Young Writers Society

Hey Rebel!
This is a really nice summery poem that really gives a sense of setting & environment. I also don't see very many rhyming poems on YWS so that was an enjoyable change. Your word choice is great, the images you use aren't just generic summery things, but you really made each image shine.

Small critique -> any reason you chose to capitalize "harmony" & "symphony" in the last stanza? that seemed a little random to me.

There's also something a little strange about the line "in the dunes and mountains / Life smiles, as leaves their bane" I'm wondering if maybe a word is missing there or maybe even the wrong "their". Not quite sure!

My favorite section was probably the second stanza "stars pepper around" is an excellent phrase! and I also like the contrast in the third stanza between the full rows of birds and the plucked-empty mango trees. The poem seems brimming with life - which is the sort of vibe I got from the piece.

Overall, a lovely summery read, thanks for writing and sharing!

~ alliyah

Hello TheRebel2007! Incoming review!

I have reviewed a few Winter poems before, but I don't think I have reviewed one about Summer. I liked it, it was fun. With that said, let's get on with the review!

I'll start with critique. The poem is overall lovely but I couldn't help but feel the rhyming and syllables weren't working to your advantage. It doesn't feel a fluid as it could have been. I feel like you're trying to cram a larger idea in too few of words.

Frogs' croaks and peacock's dance
Wait for the winds' advance;
Plucked are the last mangoes,
As the birds fly in rows.

Listen to the Harmony
Of the Seasons' Symphony,

In the dunes and mountains
Life smiles, as leaves their bane.

I really liked this poem. The way you describe everything so peaceful and warm reminds me of the way summer nights feel, so there is nothing wrong with the way you make the setting come to life that I've noticed. I think that's what made the poem so lovely; the way you illustrate the scene with little details and observations. The only thing I would really suggest about this is maybe think about adding descriptions based off of what the speaker is feeling, like smells, the way the wind blows through their hair or makes them chilly, or even describing how something they ate might taste to them. Either way, the tone you set in your writing is amazing and really makes the reader feel like they're experiencing what's written.

Something about the rhyming seems somewhat forced, but definitely not terrible. I enjoyed the first stanza a lot. In the second stanza, the line, "While stars pepper around" (7), seems slightly off and doesn't allow the following line be as fluid as it can be. I love the imagery you put in this line, but I do think that maybe adding one or two more syllables in it may have let the verse play out nicer in the reader's head. This, along with lines like, "Wait for the winds' advance;" (10), and "As the birds fly in rows," (12), seem to disallow the reader to fluently read the thoughts as they had for others. Despite this, you did incredible work on the first and fourth stanza of this poem. I really admire your way to make an AABB rhyme pattern so appealing. In the last stanza though, you do seem to switch into an AAAA rhyme scheme, which admittedly threw me off, maybe not for others as much as myself.

This could be a common mistake, but I noticed a few errors in the third stanza of your poem. In the verse, "Frogs' croaks and peacock's dance" (9), the apostrophes seem out of place. Separately, frogs' croaks and a peacock's dance work, however combining them in this way doesn't necessarily work. Instead, you could say,
-"Frogs croak and peacocks dance," if you want to suggest peacocks dancing and frogs croaking
-"A frog's croak and a peacock's dance," if you want to suggest a singular frog's croak and a singular peacock's dance
-"Frogs' croaks and peacocks' dances," if you want to suggest a multiple frogs' croaks and a singular peacocks' dance. This to me gives more personality to the idea than "Frogs croak and peacocks dance".
Similarly, in the line following it is written as, "Wait for the winds' advance;" (10), when grammatically, it should be something comparable to, "Wait for the wind's advance;", since the wind is singular. This would be true unless this is a stylistic choice, adding multiple personalities to something like the wind.

Please correct me if I'm wrong on any of this, and we can learn from each other!! I hoped this helped, but remember that your writing is amazing as it is, and that everything I mentioned was just a suggestion. Take care!!

Hi there Rebel!! I really enjoyed all the lovely personification you use in this poem - the gleeful moon, the sleeping town, life smiling, etc., it all adds such a fun and playful mood to the poem. I adored the imagery in the second stanza, particularly; I'm a big fan of both celestial and water related imagery, so the combination of the two in "While stars pepper around / Lakes of the sleeping town" makes my heart happy :') Another thing I liked was the rhyming scheme. For the most part it feels quite natural, and it complements the fun mood perfectly. Keep up lovely work!