Thanks to Squills for highlighting my poem in its Green Room Gallery! :p
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Citius, Altius, Fortius - Una!
Super et nubes et caelumque lunam,
Per aspera et per ardua ad sidera!
Vivamus, mei amici, super astra
Inveniamus futuroque uocamus!
Alto etiam sub terra adveniemus,
Laetitiam et pacem somniemus,
Libertatis Amorque praedicamus!
Omnes nos noscimus nihil interest,
Amici, verumque ergo omnia aequale est.
Fac sicut vis vive vis quomodoque,
Mundus unus domus, fugit tempusque -
Nulla sola sub solem est et aestima
Amor, vitaque et libertas maxima.
Faster, Higher, Stronger - Together!
Beyond the clouds, the sky, and the moon, [we adventure]
Through aspirations, through hardships, to the stars!
Let's live, my friends, and beyond the stars
Let's search, and call into the future!
Let's reach the heights [of the sky] and the depths of the earth,
Let's dream of peace and prosperity,
Let's preach of the Love of Liberty!
We all know that nothing matters,
But, my friends, then everything equally matters.
Do what you want and live however you want to,
The world is one family, and [since] time is fleeting -
[Remember, since] no one is alone under the sun,
Value Love, Life, and Liberty the most.
A Note From The Poet:
This is my first hendecasyllabic Latin poem, criticism of the metre and the text will be appreciated. My elision skills are not great, but I have tried my best nevertheless.
"Citius, Altius, Fortius" is the official motto of the Olympics, which means, well, "Faster, Higher, Stronger". I have tried to send forward a message of humanity and universal fraternity, and I hope it has been conveyed clearly.
Hi there TheRebel2007! I know you mention wanting criticisms on the metre and Latin text, but unfortunately I am not particularly fluent in Latin so I don't think I'll be of any help there. That said, I'll do the best I can to provide reactions/critiques to the content and imagery based on the English translation you've provided!
First off, I just have to say kudos for writing a poem in something that isn't your first language. Learning a language is hard enough on its own, but then writing nonliteral and abstract poems is a complete other level. I think I tried - once? - to write a poem in French, and gosh it is not as easy as it sounds. Especially if you're trying to make use of a strict metre and rhyming scheme.
I think you succeeded at conveying a message of "humanity and universal fraternity". There is a very uplifting and united tone to the poem, that comes across especially well towards the end of the second stanza in the lines
The world is one family, and [since] time is fleeting -
[Remember, since] no one is alone under the sun,
Points: 728
Reviews: 26
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