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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Quest for Fire Book Two ~ Frozen Past Chapter 15

by felistia


Zoltar’s heart pounded as they sped through the dark hallways, the alarm blaring in their ears. Wings beating the frigid air, they twisted this way and that, looking for a window large enough to fly out of.

What had he done? Why had he grabbed the diamond like that? He should have known there’d be a trap. How could there not have been? Now because of his rash decision, he’d put Felistia’s and his life in danger. If the guards caught them now, they’d be executed on the spot. No going back to prison. No second chance at escape. They’d had one chance and he’d blown it.

The endless rooms leading off from the main hallway became a blur as they swerved between the carved pillars decorating the passage. Any moment now the guards would find them and their fleeting chance to escape would be squished like a flame at nights end. The ominous sound of wings beating the night air could be heard in all directions. Which way should they go? It felt like they were surrounded from all sides.

Suddenly a blade of light appeared in front of them, its silver glow a welcoming sight to Zoltar’s eyes. Maybe that was a way out.

Felistia grabbed him and yanked him towards the light. They crashed into the moonlit room and landed on something rather spiky. The something yelped in surprise and annoyance. Zoltar and Felistia scrambled to their feet and spun round to face the strange dragon. It was an ice dragon, his scales a gleaming arctic white. He was wearing armour with the queen’s coat of arms and had a rather annoyed look on his snout.

Zoltar’s heart jumped on seeing the coat of arms. He prepared to pounce on this unknown dragon. Clearly he was part of the queen’s guard and would warn the other soldiers of their location. He needed to make sure that didn't happen. Flexing his claws, he lunged at the ice wing, who yelled in alarm, but Felistia darted between them before he could lay so much as a talon on the guard.

“What are you doing?” Zoltar asked angrily, trying to get past Felistia and at the guard. Why was she protecting this ice talon and why was that ice talon looking at her like she was his mother. He was going to warn the other guards and then their chance to escape would be gone. They needed to get rid of this gawping guard and make a dash for the open window. It looked big enough to fit them.

“Stop it,” Felistia snapped back, still standing protectively between them. Her tail was lashing back and forth and she looked like she was ready to rip him to shreds.

“Why?” Zoltar roared, making another lung at the guard, only to have Felistia swipe at him with her paw, “He’s going to give us away,” Zoltar cried desperately. What was Felistia doing? Did she want to get caught?

“He’s my brother,” Felistia snarled, “and he’s trying to help us.” The strange dragon nodded in agreement.

Zoltar stared, speechless. Her brother? How many relatives did this dragon have and how did her brother know where’d they’d be? “H-h-h-how?” Zoltar stuttered, unable to form the right words.

“I’ll explain later. Right now we need to go,” Felistia urged, climbing onto the window frame. She dived through the entrance, spreading her silver wings and hovering outside, waiting for him.

The thump of paws on ice was getting louder and Zoltar could see the shadows of ice talons dancing on the arctic blue walls outside the room. He realized that this could wait for later and right now he had to get out of here, before they were caught. He lunged for the window, folding his wings and diving through the gap. The fresh night air hit him like an ocean wave and smells bombarded him from all directions. He forgot to open his wings for a second and was sent plummeting toward the frozen ground below, the freezing air tugging at his wings and tail. Pushing through the dizzying delight of being outside again, Zoltar thrust out his wings, beating them in large arcs to gain height. There was no time for sightseeing, they needed to get out of sight, before the queen’s guards saw where they were.

Suddenly Felistia’s brother shot out of the window and nearly collided with him in a flurry of snow white talons and scales. Zoltar swerved out the way at the last second and watched as the young ice talon righted himself and soared low over the spikes of ice. He looked back at Felistia and Zoltar and beckoned them to follow him.

“Come on,” Felistia yelled, swooping past Zoltar, “Shriken knows a safe way past the guards patrolling the border.”

Still confused as to quite what was going on, Zoltar dived after her, plunging down towards the towering spears of ice. He could worry about the strange circumstances later after they were out of danger.

Spikes of giant sapphire blue ice towered over them from both sides, their polished surfaces covered in rippling cracks and scratches. Shriken lead them at breakneck speed past these mountains and through the dark valleys between the ice.

“He’s clever,” Zoltar observed as he struggled to keep up with Felistia and Shriken, their wings much large than his. Zoltar would never have thought of traveling in the dark crevasses between the ice. After all, he wouldn’t have be able to see which way he was going, but with Shriken’s help, they were able to escape unseen, dipping and diving through the forgotten valleys.

But one thing nagged at Zoltar. How’d Shriken known where they’d be when they escaped? It couldn’t have just been chance. Had Felistia had a plan all along that she hadn’t told him? Had she and Shriken been talking while he’d been sleeping? Did she know that the alarm was going to go off? Whatever it was, Felistia wasn’t telling him something, again. Though this time he wasn’t going to leave it for so long. The minute they were out of danger, he’d be on her in a flash. There was no way he was going to let this whole feasco happen all over again. 

On the other paw though, Shriken was proving to be a great help. Without him, they would have most definitely been caught. So if Felistia had planned something with her brother, it had been a good thing. He just wished she’d told him about her plan.

For now though they’d flew swiftly and silently, hidden from dragon eyes to the edge of the ice talon kingdom.


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Sun Jun 26, 2016 10:12 pm
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Carlito wrote a review...



Hello again and happy review day! :D I've missed Zoltar and the gang!

What had he done? Why had he grabbed the diamond like that? He should have known there’d be a trap. How could there not have been? Now because of his rash decision, he’d put Felistia’s and his life in danger. If the guards caught them now, they’d be executed on the spot. No going back to prison. No second chance at escape. They’d had one chance and he’d blown it.

Loving that you're showing his thought process. Not only does it increase the suspense and the fear, but it shows the stakes and what they have to lose at this point if they don't succeed (and the stakes are everything! :O). These types of thought processes also show Zoltar's personality - like here he feels guilty that he might of put his friend in danger. That shows how much he cares and what his priorities in life are.

Suddenly a blade of light appeared in front of them, its silver glow a welcoming sight to Zoltar’s eyes. Maybe that was a way out. As if in response, Felistia grabbed him and yanked him towards the light.

New paragraph after "a way out" and then take out 'As if in response'.
New paragraph because you're going from Zoltar's thoughts to what Felistia does, and I would take out the preposition because I think it takes away some of the power of the sentence Felistia's action.

He prepared to pounce on this unknown dragon. Clearly he was part of the queen’s guard and would warn the other soldiers of their location. Flexing his claws, he lunged at the ice wing, who yelled in alarm, but Felistia darted between them before he could lay so much as a talon on the guard.

You explain why he would want to pounce on the dragon, but what does he hope to gain from pouncing on this dragon? What is his end goal or plan here?

They needed to get rid of this gawping guard

You already described the guard in this way, so I would get rid of the descriptor here and just call the guard a guard.

and watched as the young ice talon rightened himself

"righted" instead of "rightened". "righteend" isn't a word :)

There was no way he was going to let this happen all over again.

Let what happen again? (New paragraph after this line too).

Well this was definitely an exciting chapter! I'm pretty sure I say this to you in all of my reviews at this point, but your writing has seriously improved so much! Your descriptions are great, the suspense and pace were great. I love that their path to freedom wasn't easy and that there's another dragon on their team (maybe?) but that there's still some questions surrounding him. I'm about to go get caught up, and I'm definitely looking to see what's going to happen next! I hope their friends they left behind are okay!

And as always, let me know if you have any questions/if anything I said was confusing! :D




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Sat Jun 11, 2016 5:07 pm
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Ashley123 wrote a review...



I haven't read any of the previous chapters, but even still I could understand what was happening in this chapter. Good job. Your plot and characters seem really strong, and make the story come alive. I did notice just a few errors, nothing major.

"They crashed into the moonlit room and landed on a rather spiky something." this sentence just didn't make any sense just because of the word "something" that you added. Instead I would put "something" before "rather", and just get rid of the "a" all together. Also, I would add a comma after "room". So instead it should be, "They crashed into the moonlit room, and landed on something rather spiky."

"Clearly he was part of the queen’s guard and would warm the other soldiers of their location." This one is just an easy to make typo. Instead of "warn" you put "warm". So that one wasn't major at all.

“Stopping you,” Felistia snapped back, still standing protectively between them." This one I just thought that the dialogue was a little off. It could just be how your character talks, but I think that instead of "Stopping you," it should be, "Stop."

"Without him, they would have most definitely being caught." this one you used "being" instead of "been". Which isn't that big of a deal. I really do like this novel and I plan to go back and read the other chapters sometime soon. Keep writing and never stop. Your ideas are very original, and fun to read.




felistia says...


thank you so much for the review. I would love it if you could go back and read the rest of my novel. :D

P.S I'm currently reviewing a chapter of yours too. :D




That, sir, is the most frightening battlefield in the world: the blank page.
— Larry McMurtry, Comanche Moon