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The Quest for Fire Book Two ~ Frozen Past Chapter 8

by felistia


Great sloping mountains of sapphire blue ice travelled as far as the eye could see, the thin powdered snow scattered over the peaks glittering in the shimmering starlight. Not a breath of wind broke the still silence and Zoltar could almost hear the stars singing in the deep cobalt blue skies above. In the far distance behind him he could just pick up the creaking groans of the lake of whispering as it froze over. Zoltar took in a deep breath. The air was as sharp as needles and filled him with the wild feeling of freedom. As he and Felistia flew on, deeper into the ice kingdom, a soft whisper of a breeze ran over Zoltar’s wings, its icy fingers brushing his obsidian black scales.

Felistia hadn’t said a word since they had left the others and Zoltar was starting to feel on edge again. She was staring straight ahead into the distance as if she was trying to gaze into the future, her golden eyes seeming to see everything and yet nothing.

Something Felistia had said was bugging Zoltar. She'd said that when they got to the ice kingdom they'd go their separate ways. What was she meaning to do? Was she going to see friends and family? Was she going to stay there and was this the last time he'd see her? Or was something more sinister happening? Zoltar was sure Felistia would have told him if she was going to see her family and she would have certainly have told him if she was leaving. Zoltar's gut tightened with fear. What was she doing?

For hours they flew, over the endless white wilderness. Zoltar kept a sharp look out for trouble as the icy wind like millions of minute thorns speared into his skin, battering his wings and stinging his eyes.

Felistia was still quiet, soaring through the blizzard as silent as a ghost. Zoltar had to strain his eyes to keep sight of her and even then sometimes she would disappear from his sight for a few fleeting seconds, before the snow thinned and she became visible again.

When would they reach this flaming palace? If this blasted snow storm hadn't rushed in he would have been able to find the Ice Talon Palace, but now he had to rely on Felistia, since she was the only one who could navigate through this blizzard. She had said it would take a few hours, but it felt like almost a day had past. Was she leading him in circles or was he just being paranoid.

Zoltar glanced back down to where Felistia had been flying. His heart jumped into his throat as he realized that she was gone. He scanned below, searching the swirling waves of snow, but still no sign. She had disappeared.

‘No, no, no. This can’t be happening,’ Zoltar thought anxiously as he searched desperately for the thin shadow of the ice dragon. A flood of doubt and fear was hurling itself over his senses and he was starting to feel rather nauseous.

‘Where is she? He refused to believe that she'd betray him. Felistia wouldn't do something like that, not after everything they'd been through. But a small voice kept echoing inside his head, whispering, ‘wouldn’t she?’

Zoltar shook his head, refusing to let his fears control him. Searching the violent snows with his sharp eyes, Zoltar sped through the storm. When he couldn’t find Felistia, he sucked in a deep breath of the icy air and let out a thunderous roar, "Feeellliiissstttiiiaaa!”

The snow around him twisted away from the blast of hot air like waves after an atomic bomb. His call echoed off into the howling blizzard, slowly fading until nothing but the cruel screaming of the wind was left.

‘She’s gone,’ Zoltar realized, after straining his ears and eyes for the smallest sign of Felistia. He'd lost her in the middle of the ice talon kingdom. She could be anywhere and in trouble. What was he going to do? He had to carry on and get the ice talon diamond, but he couldn't just leave Felistia. Sure they'd been having a bad time lately, but she still was one of his best friends and if anything happened to her he'd never forgive himself. She had to be out there somewhere. He shot another hopeful glance as the whirling white flakes around him only to once again see nothing.

Suddenly, there was the rush of powerful wing beats and the pain of cold talons seizing his wings, ripping him out the sky. Zoltar let out a yell and lunged, trying to break free as he and the unknown dragon plummeted towards earth in a wheeling spiral. They slammed into the paw deep snow and Zoltar desperately fought to fling his attacker off him, lashing out with claws and fangs, but a blast of frosty breath smacked him between the horns, stopping his struggles. There was a blur of icy voices and the clang of metal as heavy chains were wrapped over his wings. Zoltar barely had enough time to see the shape of a female ice dragon swim into his view before he passed out, sinking into a pit of darkness.


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Sun Apr 03, 2016 1:46 pm
Carlito wrote a review...



Hello again! :D

I feel like this is going to be another chapter that I ultimately will say you could combine with another just because it's so short. You have a nice little cliff hanger there at the end, and cliff hangers are nice, but you also have to consider the chapter as a whole and whether or not it's moving the plot forward in a significant way. They're moving towards their goal and now Felistia has disappeared, but I think more can happen here.

Great sloping mountains of sapphire blue ice travelled as far as the eye could see,

How can mountains travel?

The air was as sharp as needles and filled him with the wild feeling of freedom.

I'm guessing this air is painful if it's as sharp as needles, and yet it makes him feel freedom? I like that flying makes him feel freedom, that makes sense to me, but not when it follows this description of something painful.

Felistia hadn’t said a word since they had left the others and Zoltar was starting to feel on edge. She was staring straight ahead into the distance as if she was trying to gaze into the future, her golden eyes seeming to see everything and yet nothing.

I liked this and that you followed it up with thoughts. But let's talk about those thoughts.

‘She’s hiding something important from me and I have a feeling that I am going to find out at the worst possible time. It must be something from her past. She wouldn’t act like this if it was just something we had to fight. I mean she was fine when we were fighting the Highlang, but this is different. I sense fear and regret in her and worst of all a burning hatful rage. I guess I am just going to have to keep my guard up and wait and see what happens,’

You're right on the edge here.
I still think you don't necessarily have to do all of the thoughts as specific thoughts like this and instead could describe them (since describing is one of your strong suits). I think it can be easier to get deep into the thoughts that way.
Like for example: "Zoltar felt that she was hiding something important. He had no way of knowing what it could be, but he had a feeling he would find out a the worst possible time and that he wasn't going to like it. It had to be something bad. He thought he knew her well enough now to know that if it was something good, she would have told him already."
In that example, I expanded just the first sentence. I kept your wording as similar as I could, but then expanded it by getting into the implications of finding out what she's hiding and why he thinks she's hiding something (or at least my guess of both of those things). It's still his thought process and it's still what he's thinking about without being as explicit. I think this way of doing thoughts could work well for you in a lot of places. In other places you'll probably still want to do the specific, explicit thoughts.
Experiment with this and see how it works for you. And here, when expanding the rest of these thoughts, think of it as almost explaining why he's thinking what he's thinking. Why does he think it has to be something from her past? Why does he think she wouldn't act this way if it was just about their fight? Etc.

He had to succeed on this quest. The whole shadow talon tribe was depending on him. Only, how would Hisster react when Zoltar challenged him? Would he agree to live in peace with the wisp talons or would he fight Zoltar. And what of the Howler dragons? Would they keep their deal or would they backstab the shadow talons? Zoltar didn’t know, but he knew that he had grown stronger throughout this quest and that whatever happened his friends would be by his side through better or worse.

This is a pretty good thought sequence! A couple of little things I would tweak -
Instead of "only how would", "He wondered how Hisster would" to set up that these are a series of Zoltar's wonderings. (And maybe I'm still just a little fuzzy on the details of the whole plan in general, but I'm still a bit confused about why Zoltar is going to have to challenge Hisster. Why do the shadow talons have to leave? I thought they were going to fight the monster in their land with this ruby. Why would they go to another place that wasn't made for them and that has its own monster? That doesn't make sense to me).
The last sentence felt a bit melodramatic and too I'm not sure what word I'm going for Disney? to me. I don't think it fits in with the rest of the tone. How has he grown stronger? And what does it matter that's gotten stronger and he's going to stand by his friends no matter what? I kind of feel like I'm waiting for the "so what".

She had said it would take a few hours, but it felt like almost a day had past. Was she leading him in circles or was he just being paranoid.

I feel like there probably is something going on with Felisitia and I really like the subtle ways you're making us doubt her and her intentions. I'm really starting to not trust her and that's because you're slowly building up these little pieces of evidence that there may be more than meets the eye here.

Let me know if you have any questions/if anything was confusing, and I'll see you soon! :D




felistia says...


Hello again Carlito. :D
Thanks again for all the reviews you've given me. :D
I've gone back through the story and added a whole lot of descriptive thoughts like you suggested and it has really helped.
You had a few important questions in this review regarding the steps of the quest and the reason for the shadow talons move. I've written a whole lot of answers for your questions through out the chapters, but that would be a lot of reading so I thought I'd quickly explain it here. :d

The shadow talons home was once similar to the misty mountain island, but the volcano erupted killing over half the tribe, so now they're looking to move to a similar home (Misty mountain island) away from the volcano, before it erupts again.

The shadow talons went to the howler dragons to ask them to kill the monster on the island. The howler dragons in return for the ruby of fire will kill the monster for the shadow talons. So the whole quest is to gather five things to give to the dragons (Riconra) keeping the ruby.

Zoltar has to challenge Hisster to make him live in peace with the wisp talons. In the dragons world tribes stick to their own tribe, so asking one tribe to live with another tribe is kind of like asking a bunch of dogs to live peacefully with a bunch of cats. Cats being the wisp talons and the shadow talon being the dogs.

I hope this answers your questions and thanks again for the great reviews. :D



felistia says...


Going to hopefully finish correcting the chapters by the end of the week. :D



Carlito says...


A bunch of light bulbs just went on in my head. Thank you for that explanation, I think I'm clear now :D

And you're so welcome! I'm glad you're finding the reviews useful. Once you're done correcting, if you would like me to pick up where I left off and keep reviewing, just let me know!



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Tue Feb 23, 2016 2:31 pm
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TahaT11n wrote a review...



Hey.
Suddenly I got the mood of reviewing and now I wanna review till I get the next star! Wait, I can only review until my parents come back. ;)

Well, I listened to your advice and now I am doing what you told me to do. First, I haven't read the other chapters. So, I will only review on the writing style of this chapter. Kay? And, you already have got two awesomely helpful reviews. It will be okay if I leave a short one.

But, Felistia?! Since I didn't read the previous chapters, so it's the first time I am seeing the name as a character. :)

Now-

In the first para, after the part , " deeper into the ice kingdom" - here, I think a comma should be placed after the word "kingdom".
Hey, I just had this feeling in my gut that the chapter could use some more description. It seemed small to me. Maybe I wouldn't feel so if I had read the previous chapters. Still, I think, you should have added some more description.
And, the ending. Well, it was a surprise. But, here too, I felt there was no sign of surprise in the description. It needed more lines, dude.

That's all I can tell ya. I hope that the very few things that I said would be of help to you. :)




felistia says...


Thank you for the review. I know that this chapter is a bit short and I am thinking of putting more stuff in it. Thanks again for the review. :D



TahaT11n says...


No, I don't think you need to add more "stuff". The things that are happening here are enough. You just have to write more about Felistia"s expression, specially when she disappears and the concerns in the boys mind. That's what I think.



felistia says...


Okay. I will do that. :D
Did you know that the characters are dragons?



TahaT11n says...


Learned it just now.
Now it makes sense..they are flying!!



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Mon Feb 22, 2016 1:31 am
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Snazzy wrote a review...



Hi felistia!
Good imagery in this one, though a bit overdone at times. ;) Anyway, on with the review!

Only, how would Hisster react when Zoltar challenged him?


WHOA- why would zoltar challenge Hisster? Then again, this may have been something I missed in the previous chapters, but I never remember Zoltar saying he would challenge Hisster... It just lost me for a second.

Would he agree to live in peace with the wisp talons or would he fight Zoltar and what of the Howler dragons?


Just a little grammar bit - this is a run-on sentence. There should be a comma after 'Zoltar', or you could make it an entire new sentence.

Other suggestions, considerations, and quite possibly a rant:
I know all the chapters are basically from Zoltar's perspective, and are supposed to be, but I want to know what Felistia does at least. All I know from this chapter was that she looked like something was bothering her. Neither of your characters talked the entire flight in this chapter, which I found to be quite odd.

Time passed rather "okay-ish" for this chapter, considering the length. But the cliff-hanger was good at the end. ;)

Anyway, Ladybug already pretty much said everything else, so other than that, this is good! A little short, but still good! Keep writing!

~Snazz Pizzazz




felistia says...


Thank you for the review. Sorry for the late reply. :D



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Sat Feb 20, 2016 12:37 pm
HolographicLadybug wrote a review...



Greetings felistia! Holographic Ladybug here fore a review! :D

~Other Bits~

Zoltar took in a deep breath, the air was as sharp as needles and filled him with the wild feeling of freedom.

I know to be careful with semi-colons, but I am 98.9999999969% sure that you can use one here instead of the comma. There is a bit too much here as one sentence and separating the parts with a comma isn't going to work. Both parts before and after the comma could actually work as two individual sentences, but it would probably look/read/sound better as one thing (entity?). If you're still unsure on whether or not to trust me, try here (or here because the other one is slightly....strange.)

He had to succeed on this quest, the whole shadow talon tribe was depending on him, but how would Hisster react when Zoltar challenged him?

I recommend making each of these statements a single sentence (ending the sentence instead of having a comma) because it seems kind of awkward. They feel like three individual ideas so they don't really belong together. Do you get what I mean?

When would they reach this flaming palace?

I am not at all confused here, really, but I think that suddenly bringing up a flaming palace (I assume it's the Ice Talon palace) is a bit random. I think that it would be better if you had mentioned this before. Now that I think about it, it kind of feels like Felistia is going someplace with him willingly without even knowing what they're doing. You should probably mention this someplace in previous chapters or something.

~Good Bits~
Again, I am super happy that you are moving this along. :) This is yet again another short chapter so I can probably not find as many good things to talk about as I wish to (more content=more good stuff to talk about), but I know what I am going to say. :)
CCCCCCCLLLIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFHHHHHHHAAAAANNNNNNNGGGGGGEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!!!! Felistia, you cannot leave the chapter off like this. I forbid it! You are not allowed to do that! (Grumbles under breath) It's actually a pretty good cliffhanger because she is suddenly gone. POOF! We have no clue what has happened.
I also feel that Zoltar's emotions were portrayed pretty good here. I understood that he's nervous about Felistia and failing the mission. You got those emotions across very well which is very important. Great job with that. :D

That's it from me! (Bows) I have finished my review and I leave you in stunned silence to ponder....

.P.S. Did you know that chapter nineteen doesn't have chapter in its name? I'm looking beside my reviewing box and there is a line of chapter 17, chapter 18, 19, chapter 20. I noticed this a while ago, but didn't think about it until now. It's not a big deal, but just something that you might know.

(More stunned silence)




felistia says...


Thank you for a review so soon. I really appreciate it. :D
I will fix those mistakes right away. :D




"The adventures I enjoy are usually of a literary nature."
— Henry Winchester