For hours the three dragons flew, the ground below a blur as their shadows danced over the rocky land. The far off mountains slowly advanced like marching giants. It would take them at least two days to reach the Wind Talon Kingdom. Two days to think of a plan to save Emerald and Shriken… if they were still alive.
Zoltar couldn’t figure out what had happened. Why of all dragons had the Wind Talons taken them? They hadn’t been anywhere near the Wind Talons territory’s boundary. He’d specifically left them in a remote area between the two kingdoms. Ice Talons and Wind Talons practically never set paw in that area now, not after the battle of Thunder and Ice. So how had Shiraku and Emerald been caught and why had they been taken? It wasn’t like they’d been doing anything wrong. Something just wasn’t right about this whole situation.
Sighing heavily, Zoltar picked up the pace, beating his wings to the rhythm of his heart. He could hear Shriken and Felistia’s wing flaps just behind him. For the last few hours they’d been talking about the plan to save Shriken and Emerald, but they hadn’t come up with anything of use. They still didn’t know what had happened, so coming up a plan was proving to be hard. They’d probably have to wait until they arrived in the Wind Talon Kingdom. In frustration, Zoltar had flown ahead. He’d needed some alone time.
Slowly, the sun sank down the blanket of robin’s egg blue, casting its golden rays over the swaying grasses below. The plains of butter yellow whispered and rustled in the evening breeze as if murmuring long forgotten secrets. Zebra galloped over the dry grass, their hooves creating clouds of dust as they thudded over the ground. They whinnied in alarm as the dragons flew overhead.
Zoltar’s stomach growled and he remembered that he hadn’t eaten since the day before.He decided that a zebra would do for their supper. Dipping into a steep swallow dive, he plummeted towards the panicked herd, the wind whipping at his wings. He splayed his front talons and snatched up a zebra midswoop. With a quick squeeze of his claws, he killed the horse and flew back to join the others with his prize. Felistia shot him a smile as he showed her is catch, while Shriken licked his fangs.
Soon the sun set, showering the plains in the last of its crimson light. The shadows lengthened as the day faded into evening and the first stars started to appear, twinkling in the violet sky. A slight chill bit through the air. The breeze had die down, so now the gloomy grasslands were deathly silent apart from the steady beat of the dragons’ wings.
The zebra was starting to feel rather heavy in Zoltar’s talons and his wings were starting to ache from the long day. They should land and wait till morning to carry on. Felistia and Shriken where showing signs of exhaustion and soon they wouldn’t be able to fly for lack of light.
“Felistia?” Zoltar called over the sound of their wing flaps, “Do you want to land for the night?”
A relived look came over Felistia’s snout and she nodded enthusiastically. She flicked her wing against Shriken’s to get his attention. The poor ice talon was panting heavily and didn’t even need Felistia’s indication to land. He simply tucked his wings and dove towards the ground looking rather like a rock. Zoltar was almost worried that he wouldn’t open his wings in time to stop his free fall, but at the last second Shriken whipped out his wings and landed with a hard thump. Felistia was close behind him, her eyes darting this way and that way as she tried to see in the dim light of the two moons. She landed next to Shriken and immediately dropped to the ground, her sides heaving.
Tilting his wings to circle in an arch around the pair, Zoltar slowly landed a graceful spiral. The dry grass rustled gently as his claws touched down. His muscles sighed in relief as he let go of the zebra and stretched his soar wings.
Darkness had consumed the land by now and the Wind Talon Mountains where a dark silhouette on the far off horizon. The two full moon's iridescent glow spread like liquid silver over the plains. A canvas sky of the purest black speckled with gleaming stars. Streaks of glittering violet and dabs of cosmos blue shimmered amidst the swirling colours. Hints of emerald and autumn orange dappled through the whirling galaxies of stars.
Zoltar breathed a content sigh as he dragged the zebra over the Felistia and Shriken. Tonight he’d have good sleep under the blanket of stars. It was far better than a freezing cold cell in the middle of the ice kingdom. But like an angry beast, came the gnawing worry for Shiraku and Emerald. Where they okay? Where they even still alive? Zoltar clamped down on his anxiety and tried to calm his whirling mind. It wouldn’t do for him to not get a good night’s sleep. He needed energy to complete the journey ahead.
“You guys okay?” Zoltar asked as he laid the zebra before Felistia and Shriken. They were still lying on the ground panting.
“Yah…we’re…fine,” Felistia replied through gasps of air, “It’s…just this…weather. Makes flying…long distances…rather hot.” Shriken nodded in agreement.
“Here. I thought this might help,” Zoltar pointed a talon at his catch. Felistia smiled warmly at him and proceeded to eat.
“Thanks,” Shriken said wearily, sinking his teeth into the zebra.
“No problem,” Zoltar said, joining them.
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Canary word: Present
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Hello hello! Happy review day! I really am going to get all caught up today. Let's get to it!

I think my biggest qualm with this chapter is that the plot isn't really moving forward much. In the last chapter they're flying and trying to figure out what happened to their friends and what they're going to do, and that's essentially all that's happening in this chapter too only with less introspection and more description about what they're doing. I think you're trying to make the time pass because you mentioned that it's going to take them three days to get to the wind talons. That's fine, but I think you have a couple of options about how to pass that time.
1. Cut this chapter or combine it with the previous chapter so you have one chapter of them traveling and trying to figure out what to do and then they reach their destination and the plot gets going again. What you gain with this is simplicity and the plot moving at a quicker pace. The traveling is really not that exciting and I want to get to the good stuff. Remember that you don't have to show every moment as long as you explain that they've been traveling for several days. If nothing new is going to happen on the journey, I don't need to see the whole thing.
2. Make the journey more interesting. This could become a place to do something with a subplot or deepen the relationship with the dragons. You do a great job of describing and creating lots of action and suspense, but I think one of your weaknesses is building your characters and making the reader really care about them. I would love more interaction with the dragons to show each of their personalities and everything. The conversation should move the plot forward in some way, but it doesn't necessarily have to move the main plot forward. The conversation could build a subplot and not have anything to do with their greater mission or their new mission of helping their friends. So this travel time (when they can't do anything else about either of their other big goals) some of the other conflicts or internal conflicts could get some air time as well. If you don't have any subplots in mind that you think could be developed more here, that's fine, but you might want to go with option 1.
Overall, like I've said in previous chapters, you describe well and you do a nice job of turning a phrase. Your writing is clean and it's easy to read your chapters. The shortness is growing on me because it keeps me wanting to read on. Just make sure that every single chapter has a clear purpose and is moving the plot forward in some way. One way to test if that's the case is to take the chapter out and then read the story. If the story still works and if things still make sense without that chapter (even if you have to add a few clarifying details to the chapter before or after) then you definitely don't need that chapter or that scene.
Let me know if you have any questions, and I'll see you in the next chapter!
Hello again Felistia! I'm here to leave another review!

Let's get to it right away,
Wow, flying like that for hours straight must be pretty exhausting for the three dragons, especially for Shriken.
I like how your novel is advancing, it isn't moving too fast or too slow, it had just the right pace. ^_^
Like always, your descriptions are amazing! It wasn't hard to picture the amazing scenery as Zoltar and the dragons soar over the mountains and sea etc. Good job!
I just hope they'd find Emerald and Shiraku soon. Also, I can't wait to discover what lies ahead of them! :O This novel is just getting more and more interesting!
I come across a few small nitpicks, I noted them below.
I think you're talking about Shiraku here, not Shriken. ^^ I get confused with my characters when they have similar names too.
I think something's missing in the first part of the sentence, or maybe it's just my bad.
It should be 'wings' because you're talking about two pairs of wings.
Zebra' should be plural because you're talking about a heard of them.
I think 'is' should be written as 'his' ^^
In both of these sentences you've written 'where' instead of 'were' this is just a small typo. Also, 'relived' should be written as 'relieved'
'sore' should be written as 'sore' and I think the comma after 'beast' isn't necessary.
Well that's all I have to say,
I hope you continue writing this amazing novel!
Never stop writing and have an awesome day!
writerkitty!
this is really good I like what you got going on here P.S Smaug is a dragon to. And I followed you, and I think your following me but I am not to shore but any way, this is a pretty good story you've got going on here P.S Shriken is pretty cool but my favorite is probably Zoltar. Oh and you should cheek out my sister cupcakes for real men and her awesome story the cave! you will find her on my profile but once agene I LOVE!!!! your story keep up the great writing!
