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A Question of Memory

by TheRebel2007


Amnesty’s amiable amicability has granted me a leave from
Amnesia’s amendment of ambulation – surrounded by strange spirits of time
As I try to see everywhere and none from the stream of time I walk upon;
Tell me, should I have done something else than to question the ambiguity of time?

As the calamity of callous calculus forces me to append that
The calculation of calendrical calibre is not good enough
To make me refuse measured favours from my paper hat;
I do spin about the stream and ask if the mountains were rough.

The starving strumming stuttering time was asked by me if
The standing stunting stemming rocks disturbed it or not -
To it, it answered by strickening me till I became deaf;
So, yes, I addressed it and it beat me till I rot.

The preaching preamble protecting the frozen lakes
From the precarious practice of pragmatism, I won’t condemn you,
For, you realized that All cannot match One, and One can’t be fake
And there’s no necessity for All to be true for One to start anew.

The solemn sonnets of sonority do not at all sound cacophonous now,
The sovereign sober somberness’s the only that can teach
So “move on” doesn’t make quite sense as memories too, do bow;
So, is it futile to question the depth memories can reach?


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Tue Aug 17, 2021 2:13 am
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Shady wrote a review...



Heya Rebel,

I hope you're well! First and foremost, welcome to YWS! I really hope that you're enjoying your time on the site, and I'm glad to see that you've already jumped in and started posting some of your work. If you have any questions about the site, feel free to ask me or anyone else with a green username! Now that that's out of the way, let's jump in to the review...

I think your poem could benefit from using fewer atypical words. In several cases I had to google the word to be certain that I know for sure what it means, and in some cases it seems like you used synonyms back to back (like amiable and amicability are essentially the same word/meaning, so I wasn't sure why you used both -- same goes for sober somberness). Having three alliterations in the first two lines of each stanza feels a tiny bit forced, and I'd be interested to know what led to your choice to use it.

For that reason, I overall liked the last two lines from most of the stanzas better than the forced alliteration.

Tell me, should I have done something else than to question the ambiguity of time?


I like this line in particular. I like the question that you pose to the reader and the feel of the phrase 'ambiguity of time' -- since that really calls into question what time is at all. I can't name the emotion it elicits in me, but I enjoy it.

And there’s no necessity for All to be true for One to start anew.


I also really liked this line. It has a certain depth to it, while simplistic at the same time. Really well done here~

So “move on” doesn’t make quite sense as memories too, do bow;


For this line, I suggest you invert "make" and "quite" for a better flow, so that it reads "doesn't quite make sense" rather than how you currently have it as "doesn't make quite sense"

~

Overall, nice poem! I think the alliteration could be softened a bit so that it doesn't come across as so forced, but there were several qualities of this poem that I quite like, and I'm glad that you shared it with us ^-^

Keep writing!

~Shady




TheRebel2007 says...


Thank you so much for the review, Shady!

To be honest, I just wanted to do a dragging effect in the poem. Like, to make them feel the ambiguity of time and the exhaustion of the poet, that is the reason behind the forced alliteration. To make the reader feel the poet.

And, thanks for the suggestion, I am going to make that sense and thank you again. :p



TheRebel2007 says...


Thank you so much for the review, Shady!

To be honest, I just wanted to do a dragging effect in the poem. Like, to make them feel the ambiguity of time and the exhaustion of the poet, that is the reason behind the forced alliteration. To make the reader feel the poet.

And, thanks for the suggestion, I am going to make that sense and thank you again. :p



Shady says...


That makes sense. And you're welcome! Glad I was able to help ^-^



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Sat Jul 24, 2021 12:46 am
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silented1 wrote a review...



Your poem is very cognitive and not totally emotional or poetic. Which is fine, but it's about what you do in school maybe?

Either way, your aliteration is rightfully used, it's meant to be one effect dragged out in words, which you did, in starving strumming stuttering, mostly just not strumming. My reason for this is that you used a happier word. Try something else.





"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."
— William Shakespeare