z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Quest for Fire Book Two~Frozen Past Chapter 16

by felistia


Soon the small group were on the outskirts of the ice kingdom where only the lowest ice talons lived. The deep ravine in which they’d been flying in had started to become shallower as they neared the kingdom’s borders. The once yawning black abyss below them was no longer there and the ground was visible only a few meters down. The gap was getting narrower by the second. They’d have to break cover soon.

Shriken was still leading them through the twisting fissures and Felistia was close behind him. They hadn’t spoken for a few hours now and the air was deathly quiet apart from the soft beating of their wings. Zoltar’s wings where starting to brush the frozen blue walls of the crevasse and he knew that any moment now they’d have fly out before it became too narrow for them.

Sure enough a few seconds later, Shriken made a sharp turn towards the sky, sprinting towards the swirling clouds overhead. Almost instantly Felistia made the vertical ascent, her moon silver wings beating in long arcs as she climbed. Tilting his wings, Zoltar followed as the arctic wind howled, snatching at his wings and tail.

The ground was soon dizzyingly far below them and Zoltar quickly scanned the landscape for any sign of soldiers. There was not a house for miles and only the pristine slopes of sparkling snow could be seen. Zoltar realized that he couldn’t see any more canyons for as far as the eye could see, apart from the one they’d just come out of. Shriken definitely knew what he was doing alright.

He took one last look around at the perfect white landscape before entering the boiling grey clouds alongside Felistia. That was it. They’d escaped. Zoltar breathed a huge sigh of relief and found that he’d been holding his breath for the last few minutes. He sucked in another lungful of air, enjoying the needle like sensation it gave him as it ran down his back. They were free. Free to swoop and soar through the air once more. Shriken had streaked ahead and was flying quite a way ahead of them, but Felistia had chosen to stay by his side.

Zoltar reached into his pouch and pulled out the glittering silver diamond. He turned it over in his paws, studying it from all angles. He couldn’t figure out where that strange milky glow was coming from. It seemed the whole diamond was pulsing with a star white light. It certainly was a beauty. The queen must have adored it and would want it back, but there was no way she’d be able to track them once they’d disappeared into the depths of Megalonia.

Zoltar gently put it back in his pouch. He wasn’t really worried about Shiler anymore. He was more worried about Emerald and Shiraku. What had they been getting up to while he and Felistia had been away? Had anything happened to them? What if something had attacked them while he’d been gone? Zoltar swallowed the lump building in his throat and picked up the pace. He wanted to get back as soon as possible.

After another hour or two of flying through the thick cloud cover, Felistia dropped back beside him. She had a guilt look of her face and was accidentally missing a wing beat every now and then. Finely she seemed to sum up the courage to talk to Zoltar.

“Look, I know what you’re probably thinking,” she sighed, “Why didn’t I tell you about the plan between me and my brother? Well the thing is, I thought you wouldn’t trust another ice talon…even if he was my brother.”

There was silence for a few moments as Felistia paused. Her paws were clinched and her eye’s kept darting from him to the swirling vapor around them.

Sighing, Zoltar whispered, “It’s okay.” He was feeling a bit hurt after what she’d said, but there was truth in what Felistia had told him. He had attacked her brother and even after she’d told him that Shriken wasn’t a guard, Zoltar still hadn’t really trusted him. It was only because of the urgency of their situation that he’d agreed to go along with Shriken.

“But it’s not,” Felistia cried, “Not telling you stuff was how we got into this whole mess in the first place.” She went silent again.

“Look Felistia, I’m not going to deny that what you did hurt me, but you had your reasons and look at how it turned out. Without you, we’d probably be dead right now,” Zoltar explained as he soared a little closer, so that his wings lightly brushed hers.

Felistia looked over at him and smiled shyly, “Thanks Zoltar. I’ll try to stop keeping secrets from you.”

“That’d be good,” Zoltar answered softly, then after a short pause he asked, “So why is your brother helping?” Then added jokingly, “I mean, I’m a little confused. We’re running from one of your siblings and being saved by another. I’m going to get mixed up.”

Felistia gave a small giggle and replied, “Well, it’s a bit of a long story. My brother doesn’t like Shiler for the same reason I don’t. Before my sister took the throne, my family was close. Mother was the queen and Father was the leading general in the army. My siblings and I all got on really well. It was what you’d call a perfect family,” Felistia smiled at the thought, but then her face fell as she carried on, “But nothing lasts forever. One day my Father didn’t come back after a battle with the Wind talons. My Mother was heartbroken. For months she steadily got sicker until finally she passed away. According to law the eldest sister had to become queen or the kingdom would fall into chaos. Kori reluctantly took the throne, but Shiler wanted the throne for herself. She didn’t agree with how Kori decided to run the kingdom. So she challenged Kori to a fight to the death… and won. Immediately she started changing things. It was like the power had gone to her head. She sent me to prison and my brother, she forced to join the army and this is why Shriken and I hate my sister. She took what little family we had left and ripped apart.” Felistia’s voice broke and she looked away, her eye’s glazed with tears.

Zoltar longed to wrap her in his wings and comfort her. His family had also fallen to ruin, but then again, it had never really been whole.

“I understand what you’re going through, Felistia,” Zoltar finally said, hoping to cheer her up, “You need to look on the bright side of things. At least your family loved you and you know, you still have Shriken,” Zoltar gestured towards the arctic white ice talon flying in front of them, “You could be worse off. Take me for example. My parents abandoned me when I was a dragonet, I have no brothers or sisters and was raised by an adopting father, who died a few weeks ago,” Zoltar suddenly felt a small pain in his chest. He’d gotten used to the feeling of Scorpus no longer being there, but talking about him seemed to bring back all the sadness and guilt.

“I guess you’re right,” Felistia sighed, “I could look on the bright side. I mean I have a loving brother and a great friend,” she gazed at him with her warm golden eyes and smiled, “and then I guess I have Shiraku as a friend, even though she annoys the living day lights out of me. The wisp talon is also kind of growing on me, I must admit. Yah I guess I do have good things in my life.”

They travelled in silence for a few minutes, the sound of their wings beats echoing in their ears.

Zoltar kept play their escape over and over again in his head. Things just didn’t seem to add up. Why had there not been any guards around the palace? The only guard they’d seen had been the one posted outside their door and he’d been asleep.

Finely after mulling over it for a little while, Zoltar broke the silence, “Felistia?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t you think our escape from Shiler’s palace was a bit easy? I mean, we didn’t run into a single guard other than the one outside our prison and he was asleep. We only heard guards after I set off the alarm,” Zoltar said, still feeling guilty for his rash decision.

“Well, that was kind of the whole plan. Shriken laced the guards’ supper with sleep herbs,” Felistia explained in a matter-a-fact voice, "We planned it on that night when you where asleep, you know after you'd told me your plan."

“Ohhh. Okay that makes sense,” Zoltar muttered to himself. He now realized how much Shriken had actually helped them. If it wasn’t for him, they probably wouldn’t have made it five meters from their cell.

Suddenly Shriken called to them from ahead and gave out a small roar of joy in the process, “Felistia! We made it! We’re out of the ice kingdom. We’re home free!” He did a sweeping loop the loop, causing the diminishing clouds to swirl over his silver wings.

Felistia also gave a whoop of happiness and joined her brother in his aerial acrobatics, spinning and diving in and out of cloud patches, her scales glinting in the morning sunlight.

His heart leaping with delight, Zoltar too did a joyful back flip, feeling the icy wind on his wing tips. They were free. Never again would they have to venture into the ice wastes of the ice kingdom. Soon his fire would spark up and he’d be able to breathe orange flame again. His heart raced with anticipation at the thought. And what off Emerald and Shiraku? Where they okay and how would they react to Shriken’s arrival?


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77 Reviews


Points: 5851
Reviews: 77

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Sun Jun 26, 2016 11:18 pm
FeatherPen wrote a review...



Happy review day,
I have followed your advice and started at chapter one of Frozen past. The changes are great and I love the tension you created and followed through with between Zoltar and Felista. I think that the emotional/friendship side of the story is what is setting it apart from the run of the mill quest/gather objects story.

The biggest issue with this chapter that I picked up on with this chapter is that Felistia’s brother seems to disappear when they start talking. Maybe something like “Shriken pulled ahead until his wing beats faded”

“Zoltar realized that he couldn’t see any more canyons for as far as the eye could see, “
The “as far as the eye could see” is unneeded because you have told us Zoltars eyes can’t see any.

At the end of your chapters you often seem to end with Zoltar asking questions in his head. These read to me very much like a direct address. When I’m reading the chapters separately like instalments I see they mean to make me anticipate the next chapter. However, I found that when I was reading the chapters back to back they jolted at the flow as I started the next.

As always your descriptions are magical.
Can’t wait to keep on reading – FeatherPen




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Sun Jun 26, 2016 10:29 pm
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Carlito wrote a review...



Hello again! :D Going to get right into the good stuff.

They hadn’t spoken in what seemed like hours

Roughly how long have they been flying at this point? What's Zoltar's best estimate?

There was not a house for miles in all directions

I think "in any direction" would sound better.
And as he's looking, how exactly does that work? Is he just floating in mid-air (like treading water) so he can take in these surroundings? Does he really have time to stop and smell the roses so to speak? I would think that even though they escaped, they would want to get as far away as they could in case the ice talons were still on the hunt for them.

but there was no way she’d be able to track them once they’d disappeared into the depths of Megalonia.

Why not?

He wasn’t really worried about Shiler anymore.

This is Felistia's brother right? I think it was spelled differently in the last chapter. And why isn't he worried anymore? What has this guy done that has shown Zoltar he can be trusted or that he's not as much of a threat has he originally wondered?

He was more worried about Emerald and Shiraku. What had they been getting up to while he and Felistia had been away? Had anything happened to them? What if something had attacked them while he’d been gone? Zoltar swallowed the lump building in his throat and picked up the pace. He wanted to get back as soon as possible.

I love that he's thinking about his friends! I'm glad they haven't been forgotten about in the midst of all of this excitement, and it's like what I said in the previous chapter about his character.



After another hour or two of flying through the thick cloud cover,

I don't think you need the ... chapter break here. There's not a big enough difference between what comes before and what comes after to warrant it. I think what comes after is a natural prose transition and that's all you need right there.

She had a guilt look of her face and was accidentally missing a wing beat every now and then. Finely she seemed to sum up the courage to talk to Zoltar.

"She had a guilty look on her face..."
And I think you could cut that second sentence. I think the reader gets a good enough sense of what she's feeling and what might be going through her mind without that line and I think all that line does is set up her dialogue, which you don't need.

“Look, I know what you’re probably thinking,” she sighed, “Why didn’t I tell you about the plan between me and my brother? Well the thing is, I thought you wouldn’t trust another ice talon…even if he was my brother.”

Where is her brother as she's confessing this?

He was feeling a bit hurt after what she’d said,

Why?

I and my siblings all got on really well.

My siblings and I...
And this paragraph about Felistia's family history, I feel like we learned all of that a couple of scenes ago. Most of this didn't feel new to me. Check what all you revealed when we learned about her sister and make sure there is no duplication here.

Zoltar kept play their escape over and over again in his head. Things just didn’t seem to add up. Why had there not been any guards around the palace? The only guard they’d seen had been the one posted outside their door and he’d been asleep.

I was wondering that too... But there seemed to be guards there at the end, right? Someone was in pursuit of them. Who was in pursuit if it wasn't guards?

Finely after mulling over it for half an hour,

Why so long? What does he have to mull over that takes that long? I think you could take this out and go right into him asking her after that paragraph about him wondering about the lack of guards.

It's cool that Felistia and her brother had this whole big plan, but how did they make this plan? When did they have time to think all of this through together?

Overall though, another interesting chapter! Looking forward to seeing the others again! :D Let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing. And if there are any aspects of this story you would like thoughts on that I'm not giving you thoughts on, please let me know and I'll try to help!




Carlito says...


OH BY THE WAY THAT WAS MY 700TH REVIEW! :D :D



felistia says...


Thanks for the review. :D

As for the last question about talking about different aspects of the story, I'd really like to hear your thoughts on how the plot is going? Is it predictable? Is it boring? Things like that. :D
Thanks again. :D




To answer before listening—that is folly and shame.
— Proverbs 18:13