From one world to another - I keep going;
From one age to the next - oh, I keep going;
From one world to another - do keep going!
Yes, you too!
I sleep and weep, live and relieve;
I sing and bling, dance and prance;
I creep and quip, weave and cleave -
Through both destiny and pure chance.
From one field to another - I keep going;
From one light to the next - oh, I keep going;
From one field to the-
Alright now, it's 'nuff yappin',
Now it's time for me to start rappin' -
Ka-ching, ka-chung - let's start the funk,
Don't like smoke nor wanna get drunk,
Hang with girls, but not like a slunk,
Chill all day, don't wanna be a hunk -
But when time comes, I leave all the junk-
To bling and sing life's funs and whims,
Of yang and yin, of queens and kings,
Of dings and pings, of rings and winks,
Of flings and kinks - and all the hijinks.
I rhyme, I time, I shine, I whine,
I sigh, I cry, I vie, I die,
I tie, I lie, I buy; I'm high -- on life.
Don't ask me what this means,
'Bout the endings and beginnings,
It literally doesn't matter,
No matter what I chatter,
As I type in the clatter
That clogs my mind and shatters.
I'm insecure, I am kinda demure,
I'm very unhinged, I am kinda too cringe,
I'm heartbroken, I am through with coping,
Yet I keep hoping, for that's better than moping.
As I write this down on my favourite site,
I dream of her and my joy at her sight,
As I look back on my 'la vie en rose',
And look ahead at the results of what I chose
At the end of this rant, at the end of this chant,
I feel mixed emotions, and I literally can't
Feel more conflicted, paradoxical and high -
Yet I keep living, through smiles and sighs.
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139,005 Literary Works • 672,397 Reviews
So, it was my 18th birthday today (adulthood, yay!(?)) and I felt like I HAD to WRITE something in order to have something for future me to look back at present me's thought processes and chuckle at.
I hope y'all like it!
Signing off,
The Rebel
HAPPYBIRTHDAYTOYOUHAPPYBIRTHDAYTOYOUHAPPYBIRTHDAYDEARREBELHAPPYBIRTHDAYTOYOUUU!
First off, happy (late) birthday and I hope life brings you good fortunes. Second, your poem's pretty good and letting out your feelings out on full display.
You could either fuse "I" and "am" together to make "I'm" in the demure part. But this is only minor, nothing too serious. Again, you're writing it from the heart and I love that.I find your description becoming an adult, especially if you've just turned 18 doesn't hold back. Like you know who you are with all the woes and insecurity, and you are still optimistic and high on life. It was interesting that it turns into a rap at the beginning, kind of having fun but experimenting. If I had to make one criticism would be some words felt awkward.
Anyways goodnight, good morning, and good afternoon. Hope you have a wonderful day
Thanks for the review, RokitaVivi! Also yeah, I might actually change that, thanks again! :p
Well, happy birthday!
Here with a little review!
First Impressions
The rhyme scheme is nice, and the poem has a whimsicalness to it that's fun, and communicates a childishness that is fitting for the contents. I don't take away any major messages or themes, which is not a flaw, but that does make the poem less impactful.
Into Specifics
I like this feel, it's nice, it's a fun flow. I do feel the last, "on life," does break the flow.
These rhymes are nice!
All in all, its a good poem, with some quality rhymes.
Thanks and keep writing!
Andrew
Thanks for the review, Andrew! :p
first off HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY!!! hope you have good times as a new adult!
second off i really want to say that this is such a fun poem. like the way you hear the pure happiness, and absolute determination radiating from the language is just so exhilarating. the constant rhyming here is so good as well - it's cheeky, but it's playful and experimental so it doesn't come off as repetitive. while the poem has various of switches in tone and structure that are jarring, it adds to how experimental and freeing this poem is, instead of being too disruptive or distracting. the poem really does pulls that off very well, even more-so knowing that this is a personal piece.
what i also find pretty interesting are the thoughts on turning 18 - i've also recently turned that age as well, so i love how this perspective leans towards optimism, while still remaining to have those complicated, mixed feelings that make this poem more complex. reading this poem is its own little journey - of contemplation about who you've became on your birthday, as a result from the already long journey that is life. its very raw! great poem!!!
Thanks for the well-wishes, lucky! Also, I am glad you liked the poem :p
you're welcome!!! :3
Aww...good luck as a new adult! I feel like you'll be great! I love the poem btw, it's such a great idea! Keep Writing, my friend! No matter how old you are, as long as you have the heart of a teen or kid, you can do anything!!! Happy Writing, Rebel! I love your works!
Sincerely,
CATS
Haha...I just realized I wrote the entire thing with exclamation marks...
Thanks a lot, my friend! I am glad that you liked it! :p
P.S.: Don't feel embarrassed for writing like 5 consecutive sentences ending with exclamation marks, Victor Hugo was much worse
Haha XD