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The Quest for Fire Book Two ~ To the Ice Kingdom Chapter 4

“They’re huge,” Emerald whispered, gliding closer to Zoltar. Her scales had shifted to a pale yellow zig zagged with lime green.

“Don’t worry. It’s only the male you have look out for and I am going to take care of that. The females simply will run away. You just have to catch one and grab a plate. I am going to do the hard part,” Zoltar smiled, but didn’t taking his eyes off the Highlang. Even a big group like that could disappear into the swamp without a trace at the first sigh of danger.

“So what’s the plan?” Felistia asked from behind Zoltar.

“We'll fly swiftly and silently ahead of them and cut them off. I will distract the alpha male while you guys get the plate.”

“How will we signal you when we are done?” Shiraku asked. The sea talon looked tired from the long flight and her breath was coming out in loud, rasping gasps

“Light up all your scales. My eyes will be able to pick up on the sudden flash of light,” Zoltar replied, flapping his wings harder to pick up the pace.

They were steadily gaining on the Highlang as they sped through the musty yellow air. Trees and mud pools rushed past so that the ground below looked like a blend of smeared greens and browns. Soon they were well ahead of the Highlang.

Pulling in his wings, Zoltar signalled them to swoop into a steep swallow dive towards the earth. The wind pulled at his wings and tail as he plummeted downwards and delight sparked along his scales as he raced towards the ground. Felistia dove past him like an ice blue bullet, shooting a joyous smile at him as she passed. The ground rushed up to meet him and at the last second he thrust out is billowing black wings, gliding slowly down in a spiral the last few feet.

Zoltar softly touched down on a bank of wet dirt next to Felistia, who’d already tucked in her wings so that they folded neatly over her back. Emerald and Shiraku lightly landed behind him. A grin was spread across Emerald’s snout and her breath was coming out in short huffs.

“That was the most fun I have had in years. You shadow talons really know how to fly,” she panted, a look of thrill written all over her face.

“Thanks, but wait until you meet the wind talons, they're the true masters of the air,” Zoltar replied, breathing heavily, “They can perform incredible aerial manoeuvres that normal dragons would completely fail at. I tried once and nearly twisted a wing. ”

Suddenly there was a loud splash not far off. Zoltar held up his paw and everyone went silent. Swivelling his ears back and forth, listening for where the noise had come from, Zoltar scanned the gloomy trees. The only sounds that met his sharp ears was the slow gurgling pops of the bubbles on the swamp around him.

Zoltar knew how dangerous the Highlang could be when they were in a pack. They could take down a dragon with ease if they caught them be surprise. He could hide in the dark shadows, but the others stood out like green trees in a desert.

“Quick,” Zoltar whispered, his eyes darting from the black mud pools to the shadows, “get into the trees and wait for my signal.”

Emerald, Felistia and Shiraku nodded and hurriedly flew up the lower branches of a nearby tree, so that they were semi concealed by the leafy boughs. They only sign that they were there was the occasionally flash of silver or sapphire.

The air was stiflingly hot and muggy and its yellow tint made it visible as it swirled over the swamps like it was a living serpent. Crooked shadows were cast over the uneven ground as the suns dim light flicked down through the canopy. The marsh was strangely quiet apart from the bubbling mud and the sound of Felistia shifting her position on the branch she was on.

Zoltar swore he could see long shapes gliding through the black pools towards him. The Highlang had seen him and were slowly stalking him like a pack of wolves.

Spreading his wings to full height, Zoltar dug his claws into the soft earth and readied evermuscle in his body for the attack he knew was coming.

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Carlito
Review
Carlito wrote a review · Wed Mar 30, 2016 1:40 am

Hello again! Back to the exciting stuff! :D

The females simply will run away.

They swim right? So how could they run away?

“So what’s the plan?” Felistia asked from behind Zoltar.

I'm having a bit of a hard time visualizing all of this. They're in the air, and the highlang are below them. But if they're flying, it wouldn't take long for them to be past the highlang, right? So are they hovering in the air so they can keep the highlang in sight? Are the highlang moving at the same rate they are only below them? Did they pass them over and will then double back to achieve their goal? If they're just hovering, how are the highlang not noticing this and doing something?

Pulling in his wings, Zoltar signalled them to swoop into a steep swallow dive towards the earth.

Wait, why are they moving towards the earth? I thought the highlang were in water. Why do they need to detour onto the land?

“Thanks, but wait until you meet the wind talons, they're the true masters of the air,” Zoltar replied, breathing heavily, “They can perform incredible aerial manoeuvres that normal dragons would completely fail at. I tried once and nearly twisted a wing. ”

I thought this dialogue was a bit awkward. I'm not sure why the wind talons need to be mentioned here and in this much detail.

Zoltar knew how dangerous the Highlang could be when they were in a pack. They could take down a dragon with ease if they caught them be surprise. He could hide in the dark shadows, but the others stood out like green trees in a desert.

Okay so the Highlang are kind of like crocodiles and can attack either in the water or on land? Still not sure why they landed when it seems like they'll have an advantage in the air?

Spreading his wings to full height, Zoltar dug his claws into the soft earth and readied evermuscle in his body for the attack he knew was coming.

Great ending! This is the felisitia I know and love! Glad we're back in the action! :D

Let me know if you have any questions/if anything was confusing, and I'll see you soon! :D

Hello again! I'm back!

'“So what’s the plan,” Felistia asked from behind Zoltar.'
This is a question, so I believe that this line should end in a question mark.

'Felistia dove past him like an ice blue bullet, shooting a joyous smile at his as she passed.'
'His' should probably be replaced with 'him'.

I strangely find myself loving your characters even more! I'm not sure why, but I feel attracted to them as a reader. This is also a somewhat intense chapter, which is wonderful. It feels like your novel is getting better and better as you keep going.
It must be quite a journey for you! Chapter 24 already! (I've read 24 chapters?! What?!)
Speaking of chapters, how many are you planning? Or are you trying to keep it a surprise?

Yet again, very awesome.
-Holographic Ladybug :)

Thanks for the all the reviews. I will fix the problems and the answer to your question is I don't really know. I am just writing and making chapter when it seems right. If I was going to publish the story I would probably split it into multiple books. :D

User avatar
Snazzy
Review
Snazzy wrote a review · Tue Dec 15, 2015 2:34 am

HIYA!!! :D
Way to keep the plot moving along! :D Now that they are back on land (after flying all that way), we can get a little action in! The cliff-hanger at the end is great, and once again, imagery is pretty good! You're getting a lot better with not overpowering your description in your novel! Fantastic job with that! Anyway, time for the review!

Zoltar swore he could see long shapes gliding through the black pools towards him, the Highlang had seen him and were slowly stalking him like a pack of wolves.


I would separate this into two sentences. It has two kind of different ideas in it, so where the comma is just put a period. :)

Other Suggestions:
Your dialogue seems a bit formal... I don't know if it was like this in previous chapters, and I just never caught it, but I can see it now in this. For example:
We will fly swiftly and silently ahead of them and cut them off.

A way to solve this is to talk how you'd talk to a friend (in reason, of course ;) ). Try adding in more contractions, like "We'll fly swiftly and silently ahead..." instead of writing the contractions out. It's not too awfully bad in this chapter, but just a thought, so it doesn't get robotic in the future. :)

Other than those couple of things, and a few minor typos, that is all I could find! This is a nice chapter, and I can tell adventure and action is on its way! :D :D -and I'm ready for some now! I bet other readers can say the same thing! ;) :D Good job, and keep writing!

~Snazz Pizzazz

Thank you for the review so soon. I just posted it a little while ago. :D
I will fix the problems right away.



The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.
— Amelia Earhart