z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

An Ode to Liberty

by TheRebel2007


It is the very Order of Nature
To inlay within each of its creatures,
Another one of Chaos' incarnations,
And Liberty is what we call this creation.

And Liberty is who calls upon us all
When Free Will and Free Thought is stalled,
When Chaos overextends the realm of Order,
We rise up to restore Chaos' borders.

But sometimes, we rise up too far,
And extend Chaos' borders to the stars,
Then Order jumps back upon Liberty -
And all of this is repeated ad eternity.

Why do we fight for Liberty, however,
When we do know that it loops forever?
Why do we shed blood and not cower in fear
When we fight for Liberty and for our dear?

By mutual Liberty and mutual Freedoms,
Joy allows us all to enter her Kingdom,
And Orderly adorns us with Nature's prime power,
Love, which is Free, and which Order doesn't shower.

Though no war comes with glory, and no peace comes without,
I fight for Liberty with no reluctance or any doubt;
In a war for Love and for Joy, I wish to testify
That, in Liberty, I live; and for Liberty, I'll die.

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Sat Jun 04, 2022 3:03 pm
LizzyTyler wrote a review...



Good morning/evening/night.

I loved your poem! The consistent rhyme scheme was just on point, and the flow of it? *chefs kiss* I love the structure of it! The first half began with a beautiful description of what liberty is, it’s failures and flaws, and it’s advantages. After describing its flaws, the poem has a transition stanza that asked questions of the reader, and to whoever is narrator of the poem. The poem then continues to eloquently explain why the narrator (or people in general) fight for liberty so desperately, despite its flaws. The end line was my favorite. “That, in Liberty, I live; and for Liberty, I'll die.” It so beautifully ties the poem together, leaving the reader feeling hopeful.

I love everything about your poem, but there are a couple small grammatical things I’d like to point out.

And all of this is repeated ad eternity.


I’m not sure if this is a typo, but it seems you meant to write “an”, or maybe “in”, but I personally think the best word to fit here would be “for”.

By mutual Liberty and mutual Freedoms,
Joy allows us all to enter her Kingdom,


The whole poem has a pretty good rhythm, but in the second line, I don’t think the word “all” is necessary. It just adds an unnecessary syllable. But this is really just me nit picking, it’ll really be fine with or without it. In a similar train of thought, the word “any” seems like an unnecessary word in this line:

Though no war comes with glory, and no peace comes without,
I fight for Liberty with no reluctance or any doubt;


It just an extra syllable, but again, it’s just me. Well, anyway, I really loved your poem! I hope to see more of your work around soon! Stay safe and keep writing!

-Lizzy




TheRebel2007 says...


Hey there, thanks for the review, Lizzy!

Well, as I said to Lee in their review, "ad" is a Latin word which means "to" or "till".

I guess the problems with those extra syllables is probably due to the tempo you are reading the poem at, as I have not set down a specific tempo for this poem (or any poem that I have ever written), and left it open to individual interpretation. I think you should try reading it at another tempo, as the tempo I am reading the poem at doesn't leave any syllable as "unnecessary", also, it might be because of the pressure one gives on each syllable. It might not be just you, but well, I myself don't have any problem. Thanks again! :p



LizzyTyler says...


The word %u201Cad%u201D definitely makes more sense now. And the syllables might just be me. If you thinks it fine, then you%u2019re probably right :)



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Wed Jun 01, 2022 2:56 pm
LittleLee wrote a review...



Hey, TheRebel2007! I hope you're having a great day/night!

It's been a really long time since I last wrote a review, and this poem was a great start towards breaking that wall of stagnation! I appreciate the effort you put towards maintaining a rhyme scheme throughout the poem, as well as the pleasant imagery you've managed to invoke. On the whole, this is a very well-written piece!

Now for my nitpicks and closer observations.

And Liberty is who calls upon us all
When Free Will and Free Thought is stalled,

This line is pretty nice, but shouldn't it be are stalled and not is stalled?

And all of this is repeated ad eternity.

What do you mean by "ad eternity?"

Why do we shed blood and not covet in fear
When we fight for Liberty and for our dear?

I think you mean cower, now covet. To covet something is to want to own it.

And Orderly adorns us with Nature's prime power,
Love, which is Free, and which Order doesn't shower.

Why is it Orderly only here and not anywhere else?
Also, there's a clash of images here which i think is because you tried a bit too hard to make it rhyme; you say Order adorns us with Love, then immediately proceed to say "which order doesn't shower." It could be interpreted as saying that Love is given sparingly and not in great amounts, but as it is, it only looked as though you needed a rhyme. \

In a war for Love and for Joy, I wish to testify
That, in Liberty, I live; and for Liberty, I'll die.

This is a good, strong ending that I quite approve of!

And that's all! This was a good read, and I'd love to check out your other work sometime. I hope this review was useful!

~Lee




TheRebel2007 says...


Thanks for the review, Lee!

Firstly, "Free Will and Free Thought" represent one idea, and therefore, I have used "is" instead of "are".

Secondly, "ad" is a Latin word, which means "till" or "to".

Thirdly, yes, it should be "cower", it as a typo.

And finally, those two lines mean that it is liberty who can adorn us with love, not order. "Orderly", in this case, means "methodically" or "neatly", not i"n sparing amounts". Thank you for the review once again!



LittleLee says...


Thanks for the clarifications!



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Sun May 29, 2022 1:19 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



We should fight for liberty.It’s one of the most important things.It brings security and order among society.Something everyone wants and deserves.Yet something so hard to obtain.It’s the thing that is just out of reach when you really want to touch it.It’s the thing that gets taken away when people need it the most.I really hope that you have a lovely and fantastic day and night.





When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings.
— Dean Jackson