A/N: This is a poem to be recited at my university's Teacher's Day celebration. It mostly mentions Science-y stuff because I'm in the School of Pure & Applied Sciences.
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Ideas creep up the trees of concepts
As rays of clarity dawn upon the canopy,
Crickets and birds ask and accept
As Knowledge and Truth bloom like orchids and poppy.
Decades of research, faith and deliberation --
All of them combine to guide us on a path;
The path of science, ingenuity and innovation
Form the foundations of the Forest of Wisdom.
The Science of Life is a helical carousel
Winding into discovery about nature and self;
Chemistry peers into matter itself,
Reaching into the atom and creating marvels;
Physics ponders the 'how' behind it all,
Ruminating the infinitesimal and the world beyond;
Mathematics is the language that binds them all together,
Birds of a feather, steering science to logic's tether.
As saplings in the Forest of Wisdom, we rise
In standing ovation of our professors who prize
And nurture us into towering trees in our life's spring --
Even if we fail, fear not, for failure is merely the beginning.
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Hia rebel :3
I put all of your recent poems on my tbr and the dice chose this one first =D
Ohhh I like how the trees are concept and the sun brings rays of clarity. As if you need the sunlight/clarity to truly grow the trees/concepts =D
And now I also understand the title. I wonder if multiple concepts, properly understood, end up the foundation of true wisdom?
One sec *quickly looks up “helical”* Gah I should have realised. Lord Helix! Oha, but a carousel being helical sounds mind-bendy @@ Even tho I like the phrasing abt it winding into discoveries.
Oh nvm, I guess everyone is a future tree of concept? Hmm maybe a metaphor on how when we die, only the concept of who we were survives? (Until that tree also dies…)
Very cool poem <3
I love how this creates a picture of how learners showcase interest, and it really rhymes with the stanza's topic.
This line is metaphorical and deeply reaching and has a nice start for the stanza.
This has a nice overall picture for the stanza, especially how it defines its true and fictional relation to physics and chemistry.
I would overally call it a nice poem I would like more. Keep it up. You can make it even better by adding straight classroom lines, some instances of the Professor speaking to add humour and realistic touch to the art piece.
Hello! I enjoyed this poem, but I do have a couple critiques.
The rhyming meter is slightly off, as some of the lines, such as the one below, are longer than the rest.
When you used "birds of a feather" in the third stanza, it felt very out of place due to the rest of vibrant/original imagery you used in the other ones.
Maybe next time, coming up with a more unique take on this idiom would work better.
Also, the shift between ABAB, to CCDD, to EEFF is a bit distracting, as it throws the writing off.
Overall, this is a great poem with vivid imagery, keep up the good work!
Thank you, have a good day/night, and be safe!
I like the surreal image you’re reaching for with this, ideas behaving like something living, climbing and spreading, but “trees of concepts” feels a little too abstract-on-abstract.
Maybe even changing the word "concepts" to something like "thoughts" or changing "trees" to "branches" might help the flow.
All of these sections have the same or similar words in each line. Self/itself, ponders/pondering, binds/binding. Perhaps that is purposeful and you are trying to emphasize those words, but for me, it's a personal pet peeve to use the same words so close together and brings me out of the story/poem atmosphere.
Otherwise, it seems appropriate for a speech with a "science-y" focus.
Hey there bambi, thanks for the review.
I did change 'pondering' to 'ruminating' and the second 'binding' to 'steering'. 'Self' and 'itself' is intentional so I won't change that, and oh well, I can't do anything about the trees of concepts things because I do find it very interesting of a metaphor despite it being abstract.
Yours sincerely,
The Rebel