When I lay awake around
With no sign of sleeping sound,
Dreaming of a million pounds
Waiting for it to get found
From the depths of sea - drowned,
Waiting for it to be seen -
As do a thousand Queens
Who, all life, have been keen
Doing the work for their king
Who had been neglecting
Them for ever and ever,
Not rewarding endeavours -
Like no great King could ever
Gain, with time, a few favours
To make empires fall never.
What's the meaning of this life?
What's the use of all the strife?
And what about my love
Inside my bosom's cove?
Entropy is not a dove
And it will always shove
All resistance against it
And take away all - bit by bit...
Sleepless nights - when did Rome really fall?
Sleepless nights - what's the use of have-it-all?
Sleepless nights - why did China 'ways shatter?
Sleepless nights - do I really matter?
Sleepless nights - do I really love her?
Sleepless nights - Love's the bane of all lovers.
Sleepless nights - I love staring at maps,
Sleepless nights - melting are many ice caps.
Sleepless nights - what is inside all blackholes?
Sleepless nights - what in the world is my role?
These are questions that are valid -
Many questions have had sallied
In' my mind, they have been repulsed
But my mind has still indulged...
So I walk about my room
Thinking of the 'pen ding doom
Of all who Zeus assumes
To be Sappho's in the moon,
And about Wukong Sun -
His power and his strength
And how the heavens bent
To mind-embodiment,
And of Mongols, war-bent,
Razed cities, settlements -
The destruction - left, they had,
Makes all historians sad -
Haven't all empires had
Much bloodshed and much bad
In everyone metal-clad?
And what is wrong or right
When everyone just fights
And the rule is that of might -
To divide, to make fright?
Both paradise and hell
In earth, do they dwell -
Life is a messy pit
Which I am getting into - bit by bit...
Sleepless nights - was Aristotle all right?
Sleepless nights - what is the nature of light?
Sleepless nights - why did Remus have to die?
Sleepless nights - why does everyone just vie?
Sleepless nights - did Dante write a fanfic?
Sleepless nights - what do I intend to seek?
Sleepless nights - I seek the meaning of my life -
Sleepless nights - is it love or is it strife?
Sleepless nights - there's no time for thoughts deep -
Sleepless nights - for I need to go to sleep...
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140,068 Literary Works • 672,978 Reviews
Hello TheRebel2007,
I hope this review reaches you well.
The poem is like getting a peak into a person’s thoughts at night. The topics wander from one thing to the next in seemingly no order. It goes from castles and kings, to wars, and then to Greek gods and philosophy. Then there is the sleepless nights part, I love how the narrator is just asking questions and wondering. Lastly there was the ending, the final conclusion,
I’d like to think that the narrator is telling their brain to just be quiet.
I have just a few suggestions to improve your poem:
Could be changed to: from the depths of the sea - drowned.
In the context of the previous lines, this one seemed very out of place.
The most major problem I found with your poem is that a lot of the rhymes seemed forced. It’s like you picked a rhyming word first then wrote the line to fit it. Along with this, some of the rhymes only rhyme when you say the word just the right way. So it doesn’t flow naturally. However I will be honest with you, I do the same thing all the time. But I think with more practice with rhymes, it will become easier to do so.
Overall this was a cool poem! The formatting is very different from anything I’ve seen before, which I found pretty neat. I hope that this review was helpful, if you have any questions feel free to ask. Keep on writing and have a great rest of your day!
- Stellarjay
Thanks for the review StellarJay! :p
I agree.I ask questions at night.This happens because people have more time to think during the night,there are no distractions.So that’s what they do.Think.I thought this poem was nice and it really shows how deep one’s thoughts are at night.Well,I hope that you have an amazing and awesome day and night.
Thank you for the review, vampricone! :p
I agree.I ask questions at night.This happens because people have more time to think during the night,there are no distractions.So that’s what they do.Think.I thought this poem was nice and it really shows how deep one’s thoughts are at night.Well,I hope that you have an amazing and awesome day and night.