E - Everyone

The Quest for Fire Book One ~ Into the Mists Chapter 11

The shadows grew longer as Zoltar ran through the ever darkening woods. He had to get home before the sun set. He knew he'd just met Emerald, but something in her voice when she'd warned he not to go out at night had told him that she'd been dead serious. The noises in the forest had warped from sweet chirps and whistles to a more threatening tune. Insects started to play their music from the leaves on the trees, their sounds traveling through the hazy air like the shaky notes from a violin. Small animals scuttled through the undergrowth, causing the dry foliage to rustle as they went. Robins called from the tree tops, their songs like a band of flutes and whistles cutting through the evening air, while the black bird’s rich melodies seemed to float through the canopy.

At last the clearing he'd landed in before yawned in front of Zoltar as he sprinted towards it. The dirt crumbled under his talons as he galloped across the burnt patch of land. Spreading his vast wings, Zoltar lifted into the air as the sun slowly sank below the far off mountains. He set off in the direction of the cave he'd slept in the day before as the suns razes lifted off the sea and shadows replaced the departing light. The forest below him was a rich amber olive in the suns golden gleam. Orange flames of light licked his onyx scales as he neared the caves entrance. Zoltar dived through the twisted green vines blocking the opening.

The caves features were a blurred grey in the dim light peaking from between the creepers behind Zoltar. He scanned the area, letting he amethyst eye beams run over the walls and boulders.

Suddenly something seized his neck and slammed him to the rock floor, making his head spin.

“Who are you!” the dragon demanded, painfully digging her claws between his scales.

“Zoltar!” Zoltar growled trying to wriggle out from under the muscular dragon clamping him to the ground.

Instantly the talons released as the dragon leapt off Zoltar. He scrambled to his feet to face his attacker, snarling. He was surprised to find himself staring at Shiraku, the sea talon he’d met the day before.

“Suffering serpents, what are you doing?” Zoltar thundered, “That is the second time someone has done that to me, today!”

“Sorry,” Shiraku apologized, but quickly barked, “well you shouldn’t have gone out so early and you can’t just dive in here unannounced. What did you think was going to happen?”

“I…I…rrr,” Zoltar huffed, pacing the cave floor, his tail lashing, sending small pebbles bouncing across the ground.

He was almost relived when Felistia swooped in through the vines, making them sway from side to side. She frowned when she saw Shiraku and Zoltar.

“What are you growling about now?” Felistia sighed in an exasperated way, her silver claws clacking on the hard rock as she stalked up to Shiraku.

Shiraku dramatically lit up her scales so that her scowling face shimmered in an eerie blue glow.

“He just flew in here and I attacked him and now he’s cross with me,” Shiraku snapped, the webbed spikes on her head raised in anger.

“How was I supposed to know that there was a secret entrance code or something?” Zoltar growled sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have gone out so early!” Shiraku yelled back, her ears laid back and the spin along the whole length of her back bristling.

“Enough you two!” Felistia roared, leaping between Zoltar and Shiraku. Her eyes were drooping and her wings looked heavy.

“I have had a long, tiring day and I don’t feel like dealing with you two fighting!” she bellowed, “Now start acting like mature dragons and go to sleep.” She shot a you'd-better-listen look as Shiraku. Yawning, she padded off to a far corner of the cave and flopped down on the rock and seemed to instantly fall asleep.

“Yes mother,” Shiraku mumbled mockingly under her breath as she trudged over to the opposite end of the cavern and lay down with her wings draped over her head. Zoltar could hear her grousing and grumbling softly to herself.

'What a pair,' Zoltar thought to himself, half amused. The cave was dark now that Shiraku was asleep and Zoltar could see the two moons rising over the mountains, their silver glow floating in through the gaps in the vines, casting thin blades of light over the floor.

All the day’s work seemed to flood over Zoltar as he lay down near the caves entrance and he was surprised at how tired he was. Zoltar yawned and closed his eyes. Almost immediately sleep swept over him, washing away the day’s aches and pains.

~ ~ ~

The air was sweet and fresh on the sunlit plains of grass. Bright colourful fish darted under Zoltar as he flew over a crystal clear lake. The wind brushed his wing tips with invisible feathers and whistled in his ears. Zoltar let out a roar of joy as he swooped over the pine covered slopes of Kie Shoo Mountain. Deer and rabbits leapt for cover as his shadow swept over the ground below. The sun was warm on his spines and the sky was pure blue with not a cloud in sight.

Suddenly there was a rumble and the trees beneath Zoltar shook and trembled. Birds flew from the mountain in great, vivid flocks of colour, their shrill calls piercing the still air. There was another growl from the mountain and then with an ear-splitting boom the alp exploded into a cloud of red, hot lava and smoke. The sky went black and smouldering rocks of flame roared past Zoltar as he swerved to avoid being hit. They crashed into the town below, smashing houses and streets. Hissing rivers of glowing, crimson lava gushing down the mountain, flooding what was left of the village. The air was stiflingly hot and the gasses seeping from the volcano in great plumes were suffocating. There was another thundering bang as half the mountain broke away from the volcano in an avalanche of rock, molten lava and gas. It sped down the slope towards Zoltar like a great, angry beast. Zoltar flapped his wings in large curved arcs trying to gain height, but the landslide was too fast. It swept over him in a roaring torrent of searing hot lava and scorched rocks.

Zoltar leapt up, cold sweat streaming down his obsidian scales and his heart thundering in his chest. After a few deep, shaky breaths he came to realize what had happened. He'd had a recollection of the day the volcano in the shadow lands had erupted. It had been worse as a dream though. In real life he’d watched from afar as the volcano had destroyed his home. His parents had died in the flames that day, but strangely he'd not felt any pain after their deaths. It didn't surprise him though. They hadn't really loved him and probably wouldn't have cared if they'd been in his place and he'd been the one burning in the fire. If it hadn't been for Scorpus taking him under his wing and carrying for him, he would have died, either from starvation or an injury.

With a sigh, Zoltar settled back down on the cave floor, letting the cool, rough stone scrape the scales on his belly. His sides were still heaving with fright and his breath came out raspy and short. The cave was dark and he could hear Shiraku snoring softly in the back of the cavern. A nightingale was calling somewhere in the forest below, its sharp notes cutting through the cold night air.

“Have a nightmare?” a quiet voice whispered.

Zoltar whipped his head around and found himself staring into Felistia’s golden eyes.
“Yes,” he breathed, sitting up.

“What was it about?” Felistia asked, her wing tip brushing his as she sat down next to him.

“It was about home, the shadow lands. A volcano was erupting and I was caught in it.” Zoltar didn't want to give any details and tried to squish all emotions out of his voice.

There was silence between them.

“I have nightmares about my home too,” Felistia replied suddenly, after a few long moments.

“What about?” Zoltar asked, intrigued. He hoped that she'd tell him a bit about her past. For the short time Zoltar had know her he'd felt that she kept most of her emotions to herself and didn't really show feelings such as joy or sadness. He wondered what had caused her to be so withdrawn. Maybe some past trauma or family issue had effected her, but then showing little emotions could just be an ice talon thing.   

“Avalanches of ice, deadly snow storms. You know the usual stuff,” Felistia answered coldly, showing no emotion in her voice what so ever, but Zoltar could feel that she was holding something back.

“So how'd you end up here?” Zoltar enquired, hoping to squeeze even a little bit of information out of her.  

“I’m here because Prison Dark Claw sent me here for bad behaviour. This is an execution island where all dragons that are dropped off here never return. The beast gets them. I have been on this island for about four months. Shiraku arrived soon after, much to my annoyance,” Felistia explained, shooting a quick glance in the direction of Shiraku, "But we've managed to stake it out on the island by staying near the cave and not going out after sun down."

Zoltar knew that she'd steered away from the subject of her past and wasn't going to tell him anything, at least not for now, so he changed the subject and asked,“Why were you so tired when you got home yesterday?” 

“I was out hunting. I haven’t caught anything in two days, so I am feeling a bit down. I'm sure I'll catch something sooner or later.”

“I could help you hunt in the morning. I am quite good at catching prey,” Zoltar offered. Felistia seemed to perk up.

“Alright,” she whispered, smiling as she gently wrapping her tail around his.

Comments & reviews · 5
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User avatar
Carlito
Review
Carlito wrote a review · Sun Mar 13, 2016 8:08 pm

Hello again! :D

The shadows grew longer as Zoltar hurried through the ever darkening woods.

I believe I mentioned this in a previous review, but you frequently begin chapters with long periods of description. Description is nice and you do description well, but I think it'll start to lose its power when you over-use it. I think you could simplify this opening and make where Zoltar is going now and what he's doing a little more clear. The last chapter ended with him starting to go off one way but being told no it's dangerous. He never decided what he was going to do next, so here when he's traveling through the air, I don't know if I should be worried because he's going to that dangerous place or what. And I thought he was in an area that was too densely packed with trees and stuff that he couldn't fly.

He set off in the direction of the cave

I would specify which cave for clarity. Something as simple as "the cave he left this morning" or "Felistia and Shiraku's cave".

The caves features were a blurred grey in the dim light peaking from between the creepers behind Zoltar. He scanned the area, letting he amethyst eye beams run over the walls and boulders.

I don't think you need that first sentence because you've already pretty thoroughly described the cave in a previous chapter so I don't need to know how the cave's features are harder to make out now. I'm also not sure what the "creepers behind Zoltar" are or why it's important because it's not mentioned again. Get right to the action - what Zoltar actually does - which is scanning the area before all heck breaks lose again.

“Who are you!” the dragon demanded, painful digging her claws between his scales.

Should be "painfully". You have a couple of little typos like this per chapter and I don't point them out because they're typos and everyone does that. However, they can start to get distracting. A good way to catch typos is to put your novel in a different size and/or font than you normally write with so it looks completely different on the page, and then read it. You'll catch more things because your eyes will be paying more attention instead of glossing over familiar words and passages.

He was surprised to find himself staring at Shiraku, the sea talon he’d met the day before.

I'm glad you mentioned who he is. I remembered, but since he's still a pretty new character, refreshers are always nice. :)

He was almost relived when Felistia swooped in through the vines, making them sway from side to side. Her face changed when she saw Shiraku and Zoltar.

"swooped in through the vines" - so she came in the same way Zoltar did?
"her face changed when she saw..." - how so?

“I’m here because I failed a mission. The queen sent me to Prison Dark Claw, which sent me here for bad behaviour. I have been on this island for about four months. Shiraku arrived soon after much to my anouance,” Felistia explained, shooting a quick glance in the direction of Shiraku.

So this island is for bad dragons and yet regular wisp dragons also live here? I'm still very confused about the overall structure of this society. I'm not quite sure how you can give all of the necessary information without big info-dumps (because like I've said before, fantasy isn't my thing). And my confusion about world stuff could easily be my own issue simply because I don't read a lot of fantasy and it usually takes me longer to catch onto world things. But there are so many things I want to know about this world.

“Alright,” she said, gently wrapping her tail around his.

D'awwww :)


The dialogue was better in this chapter and I really liked the character insights with Felistia and even Shiraku to some extent. There was some personality development there and I'm glad we're starting to get to know them better. The final conversation with Felisita and Zoltar - I liked the simplicity of it, but I also think it could be expanded a bit. It's all about Felistia and Zoltar doesn't give much back in return. Maybe that's cool with Felistia, but you could expand their conversation a bit, make it a little longer, and have a little more back and forth with each of them on the things they're talking about.

Overall nice chapter! See you again soon! Let me know if you have any questions/if anything was confusing :D

Thanks for the review. :D
Creepers is another word for vines in your question above. :D
One other thing. Shiraku is a girl. :D

You're very welcome!
haha I realized Shiraku was a girl in the next chapter and was like "oops...." but I forgot to mention that :P

User avatar
FallWolf
Review

Hola felistia =) FallWolf here to give you a review (=
I am enjoying this story very much =) The characters continue to mold their own personalities and habits, which is really cool! I especially like Shiraku. Characters like her really bring out conflict in the story =)

However, some places could use some fixing.

[q]Insects started to play their music from the leaves on the trees, their sounds traveling through the hazy air like the clear notes from a violin. Small animals scuttled through the undergrowth, causing the dry foliage to rustle as they went. Robins called from the tree tops, their songs like a band of flutes and whistles cutting through the evening air, while the black bird’s rich melodies seemed to float through the canopy.[/q]

The insects playing with the clear notes of a violin doesn't quite sound right. Violins can be made to sound like the insects of a rainforest (https://www.quora.com/Music-Composition ... nstruments) but not with clear notes. This is not a big deal, just a little nitpicky thing that I caught when fully immersed in the story. Also, the last sentence might be better if you somehow fit in that it was the birds last song of the day (just to keep up the 'dusk falling' mood.)
[q]sending clouds of dust sweeping across the ground.[/q] a little disconcerting, since dragons have been living here for a while and vines hang across the opening, so not much grime would be able to get in. However, since it is a damp, dark interior, there might be some moss hanging around for Zoltar to swipe =)

And there was some grammatical errors, though not many =)

[q]warm on his spins[/q] I think you mean "spines"
[q]her wings looked heave[/q] I'm pretty sure you lost a letter here. That's supposed to be "Heavy", right? =)
[q] cold sweet streaming down[/q] "sweat"
[q]She sent me to Prison Dark Claw[q/] the way this is said, it seems like Shiler sent Felistia to Prison Dark Claw. Maybe substitute "Queen" instead of just "She"

Okay, that's it =) grammar and all =P
Never stop writing felistia!

Fixed. Thank you for the review.

User avatar
Snazzy
Review
Snazzy wrote a review · Mon Nov 09, 2015 2:47 pm

Hello! :D
Me being a music-lover and band geek, I really like your first paragraph. ;) You used really good figurative language, and really drew me in to the chapter. Great job with that! Here's my review -

Almost immediately sleep swept over him, washing away the day’s aches and pains.

The air was sweet and fresh on the sunlit plains of grass.


I had a little bit of trouble in noticing that it was a dream til about the 4th or 5th sentence. To make it a bit more obvious (not the right word I'm looking for...), you could have use a tilde (~ - I think that's what it's called...) or two to separate it. Your reader may think time has passed - giving it greater suspense, but it also has the "illusion" of a dream. (sorry if this doesn't make sense) -
Almost immediately sleep swept over him, washing away the day's aches and pains.

~ ~ ~

The air was sweet and fresh on the sunlit plains of grass.

This is just my opinion though, you don't have to write it like this. ;)

Other than that, this is really good! I especially like the last bit when Zoltar and Felistia are talking. Very cute! ;) Another fantastic chapter, and I can't wait to read more!
~Snazzy
Stay awesome!

Thank you for the review. I will change it immediately.

User avatar
FeatherPen
Comment

‘Through the every darkening woods.’ ever
I like how in this chapter you have developed Zoltar’s relationship with the other two dragons he is staying with. I’m not making this as a review, it’s too short anyway, but I’m really enjoying your story and am looking forward to how it develops.

Thank you for the comment.

Hello yet again!

As the story continues, elements of your story drift ever closer to Wings of Fire, but yet, it drifts farther away in some ways.

My review is going to be shorter this time because I don't have much to say other than: awesome.
Your story keeps getting better and better.
You totally go to town with the descriptions; I don't think that I can get enough. You must edit your work probably 1000000000 times before you publish it. If you didn't, I'd be experiencing a whole new level of shock.

Hence the whole volcano-thing, I sense some foreshadowing. I have predictions about what will happen next. I would write them here, but I don't want to accidentally get something right and spoil it for other readers!
I wouldn't be surprised if you pulled off a plot twist of some sort that nobody ever expected! :)
I feel that things are about to start building up and the story's just begun! I'm so excited to read more about your amazing story and your amazing characters. (I think that I like Felistia and Emerald best!)

Just keep the awesomeness up and never stop writing!

-Holographic Ladybug

I do read through the story a few times before I post it, but I don't edit it that many times. Than you for the review.



There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights.
— Bram Stoker