Hello again!
After reading this chapter, now I feel pretty confident in saying Ch. 2 could either be cut or combined with Ch. 1. This is an exciting chapter. The only big note I have for this chapter is I want things to slow down a bit more. There's a lot of telling and explaining and not a lot of showing and feeling. I'll try to break that down a bit more.
A blood curdling roar ripped through the still night air, jerking Zoltar from his sleep.
"from his sleep" could be simplified to "awake". Every word counts in a novel, and usually if there is a more condense way to say something, you should go with the more concise way.
He sensed Felistia and Shriken on either side of him, their muscles tense as rocks. The three dragons’ eye beams ran over the plains, lighting up the dark prairie, but they could see nothing.
The noise woke up Zoltar, but you don't mention the other two. "their muscles tense as rocks" doesn't tell me much either. Maybe that's just how dragons sleep? I have no way of knowing that they're awake before you mention the eyes and then I'm a bit confused because you say there are three sets of eyes but I don't recall anyone other than Zoltar being awake.
Felistia whispered hoarsely, her claws digging into the dirt.
If they can't see anything, how does Zoltar know this? I know you're telling this story in third, but it's limited third meaning that we're still basically seeing things from Zoltar's perspective. If he isn't in the scene or he doesn't see something, we the reader don't see it either. (Like how Harry Potter is told). So how would Zoltar know or see this if it's too dark to see anything in the prairie? (unless he has good night vision and can see but there was nothing to see out there).
“I don’t know,” Zoltar whispered back as he strained to hear anything out in the savanna.
First you called it a prairie and now you're calling it a savanna. Those are very different landscapes.
A slight windhadpicked up, causing the long blades of grass to rustle and murmur eerily in the darkness. The moons’ silver light had been blotted out bythestorm clouds rolling across the sky and in the far distance, thunder rumbled. He could hear Shriken’s heavy breaths next to him as the ice talon's wings shook gently in the breeze.
I took out "had" because it makes the verb "picked" less powerful. It makes it sound like this is something that happened before the present moment, and it's more powerful to have the wind pick up as this is all going on.
I took out "the" because "the" implies something specific. "the storm clouds" makes it sound like there were storm clouds there before that I missed and I should know what storm clouds we're talking about. That's not the case. The clouds are a new thing, so simply saying that storm clouds rolled in is fine.
He didn’t want to alarm the others because it would be even more dangerous if they panicked, but he knew exactly what made those sounds. Those were Fangtars; a breed of snake-like dragons that were more ruthless than even the howler dragons. They could not go back to sleep. If the Fangtars found them asleep, they’d be ripped to shreds. If they were awake and ready for them, they’d stand a chance against the Fangtars sleep gas. They had to stay awake at all costs.
Why did he say he didn't know earlier when he did know? You could make all of this more active and show a lot more instead of telling us about the threat. When Felistia wonders what the noise was, instead of saying he doesn't know, Zoltar could suggest his theory and see what the others think of it. A great opportunity would then be to have at least one of the others not know what a Fangtar is so Zoltar can explain. To keep it from being the same chunk of information, break it up a bit. Zoltar speaks, then show a reaction from the others. He tells them a bit more, another reaction from the others. Show their opinions and their thoughts about what Zoltar is telling them. Do they believe him/agree with him?
From there, I would actively make a plan. So this danger has been identified, what are they going to do about it? Remember where each dragon is coming from and how they're feeling. Instead of Zoltar making a plan and telling them what to do, let it be a collaborative experience. This can compliment what I said in the previous chapter about character development. Show me the characters making decisions and working together. It's a great window into their personalities and that's what makes someone care about a character.
One dragon could suggest they ignore the Fangtars and stay quiet and hope the Fangtars don't notice them or something and then Zoltar could explain why that wouldn't work. And then maybe a dragon could suggest they fly away and find a different place to sleep and the Zoltar explains why that wouldn't work either. But remember it's a conversation and it's collaborative so don't just think about the information you're trying to get across but about reactions and the back and forth between the characters.
Once they've collectively settled on a decision about what they're going to do (stand their ground) show us more of that. You start to go there, but in the last two paragraphs you're telling us what they do rather than showing us. The amount of time that goes by doesn't matter to me, what's exciting to read is a really charged and emotional experience where I'm not sure what's going to happen to the characters and if they're going to come out okay. You don't have to account for all of the time of this stand-off, but dig deep and show us what it's like to be there. Paint me a picture, take me there, and help me experience it right alongside Zoltar and his friends. This has all of the potential to put the reader on the edge of their seat with anticipation and a nice little dose of fear. Give me the goods
See you in the next chapter! Let me know if you have any questions!!
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