Tears roll down my face.
Frustration, Confusion, Anguish.
Three small words, three big feelings,
that lead to my tears.
I want to do some many things.
I want to make it better,
bring it to it’s former glory.
I want to be able to feel friendship once more.
I want to be friends once more.
Tears roll down my face.
Frustration, Confusion, Anguish.
Three small words, three big feelings,
that lead to my tears.
Tears flood my face as I think
about what went wrong.
I want to patch up the hole, this has left.
I want to return to the time that this
wasn’t going on in.
I want to mend a broken friendship,
even if a few pieces are missing.
I would otherwise do it, but words of
anger, bar the way,
like knights protecting a king’s throne room.
I want to shove past them,
but angry words are what caused this,
and angry words will be this friendship’s demise.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Hey, Retro here for a review.
First of, i would just like to say that I like the idea with your poem. I'm going to go over a few nitpicks but then I'll talk about what I liked.
'that lead to my tears.'
I think this should be 'that lead me to tears'. I think it will flow better and just add to the idea.
'Tears roll down my face.
Frustration, Confusion, Anguish.
Three small words, three big feelings,
that lead to my tears. '
I don't think this repetition does much to your poem. I just felt as though I was reading again, it didn't do much to the poem, so personally i'd remove it. But this could just be personal preference.
'I want to be able to feel friendship once more.
I want to be friends once more. '
I'm uncertain about the repetition of once more. I think you've got a great opportunity here to make a hard hitting point so i'd avoid repetition and try something different
'I want to patch up the hole, this has left.'
I think it should be that this has left
I think that is it for nitpicks but I have some really positive comments. I love the imagery about the knights and a king's throne room. I've never seen that sort of thing done before in this context and i think it worked incredibly well. I think your last line is sublime, I think it was the perfect way to end this poem and the use of demise has such strong connotations that I cannot help but have feels so, again, Kudos! I know how difficult friendships ending can be so I appreciate that this poem will be personal to you and I think you've made an excellent attempt to make your ideas heard.
Well done,
And keep writing!
Here any time,
~Retro
Wow this is amazing I truly agree. Friendship is broken by hate, confusion, anger and sometimes over stupid things. Mending a friendship takes a lot of work but it can happen. great job and I love the amount of meaning in this. So much power in these words make it great. I cant wait to read more from you.
Hi, this is Em101cats!
This is a review.
First of all, I love this, and I completely agree with you about this. One of the things I love about the words you chose is that you repeat this stanza a couple times:
"Tears roll down my face
Frustration, Confusion, Anguish.
Three small words, three big feelings,
that lead to my tears."
It emphasizes the meaning of that stanza when you repeat it. It made it clear to the reader that this stanza is important to the whole poem!
Great job overall. I love the feeling, the way you let your true feelings flow into the words you chose before writing them into the poem! Great work!