Hi! I'm here for a quick review.
First off, I really like the whole idea behind the poem. It describes a typical day in life, while giving a deeper meaning behind it.
I like how you've tried to keep a consistent AAAA rhyme scheme. Though it doesn't perfectly come in each line, it's still very commendable
I like your word choice; how you keep it simple and funny, yet give a deep message.
Darkness dawns at the dawn of dawn -
I stand and yawn upon my lawn;
It's the same for each and every morn',
For, new suns are but barely born.
In the first line, I get that you're going for alliteration, but I didn't understand how darkness dawns at dawn. Shouldn't it be the light that dawns?
Still, I love the homographs.
I found that the rhythm was a little inconsistent in a few places. You could read it out loud, to get that right.
Overall, this poem was a great one. The lilting tone and relatable theme make it even better.
Keep Writing!
Points: 1285
Reviews: 76
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