My head’s pounding from echoing heartbeats,
In these hauntingly empty rooms.
So many memories were made here,
And now I can only cry seeing them.
“I’ll be there till the end,”
Was the promise he made in our vows.
One that did not last long.
He left me alone with no clues,
Stating he was on a trip for business.
I didn’t think to question him.
Why would I after all?
Then slowly came the evidence,
Of his slimy little cheating game.
Why could he have done this to me?
Now paperwork is being done,
Lawyers and judges each week.
Our kids are crying confused,
Why aren’t mom and dad staying together?
I never wanted this life for them,They are still so young.
Why did he do this to us?
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139,790 Literary Works • 672,769 Reviews
AYe hello there
First of all, really liked it, this poem is a story, and a very well narrated one, as each verse before the end gives a small clue to what really happened, which is then revealed in the last stanza.
Now to the review itself. Punctuation is good and you manage to set a dark and serious mood through the entire poem with no apparent problem. The title is the biggest offender (IMO), as it really interests the reader, is a title that seeds questions and doubts in the reader's mind. Choosing a good title is (IMO) one of the hardest things to do, and you my friend got that on point.
I really couldn't find anything bad about this poem and I'm running out of time so I'm going to leave it there.
Keep writiing
I personally very much enjoyed this poem as it almost brought a few tears to my eye. I'm going to make this quick as I'm going to be leaving this computer soon, so the only criticism that I have is that the stanzas with four lines really clashed with the ones that had three lines in a way that I was left trying to read it again. Also for future reference you could use that last part about the kids as a future poem. But other than that I really enjoyed your poem and can't wait to read the next one!
~Gil
Your poem is really a beautiful piece of art . I am very new to this site but i really loved your work . Beautiful display of words and emotions . Make it a bit longer and express a bit more . Hope it helped in any way .
urvika <3
It's really emotional. It can bring tears to the eyes of readers. You are a great writer and the sentences you used in this poem reflects your ability. I am really inspired.The flow of this poem is excellent. The punctuation marks are incredibly used correctly. you have really done a good job. It's incredible.
but I got little confused at the end of the poem, the starting part and the middle part is really clear but as I went down some frowns appeared on my forehead. I couldn't guess it correctly but it does make a little sense to me.
Overall this poem is fantastic, keep writing
But just please explain the last part of the poem to me kindly so the clouds in my mind can get clear. Are you talking about separation of your parents or what. Please let me know
Mahvash.
I actually have never experienced it for myself, but from what I have heard it is harder for the children. This is what I was trying to put in the fear of a parent has for their children.
This is an amazing poem that really captures the feelings that accompany deception and cheating. I actually appreciated the fact that the poem did not go into specific details about the divorce so that the poem could resonate with all of the people who have experienced the pain of divorce and loss of trust.
Next time that you are writing, maybe you can include more vivid details about the feelings of loss and you can focus on how those feelings affect the way that you live your life (implicit details that take the poem to that next level). All of these are just suggestions for the future, but the poem was beautiful and heart-felt. I can tell that you have had some sort of experience with cheating and lies ( even if it is from hearing about it from friends). I am glad that you provided a different perspective on the topic that we normally don't see from young people. I am currently studying psychology and what you exhibited in this poem is a form of psychological distancing, which is distancing yourself from a situation and seeing it through another viewpoint. Great work.
GreenTulip thanks now I got it
Thank you both!