Young Writers Society


Quest for Fire ~ Chapter 21 ~ The Dream Felistia

Zoltar stared up into the sparkling heavens, studying the swirling cobalt galaxies and deep purple cosmoses. The night air was as sharp as steel and bitterly cold. Zoltar tucked his snout under his wing, hoping it would fight off the icy wind battering against his scales. It provided little comfort. Sighing, he tried to drift off to sleep, but his thoughts kept spinning around and around in his head.

Emerald’s soft snores vibrated through his body as he burrowed in closer for warmth. He was careful not to get too close to Shiraku, whose claws were twitching like mad. Her eyes trembled as she slept and every now and then she would let out an indignant snarl.

Zoltar forced himself to slow his thinking and forget the doubts and fears preventing him from resting. Felistia and the rest had been asleep for over three hours already and by now the two moons had rising high into the dark sky, their silver light glittering off the snowflakes drifting through the air.

But his thoughts refused to let him sleep. What was going on with Felistia? Why was she acting the way she was? It was like something she’d hidden on the island had snapped inside her. Like she’d been something else all along. Zoltar was starting to feel quite afraid of her. Why exactly had she been banished from the Ice Kingdom? Those shining scales of hers could just be disguising what the real her looked like. What if she wasn’t who she portrayed herself to be?

Slowly, but surely Zoltar’s thoughts turned into fitful dreams as consciousness faded into blackness as the world faded from Zoltar’s mind.

...

The blizzard howled, tugging at Zoltar’s wings like a pack of wild wolves as he fought to make his way towards the shadowy figure of the Ice Talon’s palace ahead. Digging his claws into the hard icy ground he slowly inched forward, squeezing his eyes shut to block out the jagged shards of snow spiking through the air.

Suddenly the shape of the palace disappeared in a burst of white snow, leaving swirling nothingness. Zoltar whirled in a panic, 'Where had it gone?' He needed to get there to save Emerald and Shiraku. They could die of hypothermia if they were trapped in the Ice Talon prison. He had to rescue them.

Out of nowhere a silver bullet slammed him to the ground, making his head spin as it hit the hard ice.

Growling, Zoltar rolled away from his attacker and jumped to his paws, extending his ebony wings to full height, so that they billowed in the wind like the sails of a ghost ship. He stopped in surprise. Felistia was standing in front of him, her dagger like teeth bared and her spiked tail lashing violently.

“What are you doing?” Zoltar asked bewildered, still poised to attack if Felistia tried anything.

“I will not let you steal the Thunder Opal. It belongs to my kind, not a scum sucking Shadow Talon like you,” Felistia snarled in a cold voice full of anguish.

“But you were banished … you hate the queen. Why are you doing this?” Zoltar pleaded, his head whirling.

“The queen will reward me well for bringing in a potential threat, maybe even allow me back my place in the Ice Talon tribe,” Felistia growled, baring her sharp, white teeth in an evil smile.

“I thought you were my friend,” Zoltar hissed angrily, raising his barbed tail, ready to strike her down. He glared at Felistia, pain burning in his amethyst eyes.

“They all think that,” Felistia smirked and with a fearsome roar she lunched towards Zoltar, her immense wings spread.

Zoltar leapt to the side and stabbed out violently with his barbed tail. The poisonous barb missed by a few centimetres as Felistia rolled to the left, jumped up and sent a burst of blue ice breath at him. Zoltar dropped to the ground, throwing his obsidian wings over his head as the stream of ice charged over his back spicks. Roaring in pain he lashed out blindly with his dagger like claws. He struck the Felistia on her long tail, leaving a bleeding gash. The Ice Talon snarled, springing back from Zoltar’s dagger like talons. She twisted her tail round to inspect the slash. Bright red blood streamed from the gash.

“I am going to make you pay for that Shadow Talon,” Felistia hissed, her voice loaded with toxic venom, “I don’t need you alive for me to claim my reward.”

“How could you Felistia? I trusted you and this is how you repay me? I could have left you on that island to be killed, but I didn’t,” Zoltar cried, ducking Felistia’s violent swipes.

“Things change. I told you Ice Talons weren't to be trusted and this is what you get for being so naïve. I mean seriously! Wisp talons and Shadow Talons living together? What world are you living in?” Felistia barked, tripping Zoltar with her tail.

“I want a better world than this one,” Zoltar roared as Felistia leapt on top of him, pinning him to the cold ground, “I battle my entire tribe the whole time to try and bring peace. Suffering serpent’s eggs I even came on this whole craze journey to try and stop a war with the Moon Talons, but if this is how you dragons outside of the Shadow Lands want it, then let there be war. All my life I thought the Shadow Talons were the brutal ones, but now I see differently. You are all the same!” Zoltar roared as he fought to keep back the tears, “You are all deceitful snakes with wings.”

“That’s what dragons are,” Felistia hissed as she drew back her head and with a roar of triumph sent a jet of ice breath crashing down on Zoltar’s head.

Zoltar woke with a yell, his whole scaly body trembling in fright. He looked around with wild eyes, expecting to see the frozen walls of an Ice Talon prison, but instead he saw Emerald and Shiraku curled up like cats, their sides steadily rising and falling with each breath. Felistia was a few steps away from them, looking towards the far off snows whirling in the south as her scales gleamed porcelain white in the shimmering light of the two moons.

Zoltar took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his shaken nerves. It had all been a dream; a really vivid dream. But were had it all come from? Why had Felistia betrayed him like that? He knew that it had just been a nightmare, but it still had to have come from somewhere. Sure Felistia had been acting strangely, but that still didn't mean she was going to hand him over to the Ice Talons. Was she? Zoltar swallowed hard. Maybe his fears were real and she was hiding something from him. It wasn't impossible. He glanced back at Felistia, she was staring at him with her golden orb like eyes. As if sensing something was wrong, she got up and started to pad silently towards him like panther would a deer.

Zoltar felt his heart rate starting to accelerate and cold sweat start to break out from between his scales. ‘It was just a dream,’ he assured himself as Felistia walked over, but he still couldn’t stop shaking.

“Another bad dream?” Felistia asked in a honey sweet voice as her dark shadow fell over Zoltar’s face.

“Y-y-yes,” Zoltar stammered, hastily getting up, so that her snake like shadow no longer loomed over him. Was it just him or did she seem larger in the pale moonlight?

“What was it about this time?” Felistia asked, leaning her snout in closer so that her golden eyes stared straight into Zoltar’s amethyst ones.

“N-n-nothing,” Zoltar stammered, jerking his head away from her hypnotic stare. His head was swimming and he had to close his eyes for a second to stop the ground from spinning. Every nerve in his body was pumping with adrenalin and his mind was screaming at him to run.

“What’s wrong Zoltar? Why are you being short with me?” Felistia said in an innocent voice as she sat down and proceeded to try and wrap her silver wing around his back.

“Nothing’s wrong. I-I-I just need some alone time!” Zoltar burst out, finely giving into his urge to bolt as he extended his wings and lifted into the frigid night air. He quickly left Felistia behind as he climbed towards the star light.

‘What was that?’ Zoltar yelled to himself after he was a good few miles away from Felistia. ‘She was just trying to help you and you bolt off like that. What sort of an impression do you thing that’s going to make? There’s nothing to be afraid of.’ He kept trying to convince himself this and that he should stop putting her on edge, but he just couldn't do it. The image of her shining blood hungry eyes still haunted him. The pain of her claws slicing against his scales and the screaming wind in his face. It just seemed too real to shake it off. But then she still hadn't really done anything wrong.

Zoltar rubbed his snout, exasperated. This was a classic case of him over reacting and scaring away his friends. He'd done this in the Shadow Lands and now he was doing it again. ‘Honestly, you would have thought I’d have learned that by now.’ He scolded. ‘She’s probably just stressed because she’s so close to home.’

Dipping in a large arc, Zoltar dived towards the glittering lake below. Maybe staring out into nothingness would help calm his nerves, after all he had done this many an hour in the Shadow Lands when he was feeling scared, gazing up at the never ending ash clouds spewing from the volcano.

Zoltar gently landed, the frost covered grass surrounding the lake cracking under his paws like glass. He sat down on the edge of the bank, his tail wrapped around his legs as he stared out over the frozen water. The star light shimmered over the imperfect sheet of ice and freezing cold winds howled over its surface.

The howling wind reminded Zoltar of the Howler Dragons wailing cries back in the Forbidden Hills. A tingle of fear ran down Zoltar's spine, causing him to shiver uncontrollably for a few seconds. He had to succeed in this mission. His life and the Shadow Talons lives depended upon it. Who knew what would happen if he didn't get the Ruby of Fire for the Howler Dragons. He was sure they wouldn't just give him a friendly pat on the back and leave it.

Doubt slowly seeped into his mind like rats searching for food. He had less than three seasons to go and he wasn't even halfway there. He still had to get all four things for the Riconra before he could even start thinking about getting the Ruby. He hadn’t even plucked up the courage to ask Emerald for a scale, let alone steal the Ice Talon queen's diamond. It would have been difficult with the four dragons, but to make it even worse Emerald and Shiraku weren't going to be able to come. They couldn't breathe fire and therefor would freeze within hours of reaching the Ice Talon kingdom. The only one that could go with him was...Zoltar shivered at the thought; Felistia.

A ripple of fear coursed through Zoltar's veins, setting all his senses on a blades edge, but he shrugged it off stubbornly. Whether he liked it or not, Felistia was going to want to come with him to the Ice Talon kingdom. It was her home after all. He couldn’t just bail on her just because of some dream and little bit of strange behaviour. She was near her home for crying out loud. Of course she was going to act a bit off. He'd better go and make up with her for all his strange behaviour. It wouldn't help if she was freaked out by him on the way to the Ice Talon Kingdom. Sighing, Zoltar leapt into the air and sped back towards where the others were sleeping.

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
Raindeer
Review

Hey felistia!

Before I start I just wanted to mention the title of the chapter doesn't quite make sense. Maybe you meant "The Dream of Felistia"? Resorting to just "The Dream" is probably not a good idea, though, because there's already a chapter with that.

Anyway, I loved this dream. And Zoltar is obviously getting more and more anxious about Felistia's loyalty, which I think, makes the whole plot even more conflicted and I love it! It adds another whole layer of conflict to the story that's going to be great and confusing and intense and I'm sure it's going to be rough. But it makes for a good story! Now, though, with all this thought into Felistia, I'm not sure if she is good xD

When Felistia comes over to Zoltar after the dream, the efforts to make her seem innocent and sweet felt just way too... overpowered? After everything she said something would be added and to me it felt a bit awkward and just felt even more suspicious. It just seemed like with the excessive "Felistia's sweet voice" "Felistia's nice eyes", etc made it seem like she wasn't normal and that brought the suspicion.

Felistia seemed a bit pushy about wanting to know Zoltar's dream, and I just thought I'd point that little bit out (because I'm not an expert on her character and I really don't know if curiosity is one of her strong traits).

I liked this chapter, though, mostly because of Zoltar's angst levels totally rising. He's so nervous, haha! But it does make me question whether Felistia is evil or not. I think she's good, but we'll just have to see!

~EternalRain

User avatar
regismare
Review

Hey, felistia. regismare here on this Review Day to review this chapter.

I feel like you could spend a little more time describing both the surroundings, and the characters' flight - especially Zoltar's, since he's the main character here. I've read previous chapters to this, and in one of which you described the characters' surroundings very well and effectively. This could be done here, too, although it isn't an imminent thing in this chapter because there's a lot more going on here.

The way in which you explore Zoltar's thoughts and suspicions is really effective and it brings the reader so much closer to him. In my opinion, it strengthens his plight and brings tension to the group - which isn't fun for them, but it's fun for us to read about it! I can't wait to see how this is resolved - Zoltar seems to be having these feelings for a reason, and I'm looking forward to see what exactly he's sensing. I also feel bad for Felistia, because although she's aloof and can be a little harsh with the other dragons, I have a hard time believing she'd betray them easily - so she might be bewildered and hurt about what's going on. Oooh, so much tension!

Now, the nitpicks:

'Where had it gone?'

Is he speaking this aloud? Is he thinking it? It's a little unclear, but since you didn't separate it onto a different paragraph, I'm going to go with he's thinking it. In this case, you could just have the thoughts in non-italics to portray his thought, rather than having the little apostrophe-type marks.

scum sucking

It's a really great bit of dialogue, but it should be scum-sucking.

“I will not let you steal the Thunder Opal. It belongs to my kind, not a scum sucking Shadow Talon like you,”

This is so intense I can't help but feel like it should end in an exclamation mark.

dagger like claws

dagger-like claws

“I am going to make you pay for that Shadow Talon,”

I am going to make you pay for that, Shadow Talon,"

How could you Felistia?

How could you, Felistia?

Sure Felistia had been acting

Sure, Felistia had been acting

As always, I love the cast of characters you have here - and how you write them. I hope my review helped, and keep writing!

-regismare

User avatar
jimss23
Review
jimss23 wrote a review · Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:22 pm

Jimss here

Heyo felistia,

My name is jimss, and I am going to pop on in here a give my two cents about your work if that's ok. Dragons. I love dragons. A story where all the characters are dragons. Even cooler.

Quick disclaimer I put before all my reviews.

I am here for your work, not for you. All that means is I am going to tell you my honest opinion. I respect the time and effort it takes to be an author and giving you some review full of flowery praise and adulation is disrespectful to you and your story. I can sometimes be blunt and direct, but know that I do want to make your story better, not just be rude.

On that note, please keep in mind that everything (and I do mean everything) in this review is purely my opinion. That means that you are free to take any advice you feel is useful and reject anything that is useless. (I won't be offended)

So let's begin.

1) The very first thing I noticed when reading this chapter is your tendency for redundant or unnecessary descriptors. The description is good, but too much will cluster up your story. Being frugal with descriptors can pay dividends with your reader. So what do I mean by this?

"dagger-like claws."

Ok, so here is an example of what I am talking about. The word "claws" already carries with is a connotation of being sharp and dagger-like. Because it is implied, you can just cut "dagger-like" and just use "claws." The meaning will be the same.

"tugging at Zoltar’s wings like a pack of wild wolves."

This is another example, a little different thing here. "Wild wolves" is too intricate a metaphor for what you are describing. Again, "tugging" is sufficient to convey your meaning without getting too wordy.

My overall advice? Go back through this chapter and see if any descriptive modifiers can be cut without losing the intended meaning.

2) These are dragons. I like dragons. Now, I don't want to make any assumptions about your characters, as I am only reading this one chapter. However, one of the things that stood out to me was some variation in how the dragons talked. For some reason, some of the phrases they say just come off as a little casual, relative to the tone of the chapter.

"... naïve. I mean seriously! Wisp talons and Shadow..."

This line ("I mean seriously") in particular seemed out of place. It just seemed too modern a phrase for a dragon to speak.

(This is my opinion. If you don't agree, don't worry. I get a little nit-picky about dialogue.)

3) As an author, I always get a little peeved when someone reviews one of my chapters that's right in the middle of my work and starts yammering on about character development. How I didn't develop characters enough, how my character interactions are weak or confusing. Like IT IS EXPLAINED EARLIER! (Review day is hard on a kid.)

I say this because I'm going to start walking that thin line in this comment, so I just wanted to let you know about my personal feeling about these kinds of comments and how important it is to disregard theses comments if they are made out of sheer ignorance.

On to the point.

The dream sequence. There are a few conceptual things I'd like just to gloss over.

I'm going to ask a few questions. You don't have to answer them directly, but if as your thinking about them you realize that a particular reaction could do with a little more work, cool. If not, that's cool as well.

-The dream sequence and the part following left me feeling confused about what exactly Zoltar's personality was. Is he vigorous and dedicated like he is in the dream? Or is he timid, yet possessing a burning passion?
-Does Zoltar stammer a lot when he gets flustered? It seemed repetitive, but was that intentional?
-Have there been strong doubts about Felistia's loyalty before this scene? (I just realized that that is also your username. wow. I'm going to go ahead and neck myself for that one.)
- Is one dream all it would take for Zoltar to get that rustled up?
-How vivid was this dream? Was it more akin to a vision than a typical dream?


Ok, that's it. I won't say anything else because the rest of my confusion came from ignorance about the elements of your story.

That's gonna be it for me.

I don't want to make you hate me any more than you likely already do.

From what I can glean from this chapter, you have a very detailed and intricate world here. And MY GOD DRAGONS. I love me some dragons. I will try to see if I can get around to reading your other chapters (in the right order this time.)

Have a good day, and keep on writing!

Cheers

Jimss

User avatar
RippleGylf
Review

Hello! Ripple again.

Disclaimer again: while I am somewhat familiar with the characters, I have almost no context plot-wise. Ish.

While you generally do a good job of it, there are a couple instances where you repeatedly use Zoltar's name. It just interrupts the flow slightly. Otherwise, I think the flow in the introductory paragraphs works really well.

The dream scene provides some interesting characterization of Zoltar. While it seems more like a vivid daydream rather than a nightmare, I think it accomplishes this purpose fairly well. It doesn't quite correspond logically to reality, but in a dream world, this is perfectly acceptable. Any problems I have with it are related to this being a dream, which oughtn't be this vivid. Like I said earlier, I can totally picture it as a daydream of what might be.

The rest of the chapter flowed quite well, with no major things to point out. Overall, I really liked the character development and view into Zoltar's mind. Keep writing!

User avatar
Mea
Review
Mea wrote a review · Sat Feb 25, 2017 9:14 am

Hey! I'm here to get going on this review. :D

This is an interesting chapter because we spend a lot of time in Zoltar's head and really feel how worried his is about Felistia's motivations. That being said... I feel like we've spent a lot of time with Zoltar not talking to Felistia and just second-guessing her and his own decisions into constant worrying. It's very insightful to his character, to show that he's prone to this, but it's a little frustrating because he just putting off doing anything.

But by the end of the chapter, he comes to a decision, and that's good. I really want to know how Felistia will react to all this.

I'm really ambivalent about the dream scene. This world doesn't really seem to have magic; I feel like it would be odd for this dream to somehow be foretelling the future. There just isn't the right air of mysticism surrounding this world and whatever magic is in it. But if it isn't doing that, then I can't help but wonder what its purpose is. Basically, I feel like you're using it as foreshadowing, but it's so long and specific (with the exact dialogue, Zoltar knowing where he's going and why, stuff that isn't normal in a dream) that it feels more like a vision of the future rather than a reflection of his anxieties that contributes to the atmosphere and is general foreshadowing. I don't know if that makes sense. And if it does foretell the future, I feel like it gives away too much too soon.

I also was fascinated by, but didn't quite connect with, Zoltar calling dragons "snakes with wings." I think I see the emotions, the arc you're trying to build as Zoltar fights for peace, but there just hasn't been enough direct opposition yet for me to feel like it's warranted. So far, he's told his full plan to exactly one person, Emerald, and she's agreed to it. He left the Shadow Talons behind before he even considered the possibility of peace, rather than driving the Moon Talons out. For all the reader actually knows, as soon as he goes back to the Shadow Talons they will agree to the plan with only a little coaxing. (He probably feels that that's unlikely, and I agree, but doubting they will agree is rather different from believing they're this set on war and rooted in mistrust.)

At one point you say that he needs to steal the queen's diamond - I think you meant 'opal,' since back in chapter 16 it said it was an opal.

Who knew what would happen if he didn't get the Ruby of Fire for the Howler Dragons. He was sure they wouldn't just give him a friendly pat on the back and leave it.

I wasn't sure what you meant by the second sentence - leave what?

I think that's all I've got for this chapter! I'm really looking forward to his talk with Felistia and what happens when they finally reach the Ice Kingdom.



The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
— Marcel Proust