Young Writers Society


I am a Tree

Sorry for the formatting, on a tablet. 

I am turning an icky brown,

My leaves are refusing yo grow back.

Many of my brethren are no longer standing.

I blame the ones who storm into my home,

Hurt my family.

I wish I could move,

So I could do something about it.

I guess it is lucky that I can't move.

I just want to stand nice and tall.

Let the world marvel at my beauty.

Stop hitting us to the ground,

Over a little petty fit.

I am here to stand for the rest of eternity,

If you'd only let me.

Soon, what beauty will you have to "admire"?

You break through it all,

Ruining and disgracing it.

I am a tree, 

And this is what I want.

No more deforesting.

Leave my brethren alone.

Comments & reviews · 3
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Vivian
Review
Vivian wrote a review · Wed Oct 22, 2014 1:02 am

I was a tree once, and trees lives are double edged swords. They are magnificent, tall and strong and if they're lucky can live forever. But sadly, like you stated we get cut down.

One mistake, the "yo" in the third line should be "to".

This is a great poem because you are just saying save the trees, stop killing the earth. Points for being an activist. :) ;)

User avatar
KatGirl
Review

To be honest, I felt like there wasn't much feeling to me anyway, it didn't make me feel anything at all. To me, it seemed like you were just stating something.

"Icky" sounds like something a kindergartener would say, (not to be offensive). I suggest using "I am slowly becoming a vile/rotting/molding statue"

My leaves are refusing yo grow back.

I am assuming you meant two.

"I guess it is lucky that I can't move"

"It is" makes this sentence really awkward. It should be, (since the tree is "talking")

"I guess I am lucky that I can't/cannot move."

"I wish I could move,

So I could do something about it."

Splitting this into two lines annoys me (I don't know why) and it's kind of confusing that after the next line you capitalize the first word, even though it's the same sentence... I suggest connecting it. "I wish I could move my [aching limbs]; so that I could do something about it"


"I am a tree,

And this is what I want."


Remove both of these lines. It's obvious the tree is "speaking" so you don't have to state it, it sounds like what people in elementary do to state their essay (I hope that wasn't too harsh..)

I like your idea though.

User avatar
Satira
Comment

the one thing i would say is that the word 'icky' doesn't really fit with the voice of the tree. or 'deforesting', as that is so 'human' a term. but otherwise, interesting idea!



"Beneath this mask, there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask, there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof."
— V for Vendetta