Arrogant Ambitions:
You cry, and beg, and plead,
to get back to where you were previously.
You kick those who stand in your way down,
not caring about the sorrow and pain-
you inflict upon them,
blind to their cries.
You see only your own ambitions.
You fight with those you see as superior,
too make yourself look larger than you are.
Once you achieve this ambition,
you cast away all others-
like a little fish in the sea.
You cause the tears of others,
the sorrow filled sobs,
the pleading and begging of others,
but you become an arrogant air head-
too blind to see them.
You become what you once wanted to overthrow,
now prepare for the wrath.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,552 Literary Works • 673,421 Reviews
Timmy here for a quick review!
Forgive me if my review is a bit short and to the point. I have a long list of them, and I only have a short amount of time. Good grief!
Nitpicks and other thoughts
I think the main problem with all of your poetry is sometimes (forgive me for saying this) the grammar. I am not a grammar Nazi. Not in the slightest. But sometimes I just see things and have to say something. A few parts that need work really shine out in this piece. Mainly words that need to be spelled correctly, etc...
Those little things aren't a big deal. They are spread throughout anyone's work, but those stood out for me there.
Faving time and Style
So this was a really neat concept and I love the way you expressed it! Your style changes with each poem. No poem is written exactly the same way, and some are so much different from the one before, its like another person is writing it each time...
This one has a very distinct message, I think. And it is well thought out. You run through many things that I think happens to people like this--ambitions, scorning others, being blind to things, etc...
Ambition is a good thing, but overdoing and scorning others can be something that drags you down. Not everyone is going to become a President of the United States, but you don't have to scorn and thrust down those beneath you. We are all people. We are all equal.
Awesome job.
May the force be with you!
~Darth Timmyjake
Like below, there were a few words that offset the rhythm and flow, including "airhead" and the line "the pleading and begging of others".
)
Also, there were a few grammar problems. (Forgive me for being a Grammar Nazi
Should be "Too blind to see them."
"Now prepare for the wrath."
In the fifth stanza, I believe the wording could be arranged differently, because at first, I didn't understand how casting other people away would be like a little fish in the sea.
Try
"Once you achieve this ambition,
You cast all the others away -
As if they were the worthless fish in the sea."
I don't know.
But don't let my critique get you down!
Keep on writing, it's a wonderful idea!
I really liked the rhythm to the poem as I read this. There were a few words that I thought kind of off-set the tone/rhythm, like air head. However, I could really feel the emotion in your words, which in my opinion, is what poetry is really about. The first two lines were what really pulled me into the rest of the poem and they definitely stuck with me even as I finished.