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The Last Day of Autumn

by TheRebel2007


Sunshine seems to shed
Only a portion of her light -
As the leaves lay dead
And the days are dreamy, less bright.

But beside the half-dead bark,
A sapling grows, and on which
Butterflies rest in dark,
As the cold winds give a twitch.

The last full-moon of Fall, I see,
Through the timbre window in the west,
'Cross the roads, shadows of tall trees
Standing still, creeps a chill to the chest.

And on the road, dogs roar and bark;
The streetlights have long faded the stars;
Broke the silence, a sound so stark,
When it's gone, my hand started to stir.

The whistle of a train woke me up;
I took out my notebook and I penned this down,
As I drank coffee from my own cup,
About the falling leaf that softened my frown.


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Thu Jun 02, 2022 8:41 pm
LittleLee wrote a review...



Hello again Rebel! I know this is a slightly older piece, but I was checking out some of your work and this caught my eye!

Your use of enjambments is nice, and I'm impressed that you managed to do so without causing any disruptions to your rhyme scheme.
The very first stanza paves the way to some lovely imagery. Autumn is not really an impactful season where I lived but this poem certainly allows me to envision what it must be like :D

A sapling grows and on which
Butterflies rest in dark;
As the cold winds give a twitch.

My only nitpicks are here.
One, the "and" is not required.
Two, the last line is a hanging sentence if you keep the semi colon; make it a comma and it could work.

I could go on talking about the imagery and diction, but others have covered those points already, so allow me to tip my hat to you in respect! xD

Overall, this was a very pleasant night-time read. Good work!

~Lee




TheRebel2007 says...


Thanks for the review, Lee!

The "and" is actually required, as it means that the butterflies rest on the half-dead bark, not the saplings. I think I should add a comma after "A sapling grows" to have it make more sense. And, yes, I am changing the semi colon. Again, thanks for the review! :p



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Sat Dec 11, 2021 5:42 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



This was a very nice and lovely poem about autumn.The part where you mentioned that you were inspired to write this poem just by looking out the the train window at a falling autumn leaf brings a nice touch to the poem and it also breaks the fourth wall,which is something I find to be fun.Great job on the poem and I hope you have a lovely day/night!




TheRebel2007 says...


Thank you for the review! :p



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Sat Dec 11, 2021 2:59 am
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Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I really enjoyed this poem!! You did a really nice job of encapsulating the feeling of fall slowly turning to winter. You had both that coziness associated with the season along with the slightly spooky feeling of it too, and it was really beautifully crafted! Nice work!!

I loved all the fall related imagery you were able to fit into this! The first stanza of course captured the quintessential fall leaves image, but I liked how in other stanzas you branched into some other areas of autumn. That image of rebirth in the second stanza was an interesting choice; I feel like new growth (what with the sapling and the butterfly) are normally symbols of spring. The cold wind however was a lovely touch. That last stanza was very dark academia in a way; I loved the simplicity of the ending. All in all, I think this poem was very satisfying!

Specifics

The last full-moon of Fall, I see,
Through the timbre window in the west,
'Cross the roads, shadows of tall trees
Standing still, creeps a chill to the chest.


This was probably my favorite stanza. The cadence and sound rhythm of the last line is just perfect. I love the still/chill rhyme along with the west/chest rhyme from earlier in the stanza, and when combined with that gorgeous imagery, it creates this very Romanticism-esque stanza that is just so satisfying to read. Nice work!!

And on the road, dogs roar and bark;
The streetlights have long faded the stars;
Broke the silence, a sound so stark,
When it's gone, my hand started to stir.


This was the only stanza I thought your rhyme scheme started to falter. For the most part, you've got a very consistent ABAB pattern throughout, but I feel like the slant-ish rhyme between "stars" and "stir" just wasn't very satisfying in the grand scheme of the poem. Again, it could be an accent issue; maybe it rhymes more in a different accent other than mine, but still; I feel like poems should be able to be enjoyed by all accents.

Overall: nice work!! Your autumnal imagery and rhymes really helped create a gorgeous piece that delightfully encapsulated the season. Since fall is slowly fading, I think this was just what I needed to say goodbye to it gently. I hope to read more of your poetry on here soon! Until next time!!




TheRebel2007 says...


Thanks for the review, Plume! And yeah, I myself thought that "stir" didn't quite rhyme with "stars", that... just doesn't sound well. I will edit with something else someday, thanks again! :p



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Fri Dec 10, 2021 2:34 pm
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D wrote a review...



I loved the rhyming so so much! It's something I personally struggle with and it's so refreshing to see it used so stunningly! Besides that, I think you've done a great job capturing not just the beauty of autumn but the feelings it induces through the beautiful imagery. And your word choice is really lovely - a wonderfully penned poem!
-D




TheRebel2007 says...


Thanks for the review!



D says...


Of course!




I am big enough to admit I am often inspired by myself.
— Leslie Knope