
Blue lightning sliced across the clear night sky, hissing and spitting like a nest of serpents. The planet Pleon’s ghostly figure loomed in the sky above while thousands of comets shot across the heavens. A cruel wind whipped through the forest’s craggy branches. The groans of the trees nearly drowned out the frightened cries of the little dragonet creeping through the Ziptar Woods.
Pendar shivered, tucking his wings in closer in a futile attempt to stay warm. He was exhausted after running aimlessly for hours. He still couldn’t find a way out. He was lost. Why had he wondered off? His parents had warned him about the forest and its dangers; the freak lightning storms on clear nights, a mysterious fog that knocked you unconscious for days and…the dreaded Nightmouth.
A thin finger of ice ran down Pendar’s spines and his teeth began to chatter uncontrollably. No one had ever seen the Nightmouth and lived to tell the tale. Dragons would disappear in the middle of the night, followed by screams and shrieks. In the morning there’d by a trail of blood leading into the Ziptar Woods.
Suddenly there was a brilliant flash of lightning and the howling wind vanished, leaving the forest deathly still. Pendar cringed. Not a sound disturbed the night air. Shivering, the dragonet crept forward through the dark underbrush. He kept his undeveloped wings close to his body and tucked his tail between his legs to prevent making a noise. His eyes darted wildly from shadow to shadow as they seemed to take on a life of their own, twisting and coiling like snakes about to strike.Strange scents bit at his nose, musty and bitter. It was impossible to tell which way they were coming from. Impossible to tell were the danger was.
Just hours earlier he’d been playing in the village with the other dragonets, laughing and playing in the tropical sun. Now he was here, lost in the Ziptar Woods in the dead of night, all because of one stupid dare.
Suddenly a twig snapped a ways behind him. Pendar froze, his eyes wide with fear, but there was nowhere to run. Everywhere, the forest seemed to be moving, warping into strange shapes. Not a blade of warm moonlight filtered through the dense canopy and the air was filled with the distorted calls of the beasts lurking in the darkness. Pendar let out a small whine as he turned a full circle. The forest look the same from all sides; dark and forbidding.
Then, without warning, a pair of gleaming yellow eyes appeared out of the gloom behind him. Pendar’s heart started to thump in his chest as panic surged through his body. He wanted to run, but his legs felt rooted to the ground.
The cold eyes blinked slowly, never lifting their steel gaze as the creature watched its terrified prey. Hissing in satisfaction, it stepped out from the vegetation, sweeping the brush aside with its long tail. Pendar collapsed with a whimper of fear as he felt his legs turn to water. He knew he couldn’t out run this creature in his weakened state. With the body of a black wolf and the wings of a dragon, it would easily catch him before he could so much as taken a step. The beast flashed it’s fangs at him in a sort of cruel smile. It knew he couldn’t escape and was enjoying his fear. Pendar hid his head in his paws, waiting for the killing blow.
He lay there, shaking violently as he waited for death to come, but nothing happened. After a few seconds, Pendar peeked out from between his paws. The creature was still there, staring at him with its glittering gold eyes. It cocked its head and sniffed the air uncertainly. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Pendar tentatively got to his feet. The dragon wolf watched him the whole time as if trying to figure out what he was. Pendar and the creature stood there for a few seconds just staring at each other.
“A-a-are you t-t-the Nightmouth?” Pendar’s teeth chattered uncontrollably. His heart was still hammering away in his chest and his couldn’t get his limbs to stop shaking. He didn’t even know if this thing could talk, let alone tell him the truth.
A low growl rumbled up from the creature’s throat as it hissed with some difficulty, “No. Me not Nightmouth.”
“S-s-so you’re not g-g-going to eat me,” Pendar stammered, his muscles rigid.
A barking laugh burst from the creature’s jaws and Pendar flinched, throwing his paws over his head. After a few more pants of laughter, the creature replied with a hint of amusement, “No. Me not eat you. Little dragon taste like bad fish.” It flashed its fangs at Pendar.
Relief flooded through Pendar, but before his muscles could even begin to relax, the creature spoke again, “Little dragon not safe yet. Nightmouth still out there. Me can hear him. He hungry.”
Pendar instantly was on his paws, looking wildly around him as if the Nightmouth was about to jump out on top of him, but the forest was as dark as ever. Nothing moved in amongst the shadows. Rain was starting to fall and its thin pitter patter on the canopy drowned out the eerie sounds of the forest and all warnings of danger. Pendar sank back on his hunches, wrapping his tail over his paws. Why had he thought he was safe? He was still lost in the depths of the Ziptar Woods with no help and the Nightmouth was still out there. His only hope of survival was this dragon wolf. He knew it was desperate, but what choice did he have? Pendar looked back towards the dragon wolf, who was starting to walk back the way it had come. It looked like the creature wasn’t going to help after all. Pendar had known that it was unlikely.
Just then, the creature paused for a moment as if considering something. Finally it turned to him, fixing its piercing eyes on him, “Little dragon come to Wolfton’s den. Little dragon stay till morning. Then go back.”
“Oh, thank you, thank you,” Pendar leapt to his feet and bounded over to the creature, who cast a slightly annoyed look at him as if regretting its decision a bit. It flicked him lightly over the head with its bushy black tail, before loping back into the forest.
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Hi there @felistia I am here to do a review on your work I hop I help you a bit with this.
lovely description here I think that is really nice lea done I would say that for the beginning this would be my best bit of this.description
Okay I think that your description is really good here, I feel like there is a bit of danger in the air.
Plot
I think the plot that has been done here is very good I can see that you have a plan for this, Pendar I think that this name is a very good won lovely, It could not be better I think. I can see that you thought long and hard to come up with that name I think that it is a grate won.
I feel like some thing deadly is going to come and skier him here for some thing has to give, unless a dragon comes to save him.
I do think that you need to explain what the dare was, and why had he done this dare that some won had put up on him. I like the sens of ten chin here, and the fingers, but I still don't really no what Pendar looks like. I kind of only have a very dim I dear of what he looks like right now. I like Wolfton his very funny I think there is a lovely feeling around this carter of yours. sorry about my spelling by the way. So that is all that I can say. So keep up the grate work.
@EagleFly out to seek and kill
Hey there, Megrim here, cruising through the green room for stuff that looks interesting. I love this! You do a wonderful job with the imagery--there's a real sense of eerie, windy, dark, despair here. I looove how you've described the forest, and more importantly, Pendar's emotional state throughout the story. His fear about the forest, being lost, the sounds, the legends... You've nailed character and setting for this one, and it makes for a great chapter 1.
I also love the newcomer. I was hoping they would be friends, and it looks like that's going to come true! I love love love this wolf-dragon. I don't quite love how he talks, as it seems a bit... tropey. I'm guessing (hoping?) he speaks a slightly different language, and is able to speak enough dragon to communicate, but is a lot more articulate in his native tongue. While I hope the character sticks around for a long time, I'm really hoping we don't have to deal with his clipped speech for long.
There were a few typos here and there, like I think "wondered" instead of "wandered," a "by" where there should have been a "be", and a handful of others. Worth going through with a fine-toothed comb at some point.
One niggle I have is that you have this gorgeous description of a planet and comets in the night sky, but then later say that not even a sliver of moonlight filters through the dense canopy. If that's so, Pender wouldn't have been able to see that stuff in the sky in the beginning. Did he move into a denser part of the forest? Maybe you can toss a sentence in there somewhere to clear this up.
Cheers and happy writing!
Thanks for the review. I'll take on your criticism and apply it to the story.
Heyyy felistia! I'm super excited to be reading this, as the plot and title sound really interesting!
You say that Wolften appeared without warning. I wouldn't except the wolf/dragon to come with a warning, so I think that you should just have him appear with no sound. How does Pendar speak so well, if Wolften does not? Do they have different languages in this world? Identify that:) what is the nightmouth? A dragon just as little Pendar is?

First off, I really liked this! Great character development, plot, and writing style! I really enjoyed reading about cute little Pendar and how he was dared to go into the forest! Poor lil guy
Now I would just like to give some friendly advice to help your story really develop! So I think that it would help the reader if you would identify how old little Pendar is. Is he an older dragonet? Or maybe only a couple months (or years?) Also, I noticed that in your second paragraph you say that pendar "wondered off". This would be "wandered" or otherwise Pendar would be thinking about something
Overall, really nice story! Just got through using spell check to make this perfect! Keep and writing and I will keep reviewing this!
Sheadun
Thanks for the review. I will defiantly go back though and clarify a few things.