E - Everyone

The Quest for Fire Book One ~ Into the Mists Chapter 15

A few hours later, Zoltar became aware that the Exltron had stopped thumping around and that still quiet had settled on the forest above. Yawning, Zoltar got up and began walking back up the tunnel. He wings screamed in pain with every step and he was beginning to worry that they were damaged pretty badly. He quickened the pace upwards, wanting to get out of the dreary cave and back into the sun light. Zoltar emerged to the eerie drumming of a wood pecker on the trees outside the cave. Chunks of rock had fallen for the walls and ceiling. The bushes outside where trampled and torn and the whole patch of forest around the cave was broken and smashed to splinters.

Shakely, Zoltar stepped out into the darkening forest. His wings were covered in cuts and his right wing had a small tear in the webbing near the tip. He slowly extended the wing to examine the damage. A sharp bolt of pain shot through his wing and he winced.

‘This is bad,’ Zoltar thought, pressing his wings close to his body. He wasn't going to be able to fly back to the cave like this and it was getting dark. Emerald's warning flashed into his head and he knew he had to find cover fast. There was more than an Exltron out there that would try to attack him and already he could hear the night creature calls slowly echoing through the forest. 

Picking up the stone tablet and carefully putting it in his jaws, Zoltar slowly crept out into the open, keeping a careful look out for danger. The small trees around the cave had been reduced to splinters. The ground was churned up and had deep claw marks trailing through the dirt.

Zoltar stole into the trees, his ears straining for the slightest sign of danger. He carefully placed his paws in front of him taking great care not the make a noise. Zoltar cringed every time his wings brushed a shrub or tree trunk. Acute pain shot up his shoulders with every step.

‘Shiraku and Felistia are going to kill me when they find that I’m not home.' Zoltar thought as he hurried through the trees. He just hoped they hadn't gone out looking for him. The last thing he wanted was for them to get caught out at night along with him. This was his problem and he didn't want them dragged into it.

After a little while Zoltar stumbled across some tracks. He paused to sniff them. They were paw prints with claw marks on each toe and they smelled fresh. Zoltar couldn't recognize the tracks though. He knew that they were way too small to be the Exltron's and looked more like the prints of a small forest raptor or forest cat. Zoltar's stomach growled at the thought of prey. He'd not eaten in ages and even though he was hurt, he was sure he could take down a forest cat. He studied the tracks again. They seemed to be going in the same direction as him.

Zoltar padded down the small path following the prints and being careful not to snap any twigs. He didn’t want whoever’d made the tracks to know that he was trailing them. The pawmarks lead him past a small pond. Its surface was covered in alga and a foul smell drifted off the green water. There was not a sign of life in or around the pond. A skeleton of a tree hung over the water in such a precarious passion Zoltar wondered how it had not fallen in yet. Insect noises hummed around him as he walked on. After about half an hour Zoltar heard noises up ahead, twigs cracking and a tail swishing along the forest floor.

'That doesn’t sound like the beast at all,' Zoltar thought, gaining courage as he hurrying towards the sounds. The rustling was coming from behind a bush. Zoltar quietly stalked over to the plant. Flexing his talons, Zoltar crouched and with a mighty roar he leapt over it, catapulting into a green ball of scales. It clawed back at him and hissed indignantly, “What are you doing!”

Zoltar flinched in surprise. Prey wasn't supposed to talk. He looked down at the now flash red and orange dragon under his claws and realized it was Emerald.

“What are you doing here?” he asked surprised.

“Searching for food! You big oaf! Get off me!” Emerald shouted in frustration.

“Yes, yes. Uh sorry," Zoltar hurried to get off Emerald and then stood there studying his claws sheepishly.

Taking a deep breath, Emerald got to her feet and let a cool coconut white run down her scales with winding veins of gold. Zoltar glanced up with a hopeful expression written all over his face, not knowing quite how she was going to react.

Emerald gave one look at Zoltar and burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Zoltar asked baffled. He'd just pounced on her. Wasn't she upset with him?

“You!” Emerald snorted in a fit of laughs, “Your face was hilarious when you realized it was me. You were so big and scary when you came out of that bush and then you got such a fright when I shouted at you.”

“I guess it was funny,” Zoltar admitted scratching behind his head were Emerald had scrapped him with her claws, “I was expecting some sort of forest beast,”

“Well you’ve got one,” Emerald joked bating his wing with her snout.

“Ow!” Zoltar shouted, jumped back, “Don’t touch my wings,” Zoltar hissed, gritting his teeth as pain surged up his wing and down his back.

“What did you do to hurt them like this?” Emerald asked gently touching his wing.

“It’s a long story,” Zoltar said, sitting down.

“I don’t suppose you can fly with these can you? I mean if you weren’t already a black and blue colour your wings would probably look like you'd spilled blue berries all-over them. You’re lucky you don’t have any broken bones.”

“Yes I know. Are there others out here?” Zoltar asked, peering into the forest. The last thing he needed was a bunch of strange wisp talons appearing out of nowhere and giving him another fright.

“No. I am alone. Heavens alive you gave me a fright,” Emerald said sarcastically.

“I said I was sorry,” Zoltar moaned shifting on his paws.

“Aw it’s alright. You didn’t know it was me. Now how are we going to get you back before sunset? You must have a cave or tree that you sleep in?” Emerald probed, gently stretching Zoltar’s wings out. She examined the scratches on the webbing. They were deep and would leave scars. One in particular caught her eye. It was a rip on the bottom of his right wing tip.

Zoltar didn't knew whether or not he should tell Emerald where he lived, after all she was a strange dragon that he hardly knew. After a few seconds thought, he dropped the suspicion. She seemed like a really nice dragon and he really liked her. He was sure there was no reason to be suspicious of her, after all she wasn't a shadow talon. Still... he wasn't going to let on too much, "I live on the far west side of the island in a cave."

“That's a nice side of the island. I sometimes fly down there to sit by the lake, but it's quite a long way away. You’re going to have trouble flying all the way down there with these cuts in your wing. In the meantime I think we're going to have to take you to the wisp talon village for the night."

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Carlito
Review
Carlito wrote a review · Mon Mar 21, 2016 2:28 pm

Hello again! My goal is to give you soooo many notifications by the time you get back because I've reviewed so many of your chapters (maybe all of them?!) :D

Zoltar woke to the eerie drumming of a wood pecker on the trees outside the cave.

I don't quite understand why he's waking up again. Another pattern you're falling into is starting a lot of chapters with him waking up. I don't know how he fell asleep in the first place. He was stuck in a cave with a big scary monster trying to get to him and stuff falling all around him, and he was asleep? I guess if something fell on his head and knocked him out it would make sense, but that also happens a lot. This guy is going to have some serious brain damage soon!

Groaning, he opened his eyes and blurrily looked around. Chunks of rock had fallen for the walls and ceiling. The bushes outside where trampled and torn and the whole patch of forest around the cave was broken and smashed to splinters.

I'm having a bit of a hard time picturing this. The Exltron made a ton of damage obviously and all of this rock has fallen down but Zoltar isn't completely buried? He's able to get up and look around? Exactly how badly is this place damaged? And eventually the Exltron gave up and went home after being so close to getting a dragon?

‘Shiraku and Felistia are going to kill me when they find that I’m not home. They’re probably going to be worry sick about me. I really hope they don’t decide to come looking for me. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to them.’

His thoughts aren't doing much for me in this chapter. I think they sound a little dry and like thought. thought. thought. (I don't really know how to explain what I'm thinking :p). I want more emotion and personality woven in without necessarily coming right out and saying "He felt x". I think I talked about this in a previous chapter, that you may not even need to do the italics all the time and instead could just describe what he's thinking about. (If that doesn't sound familiar or you don't know what I'm talking about, just let me know and I'll try to explain better). :)

'These look way too small to be the Exltron’s, more like the tracks of a raptor or small forest cat. Maybe I’ll follow them. They seem to go in the same direction I’m going and I might find something to eat'

The "maybe I'll follow them" killed me. The tone of this, to me, sounded like "oh here are some tracks that aren't the most dangerous thing, but could still be something dangerous to me. I'm going to follow them!" :p Whyyyy would he want to follow something that could potentially injure him when he's already injured? I get he's trying to find food and rest, but surely he can find that on his own? Since I know the tracks will end up leading to a dragon, could he just recognize the tracks as dragon tracks and then wonder who he'll find?

Flexing his talons Zoltar crouched and with a mighty roar he leapt over it, catapulting into a green ball of scales.

He's able to do this while injured?

“Yes, yes. Uh sorry. You know...about the whole landing on you and squishing you, thing,” Zoltar hurried to get off Emerald and then stood there studying his claws.

Not needed, because what else would he be sorry for?

“Ow!” Zoltar shouted, jumped back.

“Don’t touch my wings,” Zoltar hissed, gritting his teeth as pain surged up his wing and down his back.

This can be one paragraph.

Now how are we going to get you back before sunset? You must have a cave or tree that you sleep in?”

“You’re going to have trouble flying until you get used to the tear in your wing. In the meantime I think we're going to have to walk you home."

I think I would like a little more in-between these two things Emerald says. I like her character and I like that she's taking care of him. He obviously needs that right now and I'm not sure if Felistia and Shiraku would be willing to help him.
But she asks him a question about where he sleeps. As she's looking him over, I think Zoltar should answer that question. I would also like to know what he thinks, or how he reacts to her taking care of him like this. Then after it seems like Emerald is done with her little assessment of him, then she could deliver that last line.

Overall, a fine chapter. Things are moving along at a nice pace and I'm definitely getting into this story and I'm excited to read on! (which is pretty impressive on your part because I'm usually not a big fantasy person) :D

See you soon! And as always, let me know if there are any questions and if anything I said was confusing!

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writerkitty
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Yay, Emerald's back! I really like her! She's super fun and sarcastic. And I kind of felt sorry about poor Zoltar. He seems to be pretty hurt. I hope he would be able to fly again! :D
Oh, and I can't wait to see Siraku and Felistia's faces when he gets back home!

This is another great chapter, and I love almost everything about it! Good job!!! :D

Never stop writing and have a great day!!! :D

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Snazzy
Review
Snazzy wrote a review · Mon Nov 16, 2015 5:29 pm

Hi Felistia!
Another well written chapter! I like how Emerald pops back into the story. I really liked her character the first time you introduced her. ;)

These look too small to be the Exltron’s. Maybe I’ll follow them. They seem to go in the same direction I’m going


It seems like Zoltar would be a smart enough dragon not to follow them, even if the 'something' wasn't dangerous. As he said himself, there were other creatures beside the Exltron that could hunt him down. Just a thought. ;)

What did you do to hurt your wings like this


It seems like you're repeating "your wings" a lot in this. You could replace it with 'them' a few times to cut down on the repetition.

Other Suggestions:
I believe you could start combining chapters (not including the ones with cliff-hangers). You could publish them in parts if you wanted to, but it's totally up to you when it comes to chapter sizes. :D :D

Fantastic job with this! Good luck as you continue on, and keep writing!

~Snazzy
Stay awesome!

Thank you for the review. I will fix everything when I get the chance. I keep the chapter relatively short so that it is easier for people to review.

Hi felistia! Holographic Ladybug here again for a review!

I don't know how you can make this any better. Seriously. The story seems to be tilting towards more conflict and involvement with other characters. Whoo! Again, very excited.



I do have two things that could be of use to you:

The word 'though' appeared somewhere near the start. I think that you mean 'thought'. (Because Zoltar was thinking in this instance.)

Also, where are Tsunami and Felistia? Why didn't Zoltar think of them when he regained consciousness. It suddenly feels like they don't exist anymore! What happened to them? Shouldn't Zoltar be wondering about them? It feels suddenly very empty that they're not there anymore!



(Geesh! Are my reviews getting shorter?!)
Well, that's all from me. Nothing needs to be worked on super badly here. I applaud on your great story skills.



Hope that I was somewhat useful! :)

-Holographic Ladybug

Thank you for the review I will adjust it so that Zoltar thinks of Felistia and Tsunami.



I like anchovies~ but nobody calls me that.
— alliyah