While it is a bit rude and crude
To tell the dudes deep in the woods
'Bout the woulds, shoulds, and goddamned coulds,
I feel like I'm in the mood to brood --
Not sayin' whether it's bad or good,
Just spittin' philosophy 'coz I'm in the hood.
"There's two types of happiness," People think,
"Creating own bliss, and embracing existing."
But I'd'a like to say that's just one way
To kiss this world, it's hit and miss.
Peace lies not in just listening,
Gold's not the only thing that's glistening.
"There's the Sages whose rages to reject
Pages and cages and People-" I interject.
"You look up," I say, "you look down," I say,
"They look in the middle and then everywhere else
But their own hearts," as I part the seas like Moses
And then strip the Möbius and seize the roses.
In the end, my friend, amend the bent
Scent of the pent-up stress and ascend --
Or descend -- into desire or even salvation,
Then at whatever elevation, rise above your station --
Or not, that's fine too -- you do not need to woo, don't fret,
Just make it sure, in love or hate, your choices don't lead to regret.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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136,586 Literary Works • 671,886 Reviews
This is just a rap and a midnight miscellany, no need to think too hard about it, just read it and try to rap it if you want to! Though I wouldn't mind if you read under the lines as well! 😁
Hi there! Saw this in the green room.
The wordplay is brilliant, and the spoken word quality that it has makes the poem stand out.
This is the part I enjoyed most. I believe this is when the theme of the poem is stated in its most powerful way.
I would recommend making a few of the middle lines slightly more clear, as @LadySpark suggested. The rhyme scheme is interesting, but sometimes the speed of the rhymes makes understanding the poem difficult.
It is an intriguing and meaningful poem with a distinctive voice. Keep up the great work!
Hi Rebel!
Just dropping by for a quick review on your rap!
Being able to rap is one of my secret skills that I'm quite proud of, and it was fun to rap yours! I think there are a couple of places where you could improve the rhythm or rhyme with alternative phrasing (which we'll get into), but overall - a fun piece!
Imo, that whole last line needs a rewrite, it really disrupts the flow for me.
Like I said, a fun rap overall! Just some thoughts on areas to improve. Happy writing!
Xoxo
Sizzle
Before I saw your comment below, I was thinking, "This should be in a rap battle." Haha. I'm not mad about it. Love the last paragraph! <3