I overhaul and reform all
That comes underneath my control;
And my fall did not stall
The decline of the tall.
I was - betrayed by all my friends,
Hated by the Senate;
My adopted son had revenged
His father’s death.
Made better little, life people’s;
Seduced a Pharaoh Oriental;
Conquered Gall for pride national;
Defeated the prime general.
I was - killed in his theatrum
In front of his statue;
They thought, they’ll, for what they had done,
Be remembered for virtue.
I did a siege and was besieged,
Defeated both when they breached;
I hid my phalanx behind my ranks,
Defeated as my troops advanced.
I was - Napoleon’s idol,
The greatest general;
I sacrificed my life for
The good of the people.
They told me that they would be
Making me Majesty;
I ignored letters and couriers
So I could reach there sooner.
History knows what happened next -
Twenty-three times stabbed,
I only wanted to be Rex
For the Senate never had
Cared for people in Senatus
Populusque Romanus;
Better not to be Republicus
Si non pertinet populus.
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I know this wasn’t your intention, but I did have this poem on my list so: congratz on getting the April 2nd review :3
Hmmm again this kinda feels like a song (a rock song bc I like those) to me and that is great! (Though that only really counts for the first 2 stanzas, afterwards it reads more like a poem to me)
It also makes me wish I knew more about the life of Ceasar to get all the references qq
Ohh that is a cool line: “I did a siege and was besieged,”
I’m not sure I like the glimpses into the future---because on the one hand I don’t like anachronism all that much but on the other: man, I love that you included Napoleon in this and also the vindication that comes through in the lines <they thought they’d be remembered for virtue> and that he was the only one (not the senate) who has cared for the people ^^
Let me know if you have any questions~ You know I’m not that good with poetry ^^
I have no idea why you had this on your list but I do sure appreciate it!
It was originally intended to be a song with alternating rap and rock verses but well, I am a bad singer so that never came into fruition. Personally, yeah, I now feel weird that I added references to Octavian and name-dropped Napoleon -- but this was Caesar talking from beyond his grave so Ig that makes sense.
Thanks for the review, it would be great if you read things like The Peasant's Plea or The Ant Who Nuked The World or even It%u2019s You, My Love -- I am sure you'll like them in their different flavours! :p
For April it doesn't count if you mention them here xd
I'm not putting up a daily wallpost for nothing ~
Edit: I divided the poem into stanzas, it already had stanzas before, but the gaps were erased for some unknown reason
Hi, VintageGirl here! This was very interesting, and was a little refresher from when I last learned about Caesar.
First, I liked the repetition with the "I was." Even though this is in one big section, that still divides the text and makes it a bit easier to follow, I guess. I also like the Latin at the end. I have no idea what it means, but it still creates a good ending.
I have a couple questions, if you have time to answer them. I'm a little confused about the line "Made better little, life people’s." I can't really understand it, along with the Latin bit.
Also-- what would you think about sectioning this into stanzas? Each "I was" could be one stanza, the very beginning could be one, and "History knows what happened next" could be the start of the last one. It could make it a tad easier to read, and maybe a little less daunting.
All in all, I really like this. I hear it as a rap, and I don't know if you intended that or not, but it's really cool!
Keep writing
-VintageGirl
Actually, this was divided into stanzas but when I uploaded it on phone, I don't know why but the spaces were gone.
"Made better little, life people's," basically means "I made people's life a little better". "Senatus Populusque Romanus" basically means "The Senate and the People of Rome", basically the name of the Roman government, like, The United States of America, or The United Kingdom, or the Republic of India. "Better not be Res Publicus/Si non pertinet populus." basically means, "it's better not to be a republic, if you don't care about the people.
And yes, this is actually a song. Every part before "I was" is rap, while the part after "I was..." and "History knows..." is a treble. Thank you for the review! :p
hi! this was interesting. im honestly not that sure what to say! it kinda has like a dark feeling to it…
‘betrayed by all my friends,’
‘Seduced a Pharaoh Orienta’
‘My adopted son had revenged
His father’s death.’
all these sentences are really interesting to me!
i think it’d be nice to see this as an actual story! i would definitely read it if so.
good job!
The first line that you refer to, refers to Brutus and Cassius - who conspirated to kill Caesar and to some extent, Labienus too who left Caesar to fight against him in Pompey's side.
The second line that you refer to, refers to Cleopatra, obviously
The third line that you refer to, refers to Octavian/Augustus who was Caesar's adopted son and defeated his Assassins.
History is an open storybook for everyone to read, thanks for the review! :p
oh alright! i forgot i learned about that lol