Hello again!
‘I have to get back before they wake up,’ Zoltar thought as he picked up the pace, letting the cold wind slice across his wing tips.
Why? Break this thought down a bit more. Why is getting back before they wake up so important? And what about Felistia? Isn't she already awake?
Zoltar shivered as a new surge of fear rippled over his scales, ‘What if the dream had been a warning and Felistia really was going to betray him?’
Just like I've mentioned before, dig deeper into this thought and feeling. I want to understand his thought processes and worries.
‘Stop it,’ Zoltar scolded, shaking off the uncomfortable feeling, ‘Felistia has risked her neck for you more than once and this is how you repay her? All because of a meaningless dream? Stop being such a shadow talon and trust her more. She isn’t just going to just turn around and stab you in the back. Have some faith that not all dragons are going to hit you when you’re not looking.’
I'm going to start sounding like a broken record I want more of his thoughts. This by itself isn't so bad, but it feels a little out of the blue or a little unexpected and I think it's because I need all of the thoughts leading up to it like we've talked about before. Like the places I thought you could beef up the thoughts regarding this whole situation will make this thought shine more.
Zoltar gently landed next to the sleeping ice talon. She really was beautiful. The way she gleamed white beside his bold onyx black scales. How her jagged crown of spikes caught every blade of light like a cluster of crystals.
This thought process feels like a bit of a jump. We just went from talking himself out of being scared of her to thinking about how beautiful she is. Where did this come from? He's never commented on her beauty before that I've remembered.
Zoltar watched her cautiously while thinking, ‘What had she been dreaming and why had she suddenly lashed out like that? Had she been fighting someone and if so who?’
I think these thoughts could be stronger. Again, I probably sound like a broken record at this point but expand his thought process here.
I thought this was a really intriguing chapter. I love the mirroring you have going with Zoltar's vivid dream followed now by Felistia's vivid dream. I'm sooooo curious to know what Felistia was dreaming about and if it has anything to do with Zoltar's dreams and his fears about what's going to happen when they reach this palace. Very interesting twist here! And very excited to read on! Let me know if you have any questions/if anything was confusing!
Points: 32055
Reviews: 1162
Donate