Bright stars reflect
upon the still-water
A breath held by Mother Nature.
A strong sight to behold, the one of Nature’s love.
Not even a blade of grass
stirred upon the lake’s shore.
Perfectly still, a painter’s love.
Would this one moment of peace,
become a masterpiece?
To paint such a lovely scene
with speckled glowing golden-white stars,
showing upon the top of
a clear glowing pool of water.
Nothing seems to move.
The scene’s beauty
can’t be uttered by simple men,
nor it’s beauty recreated by the holiest of men.
Just as the Garden of Eden
held a beauty to entrance-
the distant stars, the water they reflect upon-
they entrance the imagination and the eyes of
painters and authors.
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Canary word: Present
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139,347 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
I thought that the poem was really descriptive and there was an amazing scene forming in my mind. Like you said, the garden of Eden. The reference to painters and authors being inspired also added depth to the description and shows how powerful nature can be. I liked the idea of it being seen to touch the human mind.
I don't read a lot of poetry but I feel like this worked. I now realise the power of a good poem. No grammar points, like I said I didn't have that much experience with poetry.
Timmy here for a quick review.
Okay. Little nitpick here, but one nevertheless. Look at those two parts and see if you can tell what is wrong. Its very small, almost unable to notice... The first is written in present tense, and the second in past tense... That is something which people do all the time in poetry, but doesn't get noticed because it isn't a big deal. I noticed it.
The men seems redundant here.... And I think you should change the wording a little bit... I know a lot of amazing women artists. hee hee
One problem you have is redundancy. I have that as well! When working on a piece like this, recite it line by line, and those words that don't flow well, or seem to often in your poem, will show out when said aloud. Especially redundancy. That is like a sore thumb in poetry. You can't help but know its there.
Commetns and stuffff
I thought this was really neat! The descriptions were beautiful and I loved how you referred to the garden of Eden--i think it added a lot to the overall feeling behind the poem. I paint... somewhat, and its always neat to draw, paint--even write. Writing is an art. One of words! And you did an awesome job with this one!
Concerning the formatting: Don't worry about it. I thought it was a nice change to have the formatting centered instead of aligned left.... Some people don't like it, but I think it looks nice.
It definitely gives your piece its own unique look.
~Darth Timmyjake
Hi! Dogsrule5 here to review.
It was a good poem, but your lines seem to be everywhere. I think you should organize your stanzas to where they each have the same amount of lines.
Nitpicks.
I think you can manage to find the nitpicks yourself. If there are any.
I think this was a good poem overall the unorganized lines. I think you should fix those unorganized lines to.
I recommend that you put four lines to a stanza, but you don't have to do it that way. I am just making a suggestion.
I think you should fix those unorganized lines before others give you the same review over and over again.
I hope I helped about organizing you stanzas
Love,
Dogsrule5
This is really good, but I feel like the other lines are all over the place. Maybe you should line them up eavenly.