Across Worlds - Chapter 32 Part 2

To her surprise, Aidan backed away. “Rhys has my mother. That’s the only reason I agreed to anything. He threatened her. Said he’d kill her if I didn’t do what he wanted.” When he looked up at her this time, there was something different in his eyes. They were soft, sad, vulnerable. No one was that good of an actor.

“Why’d he send you?”

Falyn could almost hear the relief in Aidan’s voice as he responded, “To distract you guys. Rhys is planning an attack. He didn’t say exactly when, but I think it’s going to be tomorrow morning. I was supposed to keep you all from figuring it out.”

“Well you did a damn good job of it.” Falyn snapped. The words seemed to sting Aidan well, exactly what Falyn was going for. If she was going to be able to trust him, she’d have to see his response to her questioning. When faced with their own life choices, no one can hide behind a mask.

Aidan didn’t even have to respond for her to know that he was worth trusting. The look of him alone was enough for her. His eyes were wet with tears and his head hung low. He refused to meet her gaze, something that showed true regret.

Suddenly, Falyn felt guilty for ever doubting him. How could she have thought that Akia’s own brother would betray her? Their family was already damaged, with Kit being murdered those years ago and their mother in captivity. Aidan wouldn’t do anything else to make it worse. What would he gain from that?

“Look,” he started. “If you need further proof, just stay with me during the fight.”

“The fight? What fight?”
“With Rhys,” he responded, as if it were the most obvious answer. “Remember, the one I was supposed to keep you from figuring out? I’m going to fight alongside you and the others.”

“But what about your mother?” Falyn asked. Frida was the only missing piece. Rhys had threatened to kill Aidan’s mother. Surely that would play a heavy role in his decision making.

He took a deep breath and motioned to the far end of the basement. “Can we sit again, please? Standing is making me nauseous.” Falyn could do nothing but agree. Aidan wouldn’t give her any more answers otherwise.

The second they sat down, Aidan continued. “I talked to my mother before I left. Many times. I was able to sneak away from Rhys while he thought I was out doing something else. It’s not that hard to find where Rhys keeps his enemies. They’re all in tiny cells in the basement.

“I didn’t want to leave her, but she insisted. She’s done living. That’s what she told me. You know that disease people get when their magic becomes too much? It bottles up inside of them because they just can’t seem to use it?”

Falyn nodded grimly. “Sam’s sister had that.”

“My mother has reached that point. And she begged me not to save her. Do you know how hard it is to do that?”

“No, I don’t.” Falyn said quietly. But it was a lie. She knew exactly how it felt. With Archie. Sure he didn’t ask her to let him die, but she didn’t exactly fight hard to save him. Leaving behind a family member, even one who turned out not to be family after all, was never easy.

Aidan took a deep breath. Falyn realized that he was trying to conceal his tears from her. She wished she could tell him that he didn’t have to, but she just couldn’t do it. How would she tell a grown man not to be ashamed of crying? It just didn’t seem like something he’d listen to.

She wanted so much to comfort him, to tell him that she had lost a parent too, tell him that they were in the same predicament. The only difference was the Falyn had lost someone fake. Her real parents were here in Lightport. But they didn’t seem to care about her either, really. They had let her stay behind. Why hadn’t they begged her to come along?

If they loved you half as much as Archie did, they would’ve made you come. She shook the thought from her mind. Why was she doing this to herself? Archie never really loved her. He was only posing, taking on the role of a parent until things could go back to normal. Whatever normal was.

She had finally come to terms with the fact that Archie wasn’t her real father. She couldn’t believe it took her this long to realize it. He hadn’t been as good of a father as she had made him out to be in her head. He was barely home, always working, rarely cooked dinner – or any meal – and never bothered to ask when she was coming home. Most kids would think that would be the best situation. But Falyn didn’t think so. She wanted a parent who was going to teach her and take care of her. Not one that was just around when they needed to be.

“Falyn, have you been listening?” Aidan asked.

“What? Oh, no. Sorry.”

“Rhys is going to attack in the morning,” he repeated. “And we’re going to be there waiting for him. You, me, Akia and Sam. If they get back in time that is.”

“Just us? Don’t we need more people than that?”

“Nope. We can overpower Rhys easily.”

“What about Phillip?

“He’s not a fighter. Trust me, if he was there we’d be hurt more than helped.

“Oh.” Falyn wanted to ask what he meant by that, but she didn’t feel like sitting through another story. She also wanted to argue with Aidan, tell him that he was crazy to think that four of them could stop Rhys. But she knew she wouldn’t be able to convince him. He had his mind set; she could see it in his eyes. They were big and desperate. There was no way she was going to change his mind.

She yawned involuntarily and hastily tried to cover it up. Why was she so tired? The sun had fallen below the horizon not too long ago. It wasn’t even close to the time that she normally slept. Yet here she was, sitting on the couch, yawning. She didn’t want to sleep. She wanted more answers.

“Tired?” Aidan asked, a small smile breaking across his lips. She quickly shook her head.

“I’m fine, really. What else can you tell me about Rhys?”

Aidan shook his head. “There’s nothing else. I told you all you need to know.”

“All I need to know, maybe. But I want to know more.”

“There’s nothing more to tell you,” he said, spreading his arms wide. “I’ve told you all I know.”

“Well what have you found out from Rhys?”

“Nothing. Look, I know you don’t believe me, but it’s the truth. I haven’t actually done anything for him except come here. It was a strange deal we had. I was there in case he needed something and he kept my mother safe. We barely spent time together.”

“So how do you know anything?”

“I’m a good eavesdropper,” he admitted with a smile.

Falyn had no response, she was too busy thinking ahead. Now that Aidan had warned her of Rhys’s attack, there was more to think about than ever. Soon Rhys would be there and they would have to be ready for him.

Could she fight? She’d never used her magic on someone else. There were those fights against the Force those few days ago, but she hadn’t done much. She remembered sending one spell at a guard, but it hadn’t hit. What would happen if she had to defend herself? Maybe it would all come natural. Once the adrenaline started pumping things could be different. At least she hoped.

They had to find everyone else eventually. She figured they’d just do that in the morning. Aidan seemed to have it all planned out so she’d leave it to him. As long as they wouldn’t expect much from her, everything would be okay. Se knew that she was special, but the rest of them had so many more years of experience than she did. It was possible that she’d just make things worse before she made them better.

“Let me take you home,” Aidan said, standing. “It’s getting late and we both have to get some sleep. You’ll need all your energy for tomorrow. By the end of tomorrow we’ll get all the powers back.”

All Falyn could do was nod and follow him back up the stairs. She wasn’t about to tell him all of her fears. They would have to wait until she could talk to Mina again.

Mina. It had been forever since the two of them had just sat down and talked. Things had been a huge mess ever since Akia came into their lives. Falyn had been carted away to meet with Phillip and Akia while Mina had been reunited with their parents. They needed to be best friends again. And there was no better time than the present.

As they walked out of the house into the cold air, Falyn imagined what she would say to her newly found family. Maybe she could get them to come together and she could have someone real in her life. As long as they didn’t get torn apart again once Rhys attacked, everything would be fine.

----------------------------

For the LMS contest. Word count: 1,585

Comments & reviews · 6
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User avatar
AdmiralKat
Review

Hello, Noelle! KatyaElefant here for another review! Let's see what we have right here...

I don't get how that disease where the magic becomes too overwhelming and so they can't handle it. Is it because their body is too weak? You need to explain how they get it because it doesn't seem as common as the common cold but it might be contagious. Does a virus effect them? You haven't offered much details on this disease of yours.

One thing that bothering me SO MUCH is the titled. You didn't put the title of the novel and so it's shorter and harder to click on in the side tab. It's just this small little strip in these massive titles. If you could fix that, that would be great!

WOO! You finally had the character finally ask herself what normal was! Normal has been a thing that Falyn has wanted for such a long time and finally, she is asking herself what that sense of normal really is. This is a huge step for this young hero in this novel! Oh my gosh! She is finally thinking reasonably! Not like some tiny, defenseless child that doesn't know what to do! I am very happy with your slow but surely character development on Falyn.

I am really surprised that Falyn would give up her grudge against Mina so quickly. Did she forget that they are in a huge argument right now? Often these arguments between siblings is so big, that it doesn't matter if the world is about to explode, they need to finish their argument right now. So, I don't know if Falyn is being too hopeful or you are setting the characters up for a too speedy recovery because that's where all of this is headed.

Keep calm and keep writing
KatyaElefant

The title name isn't a point of critique xD

UH! Yes it is! It's something that should be consistent in a novel. Imagine reading a book and then all of a sudden you find out that the top isn't labeled! BOOM!

User avatar
SpiritedWolfe
Review

Hey, Noelle!

Everything is never fine. Everything is never ever fine when you have these kinds of endings.

While Aidan has this all planned out, does he realize Falyn can't actually fight? Does he realize that she still needs to be trained? Or is he building off the fact of the matter that she's special and could have some pretty epic powers... If trained correctly. The detail itself is so minuscule, but there's no way she could beat Rhys in this position. So. Aidan better have a pretty damn good plan and not have Falyn do much, otherwise that's crashing and burning.

Another big concern I had was that in the previous chapter, Aidan said he didn't know when the attack was going to be. But then, oh look!, he suddenly knows it will be in the morning. He also seems to know quite a bit for not being told much... Like the fact that Rhys is going to somehow attack Lightport completely alone? Who would he be telling that to? Surely he wouldn't want the chance of being overheard (Rhys) so then how would Aidan overhear this?

Now, I wonder why Aidan fells so ashamed. Yes, it's true that he's left Akia to sort of fend for herself in this time, but he said it himself, he never really did anything for Rhys. He just was kind of there incase Rhys needed anything and he was there to protect his last living parent, his beloved mother.

Another big thing that just came to me is that doesn't Rhys have seer magic too? Can't he have the visions on what's going to happen? If so, I really wonder what he sees. How does he not see some things? It's a little I clear how their magic works and I know the visions are sporadic, but do seers get the same visions? Can they see the same things? And if Rhys has all the seer magic, how does he not just see the outcome of certain things? Like killing Falyn? It doesn't add up with me.

One little nitpick before I end off this review.

You know that disease people get when their magic becomes too much.


While reading through this, I saw that this one sentence just sounded wrong. I guess you forgot a word or something, but it doesn't make much sense. I do see that Aidan's mother is sick and can't so magic anyways, but is he talking about it overwhelming her or her getting sick? Didn't Sam's sister become overwhelmed? The two don't match to that well ;P

Anyways, I really loved this chapter. Aidan's character is so interesting! His story is rather sad and I love him coming back and bouncing up after all this to take this man down. I'm just 100% positive it won't work ^^ Onward! Happy Review Day and Keep on Writing,
~Wolfare~

User avatar
Deanie
Comment

This chapter was simply flawless. I honestly have no feedback excluding this nitpick:

The only difference was the Falyn had lost someone fake


'The' should be that instead.

Otherwise, perfect balance of storyline, dialogue, thoughts and emotions. What more could I want?

Deanie x

User avatar
Holysocks
Review

Hey Noelle!!!

I don't have a review for this part, sadly. you need to make more mistakes so I have something to do! I like how Falyn was so determined to figure out if Aiden was lying or what, to me it kind of shows that a bit of her past, like she's not going to take crap from anyone anymore. Because of what happened with Arthur, you know ( I'm pretty sure his name was Arthur... ).

So just one little thing though. :-P


Falyn nodded grimly. “Sam’s sister had that.”


I don't remember knowing that that's what Sam's sister had.... I mean, we had a hint of that just a few chapters ago, but not much, really. I suppose Falyn might know since she was Sam's friend, but it seems a bit odd that we wouldn't have heard about it until now. I mean, maybe not, but it just seems like Falyn should have mentioned that in her thoughts when thinking about Sam one time, like a "She had been there for him when his sister had been damaged by magic" kind of thing... but that's just what I thought, I'm not sure if that's actually something other people would think about, but anyway. :-P

It’s not that hard to find where Rhys keeps his enemies. They’re all in tiny cells in the basement.


I found this quite humorous for some reason ( poor Noelle, always having to put up with the Sock's odd sense of humour XP ). It put a picture of Rhys hiding his victims in his parents basement or something! Which I found hilarious for some reason! XD

Anyway, good job, and keep it up Noelle!!! You're so CLOSE!!!

-Socks

User avatar
Dracula
Review

Hello and Happy Review Day!! I don't think I've read any other parts of your story so I'll just look for nitpicks, I won't be able to comment on character development and all that stuff.

Aidan didn’t even have to respond for her to know that he was worth trusting. The look of him alone was enough for her. His eyes were wet with tears and his head hung low. He refused to meet her gaze, something that showed true regret.
This part was great. I was wondering why she should trust him, but then you went ahead and did a great job t describing exactly why.

“I didn’t want to leave her, but she insisted. She’s done living. That’s what she told me. You know that disease people get when their magic becomes too much? It bottles up inside of them because they just can’t seem to use it?”
I trust you've explained this in recent chapters, but I'd like to know what happens to them when it's bottled up. Does all the magic stuck inside a person cause them terrible pain? The situation would seem more dire if you explained this.

You’ll need all your energy for tomorrow. By the end of tomorrow we’ll get all the powers back.”
This is just a personal thing, but I don't like it when words are repeated so close together in a paragraph. You've done this with tomorrow. It's just a personal thing though, so don't feel like it's a big problem that you have to fix.

That's all! Well done and keep going with this story!

User avatar
TimmyJake
Review

Timmy heeere! c:

So while I sit here thinking about what I should write in this review, I realize that pointing out comma errors and typos don't help you in the slightest. And I have always pointed them out as though they meant the difference between life and death, while you know exactly what needs editing and what doesn't. So in this review, I will attempt to keep all technical issues out of the review, unless they're glaringly obvious. Let's get started.

The words seemed to sting Aidan well, exactly what Falyn was going for.


So I think you've done an amazing job giving us a very visual side of this chapter. I love how you describe their faces, and their reactions to everything. It keeps the picture of the scene constantly shifting and building as we go along. This part above, though. ^^ I think the part above could use some showing rather than telling - following the pattern of the other parts. Because the whole seemed to sting was very vague, and didn't build a picture at all. Perhaps see what you can do, and make it more visual? So we can see the sting rather than just know she thinks it stung him.

So while I am not going to pull them out so I am not officially mentioning a technical nitpick because I think I can just mention it and have you understand just fine. Adverbs. Yes, this is like my thing of the month. heehee Quite a few of your taglines have the same pattern - said quietly. Or another adverb afterwards. There is always always always a stronger verb which can replace an adverb+verb set. Like, instead of "said quietly", you could use "whispered". Tighter and neater and stronger - all in one. A writing mentor once told me that "The road to hell is paved with adverbs", and while she wasn't implying that you should never use them, she was advising me to use them sparingly.

So something that irks at me while I read is that I don't know when Aidan was working for Rhys, and when he stopped. Like, he seems to know all this stuff about Rhys and the inside of his plan, and yet it also seems like he hasn't been working for Rhys for a while (this reminds me of Selina Beauregard from Percy Jackson a bit). Perhaps a bit more detail on that would be a good idea? Also, knowing why he chose to tell Falyn about this, but not anyone else, would also help. AND wasn't he the one who had something to hide? Wasn't he the one who was telling George that secret? Or was that George telling him the secret? Either way, I have this feeling it has something to do with Rhys and how Aidan was working for him... and now my curiosity isn't going to stop until I find out. heehee

to tell him that she had lost a parent too, tell him that they were in the same predicament. The only difference was the Falyn had lost someone fake.


For a reason I can't quite place, I didn't like this part. When I read through it, the sentences seemed disjointed in thought. And it also seems odd that Falyn would think about Archie so much as a parent and not as he was. Perhaps you could just re-structure the sentence so you wouldn't have to have the fix-character-blunder sentence right after the same predicament part. Perhaps just have something along the lines of: tell him she had been in the same predicament and skip the part about how she lost someone fake. Because it seemed to take away from what was important - Aidan. The focus of the story had been Aidan and his problems, but that paragraph took that aim and brought it on Falyn, re-telling the reader about her fake father issues. Actually, those paragraphs of Falyn's musing read very out of place to me. Almost like you took them from a different part of the book and inserted it there, patching them into place. No no no no, it didn't work for me. It read disjointed, because you switched the focus of the chapter and brought the conversation and character-learning to a screeching halt while Falyn did her musing. While I love those paragraphs and think they were written wonderfully, could there be a better place for them than where you have them now? They just don't seem to work well there. See what the other reviewers say, though. ^.^

Now that I know Aidan's motive and his reason for working with Rhys, I feel more sorry for him than angry and feeling like bashing his head in. He is really just a good guy whose mother got in the wrong place at the wrong time. :/ It seems as though he has found his place and has come to grips with himself and his mother. I wonder if he feels guilt, though. Fighting against Rhys when he knows Rhys will kill his mother for it. If he fights, it tells me that he is one brave guy - even though it will be at the loss of someone dear to him. I think this was more of an introduction to his character - his real person - than anything else we have seen from him in previous installments. In this part, I think I finally met him for really realz. And now I like him. c: And he seems to be telling the truth, and not just being a good liar. Although who knows. With you, no one can ever know. xD I am also very eager to see what Falyn can do. o.o When she was doing the time stops, she was so amazing and fun to see. But I wonder how good she will be at spells and such. She does have a lot of magic, though. Right? Or is it more of just a specialized kind of magic. I think it's a mixture of the two, or so everything point to that answer. :3 I guess I will have to wait until the next chapter to find out about that. dang dang dang. You're mean, but I guess I'll have to keep you around if, you know, I want to find out what happens next. :p
~Darth Timmyjake



A person is more than their experiences, stacked up like stones... Our best moments are the foundations we use to reach for the sky.
— Yumi and the Nightmare Painter by Brandon Sanderson