z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Quest for Fire Book one ~ Into the Mists Chapter 18

by felistia


Shortly, after a few preparations and a quick bite to eat, Zoltar and Emerald set out for Zoltar's cave. The wind whistled in Zoltar’s ears as he soared over the island’s marigold orange forests. Emerald evergreens were dappled all over the carpet of amber trees like stains in a tapestry. Flocks of wild geese could be seen leaving the island and flying south to lands outside the continent of Megalonia. Zoltar sometimes wondered what else was out there, beyond the horizon.

“I still don’t see why we have to go to your cave?” Emerald whined from behind Zoltar.

“I need to collect a few things,” Zoltar replied, looking over his shoulder at Emerald. He hoped to introduce Emerald to Felistia and Shiraku as well. ‘If Shiraku doesn’t strangle me first for staying out all night. I just hope they're there.' Zoltar worried and picked up the already fast pace.

“Can’t you fly a bit slower? I don’t have those massive wings of yours,” huffed Emerald, going red in the face.

“I’m just enjoying flying again. After spending most of yesterday on the ground it’s nice to be back in the air,” Zoltar did happy loop the loop in the air. Emerald had given him some wonderful herbs that she'd found in the forest and it had made his wings feel good as new. He'd never seen anything like it.

“Yes, but remember that it was me who gave you the medicine that made your wings better and now you’re leaving me behind,” Emerald shouted with a note of annoyance in her voice.

Zoltar slowed down, just enough for Emerald to catch up. His heart was racing with an unknown excitement and everything around him seemed to be vibrating with joy. He was so relieved that Emerald had forgiven him and had actually wanted to come with him on the mission. In front of him pillars of rock towered over the jungle as he neared the coast.

“We’re nearly there,” Zoltar shouted, spotting the cave ahead. If Shiraku and Felistia were inside he'd bring them out to meet Emerald after he explained the reason for him being on the island. If he could, he'd really like it if he could get them to come with him on the quest, but that was a maybe for the moment. He still had to wait for their reactions to his news.

“Finally,” Emerald panted, “I hope you’re not going be so fast when we’re on the quest other whys we are going to have to make a lot of rest stops.”

“Don’t worry I’ll slow down. Wait here, while I go get the things. I'll be out in a little while,” Zoltar explained, swooping in through the vines covering the cave entrance. Zoltar tucked his wings and rolled away from the opening before springing back up. There was a loud thud behind him as dragon scales hit hard rock.

“Hey, that’s not fair,” growled Shiraku, lighting up her scales and filling the cave with turquoise light.

“I told you he wouldn’t fall for it again,” Felistia said from behind Shiraku.

Shiraku snorted irritably.

“How did you know I was coming?” Zoltar asked as he tried to contain his relief at seeing Felistia and Shiraku safe. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his chest.

“I could hear you’re noisy wing beats a mile away and see you through the vines. Have you seen how blatantly your black scales stand out against the sky? You look like a freaking bat flying around the ice talon kingdom. You should really work on your stealth skills during the day and talking about your stealth skills where you last night. Why didn’t you come back last night for thunder bolts sake! You had us up all night worrying about you and then you come in here like nothing happened,” Shiraku roared, catapulting into Zoltar and knocking him to the floor. “You owe me a big apology,” Shiraku hissed, holding Zoltar down with her paw.

“Okay, I’m sorry,” Zoltar laughed. He was so happy that Shiraku and Felistia cared about him though he preferred Felistia’s approach be not pinning him to the floor.

“Get off him Shiraku. I’m sure there was good reason for him to have stayed out,” Felistia walked over the Shiraku and gently pulled her off Zoltar.

“Well he’d better explain it then,” Shiraku said, dramatically adding, “I’m all ears.”

Shiraku and Felistia’s eyes grew wider and wider as Zoltar told them the whole thing, the shadow lands, the Exltron and finally the quest.

“You what!” Shiraku thundered when Zoltar had finished. Felistia quickly grabbed hold of Shiraku’s tail.

“Hey! Let go, I want to bite him, I want to get him!” Felistia held on without a word and Shiraku had settle with glaring at Zoltar.

“Yes, I am afraid I lied to you. I had to, it’s shadow talon rules not let anyone shadow talon plans. Felistia, you must understand the situation I’m in and the sacrifice I have made be telling you this.”

“Yes Zoltar I do understand, but it still hurts to be lied to,” Felistia sighed.

“But it proves that you are my friends,” Zoltar started, but Shiraku glared at him and he sighed, “I understand if you don’t what to be around me anymore.”

“I didn’t say that, I just said that I’m a little wounded,” Felistia said.

“Well I am more than hurt, I’m infuriated. Ooo I really want to bite you right now!” Shiraku roared, pulling at her tail, but Felistia didn’t let go.

“I’m really, really sorry, okay. Make the choice over some dragons I just met and my tribe is hard.”

“SOME DRAGONS!” Shiraku thundered.

“Let me rephrase that,” Zoltar quickly backpedalled.

“SOME DRAGONS!” Shiraku lunged at Zoltar, breaking free of Felistia’s grip.

Zoltar yelp and twisted away from her. Shiraku charged after him, all the while yelling, “I am not some dragon, you squid breathed pin head!!!”

“Shiraku, stop chasing him!!” Felistia yelled, swinging her tail to trip Shiraku, but she leapt over it and carried on running after Zoltar, shouting out threats about ripping his wings off.

“What is going on in here?” Emerald roared, swooping in through the vines and catapulting into Zoltar.

"Oh no," Zoltar cringed, staring at the still and silent Felistia and Shiraku, "here comes more yelling.”

“Who is that?” Shiraku spat, her ocean green eyes trained on Emerald.

“I should say the same thing,” Emerald growled back much to Zoltar’s surprise. “You’ve been terrorizing the wisp talons in my village and I do not appreciate it. What sort of dragon goes around scary other dragons and then stealing the prey they’ve caught? For heaven’s sake Zoltar, you could have told me that you were staying the two dragons that have been rampaging around the forest for the last four months.”

“Sorry,” Zoltar apologized, holding up his paws in protest, “How was I supposed to know that you guys have been getting on each other’s nerves?”

“Because I told you about them the first day we met!” Emerald yelled, waving her wings in exasperation. Rippling rivers of crimson and gold were rolling over her scales with the occasional splotch of pink.

Zoltar remained silent. He remembered now. She’d told him while he was looking for the last shadow talon. He hadn’t been paying attention to her and must have let it slip over his head.

“Well, can’t you guys make up and forget about it?” Zoltar asked after a few seconds. He really wanted to see if he could get Felistia and Shiraku to come with him on the quest. He was sure he had a few good reasons to get them to come with him.

“No!” shouted the combined forces of Emerald, Shiraku and Felistia.

“Okay then,” Zoltar backing away with his eye brows arched in surprise, “you guys work it out then, but hurry up, I don't really want to sit and listen to you lot fighting for ages.”

With a snort of irritation, Emerald turned away for Zoltar and face Felistia and Shiraku, “So I take it he told you his plan.”

“Mmm hhhmm,” Felistia and Shiraku growled, giving Zoltar a quick glare.

“Thought so after all that yelling. Look, I don’t have time to sit here shouting at strange dragons all day. Zoltar has told me I can come with him on his quest and frankly I want to get moving, so can we just set aside the problems that have happened between us and start again?" Emerald offered, shooting a significant you-owe-me-big-time look.

Felistia went silent as look of concentration crossed over her face, her eyes darting this way and that as she thought. Shiraku didn't bother with any thought process and simply roared, "NO! Absolutely not!"

Emerald rolled her eyes and cast a long look at Zoltar as if asking how on earth he had put up with this dragon. Zoltar shrugged and grinned. Shiraku was a pain, but she was nice when you got to know her a bit.

Felistia huffed a sigh and glared at Shiraku intently, "Come on Shiraku. What good does it do to carry on fighting with the wisp talon?"

"I like fighting. Haven't you be around me long enough to know that," Shiraku snapped back, her spines bristling as she hissed at Emerald, who looked as unfazed as a dragon could possible look. Felistia didn't reply to Shiraku's backlash and simply hissed at her in warning, her tail raised threateningly. Shiraku took a quick step back, a look of surprise on her face before growling, "Ok.....fine."

"I'm starting to like you," Emerald commented, offering her paw to Felistia in greeting.

"Just doing what I have too," Felistia replied, "Now Zoltar tell us more about this plan of your and why...umm."

"Emerald," Emerald said quickly.

"Ah okay...thanks. Why is Emerald coming with you?"

"Well. She was kind of the one that wanted to come along. I didn't really have a chose," Zoltar explained, grinning at Emerald, who giggled and shook her head, "You guys can come if you want. There plenty of room."

Felistia's face remand solid as stone, though Zoltar was sure he saw her eyes light up. Shiraku huffed, rolling her eyes.

"Come on. You guys can go back to your own tribes once we leave the island. Think of it as a favor. You can come along with me for the quest if you want, but you don't have too," Zoltar offered. He still really hoped that they'd come, especially Felistia. He was starting too really like her.

"Okay, fine. You have me. Just so long as you promise to let us go our own ways if we want to," Felistia agreed. Shiraku nodded in agreement.

"Sure. Anything you want."

"Then it's settled," Felistia said, shaking paws with Zoltar to confirm his promise, "So when do we leave?"

A\N This is the end of The Quest for Fire Book 1 Into the Mists. If you wish to continue the story please go to my portfolio and go to the folder called quest for fire book 2 frozen past.


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Mon Jun 27, 2016 12:42 pm
RippleGylf wrote a review...



Hello! Ripple here, for the last time in Book 1. Let's review, shall we?

Emerald evergreens were dappled all over the carpet of amber trees like stains in a tapestry.

How do you come up with these beautiful sentences? Tell me your secrets! ;)
“I’m just enjoying flying again. After spending most of yesterday on the ground it’s nice to be back in the air,” Zoltar did happy loop the loop in the air. Emerald had given him some wonderful herbs that she'd found in the forest and it had made his wings feel good as new. He'd never seen anything like it.

“Yes, but remember that it was me who gave you the medicine that made your wings better and now you’re leaving me behind,” Emerald shouted with a note of annoyance in her voice.

Here, you've presented the same information twice. Maybe have Emerald's dialogue before a further description of what happened. For example:

"Yes, but remember that it was me who gave the medicine that made your wings better and now you're leaving me behind," Emerald shouted with a note of annoyance in her voice. Zoltar still didn't know how she had done it. With some wonderful herbs from the forest, his wings felt as good as new.

That flows a bit better, I think.

“Hey! Let go, I want to bite him, I want to get him!” Felistia held on without a word and Shiraku had settle with glaring at Zoltar.

The way you've worded it here makes it seem like it is Felistia who says this, not Shiraku. Try to reword it so that it's more clear that shiraku is the one talking.
"Well. She was kind of the one that wanted to come along. I didn't really have a chose," Zoltar explained, grinning at Emerald, who giggled and shook her head, "You guys can come if you want. There plenty of room."

"chose" should be "choice," I think. "There plenty of room" needs a verb.
"Come on. You guys can go back to your own tribes once we leave the island. Think of it as a favor. You can come along with me for the quest if you want, but you don't have too," Zoltar offered. He still really hoped that they'd come, especially Felistia. He was starting too really like her.

Both "too"s should be "to"s.
"Okay, fine. You have me. Just so long as you promise to let us go our own ways if we want to," Felistia agreed. Shiraku nodded in agreement.

"Sure. Anything you want."

"Then it's settled," Felistia said, shaking paws with Zoltar to confirm his promise, "So when do we leave?"

It just seems very odd that they all agreed so easily. It seems as if they weren't betrayed at all.
I like ending it on that note, though. A suitably satisfying cliffhanger.

I've really enjoyed reviewing this whole thing. Your imagery is fantastic. :D Keep writing!




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Sun Jun 26, 2016 11:49 pm
Virgil wrote a review...



This is Yams here for a review on Review Day!

I liked this ending better than the ending to the other one. It had more stuff happening than the other one and had more action to it. It wrapped itself up better but it also felt like it was paced a little quickly for a final chapter and it felt more like a second to last chapter type of feel to me in my opinion.

I didn't like the caps in the chapter and they felt unneeded but that's a small nitpick.

This ending feels much more developed and it made me more excited to read the next book after this but I think I did read some parts of it. Felstia feels like one of the more well developed characters in this chapter compared to the others and I feel like they shine more than Zoltar or Emerald.

Overall, this chapter was better than the other ending I read though it could use some improvement. There didn't seem to be as much of a shine on the imagery in this chapter and rather I felt like the characters may have been one of the stronger points.

That's all I had to say, have a great day!




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Sun Jun 26, 2016 6:46 pm
Sujana wrote a review...



Not a bad ending. Not a bad ending at all. I mean, I'm glad it didn't rip my heart out or anything, and I'm excited to see how these four get along in the next book, but I'm a bit iffy on how to get there. Usually in these adventure stories the main characters have their reasons in following the protagonists' path, and those motivations are clear to everyone involved. I know Emerald's motivation for following Zoltar, but why are Felistia and Shiraku tagging along? Because they're friends now? That isn't a very strong reason, and it'll definitely cause some conflict.

Another thing I wanted to talk about is your use of ellipsis and !!!. I'd like you to stop using that. I mean, you could tone it down, but I think the more appropriate and professional way of doing things is to stop using them entirely. The ... might be more useful in some situations, but definitely not !!!. If you want to draw the characters screaming at each other, use words and adjectives, not punctuation.

Now, to the highlights.

I hope you’re not going be so fast when we’re on the quest other whys we are going to have to make a lot of rest stops.


Delete the be, please, it's really unnecessary. Also, it's otherwise, not other whys.

I could hear you’re noisy wing beats a mile away and see you through the vines.


Your, not you're.

He was so happy that Shiraku and Felistia cared about him though he preferred Felistia’s approach be not pinning him to the floor.


I think you may have wanted 'by' in there, not be.

Felistia held on without a word and Shiraku had settle with glaring at Zoltar.


Add a to in there, as in 'had to settle with'.

Felistia, you must understand the situation I’m in and the sacrifice I have made be telling you this.


By, not be.

Make the choice over some dragons I just met and my tribe is hard.


I'm confused over how this sentence is phrased, so for the love of flow: "I just chose some random dragons over my own tribe, and you ought to know that my tribe is very strict about this sort of thing."

Zoltar yelp and twisted away from her.


Yelped, not yelp.

What sort of dragon goes around ]scary other dragons and then stealing the prey they’ve caught?


Scaring, not scary. Also, so that's why they're not welcomed to the village. I get it now, great job with that.

Emerald turned away for Zoltar and face Felistia and Shiraku


The first one should be from, and the second one should be faced.

Haven't you be around me long enough to know that,


Been, not be.

I didn't really have a chose,


Choice, not chose.

There (???) plenty of room.


You should probably add an 'is' in there.

Felistia's face remand solid as stone


Remained, not remand (whatever remand is).

This was overall a progressive book. It was really interesting to read, and while I didn't like it from start to finish, I did like it overall. A job well done, Feli.

Signing out (for the last time),

--EM.





Talent is something that comes from within; it has nothing to do with age.
— AURORA