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One Day

by TheRebel2007


One day, I was walking;
I saw two ants talking
They levitated in the air,
And gave me a long stare.

I was afraid, of course -
One who has been stared at
By an ant would say worse;
They ran away when a cat

Walked right past me;
A car stopped, a man came out
And he slammed his head when he
Went to quarrel with a squirrel.

Bun (pun intended) replied to him,
"You are doubtless very big,
But all sorts of gym and whim
Do not mix with whipped cream;

Peanuts must be taken in together
With the chocolate and pigeon feather
To make up a cardboard and a tether;
And I think it no disgrace

To occupy gorillas with a case
If lawyers could take a day off
Due to indigestion and bad cough:
Talents differ, the metal is base

And the acid is at absolute zero -
Like what I say and talk about."
The eclipse ended and the sun came out
But the villain and the hero

Fight in their Machiavellian world
With sticks and stones and bamboo
And lasers and darkness and shampoo
And don't care about what they hurled.

I keep walking in the streets
Reveling in what doesn't make sense
As ants and stormtroopers and raccoons sleep
In the deep, in the deep, in the deep.


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Fri Sep 29, 2023 4:00 pm
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Rose wrote a review...



Greetings Poet!

Beyond my beloved horizon I'm diving headfirst into some new reading material, ready for an adventure. I whip out my trusty binoculars, and what do I see? An amazing poem titled "One Day" that definitely deserves a solid review. So, no more waiting around, let's jump right in!

Image

Very first of all, can I just say how ecstatic I am that I stumbled upon this poem. Not only because you have a unique way of telling about a "one day", but also because your poem tells a tale in such a intriguingly kind of humorous way.

You start the poem with the title, "One day", indicating that this a whimsical tale of a single day where ants that levitate in the air give a long stare. A man slammed his head when he quarreled with a squirrel, and gym and whim don't mix with whipped cream.

The imagery and creativity in your poem is just wow-some. And not to forget the rhyming, it feels nice to read it out loud.

Different kind of unique tales can be told through poetry in remarkable ways. Most poems carry themes such as loss, grief, loneliness, heartbreak and broken dreams, which carry a deep meaning.
But your poem just had a whole new set of themes that include absurdity, nonsense, surrealism and a touch of whimsicalness.
I mean, I just had to read it and I knew it would be worth it.

Everything in all and all in everything, this was a fantastic literary experience for me, I enjoyed reading your poem. Definitely keep on doing what you do and good luck with your future writing projects!

That's it, that's all.
Hoping the review has been of value to you!

With writer’s love,
Rose




TheRebel2007 says...


Thanks for the review, Rose! :D



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Mon Jul 24, 2023 12:02 am
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ariah347 wrote a review...



This poem is so whimsical! It is reminiscent of the style of Shel Silverstein. It playfully weaves fantastical elements. Its lighthearted tone and clever wordplay capture the essence of playful storytelling, making it an enjoyable read that leaves readers with a sense of childlike wonder. I enjoyed it!




TheRebel2007 says...


Thanks for the review!



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Fri Jul 21, 2023 2:56 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I imagine for this to be about walking through the nonsense of the world and just living life. My favorite parts were when chocolate and whipped cream were mentioned, just because I like chocolate and whipped cream. :) This poem was so fun to visualize. All of the world attempts to make sense, but in the end, it’s all just nonsense.

I hope that you will have a lovely and amazing day and night.




TheRebel2007 says...


Thanks for the review



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Fri Jul 21, 2023 8:16 am
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



A nonsense poem you say, well I do like nonsense poems! I'm always impressed by how beautifully written and how much meaning is injected into nonsense poems by writers on this site. The fact you can take a subject like two ants talking and make it into a relatively cohesive poem is amazing to me.

I like how you continue the themes of surrealism and nonsensical humour throughout the length of this, and how that's reflected in the somewhat chaotic rhyming scheme! It was definitely hard for me to say any of this out loud.

The quick pace worked well too, I think. The short lines and fast moving narrative created a sense of rapid progression through a series of completely bizarre events, and I found that contributed well to the whimsical and surreal atmosphere of the poem!

I did find that some of the rhyming scheme was hard to follow at points, and sometimes it took away from the flow of the narrative given that some places were far more structured in the rhyming scheme.

Also, whilst I enjoyed the absurdity of the poem, I think perhaps it could benefit from fewer random references to have a bit more of a cohesive narrative. Maintaining a balance between surreal and relatable elements might help to make the poem more accessible and relatable to the reader - while surrealism is a key aspect for you here, grounding it in familiar emotions or experiences might help with connecting readers to the poem overall!

I definitely had fun reading this one. Thanks for sharing!

Icy




TheRebel2007 says...


Thanks for the review! At first, this poem was divided into stanzas when I uploaded this poem from my phone from Google Docs. But strangely enough, the spacing vanished when I copy-pasted it. I have corrected it now that I am on my laptop. Thanks again!




Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.
— Winston Churchill