Hello again!
I feel like this is going to be another chapter that I ultimately will say you could combine with another just because it's so short. You have a nice little cliff hanger there at the end, and cliff hangers are nice, but you also have to consider the chapter as a whole and whether or not it's moving the plot forward in a significant way. They're moving towards their goal and now Felistia has disappeared, but I think more can happen here.
Great sloping mountains of sapphire blue ice travelled as far as the eye could see,
How can mountains travel?
The air was as sharp as needles and filled him with the wild feeling of freedom.
I'm guessing this air is painful if it's as sharp as needles, and yet it makes him feel freedom? I like that flying makes him feel freedom, that makes sense to me, but not when it follows this description of something painful.
Felistia hadn’t said a word since they had left the others and Zoltar was starting to feel on edge. She was staring straight ahead into the distance as if she was trying to gaze into the future, her golden eyes seeming to see everything and yet nothing.
I liked this and that you followed it up with thoughts. But let's talk about those thoughts.
‘She’s hiding something important from me and I have a feeling that I am going to find out at the worst possible time. It must be something from her past. She wouldn’t act like this if it was just something we had to fight. I mean she was fine when we were fighting the Highlang, but this is different. I sense fear and regret in her and worst of all a burning hatful rage. I guess I am just going to have to keep my guard up and wait and see what happens,’
You're right on the edge here.
I still think you don't necessarily have to do all of the thoughts as specific thoughts like this and instead could describe them (since describing is one of your strong suits). I think it can be easier to get deep into the thoughts that way.
Like for example: "Zoltar felt that she was hiding something important. He had no way of knowing what it could be, but he had a feeling he would find out a the worst possible time and that he wasn't going to like it. It had to be something bad. He thought he knew her well enough now to know that if it was something good, she would have told him already."
In that example, I expanded just the first sentence. I kept your wording as similar as I could, but then expanded it by getting into the implications of finding out what she's hiding and why he thinks she's hiding something (or at least my guess of both of those things). It's still his thought process and it's still what he's thinking about without being as explicit. I think this way of doing thoughts could work well for you in a lot of places. In other places you'll probably still want to do the specific, explicit thoughts.
Experiment with this and see how it works for you. And here, when expanding the rest of these thoughts, think of it as almost explaining why he's thinking what he's thinking. Why does he think it has to be something from her past? Why does he think she wouldn't act this way if it was just about their fight? Etc.
He had to succeed on this quest. The whole shadow talon tribe was depending on him. Only, how would Hisster react when Zoltar challenged him? Would he agree to live in peace with the wisp talons or would he fight Zoltar. And what of the Howler dragons? Would they keep their deal or would they backstab the shadow talons? Zoltar didn’t know, but he knew that he had grown stronger throughout this quest and that whatever happened his friends would be by his side through better or worse.
This is a pretty good thought sequence! A couple of little things I would tweak -
Instead of "only how would", "He wondered how Hisster would" to set up that these are a series of Zoltar's wonderings. (And maybe I'm still just a little fuzzy on the details of the whole plan in general, but I'm still a bit confused about why Zoltar is going to have to challenge Hisster. Why do the shadow talons have to leave? I thought they were going to fight the monster in their land with this ruby. Why would they go to another place that wasn't made for them and that has its own monster? That doesn't make sense to me).
The last sentence felt a bit melodramatic and too I'm not sure what word I'm going for Disney? to me. I don't think it fits in with the rest of the tone. How has he grown stronger? And what does it matter that's gotten stronger and he's going to stand by his friends no matter what? I kind of feel like I'm waiting for the "so what".
She had said it would take a few hours, but it felt like almost a day had past. Was she leading him in circles or was he just being paranoid.
I feel like there probably is something going on with Felisitia and I really like the subtle ways you're making us doubt her and her intentions. I'm really starting to not trust her and that's because you're slowly building up these little pieces of evidence that there may be more than meets the eye here.
Let me know if you have any questions/if anything was confusing, and I'll see you soon!
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