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Quest for Fire Book one ~ Into the Mists Chapter 16

by felistia


Zoltar’s heart was still pounding by the time he reached the wisp talon village. The moon was just rising over the mountains and the stars were out and twinkling. The sounds of the night creatures were all around him as he hauled himself up a ladder carved out of a tree and onto the wooden bridge. The bridge was in good condition and had fruit vines winding around the rope railings. Silver Moon Flowers bloomed on and around the bridge. Their petals glittered in the moon light as Zoltar walked through the dark wisp talon village silent as a ghost. He could hear gentle snoring coming from some of the dangling huts. The houses looked similar to a weaver bird’s nest with a hole in the side for dragons to climb into the hut. Strong twisted vines dangled from the trees and were knitted into the huts vine walls, securing them to the trees branches.

Two wisp talons were sitting on a branch a few feet above the wooden bridge on which Zoltar was standing. Their long snake like necks were stretched towards the full moon and waves of gold and silver were rippling over their scales.

Zoltar flapped his wings, trying to get their attention. He didn’t want to shout and wake the rest of the sleeping wisp talons. That might end badly for him.

When they didn’t respond Zoltar figured that he was camouflaged to well for them to see so he picked up a large twig resting on the bridge and tossed it at the branch next to the mesmerized wisp talons. It bounced off the bough making a hollow sound that could only be heard be the two wisp talons and Zoltar, due to his excellent hearing. The wisp talons blinked their golden eyes and looked around for the source of the sound. Their eyes fell on Zoltar, who was waving at them. Zoltar signaled for them to come down.

The wisp talons landed with a thump making the bridge sway. They were about a head taller than Zoltar and stared down on him. This made Zoltar feel uncomfortable and the red pulsing through the wisp talons scales was not helping.

“Ah…hi,” Zoltar started shifting on his paws nervously. The expressions on the wisp talons remained hard as steel as if waiting for him to give an explanation to why he was there.

“Emerald said that you would let me stay here for the night,” he probed optimistically, glancing up at the wisp talons. To his surprise they were smiling.

“Anything for our sister,” the large of the two said in a deep voice.

“Did she say anything about when she was going to come back to the village? We haven’t seen her in three sun downs,” the other one interjected. He had a hopeful expression on his slender orange snout.

“I’m sure that she’ll be back, Zoolarth,” the largest reasoned.

“I know, Vextar,”

“She said that she’d be back tomorrow morning." Zoltar interjected, hoping the information would help the wisp talons warm towards him. "Emerald never told me that she had brothers.”

As soon as he heard the new, Vextar beamed, ending up looking quite silly in the process, "I'm sure she will. We're probable over reacting. She always comes back."

Zoltar shivered. There was a cold breeze brushing though the forest, rustling through the leaves and swirling over his scales.

“We should get inside,” Vextar said turning and walking down the bridge.

“You can sleep in the guest hut over there,” Zoolarth pointed at a moonlit hut on the left of the bridge. Evening primroses clung to the leafy walls, glowing a sun yellow in the night air.

Zoltar noticed a small pile of fuzzy leaves in the back of the hut. There was a wooden plank running from the bridge to the huts door way and tying the hut to the bridge were long green vines. Zoltar could see that the ropes kept the hut from swaying in the breeze and knocking the plank down.

“Why do you keep the board there?” Zoltar asked, happy to see that he didn’t have fly to get to the hut, but intrigued none the less.

“Because we have a lot of injuries concerning wisp talons. You see we like to climb and we have big wings, so we sometimes scratch them. It’s easier to just put the planks there then fly up with a sore wing,” Zoolarth looked at him and Zoltar saw his eyes land on his wings for a second. Zoltar pulled his wings in closer.

“And in your case, I’d say that you are lucky that we keep the plank there or else you would have to sleep outside or make the painful flight over to the hut,” Zoolarth finished.

“Anyway we wish you a good night. We are on guard duty tonight, so don’t lie there worrying about the night creatures.” Vextar said as he and Zoolarth walked down the bridge and back up the tree they’d been sitting on earlier.

Zoltar looked around the dark hut. There was a bed made of soft leaves and half a hollowed out coconut shell lying next to it, presumably for water. There was a brown poach in the corner in which Zoltar put the stone tablet for safe keeping. There would be time to look at that later. There was a pile of luscious looking fruit in the corner behind his bed. Zoltar’s stomach rumble and he suddenly became aware of how hungry he was.

Zoltar reached out and grasped a ripe watermelon in his paws. Its jade green shell was speckled with amber and black dots and cracked under his claws as he broke it in half. The rich ruby flesh shone in the moons light, its seeds glistening drops of obsidian. Zoltar took a bite out of the fruit. A wave of sweet and tangy flavor swept over his tongue, sparks of sour bounced around his mouth. Fresh nectary juice ran down his throat and into his stomach.

“Oh, I missed these,” Zoltar thought happily as he chewed on the melon. The Shadow Lands had once had water melons and other countless fruits, but all of that had been lost when the volcano had erupted. All plant life had vanished along with the animals the shadow talons preyed upon. The only food left had been small burrowing rodents and the occasional bird. Both were hard to catch and tasted terrible. Not a day had passed without Zoltar longing for a bit of fruit or any sort of plant life for that matter. It was one of the many things he'd struggled with the most when the volcano had erupted.

Zoltar looked at the moon in the star light sky, studying the craters potting its surface. He knew that it was strange, but he kind of missed the way the moon glowed red in the shadow lands and how the sparks from the fires dotting the landscape seemed to dance in its light.

Sighing, Zoltar walked over to his bed and curled up onto the warm fuzzy leaves. It was warm and cosy, soothing his aching bones, but it did nothing to dull the fears swirling through his head. Right now life just seemed so full of worries, a raging fire with no end in sight. Funnily enough the only one that he was thinking about at the moment was the fact that he didn't know where Felistia, Shiraku and Emerald were. Was Felistia and Shiraku out in the forest looking for him and was Emerald alright all by herself out there in the forest? What if the Exltron found any of them? What would happen then? Just thinking about it caused cold fear wrapped its self around Zoltar's chest.

Zoltar knew he'd just met them and shouldn't be worrying about them so much. What he really should have been stressing about was the fact that the future of the whole shadow talon tribe was resting in his paws, but for some reason he didn't care as much for the shadow talons as he newly found friends. With them, he felt wanted or at least didn't feel like they were pushing him away. Deep inside he had feelings for them; warm feelings.

Staring up at the moon, Zoltar sighed. He'd have to wait for tomorrow to see if they were okay. For now, he'd try to get a good night’s sleep.


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Sun Jun 26, 2016 11:32 pm
Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Yams here for a review on Review Day!

I found Zoltar interesting this chapter as I felt like I got to know them better than I did in the other chapters, so that was cool. This time I was a little more interested in the story than the other chapters for some reason, but I did feel like the dialogue was kind of weak or short in this chapter, which was usually one of the highlights in the other chapters. It just felt more like a silent chapter to me for some reason even though there /was/ dialogue.

The description in this chapter was the highlight of this chapter for me, though. I liked the time you took to develop the scenery and world around the main character.

One of my problems with the chapter is that some of the sentences felt like they dragged on for a long while and it just got annoying for me when I was looking for some variation. Some of it just droned on and on when I thought you could've cut some of it out because not all of it was needed and you could've took more time in the chapter to develop the other things.

This was probably my favorite out of the chapters I've reviewed from you and I liked the Wisp Talon characters, so that was cool.

That's all I have to say for now, have a great day.




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Sun Jun 26, 2016 11:23 pm
RippleGylf wrote a review...



Hello, Ripple again! Maybe I'll be able to finish it all before Review Day is over, we'll see.

The bridge was in good condition and had fruit vines winding around the rope railings.

Wasn't it in shoddy condition the last time it was mentioned?
When they didn’t respond Zoltar figured that he was camouflaged to well for them to see so he picked up a large twig resting on the bridge and tossed it at the branch next to the mesmerized wisp talons.
First, "to" should be "too". Not a big deal.
Second, this is definitely a run-on. It needs to be split.
“Did she say anything about when she was going to come back to the village? We haven’t seen her in three sun downs,” the other one interjected. He had a hopeful expression on his slender orange snout.

Does this explain why she didn't come with Zoltar to the village? Is she avoiding it for some reason? I hope there's a good explanation behind this.
You see we like to climb and we have big wings, so we sometimes scratch them.

Once again, this sounds like something I would find in a textbook. Work on writing more natural-sounding dialogue.
There was a bed made of soft leaves and half a hollowed out coconut shell lying next to it, presumably for water. There was a brown poach in the corner in which Zoltar put the stone tablet for safe keeping. There would be time to look at that later. There was a pile of luscious looking fruit in the corner behind his bed.

Try to vary your sentence beginnings. Here, you have four sentences in a row starting with "there". This makes it sound repetitive.
Sighing, Zoltar walked over to his bed and curled up onto the warm fuzzy leaves. It was warm and cosy, soothing his aching bones, but it did nothing to dull the fears swirling through his head. Right now life just seemed so full of worries, a raging fire with no end in sight. Funnily enough the only one that he was thinking about at the moment was the fact that he didn't know where Felistia, Shiraku and Emerald were. Was Felistia and Shiraku out in the forest looking for him and was Emerald alright all by herself out there in the forest? What if the Exltron found any of them? What would happen then? Just thinking about it caused cold fear wrapped its self around Zoltar's chest.

It's good to remind the reader of the other characters here. However, the last sentence here is almost incoherent. It needs a rewrite.

Well, at least I'm less worried about Emerald's fate now. I've gotten really invested in this story, which is always a good sign. Keep writing!




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Sun Jun 26, 2016 5:39 pm
Sujana wrote a review...



I do not like the sound of Emerald not coming back after three sundowns. I mean, I know this is irrational--what could happen within the span of two more chapters? But you know, the fact that she hasn't come back in three sundowns is...well, it's fishy. Then again, Nostraellstar has proven himself less than savvy when it comes to guessing what happens in this book, so what do I know?

Anyway, I do have a problem with this chapter. The Wisp Talons seem really nice and stuff, and that's fine, but here's my question--why haven't any prisoners thought of visiting the place? I mean, they have said that they haven't had a visitor in ages, and it seems like they actually like having visitors, and it's not like they're unaware that prisoners exist, so why haven't they encountered a prisoner or something of the sort? Is it because they're well hidden? Well, I guess that makes sense. It keeps them away from the creature that's trying to kill them, at the very least. I wonder if they'll allow Felistia and Shiraku in.

Now, let's talk about the highlights and finish this little review.

the large of the two said in a deep voice.


Larger or largest, not large. You're comparing him with another dragon, you have to use larger or largest.

As soon as he heard the new, Vextar beamed, ending up looking quite silly in the process


News, not new.

We're probable over reacting.


Probably, not probable.

Anyway (???) we wish you a good night.


Put a comma in there, please.

Was Felistia and Shiraku out in the forest looking for him and was Emerald alright all by herself out there in the forest?


Were, not was. You're talking about two dragons here.

Just thinking about it caused cold fear (???) wrapped its self around Zoltar's chest.


I think this sentence would be better rephrased as "Just thinking about it caused cold fear to wrap itself around Zoltar's chest."

but for some reason he didn't care as much for the shadow talons as he newly found friends.


His, not he.

Great chapter so far. Wooh, we're almost going to finish this. Let's hope for the best, ay?

Signing out,

--EM.





Education is education. We should learn everything and then choose which path to follow. Education is neither Eastern or Western; it is human.
— Malala