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Faster, Higher, Stronger - Together!

by TheRebel2007


LATIN VERSION:

Citius, Altius, Fortius - Una!
Super et nubes et caelumque lunam,
Per aspera et per ardua ad sidera!
Vivamus, mei amici, super astra
Inveniamus futuroque uocamus!
Alto etiam sub terra adveniemus,
Laetitiam et pacem somniemus,
Libertatis Amorque praedicamus!

Omnes nos noscimus nihil interest,
Amici, verumque ergo omnia aequale est.
Fac sicut vis vive vis quomodoque,
Mundus unus domus, fugit tempusque -
Nulla sola sub solem est et aestima
Amor, vitaque et libertas maxima.

ENGLISH VERSION:

Faster, Higher, Stronger - Together!
Beyond the clouds, the sky, and the moon, [we adventure]
Through aspirations, through hardships, to the stars!
Let's live, my friends, and beyond the stars
Let's search, and call into the future!
Let's reach the heights [of the sky] and the depths of the earth,
Let's dream of peace and prosperity,
Let's preach of the Love of Liberty!

We all know that nothing matters,
But, my friends, then everything equally matters.
Do what you want and live however you want to,
The world is one family, and [since] time is fleeting -
[Remember, since] no one is alone under the sun,
Value Love, Life, and Liberty the most.


A Note From The Poet:

This is my first hendecasyllabic Latin poem, criticism of the metre and the text will be appreciated. My elision skills are not great, but I have tried my best nevertheless.

"Citius, Altius, Fortius" is the official motto of the Olympics, which means, well, "Faster, Higher, Stronger". I have tried to send forward a message of humanity and universal fraternity, and I hope it has been conveyed clearly. 


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Thu Feb 22, 2024 11:21 pm
Hijinks wrote a review...



Hi there TheRebel2007! I know you mention wanting criticisms on the metre and Latin text, but unfortunately I am not particularly fluent in Latin so I don't think I'll be of any help there. That said, I'll do the best I can to provide reactions/critiques to the content and imagery based on the English translation you've provided!

First off, I just have to say kudos for writing a poem in something that isn't your first language. Learning a language is hard enough on its own, but then writing nonliteral and abstract poems is a complete other level. I think I tried - once? - to write a poem in French, and gosh it is not as easy as it sounds. Especially if you're trying to make use of a strict metre and rhyming scheme.

I think you succeeded at conveying a message of "humanity and universal fraternity". There is a very uplifting and united tone to the poem, that comes across especially well towards the end of the second stanza in the lines

The world is one family, and [since] time is fleeting -
[Remember, since] no one is alone under the sun,


I thought that, overall, your more literal/concrete images felt stronger and more impactful than the more figurative ones. For instance, in the lines I quoted above the sun is being referenced very literally. However, in the first stanza the reference to "stars" is being used metaphorically to describe big aspirations and dreams. It felt a bit strange to have these two categories of images be mixed together, especially since stars and the sun are so thematically similar to each other. I'd encourage you to try reframing the first stanza in more literal imagery as well. I think it suits this style of poem better and I personally found the literal images you used to be more compelling.

Something I thought you did well was taking on an engaging and sort of interactive tone. By mostly using the pronoun "we" and incorporating phrases like "my friends", you make the poem feel very personable and inclusive. That is a technique that definitely works well in this style of inspiration, motivational poetry!

Overall, this was an interesting read. It's always very cool to see works in languages other than English on YWS (though I appreciate you providing a translation to make reviewing a bit more accessible)! Let me know if anything I said doesn't make sense, or if there's something I didn't touch on that you'd like some feedback in. As long as it's something I can provide feedback on that doesn't require any knowledge of Latin, I'm glad to elaborate. :)

~Hijinks




TheRebel2007 says...


Thanks for the review, Hijinks! :p




But answer me this: how can a story end happily if there is no love?
— Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane