Young Writers Society

Hi again, my friend!! Ellie stopping by your wonderful poetry to leave you a review Lets get right to it!!

First things first- love this theme! The organization is very neat and the space theme is lovely!

Like a star that’s not able to hold up no more,
Wailing at the end of its fusion chain reaction -
Falls upon itself, imploding at its core,
Lets it all out, discarding all inhibition.

Shine, shine, shine brighter than the brightest -
Let your blinding light bedazzle the best,
Hear the cosmic symphony jammed by your jazz,
Don’t let your light be dimmed by celeste!

Inspire magnificence, love, tempest, and fright -
With the ink of light, write your own story!

In this chaos, in this night, be the ray of light
That shines but for a second, yet inspires awe.

Hi there, here for a little review

I love the imagery of this poem. The cosmos is such a fun environment to frame any story in, and can be used in so many ways for so many emotions, and at the same time connects us all together while showing how vast the universe is. I loved the amount of celestial metaphors you worked in without any of them feeling forced.

I know that poetry is subjective, especially when it comes to things like punctuation and capitalization, so this is just my pov on this poem: I think that since your first 7-8 lines are all one sentence it would read better if you only capitalized the first line. It just came across as a bit harder to read for me, because for a second I wasn't sure if there was a run-on sentence going on or if this poem was meant to be read a bit more choppily.

I love the use of the "ink of light". I think that's such a fun way of using a common idea (that of being a light to others) and putting the spin of an imploding star. That line really stood out.
I also like the idea in your last stanza: sometimes what we do won't be appreciated, or even needed, until after our time, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it or it isn't worth anything.

Your rhyming and timing in this was a little tough for me to follow because there isn't a set pattern, but I don't know enough about iambic meter to really articulate why, so I would leave that up to someone more gifted in poetry than myself.

Hope this helps,
~ Messy