren’t of any help, nearly dropping her whenever she lost her footing.
When they reached the top, she finally got a good look at the fortress. It was just as she remembered it: grandiose like a castle, yet stone cold and unwelcoming like a prison. There were three main sections, two pushed farther back than the one in the middle, and many more, she knew, that she couldn’t see. There was no artistry to the building; it had been constructed into squares with sharp edges and hard lines. A large wooden door occupied the center while two dark windows stood next to it. There were two windows on the other sections, but they were just as dark and didn’t give away any secrets.
Unlike the last time she was here, there were no Warriors patrolling the grounds. They must’ve all been sent to fight at the caves. That was fine with Akia. She only had to get rid of two Warriors.
They marched her right up to the door. When the Warrior to her right reached out, with his free hand, to open the door, she raised her foot and kicked him in the side. It forced him off guard and he let go of her. Spinning, she twisted her arm out of the grasp of the other Warrior. He glared at her and thrust out his hand toward her throat, but she knocked it out of the way. She pushed him back, sending him to the ground.
A pain shot through her back and she was frozen. The other Warrior had hit her with a spell that paralyzed her. She cursed herself as both of them got up and grabbed her arms again.
“Do we take her straight to Rhys?” the Warrior on her left asked.
The one on her right nodded. “He won’t want us to delay.”
“What about Dorrin?”
“Dorrin isn’t a part of this. Rhys may answer to him, but he has no control over these worlds. He has his own to deal with.”
His own. The words filled Akia’s mind. Dorrin wasn’t from any of the worlds they’d been fighting to save. There was another one out there and he was leading it.
Her body began to unfreeze and she regained movement of her limbs. First it was her fingers, which she wiggled discretely; then it was her legs, which she struggled to keep straight and unmoving; then her head fell forward from the shock of being set free. Despite the movements, the Warriors didn’t notice.
She let them open the door and lead her inside. The second it shut behind them, she lashed out at both Warriors. The one to her right she pushed into the wall, then whirled around to kick the other one in the stomach. With the hallway being so small, both of them bounced off easily and came at her. She ducked and rolled out of the way, back toward the door. They didn’t exactly collide like she’d hoped, and they turned to her quickly.
One, she could no longer tell them apart, flicked his fingers, sending a streak of red in her direction. At the last second, she ducked and the spell tore a hole through the door. It was smoldering, but she didn’t have time to worry about that. Quickly, she pulled a short, black knife from the pocket on her thigh and charged.
Akia swung out with the blade, barely missing the Warrior as he stepped back. The other Warrior grabbed her from behind, apparently unfazed by the weapon. She struggled against his grip, trying to work her way free. She used it to her advantage. Bracing herself against the Warrior's back, she kicked out her legs, connecting with the other Warrior’s chest. He reeled sideways – her kick wasn’t as accurate as she had hoped – and slammed into the wall, shoulder first. He shouted a curse she’d never heard before and gripped his shoulder.
When her feet hit the floor again, she stomped on the Warrior’s foot as hard as she could. He loosened his grip just enough for her to push out of it. She turned and ran back toward the door. When there was nowhere else for her to go, she turned and stared down the Warrior. She grasped at the wall, praying that she could get a hold of it before she ran out of time. When her hand found the nearly invisible doorknob, she timed the Warrior’s steps. She flung the door open as he reached her. The collision made quite a noise and she almost cringed.
Looking in the room, she saw buckets and mops. “What the hell?” she muttered. What did Rhys need with cleaning supplies? Not wasting any more time, she pulled out a bucket and swung it at the Warrior she had sent tumbling into the wall. He was still gripping his shoulder and had no way of stopping the metal smashing into his forehead. He collapsed on the floor and didn’t move.
Akia tried to catch her breath as she dropped the bucket. Both Warriors were on the ground; the one that collided with the door was hugging himself and groaning, while the other was lying motionless. Akia’s heart skipped a beat, a flash of fear shooting through her. Had she killed him? She hadn’t meant to, only tried to keep him back. Slowly, she stepped toward him and reached out for his wrist, placing two fingers on his skin. There was a pulse. She breathed a sigh of relief.
She stalked over to the other Warrior and squatted beside him. “Where is Rhys?”
“I’m not telling you anything,” he sputtered. “Besides, he’ll find you before you ever find him.”
Akia laughed. “Oh, I highly doubt that. You see, I know that man better than anyone. Even if he doesn’t want to be found, I will find him. Just make my job a little easier. Will it help if I say please?”
The Warrior shook his head and rolled over so he was staring at the wall. He continued to groan in pain, cursing her all the while. She wanted to try and get more information out of him, but it seemed pointless. If all he was going to do was roll around moaning, she wasn’t going to stay for that. Against the opposite wall, the other Warrior started to stir. He gargled something unrecognizable and tried to push himself up.
Akia took off deeper into the fortress without a look back.
A/N: Would it be easier to give these Warriors names? Let me know if the scene was too confusing to follow. I haven't decided if any of the Warriors would actually have names or not. If it's too confusing without them I'll have to give 'em some.
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129,067 Literary Works • 671,501 Reviews
Hey Noelle!
It seems like all I am doing lately is reviewing your works, but that is fine for me. I have been meaning to see where this goes. I am pretty intrigued by this chapter because it was not what I expected would be happening next at all. I thought Akia would be led straight to Rhys, but obviously he had other plans. Which makes Falyn's job a lot more difficult when it comes to first finding Akia and then finding Rhys. As well as that, I get the itching feeling that Dorrin and his unknown world is going to be the making of a sequel for this book... for some reason. Because I don't feel like all the mystery that is surrounding him can be solved within the next few chapters that I have until the end of the book! What I liked most about this chapter is probably going to be the description of Rhys's lair. I really liked the impression you created, and I think it is also befitting of his character too.
My main problem with this chapter had to be that it sounded a bit stiff and got a bit boring for me. Basically because it was simply action and action, and Akia trying to escape. I do like my share of action in a book, but if you are going to have action, it needs to be driven with something. Here, I didn't get an impression of Akia's emotions as she is going through the motions at all. What is driving her to fight and not simply give up? Is she desperate to escape and not be forever in the clutches of Rhys without her powers, so the desperation is what drives her? Because in that case you can mention how even though she was panicking inside, she was still trying to focus and be strategic, fighting with accuracy. It would be an emotional touch to the chapter. Or maybe she is just doing it out of her will to fight like all her friends are, or an anger towards Rhys after all he has done to her, or maybe she is just not willing to give up. Plenty of different ideas there! But I just felt like one of them needed to be brought across. Every moment could relate to it then, and that emotional connection builds her character and would probably make this a lot more fun to read.
One thing I am also struggling with here is picturing the Warriors? I mean, I don't know if we ever got a very detailed description of them, and if we did, it can't hurt to remind us forgetful readers like me. Slipping in a bit of description here and there over several chapters wherever and whenever we encounter them is a good way to gradually build a good image without dumping it all on the reader at once. I keep picturing them as not actual people for some reason, and much bigger than Akia which makes it all the more impressive that she is throwing them around. I am not sure if that is the picture you wanted to create though, so maybe you need to work on the description a bit there.
I don't think that it was confusing with the Warrior's not having names. I liked it better that way because I felt like they weren't consistent enough characters to have them be named. And I could still follow it!
Nitpicks
For some reason, having barely missing the Warrior didn't work out well. I felt like it made it seem as if Akia was accidentally swiping with the knife and was glad that she missed the Warrior. It might just be in the wording. Maybe something like 'narrowly missing' or 'just missing' instead. It makes it sound more purposeful that she is swinging.
I think you mean 'it caught him off guard' instead, because that would make more sense in the general terms of things.
Great chapter as always Noelle. I'll be back, mark my words!
Deanie x
Hello again!
I felt like it was perfectly fine without names for the Warriors, as I was able to follow it clearly (the conversation, the fight. It went down well) so leave 'em be. However, this makes me seriously doubt the capabilities to most and all Hund Warriors. One, she's a girl and two, they have magic *facepalm*
Anyway! I'm really wondering what Rhys could possibly use Akia for now? And with the dramatic reveal last part that Falyn wasn't destined to die, I have a feeling I know who was. Still, Falyn still seems pretty useless right about now. As we now know her death is not looming, and perhaps that vision of her leading a charge, I'm starting to wonder why anyone even bothered with her.
And what the heck does Moonstar mean anyway? Is that a Warriors parody?Goodness, you leave me with yet another almost flawless chapter. How dare you? D: But, while thinking long and hard about this, I'm starting to wonder a lot more about Dorrin. Who he is, what he's doing, all that jazz. The problem is he seems so sporadically there. We don't really know him, or much about him, and there's not much time left to tell us those kinds of things.
I'm worrying about your wrap up. Granted, there are three chapters left (at this point for me), but things don't seem to be all in the favor of your characters. How will Falyn and Sam get in here? How will Akia fight? How long has she had that dagger, because if she's had it the whole time, she doesn't use it enough. Just these little things are getting me all on edge.
I guess while I'm commenting on everything running through my mind right now, I'm a little confused about the ages. I realize that Mina, Akia and Sam are all 18, Rhys is 19 and Falyn is 16. Alrighty then, quite the young bunch you got there xD Now, I guess their ages don't show that much (except when Falyn goes all naive on us), so I'm always waiting for someone to stop and really think "Are we letting the fate of our world rest in the hands of a bunch of teenagers?" YA, I guess, but it throws me off a lot thinking about it. However, why is Mina so useless? >.> She knows no fighting magic and she's not that young either.
Anyway, looking back on this journey you've lead us on so far, you've shown us time and time again how great Akia is. What she's had to do and go through to get this far, and we really get a good sense the kind of determination she has here. I mean, she just beat up two grown me who have magic without any.
Before I end my rambling, I did think about reading through the fight scene. For the most part, it was really well done. I loved it to pieces, but I sort of got lost when the door got involved. If she closed the door on a guy's head, how did she get back into the hall without opening the door again? Or was that a different door? Or did she leave? I don't know xD
Anyway, hope you got something out of this. Happy writing,
~Wolfare
I dont know the background of what's going on, why she was captive, who Rhys is and the warriors,but that's just because I haven't read the previous chapters. The scene wasn't confusing at all, it was very good. I think adding names to the warriors would just be confusing and unneccessary so,no, no names needed. I didn't see grammar issues, but then I'm not too good at finding them in works, lol. I was hoping for a bigger fight, more spells and knife throwing and what not. But it's your work your opinion. I imagine there'll be bigger, more exposure fights later in the chapters,which is good, every story needs balance. Too much fighting too often can be distracting and annoying in a story. Good work, I'll read the next one.
AdjiFlex here.
I don't know the background of what is going on, but I wasn't lost either. By the way, no, you don't have to name the warriors. I wasn't confused at all during the whole fight, which I found to be a bit more realistic than I had expected. I expected a fight of a grander scale, with explosive spells and walls tearing down - those are the regular fights in fantasy books - but I suppose there are times when you have those fights as well. A balance is good anyway.
There aren't any grammatical errors to point out here, which is very good. Errors can be pretty distracting, especially where there are a lot of movements to work the imagination. I think the right amount of dialogue was used, and the right amount of description. I look forward to reading previous chapters to get a better understanding of what is happening here.
Keep writing!