z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Quest for Fire Book one ~ Into the Mists Chapter 13

by felistia


The sea of scowling faces bore down on Zoltar as he walked through the hazy town. Dragons were snarling and growling at him. Hot flames and freezing breath licked his scales as dragons hissed angrily.

“I didn’t do anything,” Zoltar pleaded, covering his face with his wings.

“But you did,” an icy voice snarled. Emerald stepped out of the crowd, her scales were rolling clouds of bright crimson and midnight black.

“I had to. My tribe would have died if they had stayed in the shadow lands,” Zoltar begged, close to tears. He’d had to do it. Shadow talons and wisp talons couldn’t live together. No tribe had ever lived together.

“You’re no better than the shadow talons who drove the sea talons away from the Ocean of Dreams,” Shiraku roared from next to Emerald, her tail lashing from side to side.

“How could you?” Felistia hissed from behind Shiraku, her face was cross and yet sad.

“The wisp talons are now going to die. We needed that island. We can only go for a few weeks without Claifie roots. Now we can’t camouflage from our enemies. We could have shared the island, but being a typical shadow talon you chased us away. I don’t want to ever see your face again,” Emerald swung round and plunged back into the crowd.

“No Emerald, I didn’t mean it,” Zoltar cried.

“Then what did you mean?” Shiraku ask, savagely swiping at Zoltar’s snout. He ducked, but still looked miserable.

“I don’t know. I was just following orders.”

“Well maybe you should stop to think before follow orders. Think about other dragons’ feelings before acting,” Felistia spat as she turned to go with Shiraku.

“No, no. I didn’t mean for this to happen,” Zoltar wept, sinking to his knees.

“Wake up! Wake up,” a worried voice worked through the nightmare, pulling Zoltar out of his misery and back to the cave. “Come on you big lug, wake up. Don’t tell me you’ve died. I haven’t got to tell you I’m sorry for judging you so quickly. I was wrong. You're not like the other shadow talons. Grrr, wake up.”

Zoltar opened his eyes and blinked. He was staring at Shiraku. She was standing next to him, gently shaking him. “I’m alright,” Zoltar murmured, rubbing his head. It felt a bit water logged.

Shiraku stopped shaking him and a fleeting look of relief flashed over her face.

"Don't ever black out on me again, shadow talon," She yelled, but her voice was soft.

“Shiraku, stop barking at him, he just woke up!” Felistia shouted from across the cave.

Zoltar looked around. The cave was pitch black even with his night vision. The wind howled outside and the storm rumbled ominously. Rain smacked against the vines blocking the entrance and Zoltar was sure he could hear hail smashing on rock.

Suddenly a blood curdling scream filled the damp air closely followed by a thundering roar that sent chills running down Zoltar’s spine. Shiraku growled softly beside him.

“What was that,” Zoltar whispered as though whatever was out there would hear him.

“The beast has killed again,” Felistia hissed gravely.

...

Zoltar had trouble sleeping that night as the storm howled like an angry beast, hurling itself against the walls. He kept on thinking about his dream and what it meant. He felt like it hadn't just been a dream, but a warning. Hisster wasn't exactly the friendliest shadow talon he'd met and having to share an island with the wisp talons probably wouldn't settle well with him. He would be more likely to try and kick the wisp talons off the island before living with them and Zoltar didn't want that for the wisp talon; not after he'd met Emerald.

He knew that he couldn't side with the wisp talons though, that would be betraying his tribe. He didn't want to just go along with the shadow talons either. If he did there was a high chance of the wisp talons being kicked off the island or worse; ending up dead. After all they weren't the most vicious of tribes as far as he could see.

The other option was him trying to get Hisster to share the island, but Hisster would have his heart if he so much as mentioned the idea. Zoltar sighed sadly. Life just wasn't clear cut for him.

‘Well maybe I could get the Ruby of Fire and threaten the Hisster to live with the wisp talons. That could work. Yes, I’ll do that. It's about time I stood up to that porpoise in scales,’ Zoltar thought defiantly. It was time for him to start acting like a dragon and grow a spine. He could cower in the corner and just let the shadow talons take over the island or he could do what was right and try to bring a peaceful outcome amongst both tribes. The wisp talons would benefit by having the beast gone and the shadow talons would have a new home. That would be much better than having a war and if he'd helped bring that to being, well let’s just say that he was sure Scorpus would be proud of him if he did.

Sighing with the content that he'd formed a plan, Zoltar tried to get to sleep, but still fear gripped his heart deep inside and sleep wasn't peaceful. Dark cat like creatures haunted his dreams that night and be the time morning peeked over the horizon Zoltar felt like he’d run a marathon.

“Come on sleepy head, time to get up,” Felistia whispered, gentle nudging Zoltar’s wing.

“Five more minutes,” Zoltar yawned sleepily, tucking his head under his wing.

“Come on you have to wake up,” Felistia said firmly as she batted Zoltar again.

“Go away,” Zoltar hissed from under his wing.

“Let me handle this,” Shiraku growled, walking up to Zoltar.

Felistia stepped aside as Shiraku strode up to Zoltar and lifted up his ebony wing. Zoltar squeezed his eyes shut and flopped a paw over his snout.

Shiraku leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “Wake up or I will shout down your ear hole. I’ve heard that shadow talons have very sensitive hearing.”

“Okay you have me! I’ll get up!” Zoltar cried, twisting way from Shiraku. The last thing he needed was a head ache.

“See, I told you I was good at waking dragons up,” Shiraku said smugly.

“In a rather rude way,” Zoltar mumbled to himself as he rubbed his eyes and stretched like a cat.

“Come on guys we need to hunt before we lose to much daylight,” Felistia urged as she plunged out the entrance and into the sun light.

Yawning, Zoltar followed, still feeling very sluggish. Shiraku whizzed past him on the way out and nearly knocked him off his feet.

Rrr, I don’t know whether I prefer her grumpy at me or like this. Either way she's getting on my nerves,” Zoltar grumbled, flying after Shiraku’s departing tail.

The night’s storm looked like it had cleansed the forest. Drops of crystal clear water slid down emerald leaves onto the ground below. All the rich scents of the jungle seemed to have come alive during the night. The sweet notes of the birds sounded brighter and the whole forest just felt more colorful as Zoltar flew over the canopy.

“Keep your eyes open for prey,” Felistia called back to Zoltar. Her golden eyes were trained on the trees below.

“Why don’t we separate? That way we can cover more ground,” Zoltar suggested. He hoped Felistia would say yes. He really needed to look for the tablet the shadow talon soldiers had lost in the forest. Autumn was fading fast and that meant he had little over nine months left to find the ruby. He'd spent enough time on the island and now he needed to move on. He already had a lead on where the tablet was and he was sure that he'd find it near or in the beast's cave.

“Okay, but meet back at the cave before sundown,” Felistia answered, flying off to the south of the island.

“See you at sunset,” Shiraku called, heading in the opposite direction from Felistia.

‘Now to look for that tablet,’ Zoltar thought, soaring off to the east, ‘I will have to brave the beast's cave.' A thin shiver of fear ran down his spine as he remembered the beast's terrifying roars and his fellow shadow talons screams. Zoltar heaved a shuddering breathe. He'd just have to squish down his fear and complete the mission. The shadow talons needed the island and it was up to him to finish the mission to get the Ruby of Fire.

After about an hour or so Zoltar arrive back at the clearing he’d visited two days ago with Emerald. He landed on the wet, soot covered earth. The forest surrounding the clearing was dark as ever. He cautiously crept into the trees, his eyes darting from shadow to shadow. Anything could be lurking in the gloom, watching him with hungry eyes. Fear ran over his scales like a stream of terror, trying to convince him to turn back. Small beads of water dropped down on Zoltar's scales as he walked through the gloomy forest towards the Exltron’s den. The scent of the shadow talons was masked by the new earthy smells erupting from the undergrowth.

Zoltar had to snuffle around in the leaf litter before he could find the trail, but it was there, pulling him towards its source. Soon he was right were Emerald had left him two days ago. The entrance to the cave was like the gaping mouth of a ravenous beast just waiting to swallow him whole.

Zoltar didn't know whether it was his mind playing tricks on him, but he was sure the sulfur smell was stronger than before.

‘Must just be my imagination,’ Zoltar thought, focusing on the inky depths in front of him. He slowly inched forward, taking the out-most care not to make a sound. His eyes and ears strained for the slightest hint of danger.

The cave ended shortly a few meters into the mountainside. The floor was padded with rotting leaves and branches and the smell clouding the air was nearly unbearable. In the far corner, almost hidden in the gloom was a ghostly white shadow talon skeleton.

Zoltar edged closer to the bones. Were his eyes deceiving him or was the shadow talon holding the rock slab?

‘He is,’ Zoltar realized, gently taking the tablet out of the shadow talons claws.

Just then Zoltar’s keen ears pick up the sound of a twig snapping outside. It didn't sound very far away. 'The Exltron must be nearby,' Zoltar realized as he heard a few more branches crack. Biting down on the stone slab he dashed out the cave and into the forest. He raced for the clearing as quickly and quietly as he could.

Suddenly a bone chilling roar fill the air and Zoltar’s gut twisted. The beast had discovered where he’d been and by the sound of it, it was not happy.

Zoltar broke into a run, tearing through the forest. He didn’t care if he made a noise, all he knew was that he needed to get out of there and fast. Twigs cracked under his feet as he hurtled over bushes and fallen branches. Sticks and stones flew out from under his paws as he raced for the clearing.

Zoltar thought he was going to make it. Maybe he’d get out the forest in time, but then he heard a sound that made his blood run cold. The pounding of paws against the undergrowth and the clang of claws hitting stones.

‘Not again,' Zoltar thought, picking up the pace. He wasn’t going to make it in time. The beast would catch up to him before he could reach the clearing. He was going to have to try something else.

Zoltar looked around the woods, desperately looking for a place to escape. He spied a cave carved out of the mountain side. The entrance was so well hidden by thick bushes and dangling creepers that Zoltar nearly ran past it. Only at the last second did he realize it was a cave and swerved towards it. He plunged through the opening, the thorny bushes scraping his scales with spear like points.

Zoltar ducked into the shadows, hoping that his dark scales would hide him from the beasts glowing red eyes. The earth stopped trembling as the Exltron slowed to a stop outside Zoltar’s cave. It snuffled around, trying to pick up the shadow talons scent. The Exltron stopped sniffing after a few seconds and let out a roar of triumph. It charged nose to the ground straight towards where Zoltar was crouching. It rammed its ugly black head through the entrance and stopped short. It was stuck. No matter how it struggled and pawed at the ground, it could not get in.

‘It must be too big to fit through the opening,’ Zoltar thought, but his relief was short lived as the Exltron began throwing itself against the cave in fiery. Cracks scuttled over the ceiling and walls and small rocks began tumbled down from the top of the cave. They whacked against Zoltar’s wings and back, sending spurts of sharp pain shoot over his body as the Exltron angrily hurled its self against the walls. Zoltar looked around wildly for a place to escape the tsunami of rocks falling from the ceiling. The only escape was farther into the cave, down a long twisting tunnel that disappeared into black nothingness. Zoltar wasn't sure he wanted to do into the darkness. Anything could be down that, waiting with clawed fingers and cold dead eyes.

The Exltron thundered another blood curdling roar and Zoltar tossed his fears to the wind. If anything was waiting for him down there it was far safer than waiting for the Exltron to bust its way into the cave. Turning tail and running, Zoltar let the darkness swallow him until nothing but blackness surrounded him and the dull thumps of the Exltron still trying to get in.

Zoltar stopped walking and looked around, letting his nocturnal eyes adjust to the gloom. The tunnel stretched out endlessly into more darkness and side passages twisted off from the main one. It would be easy to get lost in these tunnels and that was the last thing he needed right now. The light from outside still let off a faint glow along the length of passage behind him so he knew which way was back. All he needed to do now was to wait for the Exltron to grow tired of ramming its self against the walls and leave.

With a soft sigh, Zoltar lay down on the cool rock floor. His wings and scales were burning like fire, but Zoltar couldn't see properly enough to see whether there was any real damage. He'd just have to be patient and wait till he could go out into the sunlight. He could feel drowsiness slowly sank in and he found himself closing his eyes. It could be a good few hours before it was safe to come out and he might as well get some rest in the meantime just so long as he kept his ears open for danger.


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Sun Jun 26, 2016 9:59 pm
RippleGylf wrote a review...



Hello, Ripple again, ready to review!

The sea of scowling faces bore down on Zoltar as he walked through the hazy town. Dragons were snarling and growling at him. Hot flames and freezing breath licked his scales as dragons hissed angrily.

And we get to what I assume is one of the primary conflicts. I really like this theme, and it has a lot of emotional impact by this point. Well thought out. :)
“The beast has killed again,” Felistia hissed gravely.

I assume that the victim is either the unknown fourth shadow talon, or Emerald. (I'm reviewing this as I go, so please let it not be the latter.)
After all they weren't the most vicious of tribes as far as he could see.

Zoltar, you do remember when Emerald attacked you on sight, right?
It was time for him to start acting like a dragon and grow a spine. He could cower in the corner and just let the shadow talons take over the island or he could do what was right and try to bring a peaceful outcome amongst both tribes. The wisp talons would benefit by having the beast gone and the shadow talons would have a new home. That would be much better than having a war and if he'd helped bring that to being, well let’s just say that he was sure Scorpus would be proud of him if he did.

While this plan sounds great and all, the last time you tried to be courageous, you attacked your potential allies. Will this have the same fate?
“Rrr, I don’t know whether I prefer her grumpy at me or like this. Either way she's getting on my nerves,” Zoltar grumbled, flying after Shiraku’s departing tail.

This seems like more of a thought than a muttering. You could keep it, but present it as a thought rather than a murmur.
Just then Zoltar’s keen ears pick up the sound of a twig snapping outside. It didn't sound very far away.

Ooh, nice way to bring back his sensitive hearing.
Zoltar broke into a run, tearing through the forest. He didn’t care if he made a noise, all he knew was that he needed to get out of there and fast. Twigs cracked under his feet as he hurtled over bushes and fallen branches. Sticks and stones flew out from under his paws as he raced for the clearing.

Zoltar thought he was going to make it. Maybe he’d get out the forest in time, but then he heard a sound that made his blood run cold. The pounding of paws against the undergrowth and the clang of claws hitting stones.

‘Not again,' Zoltar thought, picking up the pace. He wasn’t going to make it in time. The beast would catch up to him before he could reach the clearing. He was going to have to try something else.

Zoltar looked around the woods, desperately looking for a place to escape. He spied a cave carved out of the mountain side. The entrance was so well hidden by thick bushes and dangling creepers that Zoltar nearly ran past it. Only at the last second did he realize it was a cave and swerved towards it. He plunged through the opening, the thorny bushes scraping his scales with spear like points.

Zoltar ducked into the shadows, hoping that his dark scales would hide him from the beasts glowing red eyes. The earth stopped trembling as the Exltron slowed to a stop outside Zoltar’s cave. It snuffled around, trying to pick up the shadow talons scent. The Exltron stopped sniffing after a few seconds and let out a roar of triumph. It charged nose to the ground straight towards where Zoltar was crouching. It rammed its ugly black head through the entrance and stopped short. It was stuck. No matter how it struggled and pawed at the ground, it could not get in.

I think I mentioned this in another chapter, but try not to start all of your paragraphs with Zoltar.
With a soft sigh, Zoltar lay down on the cool rock floor. His wings and scales were burning like fire, but Zoltar couldn't see properly enough to see whether there was any real damage. He'd just have to be patient and wait till he could go out into the sunlight. He could feel drowsiness slowly sank in and he found himself closing his eyes. It could be a good few hours before it was safe to come out and he might as well get some rest in the meantime just so long as he kept his ears open for danger.

While this is a good cutoff point, it doesn't feel quite satisfying.

I really like how the internal conflict developed throughout this chapter. Keep writing!




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Sun Jun 26, 2016 4:29 pm
Sujana wrote a review...



Finally, we find the MacGuffin. But there are at least five more chapters left, so obviously this can't be the end of the book. So obviously, it'll only get more intense as it goes along, which will be a horrible, horrible, horrible thing to witness.

The dynamics between the three are interesting to see. I like how Shiraku isn't as crass as she was before, but how she's obviously not going to let Zoltar off easily. The two female dragons feel like moms to Zoltar's young son, which is cute to see, definitely. I hope none of them die in the climax--especially Shiraku. I'm pretty sure Felistia won't die, unless you're willing to kill yourself, but I'm not entirely sure about the fate of Shiraku. Which is a shame. She's my favorite character so far.

Anyway, let's look at the highlights for a minute, shall we?

Felistia hissed from behind Shiraku, her face was cross and yet sad.


I don't think the 'was' in there was necessary. Just delete it, the sentence is fine otherwise.

Well maybe you should stop to think before (???) follow orders.


You need a subject in there. Add a 'you' in there, please.

Grrr, wake up.


Again with the unnecessary interjections. At this point, I'll just make a rule--don't use Grr. Grr never sounds menacing. Grr sounds like something a children book monster might say. Unless you're trying to joke about it, never use Grr seriously. Okay? Okay.

“What was that,”


Again, add a question mark in the end.

‘Well maybe I could get the Ruby of Fire and threaten the Hisster to live with the wisp talons.


Why did you call him the Hisster like it's a title? Just say Hisster.

Sighing with the content that he'd formed a plan


Remove this, please.

Felistia whispered, gentle nudging Zoltar’s wing.


Gently, not gentle.

Zoltar cried, twisting way from Shiraku.


Away, not way.

“Come on guys we need to hunt before we lose to much daylight,”


Too much, not to much.

Zoltar heaved a shuddering breathe.


Breath, not breathe.

Zoltar thought, but his relief was short lived as the Exltron began throwing itself against the cave in fiery (???).


You might need an angry word in there, like 'rage'.

That's all I have for you so far. This was a great chapter, despite the many mistakes, because it's established all the characters very well. Good job.

Signing out,

--EM.





“If lightning is the anger of the gods, then the gods are concerned mostly about trees.”
— Lao Tzu