Life and Death
Now and After
Pain and Silence
Fire and Ice
Fluff and Clouds
Blood and Gore
Peace and Love
The images I want to shatter
The images I want to live
I want to be an angel,
but I wish not to die.
I want to be an angel on earth.
I want to be able to hide the blood,
replace it with the peacefulness of love.
I want to have peace where there is gore.
The images I want to shatter
The images I want to live
I want to be an angel,
but I wish not to die.
I want to be an angel on earth.
The images I want to shatter,
The images I want to live,
I want to be an angel on earth.
Sometimes on the news,
more and more death is reported.
My heart yearns for the fallen,
and cries tears of sorrow for the remaining.
More and more blood is spilt,
pain and blood cause by hate,
no longer is the world ruled
by peace, love, and kindness.
My heart yearns for the
images I want to shatter,
the images I want to live.
The images I want to shatter
The images I want to live
I want to be an angel,
but I wish not to die.
I want to be an angel on earth.
Life can be so harsh,
causing the pain of so many,
is it so wrong to wish? to dream?
I wish not to die,
but I wish to be an angel.
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139,790 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
Greetings this fine review day!
I have a few suggestions for the first series of pairs/opposites. Take them or leave them as you will.
I think they could do with separation to prevent too quick reading. This could be done through full stops, (I am glad to see you have not completely shunned punctuation) or mabey through line breaks.
Secondly I dislike the repetition of the word "and." As a suggestion I would replace them with a variety of conjunctions, or punctuation; perhaps semicolons.
As I say these are merely suggestions; take them, leave them, mix and match them to your heart's content.
Take That You Fiend!
Timmy here for a review!
Nitpicks
These all seemed to have a sense of opposites, except for these two. Fluff and Clouds are close to the same thing... What about you use something else, like maybe "Sunlight and Clouds" or something similar. "Blood and Gore" are really neat, but they don't copy that same routine, either.
Faving time and Style
This was a really neat poem, and I loved the story you had here! How you want to be an angel, to be clean in a dirty world. Its not wrong to dream or to wish, but many times your dreams can't come true.
No matter what we do, the world will never change. We can only change it around us, but we can never change mankind. They will always steal and murder. The world will always be stained.
This was an amazing poem with a beautiful imagery and style. I love your poems! Onto the next one!
~Darth Timmyjake
Damn good. All I can say is pretty damn good.
Some would say this is too complex, or to vague, but I think you hit it right on the money.
Beautiful. Structurally (for the most part) sound and conveys a strong message. It creates a vivid, lifelike picture of that angel. Brilliant
I LOVE THIS!!! It's really, really beautiful, and I don't think I've ever read anything that explained how I felt before, at least not towards this kind of thing. Your rhythm draws the reader in and I think you do a wonderful job capturing the emotions you were trying to portray. I also love the freestyle of your poem--a lot of people seem to think poetry needs set meters or rhyme, and so I love it when someone else does freestyle like I do. Thank you for sharing your beautiful work!
I hate to have my thoughts restricted into certain ways so I love freestyle poetry.
Me too!
First of all, Tulip, this poem is very powerful. Well done.
This just struck me. Life and death, fire and ice are opposites, but what about the other lines? Or was that intentional?
Very cool, though you might want to rephrase it as "I do not wish to die" or "I don't want to die". Then again, it's your poem and therefore your choice.
Incredible. Beautiful.
Perhaps "death is all they report"? But again, it's your choice.
I don't have much more to say, except to restate that yours is a very powerful poem. Thank you very much for sharing it.
Thank you for the review!
Your welcome, I have been wanting to share it for a while.
Here to review!
First what is fluff? Just a little curious. Is it like, the cloud? I think that personally you shouldn't repeat this: The images I want to shatter
The images I want to live
I want to be an angel,
but I wish not to die.
I want to be an angel on earth.
Maybe you could change it up a little bit? I love the message in this poem though! It really is a beautiful poem with tons of potential galore!
Keep writing and have a wonderful week!
~Sarai