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Young Writers Society



Quest for Fire ~ Chapter 6 ~ The Quest

by felistia


A great billowing carpet of white clouds swirled below Zoltar. His shadow danced on the sun lit blanket while the bright yellow sun reflected off his obsidian scales. The sky up above was clear a blue crystal and the air was warm against his scales, but it just seemed to mock the unbearable loneliness in his heart.

"Why am I always not good enough?" he asked quietly to himself as if expecting an answer to the question he'd been asking for years. Why couldn't the Shadow Talons just accept him for who he was? Even his own parents had thought he'd been an accident and had abandoned him. If it hadn't been for Scorpus taking him in, he probably would have died. Now Scorpus was gone and the only dragon that had cared about him was gone forever. Life just felt empty now.

He was sure that if he'd been born with acid fangs, he would have fitted in just like all the other Shadow Talon dragonets. It wasn't like he wasn't a Shadow Talon, he was just a little different. Sometimes he thought about the other dragon tribes living in Megalonia and how they treated their tribe members. It was days like these that he wished he'd been born a Moon Talon or better yet a Sea Talon. He wondered what his life would have been like if he'd been born into one of those tribes.

Zoltar sighed as he tried to take his mind off the matter. The bites he'd received were starting to throb and ache. He found his thoughts wondering to the fight with the Howler Dragons. He'd never known he could fight that well. Sure, the Howler Dragons had be half his size, but there'd been over ten of them. And why had Krakatoa, the leader of the Howler Dragons, told him to watch Hisster. Maybe he saw something in him Zoltar didn't see. Maybe, just maybe, he wasn't as useless as he thought.

The clouds were starting to turn grey and the horizon glowed red. As Zoltar neared, he could see the tall figure of the volcano rising up from the middle of the Shadow Lands. The land was streaked with orange and gold as Zoltar surveyed the rivers of lava in worry. The volcano was getting more violent by the day and it was only a matter of time before it erupted again. The Shadow Talons needed to move as soon as possible before the volcano wiped them out for good.

Sparks flew through the air and the smoke grew thicker as Zoltar neared the group of tunnels he and the rest of the Shadow Talon soldiers stayed. Hisster’s and the other Shadow Talons caves weren’t that far off. As Zoltar flew past Hisster’s home he could hear Hisster growling in a deep voice while the other soldiers laughed mockingly from their underground cavern.

Sighing to himself sadly, Zoltar landed a few caves down and ducked into a tunnel. Faint echos of dragon voices slipped along the corridors, but they were quite a way a way. Soon they died off too and silence filled the tunnels as Zoltar entered his chamber. A dim fire rock lit the small room, the weak light just enough to make out a rock slab in the corner; his only possession in the world. Curling up into a tight ball on the slab, Zoltar closed his eyes, waiting for the relief of sleep to come.

…….

The next morning Zoltar was woken by the sounds of dragons’ roaring and wings clapping together. He jumped out of bed and rushed up the tunnel outside. A crowd of scrawny Shadow Talons were assembled round Hisster’s cave. It seemed as though every dragon in tribe had shown up; around a hundred to a hundred and fifty dragons.

Zoltar pushed his way through the mob, dodging a mass of sharp talons and barbed tails. A few dragons snapped at him disapprovingly, muttering things like runt and loser. Zoltar simple ignored them though. The Shadow Talons had said demoralizing things to him all his life, but he'd gotten used to it. Right now he wanted to see if Hisster really was going to leave him out of the quest. After all there where only five soldiers left including him.

All the dragons were gathered round four large Shadow Talons. They were wearing golden armour which glinted and sparkled in the rising sun. The gold was tainted red from the glowing lava streams that flowed by the caves.

The crowd fell silent as Hisster emerged out of his cave. Hisster walked proudly over to a big rock and stepped up onto it. He raised his wings to silence the few dragons whispering in the back.

“My fellow Shadow Talons,” he began, “I have gathered the best of the tribe to go on a mission for the Ruby of Fire.” His eyes caught on Zoltar peeking out of the crowd, who flinched and ducked back into the sea of wings and talons.

“They will travel to the Misty Mountain Island and get a Wisp Talon scale. They will return and give it to me, so that I know they are doing as instructed. Then they will travel all over the continent of Megalonia to collect the other three things, which will be given to the Riconra in exchange for the Ruby of Fire. I will then travel back to the Forbidden Hills and give the Ruby to the Howler Dragons. They will in return kill the resident tribe on the Misty Mountain Island, enabling us to leave this waste land and go live on the island!”

There was deafening round of applause as Hisster stepped off his rock. The four Shadow Talons that stood in the middle of the mob opened their wings and soared into the air, heading for the Misty Mountain Island. The crowd cheered until the four Shadow Talons were only black speaks on the horizon. Slowly the dragons started to go their separate ways, leaving Zoltar lost in thought.

‘He actually did it. Hisster sent the group away without me. They are never going to be able to do it on their own. I may not be a good soldier, but I know the continent like the back of my paw and I have been to the island. They aren’t going to make it. They don’t know what they are getting into. I will be surprised if they even return,’ Zoltar thought, walking back to his cave. He could feel that something had snapped inside him. Maybe it was the final rejection from Hisster combine with fact that Scorpus had died. He could feel all the hate and sorrow he'd held in over the years boiling up to the surface of his mind like a volcano about to erupt. ‘Hisster will need me. I am the best dragon for the job, he just doesn’t want to admit it. I’ll give it two weeks at most. Hisster is going to be begging me for my help.’

…….

Zoltar sat inside his dark cave with only the dim fire rocks to light the rust brown walls. He had laid out in front of him a mountain of scrolls, each about a different part of Megalonia. Every roll of paper held a specific memory to Zoltar and reading them brought back many memories. He and Scorpus had been part of the team of dragons to cross the continent in search of a new home for the Shadow Talons. He'd had to go through a pile of scrolls to gain knowledge of continent before he’d been able to attend the mission. He’d studied for months alongside Scorpus and after reading enough scrolls to fill a book shelf he’d been able to go with Scorpus on the mission.

Zoltar smiled at each and every one of the memories as he read.

‘I know that Hisster is going to need me, so I best review the scrolls. Scorpus would want me to,' Zoltar thought as he studied the map to the Misty Mountain Island.

Days passed with no sign of the four Shadow Talons and Zoltar could see that Hisster was starting to get worried. He sat outside his cave every day gazing at the sky as though the four Shadow Talons would suddenly appear. Almost two weeks passed and still no sign. They only had a year to find the Ruby of Fire and they needed every second of it. Time was running out and Zoltar was getting fed up of Hisster's stubbornness.

‘He’s too pig-headed to admit that he was wrong and now he's putting the entire tribe at risk of another eruption any day now. I guess I am going to have to confront him for the sake of the Shadow Talons,’ Zoltar decided, padding over to Hisster, 'Maybe after I save the day and get the Ruby, they'll actually see me as one of them."

Hisster noticed Zoltar's approach and gave him a dagger like glare. Zoltar chose to ignore it and simply stated, “They’re not coming back you know.”

“Zoltar,” Hisster growled warningly, his amethyst eyes giving off a hint of worry with in their depths, “You’re not going. Can’t you see that I’m just trying to protect you?”

“No you’re not. I’m just as good as any Shadow Talon in this tribe. Sure I don’t have acid fangs, but I can still fight. You are going to have to send me out there. They aren’t coming back and we have until next autumn to give the Howler Dragons the Ruby and I don’t want to think about what they will do to us if we don’t arrive on time. You're running out of options. Put you’re stubbornness aside and work with me for the sake of the tribe, you are their chief after all."

Hisster remand silent as if in deep thought.

Snorting in irritation, Zoltar continued with his rant, "Look, I'm going to get that Ruby whether you like it or not. I don't need your approval. This tribe had been treating me like an underling ever since I was born. Maybe once I get the Ruby for you, you’ll see that I’m not useless. So you can agree to work with me or against me, but really I don't care." He knew that it wasn’t all Hisster’s fault, but it felt so good to just let out all the anger and hatred he'd held in for so long. It felt like a great stone had lifted from his chest and a new feeling of confidence spread over him from head to tail.

Hisster's eyes widened for a second as a look for surprise crossed over his face, “Fine, have it your way. But just know that I did warn you. It’s dangerous out there and whether you like it or not you do have a liability,” Hisster hissed. He paused as if to think for a moment, “I’ve decide that if we can’t get the island we are going to have to take Moon Talon land. I know that you’re not going to like that, but the Shadow Talon’s will have no choice. If you don’t return within a year, the Shadow Talons will have to announce war against the Moon Talon tribe. You have until next autumn.”


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Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:02 pm
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Featherstone wrote a review...



Hello yet again!

I loved the description in the first scene! It really made it easy to imagine.
"His shadow danced on the sun lit blanket while the bright yellow sun reflected off his obsidian scales." Maybe don't say sun two times in the same sentence.

"The land was streaked with orange and gold as Zoltar surveyed the rivers of lava in worry." I think saying 'he' instead of 'Zoltar' would be less repetitive.

"He could feel that something had snapped inside him. Maybe it was the final rejection from Hisster combine with fact that Scorpus had died." Combined.

"Zoltar simple ignored them though." Simply and maybe a comma before 'though'

"Zoltar smiled at each and every one of the memories as he read." If I were him, I'd be feeling sad, too- I'd miss Scorpus. Maybe mention that here?

"You're running out of options. Put you’re stubbornness aside and work with me for the sake of the tribe, you are their chief after all." A dash instead of a comma after tribe would break it up better, I think.

"“I’ve decide that if we can’t get the island we are going to have to take Moon Talon land." Decided.

That's all! I love the insight into Zoltar's thoughts, btw. It's great!

-Feather




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Wed Feb 22, 2017 1:57 am
Carlito wrote a review...



Hello again! :D

It was days like these that he wished he'd been born a Moon Talon or better yet a Sea Talon. He wondered what his life would have been like if he'd been born into one of those tribes.

Loving all of the thoughts and introspection so far!! The only thing I'm wondering so far is why his mind goes to Moon and Sea? What is it about those dragons that he feels would make his life better?

He found his thoughts wondering to the fight with the Howler Dragons.

"wandering" not "wondering" :)

As Zoltar neared,

As Zoltar neared what?
This brings me to another point. I've been wondering for most of this chapter where we are. I assumed it was a continuation from the previous chapter and no time has gone by, but there's nothing in the prose yet for me to know that's definitively the case. He could be flying along thinking about life on any given day.

The land was streaked with orange and gold as Zoltar surveyed the rivers of lava in worry.

This feels passive to me. Can you make the subject (Zoltar) and the verb (surveying) come first in the sentence, before the object (the land/rivers of lava).

The volcano was getting more violent by the day and it was only a matter of time before it erupted again. The Shadow Talons needed to move as soon as possible before the volcano wiped them out for good.

I'm glad you established this. I think this was a missing piece for me in the last draft - why the Shadow Talons wanted to leave in the first place. I think you're doing a nice job in this draft so far establishing the stakes and making it clear why they need to leave. It adds another plot dimension too which is nice :)

Sparks flew through the air and the smoke grew thicker as Zoltar neared the group of tunnels he and the rest of the Shadow Talon soldiers stayed. Hisster’s and the other Shadow Talons caves weren’t that far off. As Zoltar flew past Hisster’s home he could hear Hisster growling in a deep voice while the other soldiers laughed mockingly from their underground cavern.

So where has Hisster been during all of this? Did Hisster get back before him? Were they flying in silence all of this time?

Curling up into a tight ball on the slab, Zoltar closed his eyes, waiting for the relief of sleep to come.

I'm wondering if everything up until now could be combined with the previous chapter. All of these thoughts and introspection seem like a natural continuation of what was happening in the last chapter. Plus, ending a chapter with him falling asleep feels like a natural place to stop and then you can start the next chapter fresh with a new day.

“They will travel to the Misty Mountain Island and get a Wisp Talon scale. They will return and give it to me, so that I know they are doing as instructed. Then they will travel all over the continent of Megalonia to collect the other three things, which will be given to the Riconra in exchange for the Ruby of Fire.

Why micro-manage the first task - getting the scale and not the other three things? He wants them to get the first thing and bring it back right away, but not the other three. Plus, what are the other three things?

‘Hisster will need me. I am the best dragon for the job, he just doesn’t want to admit it. I’ll give it two weeks at most. Hisster is going to be begging me for my help.’

Now I remember how Zoltar is going to end up getting involved! That is, if you kept it the same ;) I like the foreshadowing here, because obviously something is going to go wrong.
I think you could beef up this section a little bit. Zoltar gets up and immediately joins the group, a speech is immediately made, the dragons immediately leave. What other details can you add to the scene to help us get to know Zoltar, any of the other dragons, the world, etc. This is an important scene, but it goes by so quickly. What else can you add?

This last scene went by a little too quickly for my taste too. During these four days of waiting, what does Zoltar do other than review the scrolls? Does he have an confidants? Does he talk to anyone? Does he grieve the loss of his friend? Make us feel like some time has gone by and increase our anxiety. It's been a while and we haven't heard anything and Zoltar is ready but no one is letting him and it's going to be bad - I want to feel that through the prose. When we're good and nervous about what's happening and why they haven't returned, then show his thought process about talking to Hisster and show that conversation. Should Hisster give up that easily or should Zoltar have to fight a little harder?

Overall, I liked the way you were able to bring out Zoltar's feelings in this chapter. I loved all of the introspection and his thought processes. I think the biggest thing to do now is just slow things down :) I'll leave things there for now, but ask away if you have any questions or if there's something you want feedback about that I didn't mention! See you soon! :D




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Mon Feb 06, 2017 5:49 am
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EternalRain wrote a review...



Hey felistia! I'm here again to deliver a review for you!

I thought this was quite the interesting chapter because we see Zoltar stand up for himself, in a way. I like this side of Zoltar and hopefully this courage sticks with him! The one thing that is a bit interesting -- and I thought I'd point out -- is that it doesn't seem like Zoltar has done much standing up for himself before. I'm just wondering why it's *now* of all times (also, what's the age of these dragons? Could be something to include, now or in later chapters).

They will travel to the Misty Mountain Island and get a Wisp Talon scale. They will return and give it to me, so that I know they are doing as instructed. Then they will travel all over the continent of Megalonia to collect the other three things, which will be given to the Riconra in exchange for the Ruby of Fire.


Awesome plan. I think the getting the Wisp Talon and bringing it back to Hisster is a great way to prove the loyalty of the mission. The second sentence, though, seems pretty vague and especially in an announcement "other three things" doesn't seem like something a leader would say (unless he wants to keep in a secret, in which case that could be touched upon in the narration).

I'm pretty excited because I know Zoltar's gonna do cool things on this mission, and whether he succeeds or not is something I want to find out! The plot is escalating quickly. Can't wait for Zoltar to embark on his journey and see where it takes him. Like Mea said below, I'm hoping there will be some friendship interactions soon? This way we can get to know Zoltar a bit more, because right now he's kinda lonely (or with people who he doesn't like).

I hope this helps! I can't wait to read on. Keep writing.

~EternalRain




felistia says...


Thank you so much for another review. It's so great to have consistent reviewers.

On the part about why Zoltar stood up for himself. He'd never actually fought in real combat and so was surprised that he could actually fight that well. The fact that the leader of the Howler dragons talked to him was also a boost the his confidence. That was what made him to stand up to Hisster.

I like your idea about showing the dragons age. I completely forgot to do that.

The part about Hisster being vague about the other three things I'll touch in the narration about why he kept it vague.

And Zoltar is going to get some new companions soon, don't you worry. :D

Thanks again and I do hope to see you soon. Have a great day. :D



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Sat Feb 04, 2017 11:44 am
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Mea wrote a review...



I'm basically doing one of these per day, in case you hadn't realized yet. :P

The first part of this chapter, with Zoltar's inner reflection really lays the foundation for what you're trying to do emotionally, but it doesn't quite get there because it's a little too on-the-nose to the point of feeling fake. It's really hard to do that kind of depressive thinking right.

‘Hisster will need me. I am the best dragon for the job, he just doesn’t want to admit it.

Why does Zoltar believe this? This is a huge character contradiction that I'm really curious about but just doesn't make sense right now. He's spent his entire life being derided for being 'different,' and since he was in fact born without acid fangs he's deprived of a weapon that every other Shadow Talon has. We haven't been shown a single category where he knows he excels, nor any moral quality that convinces us he's so essential. And so it seems odd for him to have such a high opinion of himself. The best I can guess is his knowledge of the books and scrolls, or that he's just assuming that four soldiers won't be enough in numbers. But then five will be enough? You started the chapter off with him thinking he's "never good enough" - how do these two things reconcile? Maybe it's that he sees this as his chance to prove himself, and it's just worded misleadingly.

I think right now what would help to round Zoltar out a lot is for him to interact with another character whom he knows well and actually likes. Basically, what's he like around his friends? What's his life outside of being a soldier? And if all his friends died in chapter one, then I guess that's that, but they didn't really feel like his friends, and also his grief feels too heavy-handed to have an emotional impact, as I said above.

That being said, I really like the detail of Zoltar's memories of studying books with Scorpus. That's one more step to characterizing their relationship in a way that really makes us care about his death - it did more to make me care then the whole opening part of the chapter did. The one thing I would suggest is to inject more emotion into that paragraph - right now it's a little dry and clinical. But stuff that like that is how you make a character's grief for a character the reader doesn't know hurt.

I also like how we're getting a better idea of what the tribes are and their relations to one another and the land as a whole. And the reality that they'll have to try to take land from the Moon Talons if they can't drive the others out is a great ultimatum.

That's all I've got this time!




felistia says...


Thank you so much for yet another review. Your input is helping tremendously. It's the sort of reviews I love to get and wait for all day. I do hope you'll follow the story to the end.
I'll be doing some editing tonight regarding Zoltar's character and the tribe's culture.

Thanks again and I hope you have a wonderful day. :D




Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.
— Martin Luther King Jr.