A great billowing carpet of white clouds swirled below Zoltar. His shadow danced on the sun lit blanket while the bright yellow sun reflected off his obsidian scales. The sky up above was clear a blue crystal and the air was warm against his scales, but all this felt tiny compared to the unbearable loneliness in his heart.
"Why am I always not good enough?" He asked quietly to himself as if expecting an answer to the question he'd been asking for years. It wasn't like he didn't try his hardest, it just wasn't hard enough. Why couldn't the shadow talons just except him for who he was? They always treated him badly just because he didn't have the acid fangs that all shadow talons had. Because of it he'd been shunned from birth. Even his own parents had thought he'd been an accident and had abandoned him. If it hadn't been for Scorpus taking him in, he probably would have died.
He was sure that if he'd been born with acid fangs, he would have fitted in just like all the other shadow talon dragonets. I mean it wasn't like he wasn't a shadow talon, he was just a little different. Some times he thought about the other dragon tribes living in Megalonia and how they treated their tribe members. It was days like these that he wished he'd been born a moon talon or better yet a sea talon. He wondered what his life would have been like if he'd been born into one of those tribes.
The clouds were starting to turn grey and the horizon glowed red. As Zoltar neared, he could see the tall figure of the volcano rising up from the middle of the shadow lands. The land was streaked with orange and gold. Zoltar surveyed the rivers of lava in worry. The volcano was getting more violent by the day and it was only a matter of time before it erupted again. The shadow talons needed to move as soon as possible before the volcano wiped them out for good.
Sparks flew through the air and the smoke grew thicker as Zoltar neared the group of tunnels he and the rest of the shadow talon soldiers stayed. Hisster’s and the other shadow talons caves weren’t that far off. As Zoltar flew past Hisster’s home he could hear Hisster growling in a deep voice while the other soldiers laughed mockingly.
Sighing to himself sadly, Zoltar landed a few caves down and ducked into his tunnel. A dim fire rock lit the small room, the weak light just enough to make out a rock slab in the corner; Zoltar’s only possession in the world. Curling up into a tight ball on the slab, Zoltar closed his eyes, waiting for the relief of sleep to come.
…….
The next morning Zoltar was woken by the sounds of dragons’ roaring and wings clapping together. He jump out of bed and rushed up the tunnel outside. A crowd of shadow talons were assembled round Hisster’s cave. It seemed as though every shadow talon in tribe had shown up; around a hundred to a hundred and fifty dragons.
Zoltar pushed his way through the mob, dodging a mass of sharp talons and barbed tails. All the dragons were gathered round four large shadow talons. They were wearing golden armour which glinted and sparkled in the rising sun. The gold was tainted red from the glowing lava streams that flowed by the caves.
The crowd fell silent as Hisster emerged out of his cave. Hisster walked proudly over to a big rock and stepped up onto it. He raised his wings to silence the few dragons whispering in the back.
“My fellow shadow talons,” he began, “I have gathered the best of the tribe to go on a mission for the Ruby of Fire.” Zoltar flinch and ducked back into the sea of wings and talons.
“They will travel to the Misty Mountain Island and get a wisp talon scale. They will return and give it to me, so that I know they are doing as instructed. Then they will travel all over the continent of Megalonia to collect the other nine things, which will be given to the Riconra in exchange for the Ruby of Fire. I will then travel back to the forbidden hills and give the ruby to the howler dragons. They will in return kill the beast on the Misty Mountain Island enabling us to leave this waste land and go live on the island!”
There was deafening round of applause as Hisster stepped off his rock. The four shadow talons that stood in the middle of the mob opened their wings and soared into the air heading for the Misty Mountain Island. The crowd cheered until the four shadow talons were only black speaks on the horizon. Slowly the dragons started to go their separate ways, leaving Zoltar lost in thought.
‘He actually did it. Hisster sent the group away without me. They are never going to be able to do it on their own. I may not be a good soldier, but I am the best at geography. I know the continent like the back of my paw and I have been to the island. They aren’t going to make it. They don’t know what they are getting into. I will be surprised if they even return,’ Zoltar thought, walking back to his cave.‘Hisster will need me. I am the best dragon for the job, he just doesn’t want to admit it. I’ll give it two weeks at most. Hisster is going to be begging me for my help.’
…….
Zoltar sat inside his dark cave with only the dim fire rocks to light the rust brown walls. He had laid out in front of him a mountain of scrolls, each about a different part of Megalonia. Ever roll of paper held a specific memory to Zoltar and reading them was like going on a walk down memory lane. He and Scorpus had been part of the team of dragons to cross the continent in search of a new home for the shadow talons. Zoltar had had to go through a pile of scrolls to gain knowledge of continent before he’d been able to attend the mission. He’d studied for months alongside Scorpus and after reading enough scrolls to fill a book shelf he’d been able to go with Scorpus on the mission.
Zoltar smiled at each and every one of the memories as he read.
‘I know that Hisster is going to need me, so I best review the scrolls. Scorpus would want me too,' Zoltar thought as he studied the map to the Misty Mountain Island.
Days past with no sign of the four shadow talons and Zoltar could see that Hisster was starting to get worried. He sat outside his cave every day gazing at the sky as though the four shadow talons would suddenly appear. Almost two weeks passed and still no sign. They only had a year to find the Ruby of Fire and they needed every second of it. Time was running out and Zoltar was getting fed up of Hisster's stubbornness.
‘He’s too pig-headed to admit that he was wrong and now he's putting the entire tribe at risk of another eruption any day now. I guess I am going to have to confront him for the sake of the shadow talons,’ Zoltar decided, padding over to Hisster.
Hisster noticed Zoltar's approach and gave him a dagger like glare. Zoltar chose to ignore it and simply stated, “They’re not coming back you know.”
“What do you want?” Hisster growled, his amethyst eyes burning and yet a hint of worry could be seen in the depths of them.
“You are going to have to send me out there. They aren’t coming back and we have until next autumn to give the howler dragons the ruby and I don’t want to think about what they will do if we don’t arrive on time. You're running out of options. Put you’re stubbornness aside and work with me for the sake of the tribe, you are their chief after all. It's not my fault that I don't have acid fangs like the rest of the soldiers, but I am the only soldier left, so deal with it.”
Hisster's eyes widened for a second before, with a snort of irritation, he snarled “Fine I will work with you... for the sake of the tribe” Hisster spat, “but if you don’t return within a year, the shadow talons will have no choice, but to announce war against another the moon talons tribe. You have until next autumn.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hello again!
(I'm horrible and it's been so long since I've looked at this... I'm hoping to knock out a bunch of chapters today!)
Whoo-hoo! He stood up to Hisster! I've probably mentioned this before, but I feel like this could still be expanded and developed a bit more. I'll break that down.
Great description! I know we've talked about your description before and I thought this was a nice way to set the scene. The only part that confused me a bit was the last sentence, specifically "but he couldn't feel or see any of this". To me, that implies that everything you just described, he can't see or feel any of that. That's confusing to me because why would you describe it if he's not actually experiencing it? And if these things are happening, how is he not seeing or feeling it? I'm not sure if "any of this" implies everything you've described, or just the air you talked about in that sentence.
I'm glad we're getting some of Zoltar's thoughts about this situation. I looove thoughts and feelings. I want this expanded. I think each sentence thought could be explained a bit more. A few ideas:
Why am I always not good enough? - what does he perceive as other examples when he hasn't been good enough? Why does he feel like he's not good enough?
Why can't the shadow talons just accept me for who I am? - how does he want them to see him? why does he perceive they don't accept him?
One of these days I'm just going to leave" - how long has he been thinking this way? what would he accomplish or achieve by leaving?
Maybe join another tribe - is this acceptable or common practice in this world? how easy is this to do?
after all nothing can be worse than this - are there any other reasons or things that have happened that have led him to have this view? how long has this been going on and how long has he been feeling this way?
Is this normal for this world? That seems a bit dangerous...
Same here with expanding his thoughts. What will going home accomplish for him? What is he hoping is going to happen here? What is his plan? Does he have a plan?
This noise woke him up. How far away does his live from Hisster? That will help me gauge just how loud this noise really is. And how big is this crowd?
Wow this is a complicated process.Does he really need to give all of this information right now? Do all of the shadow talons need to know all of this information? Is there any worry of a breech of confidentiality or that the plan will get out and be thwarted?
If you do feel like all of this information needs to be here right now (and that's fine), is there a way you can break it up and/or spice it up a bit so it's not a big block of text explaining how things are going to go?
Why not? You do allude to this later in the paragraph, but there is some stuff in between.
I appreciated this paragraph and I thought you did a really nice job concisely showing how he became so proficient with maps and how he knows the land so well. Great character information and great execution.
I wasn't aware there was a time crunch. I know Zoltar imposed a bit of a time crunch in that he was going to try to appeal to Hisster after two weeks. However, with the "time was running out", I'm left wondering till what? What is the time crunch?
Expand this. Take me to the day he decides to do something. Exactly how does he get to that point? Really, really expand those thoughts. I want to know exactly how he rationalized that and came to that decision.
"padding over to Hisster" - how far away was he from Hisster? Does Hisster know he's coming? How does Hisster react to seeing him?
Slow this down a bit. I want to see him arriving at Hisster's place and approaching him. How is he feeling or what is he thinking in this moment?
I really liked how Zoltar stood up for himself and his dialogue and how voiced what he wants. I didn't care for this response. To me, Hisster gives up way too easily. I feel like since Hisster is pretty stubborn and he doesn't really like Zoltar, there would be some back and forth between the two of them before Hisster rolls over and accepts it.
Let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing! Hopping on over to the next chapter
Here for another review! Once again, sorry if I repeat anything said already!
While this is a pretty awesome description, I had no idea what you meant by "blanket". It took me a bit to realize that you probably mean the clouds, which you described as a carpet in the previous sentence.
Two edits for this sentence. 1) "Always not good enough" sounds awkward, I would say "never good enough" or something along those lines. 2) "except" should be "accept".
Try not to repeat words in the same sentence, if you can help it, such as "memory" in this one.
Should be "your", not "you're".
This should be "fault".
You don't need the comma after "choice".
General:
If Zoltar went passed Hisster's cave in the first section, how does he end up there the next morning?
Also you have some awkward sentence phrasing in here, I would suggest reading it out loud to try to catch those sections.
Overall, nice character and plot development! Hope this helps!
~Abandon
Hey, felistia. Meerkat here with a five-critiques-in-one mega review thingy we discussed. It's in spoiler tags, due to the length. Here goes!
Chapter Two:
Spoiler
The setting is good, with some eerie description that sets the bleak tone of the shadow lands. When Zoltar arrives to talk to Hisster, however, this mood is somewhat altered. Hisster seems like he's supposed to be this dominant, imposing figure, yet he comes off as just kind of a petty jerk. He is unlikeable, which is what I suppose you were trying to accomplish with his character.
Concerning the dialogue, a lot of lines sound really unnatural and stilted. There is far too much exposition, especially in the large italicized paragraph. I recommend reducing the backstory, or at least implying it rather than directly stating it.
Chapter Three:
I'm not really sure why Zoltar is accompanying Hisster on this trip at all. It's obviously dangerous, and neither of them seem to particularly like one another. Is there no one else Hisster could take along?
Furthermore, the readers don't have any context for where the plot is going. What's Zoltar trying to achieve? Is there a clear goal? I know they want to find out more about the Exltrons, but it is never mentioned how the howler dragons can help in any way. Surely Hisster or Zoltar should tell someone about the huge, dangerous beast on the loose, right?
On a side note, at the end of the chapter Zoltar gets knocked out. Scene transitions can be tricky, I know, but please don't use this method to skip to a new location. It's a stale cliché, especially using the words "Everything went black." This has been done so many times, and I know you can think of a more creative way to have a cliffhanger.
Chapter Four:
It's nice to see Zoltar taking a stand and actually trying to fight, but why didn't any of the howler dragons say anything when he started to be violent? "We're not attacking you," for instance. They kind of just let Zoltar beat them until Hisster tells him the real situation.
Changing Shriken's name to Mowzan is fine, but you need to make sure that you have continuity with the previous chapters.
Once again with dialogue, Zoltar's thoughts in italics seem pretty stilted and irregular-sounding. I think the words could flow better and be more similar to actual thoughts. Overall, this chapter was very brief, and I don't know why. There was no cliffhanger ending like the last one, and the cutoff was too short. While short chapters can be great, just try to have a definite reason for making them that way. Chapter four could be merged with the following one to improve the flow.
Chapter Five:
Sorry if I'm focusing undue attention on the plot, but I'm left with many questions, story-wise. What was the point of Zoltar coming to see the howler dragons at all? He didn't really serve a purpose. Why can't the howler dragons get the Ruby of Fire themselves? Why is it so valuable? What is its significance or function? Why is there a deadline for finding it? If howler dragons can just kill the Exltron, why is here any problem? Does this mean that howler dragons are more powerful than shadow talons, if they need to be hired to kill for them? What's the difference between a shadow talon and a howler dragon, anyway? And who is Riconra? Context is vital in a fantasy story, and I think the novel needs to find a balance between over- and under-explaining things.
Notes on the Ruby of Fire: it's basically a MacGuffin at this point. Be careful not to create a video-gamey-RPG-quest scenario where your characters go on a convoluted hunt for a mysterious, powerful object for nearly the whole book. It's a classic formula, but overdone.
Chapter Six:
I'm glad that Zoltar is going to be involved in the action, even if it was pretty inevitable. The reason for his going, however, comes a bit out of left field. He's good at geography, true, but how would that be any more helpful than if the shadow talon soldiers brought along some maps? It's also never said why exactly the four dragons weren't coming back. Getting lost would just be stupid, and if they've died from some danger, Zoltar would be in even more peril on such a journey.
If Zoltar doubts that the dragons will even return, why on earth does he let them leave without making any effort at all to stop them? He might have just watched them fly to their deaths! He seems really heartless here.
So, it is revealed that Zoltar lacks the acid fangs of the other shadow talons. Is this genetic? Is it relevant? We've not really seen how this would be grounds for discrimination thus far in that story, or even evidence of bigotry yet. Hisster doesn't like Zoltar, but I don't think it has to do with his lack of acid fangs. No other dragons have been unduly cruel to him for being different, although there are not many characters we've met.
The Ruby of Fire: please, please tell why it's important and necessary to the story. I understand this may be explained later, but this information is vital to caring about the plot. Also, the plan so far seems to be to find the ten special items to trade with a mysterious dragon(?) named Riconra who will give a Ruby of Fire to the shadow talons so they can give it to the howler dragons so they will kill the Exltron. This is overly complicated and could easily (though unethically) be circumvented, Gordian-knot style. If the shadow talons are so desperate to find a better home that they will risk their four remaining soldiers on a complex fetch quest, then they could just steal the Ruby of Fire from Riconra. Or perhaps find an island not being guarded by a deadlay beast.
Speaking of leaving home, Zoltar, by all accounts, should really leave. He appears to have no emotional attachment to any of the shadow talons, especially since his mentor Scorpus is dead. He might as well just go join another tribe, if it's that simple.
There seem to be several plot holes, some of which I have mentioned. The false consequences for failure are an example. How would the shadow talons wage war if they have exactly zero remaining soldiers? Is Zoltar literally the "only one" who can possibly save the tribe and complete the mission?
With absolutely no offense intended, the plot is shaping up to be very predictable and clichéd. Many elements of the storyline have been done before, such as a mysterious, valuable object being sought (the Ruby of Fire), a generic lone underdog hero with a dead mentor (Zoltar) and an ultra-powerful enemy monster that can somehow be killed as the result of a quest (the Exltron). Still, maybe you're planning to switch things up later in the story. I hope to see your creativity applied to the rest of the plot, and a I know this novel can be great with some work.
Okey dokey, that's my review. Forgive any typos in my writing, as well as the cumbersome length. I hope I haven't been too harsh, as I truly see a lot of potential in your novel. Your word choice in imagery and descriptions was amazing and really evoked a sense of feeling from the setting. You have a fantasy world with so much to explore in it, and I'm excited to see where the story leads.
Have a great day, and keep writing!
Hello felistia, here I am for another review on your novel. I am know that you probably feel like you are getting a over-load of reviews, but I'm participating in R.E.D. and #TeamTortoise , so that's probably why I'm going along so fast.
I really felt like the chapter was too fast-paced. In my head, I was trying to keep on repeating to tell you to slow down, because these types of action scenes are my absolutue favorite, but first I really need to absorb what's going on. I think that the time lapse in between the three segments are part of the reason, or part of the problem. These three segements should/could be divided in three section such as: (Chapter 61. 6.2 6.3, etc) With this way, you can make each of the chapters longer and more fit for the content that is happening.
Also, I don't really understand why you got Hisster so out of character. I though that he literally despised Zoltar, like a lot and now he just lets him take off by himself to accomplish a task which is crucial to the survival of the whole village. Like, does Hisster even trust him, because he probably wouldn't if he knew what was going through Zoltar's head.
Plus, this is a good thing, thank you so much for advancing the plot a little bit, telling us why it's important that these monsters on the island are defeated, and then you also make Hisster, as the cheif of the colony outline that necessary steps of the operation that is about to occur. While reading and rereading this chapter, I noticed that this would do great as a stand-along chapter by itself, which so far, hasn't been the case for any other chapter of your that I have read. I guess that I'm just saying, although I do really appreciate you spelling out what's "supposed" to happen, I think that you could still keep an air of mystery. Like, why would Hisster reveal so much information in the public square/space. I was thinking that probably he would want to talk this over with Zoltar in private and such, for confidentiality sakes.
Now, onto the nitpicks in this section:
Here is some over-the-top description in my opinon. What really throws me off, is that sentence, talking about how Zoltar doesn't even notice any of this. Then like, what's the point in deciding 3 sentences to something that's absolutely useless? I know that you are excellent at your descriptions, but then again sometimes it's necessary to cut it down a little bit.
Here is a minor inconsistency that I picked up on while deep reading this part. Where is Zoltar's room in the cave located. After all, I would be thinking that he wouldn't want to be sleeping so near Hisster, especially since he had wanted to get/go away.
I don't know, I guess that I just don't understand why Hisster is remaining so optimistic all of a sudden, especially since he's usually a pretty pessimistic tyrant in private quarters. Like yeah, I do understand that he's not going to moan or make people feel scared because of unable and unprepared warriors that he flew out, but why did you just change him in this paragraph. Is this another side of him that the readers didn't know about, but always existed there under the layers, or perhaps you just made it up on the spot?
Awww, I really like how you are interwining that Zoltar is still basically holding on to the loyalty that he has displayed to Scorpus. I think that an absolutetly great idea that you tied this statement back to the first chapter, because doing this you can now give a clear motive to Zoltar's actions.
I didn't really understand what the big issue about timing is here? Didn't they have all the way until next autumn. If so, then why is Hisster stressing himself sick over the dissapearance for about two weeks?
So basically, I noticed that this happens. Whenever you have Zoltar rant or ramble on, then you have usually a lot of run-on sentences, which make you seem like you don't really have your grammar nailed down. I would just go through and double check all of those longer dialogue parts.
Thanks for stating the obvious, Hisster. Honestly though, the obvious statements such as this doesn't make a good cliffhanger at all I would just rewrite or something. Maybe delete is this part and just end it with: "Fine I will work with you." I think that's a perfect ending, or at least better one.
That's all the notes that I for this one. Don't worry though, I honestly didn't mean for this to be overly harsh. I am still very much enjoying reading this novel!
Until Next Time,
~P.S.
Thank you for another great review. I will be sure to go back and fix and rewrite a few things.
P.S Don't worry about all the reviews. I really like it.
I really liked this chapter. The last chapter had me worried that Zoltar would get completely kicked off the mission. I'm glad to see that's not the case.
Overall I felt the chapter contents were important and meaningful, but it also felt a bit rushed.
sigh should be sign and past should be passed.
Same here
This is a run on sentence and should be split up into smaller sentences.
Anyway, wonderful job once again with descriptions and I can't wait to continue reading.
Hello, it's me again
poor Zoltar.
)
writer12345!
Okay this is an interesting chapter! I got a pretty good idea about Hisser's attitudes towards Zoltar. I knew that he hated him, but I never thought that he'd drop him out from the mission; that's just harsh! poor Zoltar!
Your descriptions are amazing, and they just keep on getting better!
I really like the way you describe the setting; it really drives me right into the scene
Okay, now this is what I think about your characters,
Zoltar: headstrong, clever, and tactful
Hisser: strict, stubborn and a bit self centered.
Oh I really like it that you're using Zoltars thoughts to convey his feelings. You mentioned Scorpus too; I think Zoltar really misses him.
And I'm really glad that he finally found the nerve to stand up to Hisser.
A really small mistake:
“My fellow shadow talons,” he began, “I have gathered the last of the soldiers to go on a mission for the Ruby of Fire.” Zoltar flinch and ducked back into the sea of wings and talons.
I think it should be Zoltar 'flinched' not 'flinch' because the remaining part of the sentence is in past-tense.
Anyway, this is a really good chapter, and I love to see where this is heading. (you use humor pretty well
Keep writing and good luck!!!
Hey hey hey, I'm here for another review.
As always, suggestions:
Spoiler
There's nothing wrong with these two paragraphs, but it's smoother if you use pronoun "he" when referring to Zoltar.
"guilty instead of "guilt".
"others'".
"waste land" should be replaced with "wasteland".
This is seriously in need of a comma, since there are two fragments here, which is "slowly the dragons started to go to their separate ways" and "leaving Zoltar lost in thought". A comma should be put between them two fragments.
"pig-headed". Love the word choice, by the way.
"your".
Okay, now to the story. Since we're finally getting into that decision making time, I can see some parts that can be improved on. First, Zoltar's knowledge of the where-and-where of the continent seems like something crafted out of conveniency. I don't know how he can be like that since it's too sudden and has no backbone to it. Giving the readers "he's been to that island before" seems like a lazy explanation. A paragraph of explaining how he knows all this - perhaps he's a hardcore traveler or something? You did say continent, which is huge, I tell you.
Secondly, the period Zoltar's decided before talking to Hisster about going to the island. A month seems a bit long for a mission that'd take a year. Zoltar, although knowing the place he goes, surely can't risk of having one month less in search of the ruby. Every. Second. Counts. If I were you, I would put the time of waiting to be a fortnight, which was half of a month, but long enough. On a side note, I also want to know if Zoltar's going there alone or not. He's surely going to meet some challenges and hindrances, so two or three teammates would be important, I think.
Other than that, this chapter is fine as it is. I like how Zoltar's taken it upon himself as a responsibility to take the ruby. This is what I said about bravery with the right timing; Zoltar's bravery to step up the game this chapter can decide the future of the shadow talons, unlike his rash decision to fight off too many howler dragons. I think it's a good progress in the plot department.
And that's all. Keep it up!
Thank you for the review and following my story. You are really helping me. I will pop in a little bit about how Zoltar knows the continent and shorten the time to about half a month or so.
Hello! I, Holographic Ladybug, am here for your review!
~The good bits~
Your description is super good. I don't think that I can describe how well you described things here! I just loved the words you used here. They're so great that I can barely contain myself! You do it almost flawlessly, leaving your reader (if they are a writer) wanting to describe as well as you.
You must have to edit this stuff a lot. How much editing do you need to do?
I like your characters too. They're cool in a way that doesn't make them seem perfect. They have their flaws, but for a character, they're almost perfect. Does that make sense?
I'm really excited to see what happens next!
~The 'however' bits~
There are a few mistakes, though. But what doesn't?
'A crowd of shadow talons were crowded round Hisster’s cave.'
Putting 'crowded' here seems a bit redundant.
Maybe instead of 'crowd', you can put 'assembly' or 'throng'.
Or, maybe instead of 'crowded', 'packed' or 'swarmed' could suffice.
' “But if you don’t return with in a year, the shadow talons will have no choice, but to announce war against another tribe. '
'With in' is one word in your case. (Within)
' ‘Why should I go back? Hisster obviously doesn’t want me. I might as well go home.’ Zoltar decided, flying past Hisster’s cave. '
At the end of your dialogue, you should have a comma, not a period. Zoltar decided via that thought, right?
Very good work. I hope I was of some use to you!
-Holographic Ladybug
Thanks for the review. I have fixed the mistakes.
Hello!
Now - on with the review!
This is a good chapter! Your description is consistent, maybe a bit overdone at times, but I still like it.
why do I always say that...?I wonder, why is he just now noticing this? It seemed like in the chapter when he was surrounded by howler dragons, he was ready to kill. (Of course he didn't, but still...) I don't know - it just kind of confuses the character of "Zoltar" a bit. Just a thought.
It should be "Shadow talons" instead of 'talon'.
This seems a bit odd...though I like where you're going, I don't like how you put it . Maybe, to show that a month has passed, you could say something like "It had been nearly a month," or something like that. Then you could put details in to show time had passed - did the weather change? Did Hisster get any 'meaner'? Did Zoltar get really anxious? Just a suggestion though.
If he states this, I don't think it would be a question. You could re-word it if you wanted by putting 'you know' in the beginning.
YAY!
~Snazzy, Pencil, Penicillin, etc.
Stay awesome!
Thanks for the review. I will apply the changes when I have time.