Young Writers Society

Hello, darling! Here to review, of course, so let's jump right in, shall we?

To begin with, I'd like to say that this is certainly an interesting piece when it comes down to discussing the topic of it. However, it also feels most definitely overdone -- plenty of people have written on this, and plenty more will after you. With a topic like this, the question is, why should we care about your poem and not someone else's? You need to be able to give it that kick that defines it, that makes it stand out from the crowd so that we pay attention to you. As it is, I read this and I don't get that feeling of power behind it. It feels like literally every other poem I have ever read on the subject of brutality or violence or even just on the topic of freedom.

One issue I have is with the fact that your images feel half-done. You don't really carry through with any of them, and while some of them sound like they could be cool to expand on, you don't give any closure to them, instead going into the final two stanzas that really ruin the atmosphere of the entire piece for me. You crib a little off Alice in Wonderland with the lines about the roses, and it's obvious, but it could be well-done if you actually did something more with the natural standpoint rather than just moving on into the next stanza.

I honestly do feel like your last two stanzas don't need to be there. Find a different way to end it that might give it a little more power -- addressing the reader is far overdone, and most people honestly don't care for it, myself included. I feel like it weakens your stance on the issue, and you can't afford to weaken yourself on an already commonly-done poem.

Not bad, just not wonderful. Edit, and keep writing!

I am a big fan of this one!!! How can you write such beautiful poetry like this? I envy you so much! Poetry is one of my favorite things, my older sister can write poetry like no other, I love hers. I can seriously find nothing wrong to correct on here.
My first thought when I read this was of the movie "The Patriot" with Mel Gibson which is one of my favorites. I love Mel Gibson and his movies are awesome. (My favorite is Braveheart )

This poem is so true. What is freedom? People say that this is a free country but is it really? Can you do anything? Don't get me wrong, countries need rules or they would break but why so many?

"Innocence lost among the years
too many tears fallen in the face of fear.
Even the sky cries for
our young fallen warriors

What makes you think life is easy going and free.
It isn't"

That was amazing. The only word to describe. I love it *sighs* I am a big fan of this one!!


"Our freedom is not even free,
people's blood is spilled.
The drops constantly
dripping loudly on the roof of life."

Amazing

Red roses are just a reminder,
white stained from too much pain."
This one reminded me of a dearest friend/crazy uncle whom I loved who died last March 12.

I really admire this poem.It tells you things as they are. Truth in the face of adversity is bold and clear. It is honest and a concise reflection of your inner challenges.

"Red roses are just a reminder,
white stained from too much pain."
-- It is a blatantly truthful line and catches the essence of war, pain, terror and tremor.
I really liked the way the poet has described terrors, in this world,in simple but varied words.
All in all i really liked this poem.Please keep on posting

awesome poem