I'll Be Yours, Withal

Hey there, Rebel! I'm Alex, here to drop a review. I don't think I've ever read a work by you so this piece in the Green Room seems like the perfect place to start. I must say I was impressed by the word count you contributed this Review Day, exceeding a hundred thousand characters is wilddd. Now let's get the review started.

The word 'Withal' really caught my eye as I hadn't ever heard of it before. It's so unique, I was curious if it was intended as a name but wasn't really convinced with it. After a vigorous web search, I conclude the most fitting meaning to be 'in spite of all'. But feel free to correct me I got it wrong! It's so clever, to make the user curious and invested by the use of this peculiar word. As they put an effort to explore what it means, they're already in a way connected with the work as they've devoted it their time without even having read it. They're most likely to go through with it afterall, considering they've gotten so far and it feels oddly familiar now. So the piece is cunningly pulling and acts as a great hook in general.

There's talk of a somewhat catastrophe right off the bat and the reader is caught off guard. I found the use of the phrase 'may but' in the second line of the first stanza quite peculiar, I wasn't aware it could be used like that. I'm unsure if it's an artistic liberty of something simpler, that my dumb mind just can't comprehend. But either way, it has a melodious ring, so I like either way. The overall vibe is dark, as the lines explore themes of destruction. Descriptions like 'time burning', 'words dying' and 'suffering persisting' are surely spine chilling. The narrator states that even when all this disorder unfolds, they'll still love their dear. What sounded like a narrative of ruin has drastically shifted to a confession of love against all odds. And for some reason, that is strangely beautiful!

As for more technical matters, I find a minor ambiguity in the first word itself of the poetry itself, repeated at the beginning of every stanza.

If time does burn, and words do die,
Yet, even then - I'll be yours, withal.

Notice how the words 'if' and 'then', though nearly opposite, aren't completely contrasting. 'If' suggests that the occurrence of the mentioned event isn't assured while 'then' sounds more definitive in the future. I think if you want to use the word 'if', 'still' makes for a better alternative. This change fits the meaning better, in the way I belive you intended. But in my personal suggestion, you should substitute 'if' with 'when' considering the last line of the stanza is your hook line of the poem, being repeated to create a lasting impact (which makes it worth preserving in the present form). I understand it's a lose-lose situation choice between authenticity and technicality but I think it necessary the present problems becomes bugging when you finally spot it. It's just my personal opinion though, so take it only if you agree with it. If not, considering it just me rambling nonsense.

Now the second stanza was more vague and difficult to interpret. But there's an undeniable charm to its complexity. While I can't get exactly what it's trying to say, I can tell it works on the same pattern established in the first and sounds indeed very poetic.

freedom is enslaved

I found this contradiction specially amusing. Language that once meant to unite humanity, is now killing people. Chaos that was once buried deep has now resurfaced. And now freedom itself is enslaved. This dystopia is an absolute nightmare. Yet, the narrator makes their undying promise to love their partner forever, despite what all may go down. Absolutely shattering!

oceans drown

You're a creative genius!! I can't imagine you came up with something so original and ironic. For the ocean to be consumed in its own death, it sounds so surreal. Also the planets ceasing to exist reveals the devastation is off a whole another level, extending to the extraterrestrial. Not only our world, but the entire world is being destroyed as we know it.

Though darkness may through light increase,

I'm guessing the first 'though' was supposed to be 'through', just a simple typing mistake. It's so true though, light a candle and a shadow will be inevitably formed. They are sworn enemies but one cannot exist without the other. Shadow is light's tail that it ends up biting when it turns around but it goes back to how it was before the moment light faces ahead. Getting rid of the shadow is impossible without extinguishing the light, but that would mean letting darkness win over. There truly is no way out of this dilemma.

heaven falls down, and hell ascends above,

The world of afterlife exchanging their positions is such a drastic event. Hell rises to overthrow Heaven while Heaven falls in the abyss when things go South, I'm in awe with the innovation.

virtue and vice may indulge in love

For two opposing qualities to fall in love is tell tale sign of the deteriorating state of the dimension. Destruction is inevitable and near.

If you read this, and I would not write,
Though none may know what's truly right

It appears the narrator is talking about their sudden disappearance. Their lover has read this confession of theirs, but the narrator is nowhere to be found. Noone knows where they went or what happened to them. Even if something like this happened, they're assuring their lover that they'd still be their partner's. As if the narrator is leaving behind a goodbye note, in case crisis breaks and they don't get to ever say it again. Just a person suggestion but I think 'and I no longer' or 'but I don't' sounds a little more apt than 'and I would not' here. But of course, the final decision rests with you.

To me, the use of 'I dunno' sounds very casual to the rest to the Latin sayings used herein. In a way, that makes it stand out to make a point. It's an interesting artistic take on wording but I can't help but think 'I'm unsure' would blend in better. The line itself is contradictory as the narrator is admitting their doubt in the believe of the love conquering all and thus grasps thus reader's attention. Dunno, though well intended, sounds a little more odd than it should sabotaging the sophisticated tone set in the rest of the work.

The closing line is so brilliant. It maintains the idea and tone of the ending of the other stanzas, but enhances it to make the end special. Phrases like 'no matter what' and 'forever yours' really go far and beyond to express how deep the narrator's love actually runs. Their devotion is unbreakable and no calamity can stand between them both.

All in all, this was such an enthralling read about a love that'll last till the end of time. The oath of loyalty is repeated again and again, almost like a chant. The narrator is pledging their undying support and belonging to their beloved. The world might turn upside down, but they'd lose the side of their dear. Such a heartwarming message. The Latin words tell me either you're a person versed with the basics of it or you've done your research well. Both scenarios are commendable. The repeated ending of each stanza and a similiar variant in the closing line as well as the title- was a wonderful idea well executed. The way you pen down the turbulent havoc is extremely frightening, as opposed to the sweet and grounded vow of love that the narrator takes for all of eternity. Unlike the world crumbling around it, this promise stands strong in its sincerity. An engrossing read with a compelling imagery. I had a great experience reviewing it. Hope I get to do it again sometime, with another one of your works very soon.