Hearts adorned in silver scorn,
Long forlorn, worn and torn,
Despair-born and long-adjourned -
We have not forgotten thee.
In despair, those who dare
To glare and stare at problems their,
Bearing fear to steer 'way scare -
We have not forgotten thee.
Long lampooned, rebuked about,
Yet they rise again, gaining clout,
And of love, life and liberty shout -
We have not forgotten thee!
In life and in death, without any regret -
Perhaps a little - but without any fret,
Keep on going, overturning fate -
We shall never forget thee.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Amazing man, this is the first literary work that I've read in YMS and hands down it's praiseworthy. Much needed hope.
Thanks, mate! You can check out my other works and my wall if you wanna! I got a couple of songs that you might like. :p
Hiii!
First of all I must say I liked reading this poem.
Oh and the 3rd paragraph's last line, there is a typo for the word forgotten. Other than that this poem is good.
To make it better I fell u can use a few simple words too it will make it more attractive.
I love it
Looking forward to read your upcoming works!!! 😁
Thanks, SMulki! I am glad that you pointed out the typo, or I would have never noticed. Also, I have several works - poems, short stories, novel chapters - on YWS that you can read in the meanwhile. Once again, thank you very much! :p
Hi there, my friend! I always love seeing when you post poems so I was glad to come across this
Okay, so the first thing that I noticed was the rhyme scheme! You follow an interesting AAAB pattern until the last stanza where it is AABC.
From the title I can tell that this piece is meant to be a song that brings hope to who reads it! The first stanza seems to tell someone that they have not been forgotten, despite dealing with a deep level of pain for a long time. I really loved how you rhymed adjourned with torn.
From the second stanza, I realized how unique of language patterns you used. This line really stood out to me:
At first read, I was sort of confused but I understood it after reading a few times. Some of the 'older' feeling language can be hard to comprehend, but at the same time it feels and looks really beautiful. Reading it out loud is gorgeous as well!
Ahh, I love how you use a little alliteration throughout the poem. This line was gorgeous. I love the continual message that someone has not been forgotten and that they are still cared for, even if they are going through situations that have caused them to be hurt or hated by others. I liked the last stanza that says 'in life and death' as well, because it makes it so unconditional, which I think is something we all need. Lovely poem and I enjoyed reading! Keep writing.
Your friend,
Ellie
Thanks for the review, Ellie! Uh... I am pretty sure each stanza is in AAAB format... unless fate, regret and fret don't rhyme with each other where you live...? Anyway, thanks nevertheless!
Hello, here to leave a quick review (I'm only doing this for the panda). First of all, the rhyme scheme is incredible. For almost every first line, the next one mirrors it very well and what makes this poem even more incredible is that the flow is 100% consistent all the way through.
Each statement doesn't just end after a single stanza, they carried on from one line to the next, all the way to the end of each verse.
Other than that, there's not much for me to critique here. There aren't any major flaws as far as I can see. Great work!
Thanks Hollow Ichigo!