Pain radiates through the world.
It’s swarm not leaving one innocent
of the torment and punishment.
It’s dark shadows-
block’s out humanities light.
Blocking out all hope and dreams.
What could stop this endless pain?
Nothing can but that small fleeting hope-
that one day it will be bored of this world-
and will leave the human race alone.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
I love it! I love the usage of imagery. GREAT JOB! I can totally relate to it and that's why I love it! My favorite phrase is : "What could stop this endless pain? Nothing can but that small fleeting hope" BEAUTIFUL! I have spent so many days thinking about how life can seem so full of pain. And then I realize that I wake up every morning because of this beautiful thing called "hope". Keep writing! I would love to see more of your work!
This is a very well written poem. Maybe you could go and add more. I'm sure your readers will be able to relate to your poem. Other than that it was very good and specific.
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Hi!
Great job! It has a lot of imagery and figurative usage. I could definitely get the image of a darkness spreading to everyone and everything. I do have a few critiques though.
One thing I do recommend is using commas instead of dashes, it looks more professional and has a much smoother pause than an abrupt dash.
I also suggest the change of "through" to "throughout" in the first line. I believe throughout sounds better there and helps your point across that the pain radiated. "Through" sounds two-dimensional, while "throughout" sounds like it covers more.
In the line:
"It’s swarm not leaving one innocent
of the torment and punishment."
I suggest changing the second line to "safe from" instead of "of". It sounds a bit smoother and flows better in the poem.
"block’s" needs to be changed to "block" because it's not possessive or in plural form, and it's present tense.
I also suggest changing "humanities" to "humanity's" because you are trying to exhibit a possession, and not a plurality of light.
My last suggestion is changing "Nothing can but" to "Nothing but". I just feel the 'can' is unneeded there because you're answering a question and a response with 'can' in it sounds a bit off.
Overall great job and keep writing! I really enjoyed this piece, much like your other works that I've read!
Very well written i must say! Just a thought that you can can make it little bit lengthier.Something about hope may be! Its very apt and precise and it conveys what you want to and that is very good!yeah! the pain should go.Lot of problem it has caused ,left the hearts broken and souls torn...Well it hurts......anyways!! its cool! keep writing!