Hello again!
This chapter was much better for me because the plot moved forward and you show us something that is actually happening. But there are a few places I think you can still show a bit more.
They were getting ready to attack. They knew that their prey was weak. They snapped at each other like wild dogs with the anticipation of the kill to come.
You start three sentences in a row with "they". The first "they" is also a bit ambiguous because in the first two sentences of this paragraph you mention two different groups (the three dragons and the Fangtar), therefore there "they" could be two different groups. I think you could simplify these three sentences into two and change one "they" into something more specific. Maybe like: "The Fangtar knew their prey was weak, and they were getting ready to attack." One other little point - how do the Fangtar know their prey is weak? Remember that your reader doesn't have the same window into the world that you do, and you need to show us everything.
Zoltar’s eyes felt like lead ashisexhaustion clouded his mind.
He had too many dragons relaying on him.
"Relying" not "relaying"
What would happen to Shiraku and Emerald if he died, not to mention Felistia and Shriken?
This thought fell a little flat for me. I liked the previous sentence about him having too many dragons relying on him. I think if you took out this sentence and moved right into "He could not give in" you would achieve the same effect.
If you want him to specifically think about his friends like you get at in this sentence, I think you need to do more and dig deeper in that thought. Start with Shiraku and Emerald. "Shiraku and Emerald [are still trapped somewhere/something about their present situation]. Without him to [help/save/verb about what he's doing for them], they will [stakes/what will happen to them]." See how that shows the full scope of the situation and digs into his fear and what he has at stake? Now he has to figure out way out.
Same for Felistia and Shriken. "And not to mention Felistia and Shriken. If he [didn't make it/gave up/etc] they would [what would happen to them/how would that impact their mission/stakes]."
“We are going to fight them,” Zoltar hissed, his voice laced with venom, “We aren’t going to last till morning and I refuse to going down without a fight.”
A wild light came into Felistia’s eyes, “Let’s do it,” she snarled, a new energy rising in her voice.
She was half asleep and then she immediately sprang into action and agreed to help fight just like that? Is there any discussion about this? Any dissent? Any form of a plan? I think this needs to be slowed down a touch more. I know that time is important right now because they're fading and these Fangtars are getting closer, but do they have any idea about how many they're up against? Felistia and Shriken didn't even know what they were in the previous chapter, how are they expected to know how to fight them now?
Felistia instantly grabbed hold of Shriken’s two back legs while Zoltar grabbed his two front legs. They began beating their wings, pushing against the air as they heaved Shriken into the air.
Now in the last chapter they said it wouldn't be a good idea to take off and fly. Why do they do that now if it wasn't a good idea then? And in the past when they've been injured it's been difficult to fly. This time they're lifting someone up and escaping a horde of angry Fangtars with apparent ease.
I liked the battle scene description. I appreciated that it didn't go on and on and you managed to show us a lot while keeping it concise. I also appreciated that you gave us the "wide view" of what was happening in the first paragraph of the battle, showing generally what was going on with everyone, and then you zoomed in on what Zoltar was specifically doing and what the other two were doing. Good execution there.
I'll see you soon in the next chapter! Let me know if you have any questions!
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