You wish us to forget what you have done,
but you refuse to forget what you have done.
You wish us to forgive you,
and welcome you back into our hearts.
But you are blind to see the things that you do.
All of the things that you use against us.
High Horsedness- is the reason I shun.
Too believe that you stand higher than the rest?
Denial about what you have done...
because you hover in a cloud of rudeness.
Manipulating words- that drag others down,
it’s hurtful you know?
Your face lies- a facade for innocence.
I am sorry, that I no longer stand for this.
I am sorry that I will not be hurt by you.
I want only honesty, instead of dishonesty.
My fragile heart can not handle this.
Instead of turning away from the truth,
please just admit what you have done.
I am sick and tired of your attitude,
and your choices to treat me this way.
Please do not make it feel as if
you are abandoning us....me........!
Why....why must you....?
I am too fragile to handle these feelings...
too fragile to handle these moments...
Get off the high horse you ride,
and slide down to Earth,
where we all rest our feet.
No longer will we allow ourselves to be
treated like slaves-
mentally, physically and emotionally abused.
You wish us to forget what you have done,
but you refuse to forget what you have done.
You wish us to forgive you,
and welcome you back into our hearts.
But you are blind to see the things that you do.
All of the things that you use against us.
If they continue they will end the friendship,
you so desire to keep.
If they continue, they will be turned against you.
If they continue, this will be the end of you.
Please realize, and just change.
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139,359 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Timmy here for a review!
If i seem to follow all of your works, don't be alarmed. I am only stalking them.
Nitpicks
Ok, this seems to be the most awkwardly phrased part of the entire piece of poetry... To me, "Horesedness" seems rather awkward to read and sounds rather... unpoetic? And then the next line is suggested as a question with the question mark at the end to say that, but it isn't worded as one... Perhaps you meant:
I would just change a few things in that line, since a few of them seem to make the two lines a little awkward to read and don't flow well. This would be my suggestion:
I feel like that part has a few too many periods dragging out that thought. The norm I think for that are three periods... And the exclamation mark at the end looks rather strange at the end of that.
There is a repetitious, almost haunting quality to the last stanza, but this line kinda breaks it up. What if you shortened it to one line so that it would match the others? Perhaps something like this:
Faving time and Style
Ok, now that I have gotten my few nitpicks out of the way...
This was so amazing! You have such a wonderful story inside each of your poems. I am constantly amazed at the wonderful ideas and stories you write... Are your classes in school that boring?
This seems to me to be a letter to a friend, or perhaps just an emphatic speech... I like the free verse style you have, the unpoetic(yet very poetic) style you have inside this poem that gives it your personal touch. Your trademark that defines your style of poetry.
I would have to say that my favorite part would be...
That part is very simply written, but it says so much! This friend seems like a snob.
Amazing poetry, like usual! Looking forward to another one!
~Darth Timmyjake
Thanks Timmy. I always love your reviews.
It may be a while.. I only have 23 points right now. :\ I slack on reviewing.
Hello! Retro here!
First i'd like to say sorry about your time with the friend! it must be tough! Hope it gets better soon!
Secondly, i'd like to say i love you poem. You have some really well put ideas and the narrative voice is quite stong here so i think you did well.
I love the fact that there isn't an overly clear structure. You use repetition which is good but most of all it is more like a stream of consciousness and i feel as though by doing this is makes your poem so much stronger!
There are, however, one or two nitpicks.
1.'too believe' i think needs to become 'to believe'
2. High horsedness...now i now what you're saying but i feel as though you perhaps word it better. Either by rearanging the sentence or maybe saying something like full of yourself.
3. your choices to treat me this way...i don't know if i like the plural here. I feel as though choice would fit the sentence better.
4.you are abandoning us....me........! the first ellipsis works really really well but i don't think the second one does anything especially since the second line doesn't carry any impact from it.
Anyway other than that i really enjoyed this poem.
Hope it helped!
Keep writing.
~Retro
This is amazing, and I feel very connected with this piece as it is relatable. I love the idea of the "high horse" you suggest. I feel it is a term often misused, but you seem to have it right on the dot.
One this I would like to bring up is this:
I am not sure if the "an" is purposeful or a mistake, but it definitley stands out.
Otherwise I have no suggestions or nit-picking. I feel you did a wonderful job.
xx- Delirium
Oh that was a typo. It should have been and not an