A rogue planet slings across the outskirts
Wandering in the vastness of the abyss,
When suddenly, a flash that brightly bursts
And outshines all its neighbouring galaxies.
Like a star that’s not able to hold up no more,
Wailing at the end of its fusion chain reaction -
Falls upon itself, imploding at its core,
Lets it all out, discarding all inhibition.
Shine, shine, shine brighter than the brightest -
Let your blinding light bedazzle the best,
Hear the cosmic symphony jammed by your jazz,
Don’t let your light be dimmed by celeste!
Dance, trample, and look out afar
Let the brambles of blackness not shun you,
The nebulae, the pulsars and quasars -
Hear them all call out for you!
Dominate across all spectra of light,
Let them gaze upon you in all your glory,
Inspire magnificence, love, tempest, and fright -
With the ink of light, write your own story!
In this chaos, in this night, be the ray of light
That shines but for a second, yet inspires awe.
Shine like a supernova - let your dreams shine so bright
That even after a billion years, someone will say, “Woah!”
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
Hi again, my friend!! Ellie stopping by your wonderful poetry to leave you a review
First things first- love this theme! The organization is very neat and the space theme is lovely!
I love this example. It is relaxed and smoothly written. Also, your use of vocabulary is something that really stood out to me in this poem. I feel like I just finished a science lesson about space, haha! The image you paint is beautiful- a star that can no longer hold up weight. This gives me a sense of beautify and loneliness at the same time. This single star fighting to stay strong, but failing. And stars explode eventually. How much can this star take before giving up?
The repetition of shine was cool. It really paints this image even stronger in my head. Bright, shining lights in the galaxy. I like dhow you used alliteration here -> shine, shine shine, brighter and brightest, blinding, bedazzle, best, which rhymes with the jazz. and then we see don't and dimmed. we also have a bit of rhyming, which is always awesome
As I mentioned earlier, you vocab is wonderful in this one. This idea of chaos, coming from light. But around this chaos is absolute darkness and still ness in space. This feels really symbolic to me of a lot of emotions I feel in my life. This craziness of life, which is surrounded by this still moment which give me the strength to press forward. Awesome!
Overall, wonderful poem, friend
Your friend,
Ellie
Thanks for the review, my fellow Tortoise! :p
Hi there, here for a little review
I love the imagery of this poem. The cosmos is such a fun environment to frame any story in, and can be used in so many ways for so many emotions, and at the same time connects us all together while showing how vast the universe is. I loved the amount of celestial metaphors you worked in without any of them feeling forced.
I know that poetry is subjective, especially when it comes to things like punctuation and capitalization, so this is just my pov on this poem: I think that since your first 7-8 lines are all one sentence it would read better if you only capitalized the first line. It just came across as a bit harder to read for me, because for a second I wasn't sure if there was a run-on sentence going on or if this poem was meant to be read a bit more choppily.
I love the use of the "ink of light". I think that's such a fun way of using a common idea (that of being a light to others) and putting the spin of an imploding star. That line really stood out.
I also like the idea in your last stanza: sometimes what we do won't be appreciated, or even needed, until after our time, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it or it isn't worth anything.
Your rhyming and timing in this was a little tough for me to follow because there isn't a set pattern, but I don't know enough about iambic meter to really articulate why, so I would leave that up to someone more gifted in poetry than myself.
Hope this helps,
~ Messy
Thanks for the review, Messy! :p