Good morning/evening/night.
I loved your poem! The consistent rhyme scheme was just on point, and the flow of it? *chefs kiss* I love the structure of it! The first half began with a beautiful description of what liberty is, it’s failures and flaws, and it’s advantages. After describing its flaws, the poem has a transition stanza that asked questions of the reader, and to whoever is narrator of the poem. The poem then continues to eloquently explain why the narrator (or people in general) fight for liberty so desperately, despite its flaws. The end line was my favorite. “That, in Liberty, I live; and for Liberty, I'll die.” It so beautifully ties the poem together, leaving the reader feeling hopeful.
I love everything about your poem, but there are a couple small grammatical things I’d like to point out.
And all of this is repeated ad eternity.
I’m not sure if this is a typo, but it seems you meant to write “an”, or maybe “in”, but I personally think the best word to fit here would be “for”.
By mutual Liberty and mutual Freedoms,
Joy allows us all to enter her Kingdom,
The whole poem has a pretty good rhythm, but in the second line, I don’t think the word “all” is necessary. It just adds an unnecessary syllable. But this is really just me nit picking, it’ll really be fine with or without it. In a similar train of thought, the word “any” seems like an unnecessary word in this line:
Though no war comes with glory, and no peace comes without,
I fight for Liberty with no reluctance or any doubt;
It just an extra syllable, but again, it’s just me. Well, anyway, I really loved your poem! I hope to see more of your work around soon! Stay safe and keep writing!
-Lizzy
Points: 1763
Reviews: 60
Donate