Yet we fear by GreenTulip — Poetry

Hello, hello, hello!
I absolutely love this piece! The spelling and use of language is fantastic. Your grammar and structure, the way you broke the stanzas up and each line, seems to be good.

From the hatred sprung
From men of old,

I think it would make more sense if you put a comma after sprung and made the line after it "From the men of the old,". I do believe it would sound better if you phrased it like that instead of what you have it like now. Yet, on the other hand, it's your piece so you can do with it what you'd like. I, being a poet myself, know that somethings people suggest aren't the best in the authors opinion. Either way, I personally think that if you made that change it would flow better.

We see and we hear.
We fear what we don’t.
It is in everything that is here,
This deep seated hatred.

This fear is irrational.
To fear what is not,
And to fear what is “abnormal”.
To make those who are innocent,
Into senseless monsters.

These two stanzas are my favorite part of your piece. It's true and has so much meaning.

Over all this piece of work was really brilliant! I loved it all

Keep writing,
tkpejb

Comments & reviews · 2

defiantAuthoress

Review

defiantAuthoress wrote a review Review · Feb 12, 2014

Wow! I haven't read a poem with such a good free-verse rhythm in a while. I really like the way that this just rolls off the tongue.
If I were to have any criticism, I would say that sometimes the theme of the poem seems a little bit sporadic. I feel like you could probably actually shorten this poem, and the theme would feel a lot more clear. I would suggest cutting the last verse, that questions why this happens. That takes the poem in a different direction, and it's more than a little vague at that.
In all, great! I hope that this helped. Keep up the good work!