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To The Ever-Dishevelled Maid of the Eternal Mist

by TheRebel2007


To the blazing fire of my heart's desire;
To the thunderstorm of a country shire;
To the breath of spring in the melting mountains -
To my chaotic mind incarnate whom I shall never gain.

I have hurt you, massacred your feelings -
But you moved on, and forgot all those dealings;
You have embraced me again - heart and arms wide -
I will be loyal to you, always be by thy side.

Your open hair reminds me of a gushing waterfall;
Your eager eyes are like the leaves of Autumn Fall;
Your smitten smile is as tender as the crescent moon;
Your witty words make me feel like a baby with a spoon.

You are the embodiment of disorder - my dream-come-true;
You have always helped me, with no question or ado,
You have never asked for favours, rewarded my endeavour -
But drew a line 'tween us, from which you'll never waver.

I too have changed, for I have been claimed
By a lady who loves me and worships me like a saint -
Aye, I love her too... but... I do not know to say what,
You'll never accept me, for I will never make the cut.

I wish ye well, in my heart you'll always dwell,
I'll always be there for you, just ring the bell.
To the Ever-Dishevelled Maid of the Eternal Mist,
Your lips will always awe me... for we'll never kiss.


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Wed Feb 09, 2022 2:15 am
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Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

This was quite a fun rhyming poem!! I loved the specificity of the title "Ever-Disheveled Maid of the Eternal Mist." It definitely added a certain uniqueness and depth. I think you spun the tale very nicely with gorgeous imagery and rhymes.

The narrative in this was really well structured. Upon the second read, it seems that this "ever disheveled maid of the eternal mist" seems to be an ex-companion of the speaker of the poem. Even though they've since parted ways, the speaker still holds this sense of longing for the maid. It's quite a bittersweet story you've presented here, and I think it was really well executed! Nice work!

Your last stanza was quite epic. I thought it was the perfect ending. Your syllable count made the flow very nice, and it was a very satisfying ending to this poem. Throughout, though, there were some lines that interrupted the nice flow, mostly due to the way the English language is structured (we have certain stressed and unstressed syllables which makes writing flowy poetry sometimes difficult) and also your syllable counts. I'd recommend reading it in your head or even out loud just to make sure it flows the way you want it to!

Specifics

But drew a line 'tween us, from which you'll never waiver.


Tiny thing here: this version of "waiver/waver" is actually spelled "waver." They're easy to confuse though, so I don't blame you!

Overall: nice work!! I think this poem blended a really nice mix of both storytelling and more abstract poetic devices with a touch of archaic and rich vocabulary to set it apart from the rest. I hope to read more of your poetry soon! Until next time!!




TheRebel2007 says...


Thanks for the review, Plume! :p And yeah, sorry for that mistake there, oops. I will correct it, and thanks again! :p



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Mon Feb 07, 2022 1:03 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I think the poem is pretty good for a first time.Is this your first time? I don’t want to assume or anything.But yes,the poem does have a rhyme kinda flow to it.I wonder,is this the perspective of someone who has treated another person wrongly and doesn’t understand why that person loves them back? I hope you have a wonderful and fantastic day and night.




TheRebel2007 says...


Thanks for the review, vampricone! :p

No, this is not my first time writing a poem, but this is indeed my first time writing one trying to merge romance and grief into one. And yes, your perspective is somewhat correct, this is more of a personal poem. Thank you again :p



vampricone6783 says...


You%u2019re welcome




"I never expected that I should be a queen so soon."
— Alice's Adventures in Wonderland