It was a long and fitfully night for Zoltar. Every sound, every twisting shadow made him jump. In the back of his mind was the image of that shadow crossing the passage and the ghostly sound of claws clacking against the ground. He tossed and turned, trying to get to sleep, but no sleep came. Hours dragged by, until, finally the fire rocks started to burn bright again. It was morning.
Zoltar hauled himself out of bed, his vision blurred with the lack of rest.
‘Not the best way to start the day,’ He thought as he stumbled out the doorway. As he exited his room and moved onto the main passage, the thought of the mysterious shadow the night before came to mind. Surly whatever it had been would have left claw prints or tail drags. Zoltar scanned the ground. There wasn’t anything unusual to be found. Just a few claw marks, which he quickly identified as Shadow Talon claws. Probably his from the day before judging by the trail they lead towards his room. There wasn’t another mark to be found.
A sudden wash of shame passed over Zoltar. He’d been trained better than this. These were blatant claw marks. Scorpus would be deeply disappointed if he saw this and Zoltar knew it. Shadow Talons were renowned across Megalonia for their stealth no matter the situation or the terrain and here he was stomping around the tunnels. Even the untrained Shadow Talons left no trace.
Flattening his ears in humiliate, Zoltar continued on down the tunnel, this time making sure to put each paw down softly just like Scorpus had taught him.
It was still early morning and most of the rooms he past were either empty or had a sleeping Shadow Talon in them. Only the soldiers and chief were up at this time of day. Everyone else tried to reserve as much energy as possible.
As Zoltar padded down the tunnel he passed Mouzan’s room. It was empty. Zoltar cocked his head. Usually Mouzan was a late sleeper even with orders from the chief.
‘He must really be excited about that island,’ Zoltar thought as he carried on along the tunnel. It had been three years since the volcano’s last eruption. All that time he and the other soldiers had been outside the Shadow Lands, searching for another place to live. Not a single island they’d found was habitable.
Zoltar sighed. If this island wasn’t the one, he didn’t know what the tribe would do. They were too weak to take on one of the mainland tribes. Even the Wind Talons would beat them in a fight and they’d been the weakest tribe in Megalonia for hundreds of years even with the Lightning Talons to help them.
The Shadow Talons couldn’t live here much longer. They were slowly being starved and poisoned be the volcano. If another three years went by there wouldn’t be any Shadow Talons left. They’d be extinct as their ancestor the Exltron.
Zoltar’s thoughts were broken by the distant sound of voices. It was coming from further along the tunnel. Straining his ears to pick up what the dragons were say, Zoltar hurried towards the sound.
“…Yes, I know it wouldn’t work Hisster. The island isn’t large enough.”
Zoltar’s heart fell when he finally managed to hear a few words. Which island were they talking about? Did Hisster think his island was too small? Would they have to look for another one now?
Zoltar could feel himself starting to panic. His heart was pounding in his ears and he forgot to be careful where he put his paws. He knew it was stupid to start worrying. He didn’t even know if Hisster and the other dragon were talking about the Wisp Talon Island.
He was still scolding himself when he turned the last corner to Hisster’s throne room.
His heart jumped when he saw Scorpus standing in the doorway waiting for him. Scorpus was back. Zoltar’s mind wondered back to the shadow the night before. Now it made sense. How could he have been so stupid to think that it had been some monster? Of course it had be Scorpus.
“Morning, Zoltar,” Scorpus greeted, allowing Zoltar into the room.
Zoltar looked around. Hisster was standing in the far corner, his tail curled over his talons as smoke rose from his snout. Zoltar’s eyes caught on Mouzan, who was fidgeting uncomfortably next to Scorpus and kept looked first at him and then at Scorpus.
“What’s going on?’ Zoltar asked as he looked from one dragon to another. They all looked so serious. Had something happened? Had he done something wrong?
“We were just talking about you.” Scorpus said, padding over to stand next to Hisster. His brilliant obsidian black scales shone as they caught to the fire rocks eerie glow.
“Y-you were?” Zoltar stammered, all his worries resurfacing.
“Yes,” Hisster started, a grim look had settled over his scarred snout, “That island you found will be perfect for the Shadow Talons, if…” he paused, flicking his forked tongue, “we can get rid of the Wisp Talons. The island is too small for both tribes. I was up late last night with Scorpus talking and, although he doesn’t like the idea of it, he’s agreed that the best way to defeat the Wisp Talons is to go to the Howler Dragons.”
Zoltar swallowed the lump building in his throat. He’d been hoping Scorpus would reject the idea, but that seemed to be out the cave right now.
"So when are we going to the Howler Dragons?” Zoltar asked, struggling to keep his voice from stuttering.
“We were going to go right now actually, now that you’re here,” Hisster said, getting to his paws. He padded over to the door way. Scorpus followed close behind.
Reluctantly, Zoltar followed them. Mouzan walked along beside him as they travelled up the passage. Zoltar’s thoughts felt like an out of control storm raging inside his head. Hisster and Scorpus planned to kill the Wisp Talons?
Zoltar shook his head. It was unheard of in Megalonia. Sure, the tribes were constantly trying to grab land from one another, but no one had ever actually tried to wipe out an entire tribe. It was horrible. It wasn’t the Wisp Talons fault they lived on an island without enough room for both tribes. It was their island and it wasn’t like they had anywhere else to go. Megalonia was occupied and there weren’t many islands that they could inhabit. They were stuck on that island and now, just because the Shadow Talons wanted it, the entire tribe had to die. It just wasn’t right.
If the Shadow Talons started killing off entire dragon populations what was to top the other dragon tribes doing it. It wasn’t the best idea to be setting such examples. The Shadow Talons weren’t exactly the strongest tribe in Megalonia at the moment and wouldn’t be for some time.
Frowning, Zoltar shook his head again. If he remembered right, the island hadn’t been that small. It was roughly the size of the Shadow Lands and that had happily supported the Shadow Talons with much to spare. The island should be more than enough for two tribes especially counting that the Shadow Talons numbers weren’t exactly at their highest. Something was going on here and it wasn’t right. Hisster wasn’t telling the truth about the reason for getting rid of the Wisp Talons.
“Do you think going to these Howler Dragons is a good idea?” Mouzan whispered, breaking through Zoltar’s thoughts.
Zoltar blinked, trying to process what Mouzan had said while juggling what he’d been thinking about.
“To be honest with you, no,” Zoltar hissed back, keeping his voice low to avoid being overheard be Scorpus or Hisster who were traveling just ahead.
“Really? What do you plan to do about it?” Mouzan asked, his eyes wide as he walked closer to Zoltar.
“I don’t know yet, but I’ll think of something,” Zoltar growled, gritting his teeth. Hisster was putting the whole tribe at risk by making a deal with the Howler Dragons and all he had to do to avoid it was to make a peace agreement with the Wisp Talons. Why was he so avert to the idea?
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Hello felistia!
Hmm. This sounds interesting. I'm not much of a fan of fantasy and I don't often hear of stories from a dragon's perspective, so this is different for me. But I like it.
As of right now, your plot seems pretty solid, and I like where you're going with this. I found myself wondering at the end of this chapter, "Just what is Hisster up to?" He seems like such a bad guy. xD (random note here, but his name reminds me of Hitler :O)
Zoltar's character fascinates me. He just sounds so... human! He's clumsy and fearful and I found it difficult picturing him as a dragon. I think it was little hints of what a human would do that made me think that. The one dragon story I did read talked a LOT about the dragon's features. He flared his nostrils, he thrust his snout forward, his tail stiffened, he bared his teeth, etc. You do occasionally make mention of that, which I appreciated. Like, Zoltar flattening his ears in humiliation, Scorpus's scales gleaming, smoke rising from Hisster's snout... But I am wondering: how does a dragon frown? (Frowning, Zoltar shook his head again.) It sounds very human. Problem is, they're not humans.
I haven't read any of your previous chapters, so forgive me if I get anything wrong but I'm wondering about Zoltar's place among the Shadow Talons.
This gives the impression he's kind of important, considering they weren't leaving 'til he showed up. And that makes me wonder why he has such a respected place if he's just going to stomp around the tunnel, leaving his marks everywhere, when Shadow Talons are known for their stealth. Why isn't he trying to improve that?
I think I might have got the wrong impression here. So, if the Shadow Talons start killing off dragon populations, what's going to stop other dragon tribes? That makes it sound as if the Shadow Talons are sort of, leaders among dragon tribes. They're looked up. I mean, we don't just follow the examples of people (or dragons here) that we don't look up to.
But later on in the paragraph, you say the Shadow Talons weren't exactly the strongest tribe and wouldn't be for some time. So, why would other dragon tribes follow this weaklings example?
Anyhow. It's, like I said, an interesting story. I'm curious how it will play out.
I apologize for this short review and hope you gleaned something from it. If you have any questions or comments, do let me know!
I hope to see you around soon
cheers!
-rosette
Greetings! Glad to see another chapter from you. Now let's get right into the review!
'It was a long and fitful night for Zoltar.' Is the correct way to say this.
'Flattening his ears in humiliation, Zoltar continued on down the tunnel, this time making sure to put each paw down softly just like Scorpus had taught him.' Is the correct way to say this.
'It was still early morning and most of the rooms he passed were either empty or had a sleeping Shadow Talon in them.' Is the correct way to say this.
'The Shadow Talons couldn’t live here much longer. They were slowly being starved and poisoned by the volcano. If another three years went by there wouldn’t be any Shadow Talons left. They’d be extinct like, the Exltron, their ancestors before them.' Is the correct way to say this.
'Straining his ears to pick up what the dragons were saying, Zoltar hurried towards the sound.'
Is the correct way to say this.
'Why was he so avert to the idea?' the word 'avert' is a verb not an adjective.
So other some correction in spelling and grammar, I have nothing ose to criticize. I like the way the story is moving along and that we're getting more of Zoltar's thought so we can better get to kno him as a character other than the typical tragic backstory personality. I can only imagine how Hisster's plan may fail or come back to bite him even if does succeed.
Keep writing!