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Quest for Fire Book Three ~ Touch the Sky Chapter 3

by felistia


A blood curdling roar ripped through the still night air, jerking Zoltar from his sleep. He sprang to his paws, his tail poised to attack. He sensed Felistia and Shriken on either side of him, their muscles tense as rocks. The three dragons’ eye beams ran over the plains, lighting up the dark prairie, but they could see nothing.

“What do you think it was?” Felistia whispered hoarsely, her claws digging into the dirt.

“I don’t know,” Zoltar whispered back as he strained to hear anything out in the savanna. A slight wind had picked up, causing the long blades of grass to rustle and murmur eerily in the darkness. The moons’ silver light had been blotted out by the storm clouds rolling across the sky and in the far distance, thunder rumbled. He could hear Shriken’s heavy breaths next to him as the ice talon's wings shook gently in the breeze. 

“Do you think we imagined it?” Shriken asked hopefully.

“Maybe,” Zoltar answered unsure. He didn’t want to alarm the others because it would be even more dangerous if they panicked, but he knew exactly what made those sounds. Those were Fangtars; a breed of snake-like dragons that were more ruthless than even the howler dragons. They could not go back to sleep. If the Fangtars found them asleep, they’d be ripped to shreds. If they were awake and ready for them, they’d stand a chance against the Fangtars sleep gas. They had to stay awake at all costs.

“Maybe it was nothing?” Felistia suggested yawning, “We should go back to sleep.”

“No!” Zoltar hissed a bit too quickly and Shriken and Felistia gave him a bunch of skewed looks. “I mean,” Zoltar started slowly, “We can’t go back to sleep. What if it really was something?” Felistia and Shriken exchanged looks of suspicion, but ended up agreeing that it was a better idea to stay awake.

The two ice talons sat on opposite sides of him, each facing a different direction. He could feel their tense muscles slowly relax as a silence stretch over the prairie.

Zoltar sat there in the pitch black with only his keen hearing and limited night vision to tell him where his enemies where. Poor Shriken and Felistia didn’t even have night vision; it was pure blackness to them. Zoltar knew that the Fangtars were out there somewhere, hunting them. It could take hours before they attacked. They’d wait until they succum to the sleep gas and then they’d leap out of the grasses on top of them and it would be all over. They had to stay alert until the light of morning came. The snakes would slink back to their holes then.

“Listen,” Zoltar whispered shakily to the others, “You mustn’t panic okay, but I think we’re being hunted by Fangtars.” He felt the two ice talons wings tense and Shriken whimpered slightly. “If we stay put and hold our ground we’ll be okay. Just don’t fall asleep or fly. That’s what they want you to do. Whatever you do, don’t panic. Just stay put.” Zoltar urged, trying to make his voice as calm as possible.

Suddenly there was a rustle just on his left. He whipped his head around, baring his teeth to show them that he was not going down without a fight. He felt Shriken’s wings flick open, but the ice talon controlled his fear and didn’t take off. Nothing happened. Whatever had been there had crept back into the grasses. They were toying with them. Seeing how long they’d hold out.

Zoltar knew they couldn’t bolt into the sky. That was what the Fangtar wanted. They’d be as easy to pick off up there as wounded pigeons are to a fox. They’d have to wait until the inevitable attack came.

For hours, they stayed alert, waiting for that attack, but nothing came. There were a few mock charges, but the Fangtar always stopped just on the edge of the small circle of clear ground the three dragons where standing. They never came further than that ring of grass. They’d pace around and around that circle, snarling quietly to each other as their red eyes gleamed out from between the blades of grass. They were waiting, waiting for them to drop their concentration for just a few seconds. Waiting for them to weaken as they seeped their sleep gas into the small circle. Waiting for them to panic and take to the sky.

Zoltar could feel his eyes growing heavy with exhaustion. He could feel the lack of sleep wearing on his body. He’d have to sleep sometime and that’s what the Fangtar were waiting for. Felistia’s wings next to him were sagging and Shriken’s head would drop down every now and then before he’d jerk back into awareness. They couldn’t last much longer. If morning didn’t come soon, they’d be in dire trouble.

This is for those of you that would like to see what the Fangtar look like. I don't own any of these images. I got them off the internet. The first if the Fangtar and the second is a size chart.

[spoiler]

[/spoiler]


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Sun Aug 28, 2016 2:53 am
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Carlito wrote a review...



Hello again! :D

After reading this chapter, now I feel pretty confident in saying Ch. 2 could either be cut or combined with Ch. 1. This is an exciting chapter. The only big note I have for this chapter is I want things to slow down a bit more. There's a lot of telling and explaining and not a lot of showing and feeling. I'll try to break that down a bit more.

A blood curdling roar ripped through the still night air, jerking Zoltar from his sleep.

"from his sleep" could be simplified to "awake". Every word counts in a novel, and usually if there is a more condense way to say something, you should go with the more concise way.

He sensed Felistia and Shriken on either side of him, their muscles tense as rocks. The three dragons’ eye beams ran over the plains, lighting up the dark prairie, but they could see nothing.

The noise woke up Zoltar, but you don't mention the other two. "their muscles tense as rocks" doesn't tell me much either. Maybe that's just how dragons sleep? I have no way of knowing that they're awake before you mention the eyes and then I'm a bit confused because you say there are three sets of eyes but I don't recall anyone other than Zoltar being awake.

Felistia whispered hoarsely, her claws digging into the dirt.

If they can't see anything, how does Zoltar know this? I know you're telling this story in third, but it's limited third meaning that we're still basically seeing things from Zoltar's perspective. If he isn't in the scene or he doesn't see something, we the reader don't see it either. (Like how Harry Potter is told). So how would Zoltar know or see this if it's too dark to see anything in the prairie? (unless he has good night vision and can see but there was nothing to see out there).

“I don’t know,” Zoltar whispered back as he strained to hear anything out in the savanna.

First you called it a prairie and now you're calling it a savanna. Those are very different landscapes.

A slight wind had picked up, causing the long blades of grass to rustle and murmur eerily in the darkness. The moons’ silver light had been blotted out by the storm clouds rolling across the sky and in the far distance, thunder rumbled. He could hear Shriken’s heavy breaths next to him as the ice talon's wings shook gently in the breeze.

I took out "had" because it makes the verb "picked" less powerful. It makes it sound like this is something that happened before the present moment, and it's more powerful to have the wind pick up as this is all going on.
I took out "the" because "the" implies something specific. "the storm clouds" makes it sound like there were storm clouds there before that I missed and I should know what storm clouds we're talking about. That's not the case. The clouds are a new thing, so simply saying that storm clouds rolled in is fine.

He didn’t want to alarm the others because it would be even more dangerous if they panicked, but he knew exactly what made those sounds. Those were Fangtars; a breed of snake-like dragons that were more ruthless than even the howler dragons. They could not go back to sleep. If the Fangtars found them asleep, they’d be ripped to shreds. If they were awake and ready for them, they’d stand a chance against the Fangtars sleep gas. They had to stay awake at all costs.

Why did he say he didn't know earlier when he did know? You could make all of this more active and show a lot more instead of telling us about the threat. When Felistia wonders what the noise was, instead of saying he doesn't know, Zoltar could suggest his theory and see what the others think of it. A great opportunity would then be to have at least one of the others not know what a Fangtar is so Zoltar can explain. To keep it from being the same chunk of information, break it up a bit. Zoltar speaks, then show a reaction from the others. He tells them a bit more, another reaction from the others. Show their opinions and their thoughts about what Zoltar is telling them. Do they believe him/agree with him?

From there, I would actively make a plan. So this danger has been identified, what are they going to do about it? Remember where each dragon is coming from and how they're feeling. Instead of Zoltar making a plan and telling them what to do, let it be a collaborative experience. This can compliment what I said in the previous chapter about character development. Show me the characters making decisions and working together. It's a great window into their personalities and that's what makes someone care about a character.

One dragon could suggest they ignore the Fangtars and stay quiet and hope the Fangtars don't notice them or something and then Zoltar could explain why that wouldn't work. And then maybe a dragon could suggest they fly away and find a different place to sleep and the Zoltar explains why that wouldn't work either. But remember it's a conversation and it's collaborative so don't just think about the information you're trying to get across but about reactions and the back and forth between the characters.

Once they've collectively settled on a decision about what they're going to do (stand their ground) show us more of that. You start to go there, but in the last two paragraphs you're telling us what they do rather than showing us. The amount of time that goes by doesn't matter to me, what's exciting to read is a really charged and emotional experience where I'm not sure what's going to happen to the characters and if they're going to come out okay. You don't have to account for all of the time of this stand-off, but dig deep and show us what it's like to be there. Paint me a picture, take me there, and help me experience it right alongside Zoltar and his friends. This has all of the potential to put the reader on the edge of their seat with anticipation and a nice little dose of fear. Give me the goods :)

See you in the next chapter! Let me know if you have any questions!! :D




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Sun Jul 31, 2016 8:29 am
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writerkitty wrote a review...



Meow! I'm here once again!! ^^ I just love reviewing your novel!

This is another awesome chapter. Although it's it shorter than the previous ones, I really enjoyed reading it. I'm sensing that an action packed chapter is coming along! :O The Fangters look menacing! I hope the three dragons could escape without getting injured.

Once again, your dialogue and characters filled this chapter with suspense! Oh wow, their worried thoughts and actions really showed out how scared they were. I like how Zoltar's trying to act calmly to make the others feel less tense. He's a good leader. :)

All I could think was, 'please don't fall asleep guys!' throughout this chapter. You really connected the reader with the story. ^_^


Okay, now to the nitpicks and suggestions,


They’d be as easy to pick off up there as wounded pigeons are to a fox.



I found this sentence a little confusing, especially at the part showed in bold. Maybe it's just my bad ^^



Zoltar sat there in the pitch black with only his keen hearing and limited night vision to tell him where his enemies where.


'where' should be written as 'were'


but the Fangtar always stopped just on the edge of the small circle of clear ground the three dragons [b]where/b] standing.


'where' should be written as 'were'.

That's all for now,
Never ever stop writing and have a super awesome day! :)
writerkitty

Happy Review Day Too!!




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Fri Jul 22, 2016 4:20 pm
SarcasticSpringRoll wrote a review...



ok this story thing you got going on is full on EPIC!!! I love it so much like pizza love it you have a real talent and the pitcher of the snake thing is so cool like I must have shown that to my sister at leas 12 times did you think of that your self case If so then good for you! I mean that is phenomenal I could never think to even put that in a story I mean this is amazing you have A TRUE talent and I LOVED!!! the story, from a 1 to 10 rating I would give you a ten case that is just amazing you have a true talent I love your work and I think I am following you, pretty cool right and once agene your work is WOW! keep up the AMAZING writing!





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