z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Quest for Fire Book one ~ Into the Mists Chapter 14

by felistia


A few hours later, Zoltar became aware that the Exltron had stopped thumping around and that still quiet had settled on the forest above. Yawning, Zoltar got up and began walking back up the tunnel. He wings screamed in pain with every step and he was beginning to worry that they were damaged pretty badly. He quickened the pace upwards, wanting to get out of the dreary cave and back into the sun light. Zoltar emerged to the eerie drumming of a wood pecker on the trees outside the cave. Chunks of rock had fallen for the walls and ceiling. The bushes outside where trampled and torn and the whole patch of forest around the cave was broken and smashed to splinters.

Shakily, Zoltar stepped out into the darkening forest. His wings were covered in cuts and his right wing had a small tear in the webbing near the tip. He slowly extended the wing to examine the damage. A sharp bolt of pain shot through his wing and he winced.

‘This is bad,’ Zoltar thought, pressing his wings close to his body. He wasn't going to be able to fly back to the cave like this and it was getting dark. Emerald's warning flashed into his head and he knew he had to find cover fast. There was more than an Exltron out there that would try to attack him and already he could hear the night creature calls slowly echoing through the forest.

Picking up the stone tablet and carefully putting it in his jaws, Zoltar slowly crept out into the open, keeping a careful look out for danger. The small trees around the cave had been reduced to splinters. The ground was churned up and had deep claw marks trailing through the dirt.

Zoltar stole into the trees, his ears straining for the slightest sign of danger. He carefully placed his paws in front of him taking great care not the make a noise. Zoltar cringed every time his wings brushed a shrub or tree trunk. Acute pain shot up his shoulders with every step.

‘Shiraku and Felistia are going to kill me when they find that I’m not home.' Zoltar thought as he hurried through the trees. He just hoped they hadn't gone out looking for him. The last thing he wanted was for them to get caught out at night along with him. This was his problem and he didn't want them dragged into it.

After a little while Zoltar stumbled across some tracks. He paused to sniff them. They were paw prints with claw marks on each toe and they smelled fresh. Zoltar couldn't recognize the tracks though. He knew that they were way too small to be the Exltron's and looked more like the prints of a small forest raptor or forest cat. Zoltar's stomach growled at the thought of prey. He'd not eaten in ages and even though he was hurt, he was sure he could take down a forest cat. He studied the tracks again. They seemed to be going in the same direction as him.

Zoltar padded down the small path following the prints and being careful not to snap any twigs. He didn’t want whoever’d made the tracks to know that he was trailing them. The paw marks lead him past a small pond. Its surface was covered in alga and a foul smell drifted off the green water. There was not a sign of life in or around the pond. A skeleton of a tree hung over the water in such a precarious passion Zoltar wondered how it had not fallen in yet. Insect noises hummed around him as he walked on. After about half an hour Zoltar heard noises up ahead, twigs cracking and a tail swishing along the forest floor.

'That doesn’t sound like the beast at all,' Zoltar thought, gaining courage as he hurrying towards the sounds. The rustling was coming from behind a bush. Zoltar quietly stalked over to the plant. Flexing his talons, Zoltar crouched and with a mighty roar he leapt over it, catapulting into a green ball of scales. It clawed back at him and hissed indignantly, “What are you doing!”

Zoltar flinched in surprise. Prey wasn't supposed to talk. He looked down at the now flash red and orange dragon under his claws and realized it was Emerald.

“What are you doing here?” he asked surprised.

“Searching for food! You big oaf! Get off me!” Emerald shouted in frustration.

“Yes, yes. Uh sorry," Zoltar hurried to get off Emerald and then stood there studying his claws sheepishly.

Taking a deep breath, Emerald got to her feet and let a cool coconut white run down her scales with winding veins of gold. Zoltar glanced up with a hopeful expression written all over his face, not knowing quite how she was going to react.

Emerald gave one look at Zoltar and burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Zoltar asked baffled. He'd just pounced on her. Wasn't she upset with him?

“You!” Emerald snorted in a fit of laughs, “Your face was hilarious when you realized it was me. You were so big and scary when you came out of that bush and then you got such a fright when I shouted at you.”

“I guess it was funny,” Zoltar admitted scratching behind his head were Emerald had scrapped him with her claws, “I was expecting some sort of forest beast,”

“Well you’ve got one,” Emerald joked bating his wing with her snout.

“Ow!” Zoltar shouted, jumped back, “Don’t touch my wings,” Zoltar hissed, gritting his teeth as pain surged up his wing and down his back.

“What did you do to hurt them like this?” Emerald asked gently touching his wing.

“It’s a long story,” Zoltar said, sitting down.

“I don’t suppose you can fly with these can you? I mean if you weren’t already a black and blue color your wings would probably look like you'd spilled blue berries all-over them. You’re lucky you don’t have any broken bones.”

“Yes I know. Are there others out here?” Zoltar asked, peering into the forest. The last thing he needed was a bunch of strange wisp talons appearing out of nowhere and giving him another fright.

“No. I am alone. Heavens alive you gave me a fright,” Emerald said sarcastically.

“I said I was sorry,” Zoltar moaned shifting on his paws.

“Aw it’s alright. You didn’t know it was me. Now how are we going to get you back before sunset? You must have a cave or tree that you sleep in?” Emerald probed, gently stretching Zoltar’s wings out. She examined the scratches on the webbing. They were deep and would leave scars. One in particular caught her eye. It was a rip on the bottom of his right wing tip.

Zoltar didn't knew whether or not he should tell Emerald where he lived, after all she was a strange dragon that he hardly knew. After a few seconds thought, he dropped the suspicion. She seemed like a really nice dragon and he really liked her. He was sure there was no reason to be suspicious of her, after all she wasn't a shadow talon. Still... he wasn't going to let on too much, "I live on the far west side of the island in a cave."

“That's a nice side of the island. I sometimes fly down there to sit by the lake, but it's quite a long way away. You’re going to have trouble flying all the way down there with these cuts in your wing. In the meantime I think we're going to have to take you to the wisp talon village for the night."


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Sun Jun 26, 2016 10:28 pm
RippleGylf wrote a review...



Hello, Ripple again. Let's do this.

Picking up the stone tablet and carefully putting it in his jaws, Zoltar slowly crept out into the open, keeping a careful look out for danger. The small trees around the cave had been reduced to splinters. The ground was churned up and had deep claw marks trailing through the dirt.

The beginning feels spot-on... Aside from this paragraph. It's mostly due to the two sentences both beginning with "the". It interrupts the flow.
A skeleton of a tree hung over the water in such a precarious passion Zoltar wondered how it had not fallen in yet.

I really like this image of the skeletal tree, warning onlookers that this is not a pond that you want to mess with.
Emerald gave one look at Zoltar and burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Zoltar asked baffled. He'd just pounced on her. Wasn't she upset with him?

“You!” Emerald snorted in a fit of laughs, “Your face was hilarious when you realized it was me. You were so big and scary when you came out of that bush and then you got such a fright when I shouted at you.”

My ship.
It still hasn't sunk.
How is this possible?
I really like this moment. I find it nice to have those occasional moments of levity. It makes the work overall more enjoyable. :D
“I don’t suppose you can fly with these can you? I mean if you weren’t already a black and blue color your wings would probably look like you'd spilled blue berries all-over them. You’re lucky you don’t have any broken bones.”

So... Dragon blood in this world is blue? Interesting. I don't think "color" is really necessary. Just saying "if you weren't already back and blue" would have an equivalent effect.
He was sure there was no reason to be suspicious of her, after all she wasn't a shadow talon.

Is he stereotyping his own tribe? When he was upset with Shiraku for doing the same? Also, saying "no reason to be suspicious" only increases my suspicions.
“That's a nice side of the island. I sometimes fly down there to sit by the lake, but it's quite a long way away. You’re going to have trouble flying all the way down there with these cuts in your wing. In the meantime I think we're going to have to take you to the wisp talon village for the night."

While I'm curious to see what the wisp talon village is like, this just seems like a lackluster way to end the chapter.

I really enjoyed reading this specific chapter, and not having my ship blow up. ;) Keep writing!




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Sun Jun 26, 2016 4:58 pm
Sujana wrote a review...



Oooh, we're going to the wisp talon village. I'm pretty sure Shiraku is going to kill him when he gets back, but we're going on an adveeenttuuuuuuuuurrreee!

Anyway. I don't have much to talk about in this chapter, unlike the last chapter, as everything seems to be in order so far. So I'll settle with the highlights for now, and then I'll praise the crap out of this, okay?

Its surface was covered in alga and a foul smell drifted off the green water.


I don't know if alga is the plural for algae, but I'm pretty sure that should be algae there.

Zoltar thought, gaining courage as he hurrying towards the sounds.


Hurried, not hurrying.

Okay, now that we have that out of the way, let's talk about what I like about this work so far.

a) I really like how Zoltar's being developed so far. It didn't show at first, but now that the story is slowly closing it's becoming progressively clear that Zoltar is still sort of a kid at heart, no matter how smart he is. He's very clumsy and tries his best, but even though he tries his best it doesn't work out sometimes, and that's fine. He's probably what I'd call the ideal relatable character. I'm sick and tired of people mistaking 'relatable character' with 'has no personality', because that's what usually happens nowadays. So to see a character whose genuinely afraid of what's happening, but can also be lighthearted at times is great.

b) I don't know where you're going to take the shadow-talons-are-huge-jerks-to-the-other-tribes thing, but so far I actually like it. You know the fire benders from Avatar? Yeah, I've always wanted to see things from the side of a firebender that genuinely feels bad for the rest of the tribes. This work is sort of like that to me, except the firebenders are dragons. Which doesn't make sense, since all dragons should be included in firebending as--you know what, just take my logic for now, okay? I'm not making much sense here.

Anyhow, great job again. I'm afraid I might need to start nitpicking in the next few chapters since I'm having a hard time pointing out notable mistakes.

Signing out,

--EM.





This is a house of homes, a sacred place, by human passion made divinely sweet.
— Alfred Joyce Kilmer